STORM WATCH!

This massive Pacific Winter storm is bearing down on Southern California, threatening to turn our burn areas into giant rivers of mud and rocks. The wind is currently gusting outside my bedroom, pelting my window with rain.
All of this means that we here in Los Angeles are on STORM WATCH!
That’s right, baby! STORM WATCH! Wall to wall coverage of brave citizens filling and stacking sandbags in their backyards, rugged individuals stubbornly refusing to leave their trailers under the threat of up to three inches of deadly rain!
As I write this, Anne is watching the CBS news, and Laura Diaz is urging everyone to stay warm, and for the love of god, if you travel over the Grapevine, take blankets and extra food and water!
Now, for my STORM WATCH! coverage, I much prefer the undisputed master of local news hyperbole, the inimitable Paul Moyer, who can turn the very threat of rain, still a week away, into the greatest drama since OJ’s slow speed chase. But Anne will not be moved. The Channel 2 News Team, with the watchful eye of Chopper 2, will be taking us along on STORM WATCH! tonight.
This is the first night in weeks that I’ve been sitting in bed watching TV at 11. Until tonight, I’ve been sitting in front of the fireplace every night reading this amazing book, “The Best American Non-Required Reading of 2002.” I give this book the strongest WWDN endorsement possible: the coveted and never-before-awarded GOLDEN MONKEY! The writers in this book are so amazing, and their stories so compelling, with the turning of each page I learned how far I have to go before I can call myself a writer.
Whenever I finish a book, I feel a sense of achievement, and I begin to look forward to the next one in my ever-growing stack. However, I also feel a certain sadness as I bid characters or an author farewell.
Thank god I have STORM WATCH! to ease the pain.
And Anne just rolled over and turned off her light. As soon as she dons the eye mask and ear plugs, I can grab the clicker and switch to NBC.
. . . *click*
D’OH! Paul Moyer is running down the Golden Globe nominations.
I’ll keep watching, though, because when we’re on STORM WATCH! the news can break at any time.

105 thoughts on “STORM WATCH!”

  1. Stormwatch…. that is all that has been on the news. Only in California can we turn rain into an all day news event. Whenever I see/hear this on TV I am reminded of the Chris Farley “El Nino” sketch from SNL
    Sound Clip of Chris:
    http://www.djgaston.com/farley/elnino.wav
    http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Boulevard/7384/elnino33.jpg
    http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Boulevard/7384/elnino.jpg
    http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Boulevard/7384/elnino3.jpg
    http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Boulevard/7384/elnino2.jpg
    On a side note, the waves at the beach have been amazing to watch.

  2. three to six inches of snow by christmas day…thanks wil for your WWDN/STORM WATCH!(tm) coverage…i knew before anyone else around here in southern illinois that we were going to have a white christmas…WWDN/STORM WATCH! ™…a better way to experience the storm….and the resulting chaos and panic.

  3. As you may recall, the “Golden Monkey” was the prize to be won at the end of Pitfall II for the Atari 2600. Don’t worry though, I am sure your “Golden Monkey Award” is allowable as “fair use” under United States Copyright laws. So if those nefarious corporate lawyers from Activision give you a hard time, drop me a line.

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