hoo-hah

Late yesterday afternoon, Federal Express visited upon my house not the plague so many were hoping for, but the edited manuscript of my book!
That’s right, my very cool, working-for-free-because-he’s-a-great-guy editor, Andrew, finished up his notes, and I have the “red letter” version sitting right here on my desk.
Boy, are there a lot of red letters! I need to go back to college in a big way, and take a “Grammar for fscking idiots” class
Writing for the WWDN will probably be a little light for the next few days, while I focus on doing my rewrite.
OH! One last thing I forgot to mention:
Beware of hitchhiking ghosts!
Heh. Sorry.
Really, one last thing I forgot to mention:
Sitting amongst the messages in my Inbox yesterday, there was an e-mail from one of the fine editors at The Onion. In it, he told me that they’ve collected some of their favorite AV Club interviews, and put them together in a book called “Tenacity of the Cockcoach.”
He asked me if I’d inform the WWDN readers about this book, because he thought it was the sort of thing you’d all like to read . . . and he’d really like to buy himself a new boat. (Well, he didn’t say that last part, I just added it, but if you saw the e-mail, and read between the lines, you could tell.)
Putting on my best Don Corleone voice (no easy task in e-mail) I told him that I’d be happy to plug the book, if he’d do me a favor.
See, there’s this old News In Brief story from a few years ago that I just love. As a matter of fact, I think it’s the funniest one they’ve ever done. The sad thing is, I haven’t been able to find it anywhere on their website, or in any of their books. I told him that if he could help me out, I’d be ever so grateful.
I pet my cat as I typed this, by the way, just to get the right mood.
Well, about 90 minutes later, I looked at my Inbox, and sitting there was the story which brought me so much laughter so many years ago. I read it, and giggled like one of those paint-huffing kids that you see on NOVA during the pledge drive.
Holding up my end of the bargain, I now proudly pimp to the world the latest and greatest from the brilliant staff at The Onion, Tenacity of the Cockroach!
Also, knowing that the world needs laughter, I present the story that I loved so much, hoping that my new best friends at The Onion don’t sue me:

Shit Parking Ticket Fuck
FUCKIN

135 thoughts on “hoo-hah”

  1. Way to go, Wil! You’ll be the next Stephen King or Michael Crichton! When you get the book published you have to have a huge splashy book signing. Please let your loyal friends at WWDN know cause I want one too!
    (Preferably at night cause I work!)
    LOVED the piece from The Onion!!!!!
    :)
    Scott

  2. Way to go, Wil! You’ll be the next Stephen King or Michael Crichton! When you get the book published you have to have a huge splashy book signing. Please let your loyal friends at WWDN know cause I want one too!
    (Preferably at night cause I work!)
    LOVED the piece from The Onion!!!!!
    :)
    Scott

  3. Pissed that you didn’t get to go to the Premier. Waiting very anxiously for the book. Trying to help convince local conventions that you would make a great guest.
    Oh well for everyone there is cool website you all should visit.
    http://www.actsofgord.com
    It’s the stories of a man that used to own a video game store. I work in the Game Industry and currently work in a game/hobby store. I can so believe his stories because I want to strangle at least one customer a day.
    Amy

  4. Hey, Wil! Long time reader, first time, uh… commenter. Yeah. So, thanks for the Onion bit, it’s great. I got in a little trouble for trying to forward it to myself at work, but it made me giggle. Just got back from Nemesis, and my friends and I (who have a fundamental love for Trek, but aren’t die hard Trekkies) were really pleased to see you in the reception scene. We’d gotten the impression that you were completely cut from the film, and it’s great that you didn’t! No lines, but you looked great! And you got your name in the credits anyway, so it’s officially on the resume, right?

