This is a public service announcement, with guitar!
I have signed on to attend the upcoming CruiseTrek to Alaska.
CruiseTrek is always lots of fun, and I’m really looking forward to being a part of this year’s cruise. I’ll be bringing a small sketch comedy troupe with me, and we’ll be performing a sketch show, similar to the one we did in Las Vegas, but with some new material. We’ll also be performing an improv show, and we’re going to run some improv workshops for anyone who’s interested. You can get more information about the cruise here.
In completely unrelated news, I hung a screen door over the weekend, and it was one of the hardest, most frustrating home improvement things I’ve ever done.
How about a thought for today? We haven’t had one of those in quite some time:
“Consistency is the last resort of the unimaginative.”
-Oscar Wilde
Possibly come through Ontario?
Yeh I know fat chance,….
But Im still sad over missing the Wesley Marathon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As for the screen door…
My dad didnt tell me he was putting one in one year and I WALKED RIGHT INTO IT!!!
Don’t worry Wil…… Ive done worst things then not being able to put up a screen door!!!
Lily
Possibly come through Ontario?
Yeh I know fat chance,….
But Im still sad over missing the Wesley Marathon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As for the screen door…
My dad didnt tell me he was putting one in one year and I WALKED RIGHT INTO IT!!!
Don’t worry Wil…… Ive done worst things then not being able to put up a screen door!!!
Lily
bluecat/redblanket:
>> I am NOT touching THAT line…c’mom Spud?!
Wha?
Find a friend and we’ll talk.
A FEMALE friend.
Go Clutch.
I think I could only deal with being on a boat if I had a nice, big ole room. Otherwise, bad things might happen.
For one, I can’t remember if I get seasick or not.
In slightly related news, I’m thinking El Spudmaster only writes when he wants to, and not when called.
In addition, “Only Hit The Post Button ONCE” would be a good addition to the Holy Writ above the comment box.
I spoke too soon.
ok, Spuds, name the time and place.
kjb u hookin it up with spudz?
Wow. Damn that sounds like fun. I’m SO jealous. Improv sounds cool too.
Congrats on the door! I fixed the toilet! That was pretty nifty. Have YOU fixed the toilet? I also moved our 8000 BTU a/c by myself. I’ll kick your butt!
I’m one tough Mama. Hey, someone around here has to get **** done…
Hops, being as The Spudman is married, no.
Congrats on the screen door install.
Hope you didn’t Strain Yourselph.
Now you can have closure and announce with confidence how well hung it is.
Hey Wil,
Yeah, Norm makes it look so easy. Carpentry work is alot more complicated than most people think. And…. Alaska!!! Man, I Wanna Go To Alaska!!!
I never thought I’d say this, but
*quick breath in*
I’m jealous of Wil Wheaton.
*release*
There. I said it.
I’m not sure how I’d handle a ship-full of Trekkers (see Scraping Fetus’s 9:54am comment) but it it looks like quite the adventure and I like adventure. See? You ARE still a celebrity, despite (or in spite of?) Wesley.
The screen door was a challenge, but don’t you feel a sense of accomplishment? Anne must be thrilled.
OK… I know that I get paid to go to camp and all… but getting to go on a free cruise to Alaska?
*pouts*
Dude i so wanna be on that cruise!!! By strange coeincidence My hiiby and I were gonna take a cruise for out Anniversary on that same week! But we were gonna go bahama’s MAybe I can get him to still wanna go—- then I could finally meet Wil!!! Will Anne be there too?? would like to met the wife as well- She’s gotta be cool- She married him!
Dude i so wanna be on that cruise!!! By strange coeincidence My hubby and I were gonna take a cruise for out Anniversary on that same week! But we were gonna go bahama’s MAybe I can get him to still wanna go—- then I could finally meet Wil!!! Will Anne be there too?? would like to met the wife as well- She’s gotta be cool- She married him!
