Turnabout Intruder

When I come home late at night from E3, I toss my keys on the table, and say hello to Ferris.
I drop my fully-loaded “X-Box” bag-o-schwag on the floor, and sit down at my computer to check emails and make sure the website is running okay.
It’s late at night, and the rest of my house is asleep. The only sound other than my typing is that soft comforting hum of the fan in my computer. The room is dark, except for the light falling off of my monitor.
He’s sitting on my desk, just outside the monitor’s soft glow, staring at me.
“Hey, Wesley, I’ve got some good news.”
“You’ve had a change of heart, and you’re going to put me in a Jello mold with Counselor Troi and Princess Leah?”
“No. First of all, Princess Leah isn’t even the right scale for you –”
“Who said anything about scale? I’m articulated!”
“Do you want to hear the good news, or not?”
He sighs the perturbed yet insecure sigh of an 18 year-old. He strains his little plastic body against the twisty-tie which is holding him to his cardboard backing.
“You’re way more popular that I thought. People have bid nearly 300 dollars for you on eBay! You’re a hit, Crusher! They love you!”
He stops straining and looks at me, incredulous.
“Yeah! Take a look.”
I pick him up and turn him to face the monitor.
“Hey, slow down, jackass. You’re going to give me motion sickness.”
I wonder if this is the correct doll. I wonder if I’ve picked up the Evil Wesley Crusher, instead. I spin him around again, and look for the tell tale goatee, but it’s not there. I guess he’s just cranky.
“Dude! Take it easy!”
I slowly turn him back around, and point him at the monitor. I click the URL, and show him the bidding.
“See? Isn’t that cool? All this time we thought people hated us, but they like us, Wesley! They really like us!”
He is silent for a moment, and when he finally speaks, his voice is thick with emotion.
“Yeah. That’s….well….that’s really cool,” he says, and I swear I can feel the cardboard shudder a little bit in my hands.
“Hey, Wheaton,”
“Can you just put me down on the desk for awhile? I’ve…uh…I think I have something in my eye.”
“Are you crying, Wesley?”
“Shut up, Wheaton.”

125 thoughts on “Turnabout Intruder”

  1. how much would could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?
    we will never know.

  2. You really need to keep the action figure. Years from now you will regret this e-bay auction thing.

  3. Hey pansy-ass wheaton your site was cool until you censor anyone who isn’t a liberal wacko like yourself!! just another hollywood phony liberal tree-huggin’ nut. go f-yourself wesley retard.

  4. hello butt pirate, I mean sir wil. I guess anyone who comes to your site you expect to kiss your B-movie ass. you had one good movie. give it up. I’ll be looking for you on the next celebrity boxing event. Wilwheaton vs. alec “the bloviator” baldwin. two liberal icons(not really,but play along)

  5. Hey wilwheaton followers i hear cousin oliver has a website!! I’ll race you there, YAY.

  6. WWDN: a little bit communist, alot of socialism. and a spoonful of self-importance(must be from all the french visitors)

  7. one-sided garbage website!!!! free-speech, not in a liberals world. so tolerant. NOT!! karma’s a bitch, eh willy? that’s while you’ll be toiling away in hollywood neverland.

  8. Wow
    I mean can you feel the luv or what?
    Or the empty breezes coming from the ears of the latest posters?
    So something got edited out. Shit, you poor little things.
    And Elephant Boys and Girls across this nation have the audacity to call Liberals whinny.
    This is not your personal playground- it’s Wil’s.
    Your in his world and if he wants to swat you then you deal.
    Also the laughable stabs at Wil’s career.
    What have you done lately?
    Besides clean the trash out from underneath your mom’s trailer?
    It always amuses me that people seek fame more than art.
    Fame is nothing but an ill side effect to a sucessful artistic endevour.
    I’d rather be content working in a respected aclaimmed improv group scratching out a honest living than be JLo, or any other popculture icon.
    Privacy and annommity is priceless and once lost hard to regain.
    So last words to the creatins- if you don’t like it- leave it.
    We didn’t even think about you when you were here.

  9. Meow I like MissKitty!
    Very much so.
    Give it up for Miss Kitty.
    Wil, can we please have the next post as some of the cretins (he! he! he! @chilzor) are getting pretty boring!
    Can we have input, please!

  10. What I’m wondering is why [email protected] still keeps using different aliases to say what he has to say, although he never really says anything, maybe he is Schizophrenic, no offence to all the Schizophrenics I know 8-P.
    At least he included his email I guess, but let’s see, who wants to bet $305 that, that’s not really his email add?
    Chilzor or whoever you maybe? (DUH) email me your address and I’ll send you a cheque so that you can set up your own site, that way you might find someone who is willing to give you some attention, let it go, go out find a hobby. The topic that you are on is as old as Einstein you an*l retentive freak!
    Wil, I won’t mind if you delete this as it has nothing to do with your post, and if its any consolation, the rest of us here have a lot of respect for you, this one idiot who pretends to be so many different people is exactly that, a bitter sad man/woman/tranvestite/aphrodite who took offence coz you took his comments off and now he realises how small he really is, and how unimportant his opinions really are.
    “it only takes one idiot to ruin it for everyone else!” algore said to hans solo.

  11. A gentle reminder to us all:
    “You agree that WIL WHEATON DOT NET may delete any information that you have posted to the site or to its users.”
    “If you disagree with these terms and conditions, you must immediately cease to visit the WIL WHEATON DOT NET web site”
    As far as I’m concerned, Wil can censor away. I’m not going to have any hard feelings. We’re guests in his (virtual) home, and he can show us his (virtual) door any time he likes. That’s not denying us our (virtual) freedom of speech. There are millions of other people’s (virtual) homes we can visit, and if those kids don’t mind us being bitchy, that’s fine. If they do, then we can buy our own (virtual) homes and invite people in.
    Nice analogy.

  12. 4 days, no Wheaton.
    What’s the deal here, Willy? Drop us a line, let us know what’s up in your world. We’ll fix you up good.

  13. Hey, Wil. I really hope your absence is due to a great long weekend you spent with your wife and two boys. You deserve it, hell we all deserve it. Find any great geocaches? Hope so.
    I would like to address the negative comments here lately though, Wil. Since this is your site, I know you are taking them personally so I offer this. What you have created here is unique and admirable. But for every great work of art (book, painting, comedy skit), everything somebody has worked very hard to create, there are always those ready to tear it down or destroy it. It is very hard to ignore these individuals, but they are the minority, believe me.
    So, I’ve written enough and hope you don’t give up on this site, it would be regrettable and a shame.

  14. I am afraid that the idiots around here are going to cause Wil to give up the blog or the comments at a minimum….I certainly hope not.

  15. Why is anyone ripping on Wil and reading his site at the same time? Don’t you guys have anything better to do than rip on the site you are already reading? Talk about dumbasses. Wil is there anyway you can ban anyone who doesn’t say anything constructive?

  16. Wil!
    Heard you on the radio here in good old Sacramento. I had to rush into work when they said you’d be on so I wouldn’t miss it. Sounds like you’re going to do some celebrity boxing *when* the Kings win (oh, there’s no doubt about that, baby). You vs the Dell computer guy wouldn’t be bad, but you vs. Gary Coleman would be sweet! Better start sparing…
    P.S. I would have kept this with the current post, but you’ve been away (hopefully) having fun. Plus, I thought the others might want to know what you’ve been up to.

  17. Do you have a Stand by me ‘Gordy’ doll by any chance??? That would rock. Reckon’ you could get twice as much for that!
    Oh yeah, only came across this site not long ago. T’is pretty cool….

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