  5. yaay i’m looking forward to that book! even though i have 2 books already on my nightstand and 5 other ones(most by Stephen King, and he just keeps writing more whew!) on a shelf so yours will be the 8th. but i think i’ll read it before those 5 others. otherwise i’d never get to it! =D

  6. I know a lot of people have said it, but I was so excited to spot you in Nemesis, I slapped a few people around me and made them notice that fuckin WIL was up there. God, they hated me, but it was worth it. I’m guessing they cut out dialog-y stuff, but just seein ya there was awesome, made the movie for me (That and the writing and mad fuckin CGI).
    Just good to see ya, man. Snoogans.
    -Satch

  7. The worst about people editing stuff (for me, anyway) is I’m Canadian and we spell things different, and my American friends and Microsoft don’t believe me when I say “It’s ‘Colour’, dammit!” So at least you have spell checkers on your side, Wil. And grammar is just stupid =^^=;;

  8. Way to go, Wil! You’ll be the next Stephen King or Michael Crichton! When you get the book published you have to have a huge splashy book signing. Please let your loyal friends at WWDN know cause I want one too!
    (Preferably at night cause I work!)
    LOVED the piece from The Onion!!!!!
    :)
    Scott

  9. Way to go, Wil! You’ll be the next Stephen King or Michael Crichton! When you get the book published you have to have a huge splashy book signing. Please let your loyal friends at WWDN know cause I want one too!
    (Preferably at night cause I work!)
    LOVED the piece from The Onion!!!!!
    :)
    Scott

  10. Way to go, Wil! You’ll be the next Stephen King or Michael Crichton! When you get the book published you have to have a huge splashy book signing. Please let your loyal friends at WWDN know cause I want one too!
    (Preferably at night cause I work!)
    LOVED the piece from The Onion!!!!!
    :)
    Scott

  11. Wil,
    that is the fucking funniest bit of fucking fuck I have ever read.
    best wishes to you and your family….
    lots of good mojo your way…….
    Matt……

  12. I just saw STNG: Nemesis and I was totally psyched to see you in the opening scene. I was suprised, since I thought from your blog you weren’t in it at all. It would have been great to see more of Wesley, but I’m glad you got in for a bit!!!
    I’ve been a fan of yours since Stand By Me and I was a computer geek/athlete who loved Wesley’s character on ST. It was great to have such a smart young role model when I was younger. Your blog is great and I’m glad to see things are picking up for you.=)

  13. Hey Wil,
    I too was psyched to see you in the Wedding Table in Nemesis… but, sigh.
    –SPOILERS–
    The movie’s writing left a lot to be desired. The cast made a noble effort to overcome the lameness and “does not compute” dialogue and plot twists. Excuse me– Picard would freeze instead of disposing of the Bad Guy and trying to find a way to stop the Really Bad Thing from happening? Uh, no. And Data’s exit was no “The needs of the many…” moment though I’m sure Brent wanted it to be. And why concoct a new race (whose name is based on an Earth myth– puh leez!) and a new villian when there are many from any of the series you could bring back for recognition’s sake?
    So let Berman have his petty ways and his megalomaniac toys. He’s broken the toys, as far as I’m concerned, which is a shame. You know who you are, Wil, and you’re for real.

  14. Was this a new race? We’ve known for a long time the planet Romulus had a twin Remus. And there was a mention in the movie of the Remans participating in the Dominion War…so I wonder if they showed up on DS9….I missed most of the episodes from the last couple seasons of that, so I don’t know.
    As has been said…It was great to see Wil when I thought he had been cut completely. (Did you know, Wil, that you would be in the scene visually, or was this a surprise to you too?)
    I rank this movie #2, after TWOK.
    You’re right. Data’s exit wasn’t the “needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.” Data’s exit was “I will gladly sacrifice myself in order to save the life of my friend(s).” An equally powerful exit.
    B4 has the knowledge and memories of Data, but from what I gathered, doesn’t have the mental ability to process it. A “slow” Data, if you will. Perhaps he will “improve” himself over time.
    The movie definitely leaves room to continue. Just as fans have pleaded for years for an Excelsior movie…perhaps there will now be an equal desire for a Titan movie. Or maybe they’ll bring in the Voyager, DS9, or Enterprise casts…they have a lot of directions they can go.
    And of course…as long as Trek is profitable, there will continue to be Trek. Paramount is a business, first and foremost. And Trek is their cash cow. To think anything else would be silly. They will beat the cow long past the time it becomes a dead horse.

  15. So i went to see Nemesis last night (part of a double feature with Harry Potter) and I was impressed … one of the better of the TNG films.
    Anyway, I just wanted to say I was glad to at least see Wil in a couple of the wedding scenes (even if he didn’t get to say anything) and see his name in the credits … Berman is still one of the biggest asses on earth, but it was still nice to see Wil and his name. Which, upon reflection is sort of weird, yet cool … really sort of the core of what this whole website is about.
    Anyway, congrats Wil .. both for your brief appearance and on getting the draft of your book back.