If you can, definitely spend some time in Vancouver before or after you go on the cruise. It’s a great city (not that I’m biased or anything), and it’ll be Canada Day when you get back!
YAY FOR CRUISETREK 2002 or TREKCRUISE 2002 or whatever it is called! I lived in Alaska for 5 years and loved every second of it AND I worked for Holland America, the greatest cruise line in the world! Or something. Ask me anything about it! I could prolly still hook a brotha up.
I was never involved in anything cool like a TrekCruise. I remember something about a Scrabble Cruise…
I am so jealous. I would love to go back up there. I miss it everyday.
KJB said:
>> Hops, being as The Spudman is married, no.
Alright.
Hey.
Listen up.
This three-way was never about romance.
Married has not one fucking thing to do with it.
Number one: I deserve two chicks at once. I just do. You know it. I know it. Everyone on this fucking board knows it.
I give and give and give. I give comedy. I give life. I fill mundane lives with less-mundane.
And for that…
I ought to have two chicks at once.
Or even three.
Number two: I am an extraordinary man. And extraordinary men have extraordinary appetites.
Any other guy? Yeah. He needs one woman. Me? Two. MINIMUM. Two women to Spudnuts is like one woman to any other regular joe. To deny me TWO women is to make me half a man.
Would you do that to me?
Would you cripple me and make me less than I am? Would you destroy me and take away my sight or my hearing? Because that is what you are doing if you make me only have ONE woman.
You are making me blind.
You are condemning me to a lifetime of not seeing roses, or flowers, or roses, or parades, or Vlade Divac weep openly.
Number three: If not you, then someone else.
You think you’re the only woman who wants to get in on a three-way with Spudnuts?
Please.
I mean…
PLEASE.
Who are we kidding here?
Me?
No.
You’re not kidding me.
And you’re not fooling me.
If YOU don’t get into a hot three-way with Spudnuts, someone else will.
Must.
No.
WILL.
It’s like… if you don’t accept the call of your nation to serve when drafted to go to Vietnam, then someone else will go in your place. Are you too rich to serve in Vietnam? Too important?
Some poor inarticulate somebody AMERICAN is going to have to go to Vietnam in YOUR place. Are you quite comfortable sending that boy off in your stead? Can you look his mother in the eye, his father, his little baby brother and say: “your son must die on foreign soil, because I was too much the prude to participate in a hot three-way with Spudnuts.”
Number four: My wife will write me a note.
She will.
She loves me.
And wants me to be happy.
She’ll probably drive me to the three-way and pack me a Powerbar and some milk just so I don’t bonk halfway through.
When I get home, she’ll say “How did the three-way go, dear” and I’ll say: “I nailed it. Goddamnit, I nailed it!”
And then she’ll give me a gold star and post it on the refrigerator.
Number five: this whole thing was never about romance anyway. It was about sexual athletics. Having sex with two women is my hobby. Some guys build cabinets or geocache, I do two chicks at once.
Don’t hate me because I am 100% man.
When I wreck it Spudnuts-style with two horny chicks at once, it’s not about MY satisfaction, it’s about the purity of the sport. It’s about topping my personal best. It’s about six or seven times (or maybe eight if I stay focused and remain properly hydrated).
Number… whatever the fuck the last number was plus ONE:
I give.
Yes, I bang two chicks because there is only one of me. That’s not right. I know it. You know it.
How the fuck can I come on this board and day in and day out reject the pleas of so many lonely women whose only crime is loving me too damned much?
How can I?
Well.
I can’t.
I’m only human.
This apparatus.
This monstrous THING between my legs belongs to ALL the women of planet Earth. It would be a crime — no worse than a crime — it would be selfish and onanistic (dictionary.com: cuz I barely know what the fuck that word means) to keep this supreme member to myself.
So step aside, young American, if you must, but I guarantee-fucking-damn-tee you that that three-way WILL take place and I will be smack dab in the middle of it. Because that’s what I’m about.
wil, the hanging of doors will get easier as time goes by… I can just see & hear the language as I picture this.. would make a great
sketch would it not?
as for “thoughts of the day” I’ve always liked
this one;
“Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited.
Imagination encircles the world.”
-Albert Einstein
Spuds, you’ve convinced me.
And Rob, if you don’t make THAT piece of beauty into a mp3, you will be forever denied eternal happiness.
Wil wil wil wil wil wil wil.
Enjoy the cruise.
I’m not the type to beable to afford a cruise.
I can only think on one way of getting on that cruise.
Need any extra improv buddies??? š
…Please?
Don’t close th–.
Poop.
On another note, I’ve never hung a door, but from what it sounds like, it makes putting those little round washers on the bottom of old motherboards a walk in the park.
It makes pulling a 20 pound MFM hard drink like a piece of cake.
It makes….well, you get the idea.
Sounds hard. Take care!
You’re the first guy I know to have 222 comments in one entry! You definitely have so many readers. Cool blog! Will add you to my favorite links. Chiao!
Oh come on, Wil.
Home improvement is GREAT!!!
You can pound a bit at your thumb.
You can swallow a nail.
You can get an electroshock.
You can fall off a ladder.
…
And don’t forget home improvement is just a question of NERVES!
DocShakes
Ahhh….Alaska….went on a week-long cruise to various ports of call there a couple years back. On a paid-for-by-family trip. When the Alaska Cruise Trek was announced, at its cheapest rates, I said to myself “Been there, done that….will wait for a destination I haven’t seen.” Of course, I could have afforded it then….now I’ve been laid off, so I have to wait not only for the destination I want, but for the money to be flowing again.
Perhaps the destination, the money, and dream-guest list will all converge at some appropriate time in the future.
KJB beat me to this, but I must reiterate: “Rob, if you don’t make THAT piece of beauty into a mp3, you will be forever denied eternal happiness.”
Spudnuts–dictionary.com? Any man who uses ennui on his website should have no trouble with onanistic.
hmmm…that’s strange. Haven’t been to the Cruise Trek site for awhile. They still have the 2001 info up, as if they’re still taking reservations, in addition to the 2002. And they haven’t declared the 2003 cruise yet. I remember receiving a flyer in the mail at one point in time suggesting 2003 would be in Hawaii…
The link to the chatgroup still says egroups…egroups hasn’t existed for how long?
Has the Cruise Trek website moved somewhere else? Or are they just not putting new cruises on the web, and you need to get the information somewhere else?
Damn Spuds, I haven’t felt this patriotic in a long time. You have moved me to SERVE MY COUNTRY!
Now if I can just convince my husband…
HEY!
I just figured it out… that means that unless
mr wil wheaton takes his portable pc withhim… there will be nothing to do here @ wwdn!
wil, the pressure is on… there better be some great stories to tell after your trip…
I wish I could go, but it takes 3 months to get an idea when you can take a vacation here where I work.
What’s so hard about hanging storm/screen doors? I’ve hung, between my current house and the first one I bought, four storm/screen doors.
What’s the big deal? And no, I’m not a carpenter or construction worker. I’m a network administrator/programmer.
It’s not hard. Just take your time and follow the directions!
Kahuna
This might not be the right place but: Congratulations on your (USA’s) victory over Portugal in the World Cup! Well done.
SPudZ you = my hero.
have you ever thought of going for 4 girls at once?
4 girls takes alot out of you.
hops said:
>> 4 girls takes alot out of you.
No, four girls takes a lot out of YOU.
KJB said: And Rob, if you don’t make THAT piece of beauty into a mp3, you will be forever denied eternal happiness.
Way ahead of you, sweetie.
“Somehow the thought of a boat full of trek nerds, and no way to escape would make me very scared.
And if the boat runs aground, all the oil from their hair will kill the wildlife.
Do you want to be responsible for that?”