  16. I too was sad to see Data go. I think they introduced B4 for that exact reason, so that some form of Data could be in later movies (I mean, you can’t kill someone like that off). He does have all of Data’s memories, but too much time was spent by both Data and the others discussing how it is not the memories that make a person who he is. Data says something like, “B4 has my memories and is structurally similar to me, although he doesn’t have the same quality of neural pathways, but even if he did, he would not be me.” Therefore, the “true” Data has to be gone, although I think that B4 will fill his role in any future films. However, it wouldn’t be right to call him “Data” since he’s not really Data, so that will be something that will have to be worked out.
    Yes, B4 is “slower” than Data. Towards the end when B4 was singing, I heard the people two rows behind me say, “They got the retarded Data.” I feel sure he will be upgraded for future appearances, but the whole identity thing will have to be resolved.

  17. I’m glad that dumbass rick berman left you in the movie for at least to scenes. So they were not speaking roles, but you were back in the Star Trek universe, and with a credit to boot. Can’t wait for the DVD to come out so we can see your deleted speaking scene. This will only happen if Rick “Dumbass” Berman ever visits your site, and reads the comments that we have ALL wrote about him.
    P.S. Goodluck with the re-writes. When it comes out as a movie, cut ALL of Rick Bermans scenes. And don’t sell it to Paramount!

  18. Just got back from seeing Nemisis. My friends and I cheered when we saw you on screen and again at your appearance in the credits.
    And the finger each time Berman’s name appeared onscreen. Cocksucker.

  19. Wil, I’m quite possibly a much bigger 30-year-old geek than you are. Or maybe I just have too much free farking time on my hands? Either way I got a good little chuckle out of that story from Onion…
    But I did it in a geeky way ;)
    First, I found this text to speech program over at download.com, this one to be exact:
    http://download.com.com/3000-2248-10167938.html
    I downloaded and installed the program, then I copied and pasted the story from Onion into the text window, and let the computer read the story out loud to me. I thought that was too funny!
    I told you I have too much free time on my hands!!
    WebNuT!

  20. Wil,
    OK, I hope this movie puts the ha, ha, ha, in your ho, ho, ho. You can not learn enough about drama or comedy. I still hate improvising.
    FG

  21. WIL!
    About 4 of us, all Walt Disney World employees and loyal readers of WWDN, called in sick to go see Nemesis yesterday.
    WE CHEERED AUDIBLY when you turned up onscreen- we thought you’d been cut completely. I also must note that we stayed through the credits to cheer again when your name popped up. Just wanted you to know that the crew here from Pirates of the Caribbean is lookin out for you!
    The P-CREW

  22. saw nemesis on Sat. …. picked you out almost immediately at the table… made the movie worthwhile… not that that’s the only reason I think you’re awesome… You go beyond Star trek… you’re just… cool

  23. Hey Wil, you appear to very hostile young man. Perhaps if you’re not a fan of parking tickets you should refrain from parking illegaly. Suck shit, dumbfuck.

  24. Wil, kick ass page you got here…
    As a part of my 16th birthday, i went and saw Nemesis twice. Best birthday present ever!Despite all the bad reviews and crude comments on it, i must say it was better than all the others (The Voyage Home is deffinetly an acception :) ). I totally think you should’ve been more a part of the greatness. However, i thought you really completed the wedding scene! It wouldn’t be the Enterprise crew without you :)
    But i say fuck Berman!!
    Best of luck in the future :D

  25. I’m not knocking you for liking Nemesis, Gerbil, but if you thought it was “better than all the others” do yourself a favor and get the new Special Edition DVD of The Wrath of Khan. Then you can see where John Logan cribbed most of “his” Nemesis ideas from. Just my $.02.

  26. Thanks for posting the “news” item, Wil. (I’ve finally gotten out of spelling your name with 2 “L”s I hate it when I do that! I blame little Will, who I look after. Darn kid.) I remember that one and LOVE it.
    Congrats on getting the book back and getting to work on it. Rewriting is the the secret of being a fine writer. Many people can write once. Rewriting and actually improving is a true skill.

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