Posted by scraping fetus at June 4, 2002 09:54 AM
That made me laugh so hard! Thanks, it felt gooooood. š
Oh Spud!
I am in love with you. I really am…=)
I volunteer! can you draft me? =P
*sigh* I wish I could go to Cruise Trek and still be one Of Spudnuts threesome girls.
(fingers crossed)
Now, me, I would do the Alaska cruise thing, but not sure if I would board a ship full of Trekkies. That’s almost frightening… to be stuck on a boat with a hoard of ’em.
Will there be a mutiny? Will those Trekkies plot against Wesley?
B1ATCH said:
>> *sigh* I wish I could go to Cruise Trek and still be one Of Spudnuts threesome girls.
Listen.
I am totally down for that. Who says this thing only has to happen once? It might have to happen once a week.
Or twice a day.
It’s about getting the job done.
I’ll look into setting up some type of elaborate online form to get this whole threesome thing organized. I’ll need to make sure everyone’s papers are in order and that all participants present at least two forms of personal identification.
We can do this thing, people.
You just have to believe.
It’s a community event.
Like a barn raising…
Except instead of a barn, it’s well…
NOT a barn.
mm the Spud-version of the “i have a dream” speech, coming soon to an audio-player near you…
the online form sounds practical, where do i sign?
SpaceCadet, just wondering why you think the climate in Toronto doesn’t require a screen door. Personally after the beginning of June I never close my actual door unless i’m out of the house. A screen door is a must, where in Toronto do you live…the one cold place in the whole city in July?????
Hey Spudnuts…I think I was the first to volunteer, does that count for anything?
I wanna go first!
I would just like to take this opportunity to apologize to television’s Wil Wheaton for turning the comments section from his cruise to Alaska post into a “let’s get Spudnuts a three-way” thread.
It’s just that…
Well.
I could never organize this type of thing at williamshatner.com.
Can I have the sloppy 2nds?
No.
If I was only as cool as the master spudz š
Can I hang out near you or maybe near the same boat?
India and Pakistan are at war, people are starving, Star Wars is out – and your complaining about a screen door? Are you insane? a life less ordinary, and of no use to anyone.
Alaska is home to me, so Wil if there’s anything you want to know about this place – let me know! I hope you take the comedy clique off ship to entertain we provincial fools…
Really, I’ve lived here for my whole life and hate to boast, but do have a pretty good knowledge of the state – and if I don’t know, I usually can find someone who does! Helps to work in research…
If Jessie was first, does that make me second?
And since it’s a threeway, does that mean that …
Oooo.
And thank you, Rob. When I hear that, I’ll be halfway to heaven by the time it’s over.
Wil –
I felt it important for me to point out that…
Oh screw it! I am waaaaaaaay too jealous of Studnuts right now to say anything even remotely intellectual about some damn boat ride. But hey, take your buddy Chris Hardwick on the trip and we could have “Trekkie-Shipmates!” I’d be game for that. Just don’t hook me up with one of Stud’s chicks… Aw, hell. If you put a couple hundred horny trek-girls on a boat with me and Spudnuts, there’s no doubt that I’d be the one going home alone.
Listen up all you she devils out there salavating over Spuds words.
I was there first.
I was in the dirt, crawling through the trenches, dodging VH1 Reality TV Cameras, doing Spud artwork- all for the man.
And you want to be first…
Ha
Sex is not something you can just do
It’s a skill, it’s a work ethic, it’s a way of life!
It takes lots of hours of “self practice” to get that mouthwatering big O kids.
It’s muscle control, and moaning practice.
I’ve trained with some of the best singers in the country to sound like I do in bed.
It takes time and porn to know the best way to service your fellow men and women.
Then with careful selection you work with the masters in an intensive internship.
So let me tell all of you that I don’t think you have the snuff, the drive, or the commitment to be able to do it.
But I do dammit.
And don’t try to question me, challenge me, or anything else cause there will be a meeting of steak knives and eyes.
-MKF