Perchance to dream.

All week, I have woken up about 2 hours after I fall asleep. I end up staring at the ceiling for what seems like an eternity, before sinking into a restless slumber, waking about once every 90 minutes. I have had terrible nightmares, from which I awake with a scream somewhere between my stomach and my lips, depending on the severity of the terror.
The dreams are always the same: I’m running from someone, or someone I love has been taken from me, or there is some Big Terrifying Thing just outside my field of view. Two nights ago, I had two separate nightmares; in both of them Anne was kidnapped and I knew that I’d never see her again.
When my head touches my pillow each night, it is with a sense of grim resignation. Many mornings, I am exhausted when I get out of bed. I feel like I’m not getting any rest at all. I look and feel like hell.


Last night, I decided to stay awake until I was just too exhausted to keep my eyes open, rather than turning the lamp off at 11 like I usually do.
I sat on my couch and read my book in the dark and quiet house. Around two, there was a ruckus out on my patio.
I put my book down on the table, and turned on the patio light. The Bogeyman stood in the center of my patio.
When he hadn’t found me in my dreams, he must have climbed over the wall of sleep to find me in my house. He had terrified me all week, worn me down, taken little bits of my life each night, and was here now to take what was left.
His skin hung loosely off his body. His arms ended in two enormous claws. Beneath his firey eyes, his mouth hung open in a silent scream. His black tongue flashed across jagged and uneven teeth.
He teetered forward, and I saw him flex his toes into the bricks. He clenched one of his claws into a fist, piercing his palm. Dark blood exploded from the wounds, and formed shiny puddles on the ground.
He raised his fist, and took a step toward me. I began to cry.
He took another step, and I smelled his Terror. His roar filled my head.
I tried to run, but he was too close, too fast, too powerful. His fist came flying at me. He punched through the screen, through the door, and through me. I looked down and saw his arm ending in my stomach. He clenched his fist tightly and pulsed his blood into my veins.
He pulled me close to his face, and tasted my tears as I died.

168 thoughts on “Perchance to dream.”

  1. Wil, that is one mofo of a dream. A nightmare now and then is nothing to worry about, it happens. However, every night, coupled with insommnia over an extended period is the sign of something more serious. Here’s a thought: you’re going to be doing a major convention appearance in about 3 weeks, and your first (yes, first, probably of several) book is about to be published, we’re about to be plunged into an ill-advised war, and then there’s the family issues you’ve alluded to. Your stress level must be through the roof. Drugs (alcohol, weed, melatonin, Nyquil, etc) will only mask the problem. I’m no psychologist, but it would appear that there’s something coming out in your sleep cycle that isn’t being addressed while awake. Seriously, if this doesn’t pass in a week or so, find a therapist. If whatever’s troubling you hasn’t gone away by then, it probably isn’t going to pass on it’s own.
    -=Peace
    PS: I was serious about that Dev Box.

  2. I went through the same sort of stuff twise in my life. Once when I was about 10 years old (lasted about 5 months) and then again in my mid 20′s (lasted a few weeks). It will pass. When I had trouble sleeping, I imagine a star, far far away, in a dark dark sky. Then consentrate ALL my thought on that star, NOTHING else. It worked for me.

  3. Wil, usually when you dream of a loved one being kidnapped or being taken away from you. It means you fear them leaving you in the waking world. The fact that you dream of Anne and other loved ones leaving mainly means that you are afraid circumstances and stresses in your life may end up controlling where your life will lead and will push your loved ones away. Whether thats what you really feel or not I wouldnt know but thats what it usually means. Dream analyzation is fun sometimes and helps out. My advice is to love your family as much as possible. Dont stress over your goals just do the best you can with them and if they falter you can be happy with the fact you did your best and you still have a family who loves you. If you succeed then you can share in the joy of that. You’ve made it very clear a number of times how much you love your family. I’m sure they love you too. Just go to bed thinking of how lucky you are to have a great wife and great kids, and a great group of family and friends who support you.
    There are also tons of ways to relieve stress, do what works best for you. I’m sure once you relieve the stress you will have better sleep.
    Bye the way… What the hell is FNORD? One time I got a fan club pic of you waaay back in ’87 i guess and the back of it said a little something sweet and then, FNORD. Is that a cali thing? haha.

  4. I am really sorry to hear about those nightmares of yours, I’ve been talking to a lot of people about their recent dreams and most of them have had really bad nightmares, similar to those that you describe… I guess it is a ‘global’ thing, something perhaps related to the universal mind, to common affairs, to the fact that we are all afraid, not only because of wars and the likes but also because of humanity per se… I wish from the bottom of my heart that you and all of those who have had constant nightmares, have a chance to have sweet dreams for a change. // The way you narrated the last nightmare, was captivating, thank you for sharing.

  5. I am really sorry to hear about those nightmares of yours, I’ve been talking to a lot of people about their recent dreams and most of them have had really bad nightmares, similar to those that you describe… I guess it is a ‘global’ thing, something perhaps related to the universal mind, to common affairs, to the fact that we are all afraid, not only because of wars and the likes but also because of humanity per se… I wish from the bottom of my heart that you and all of those who have had constant nightmares, have a chance to have sweet dreams for a change. // The way you narrated the last nightmare, was captivating, thank you for sharing.

  6. Wil,
    As a teenager I use to have nightmares. I taught myself to take control in my dreams (I know this sounds like a Star Trek thing). When I would have a nightmare & I was aware it was one I would loudly say in the dream “No, this is not going to happen, I’m in control!!!” It worked! To this day I can still do this in a nightmare & I must tell you how empowering it is to have control even if it is my sleep. I wake up feeling strong.
    I hope you can use this to help with your nightmares.
    Please sleep well.

  7. Wil,
    Dream analysis is garbage. Most of the people who posted their analyses used it to make judgements upon your life (you’re too controlling, too much stress, etc.). Here is what I take comfort in. You control your mind and the way you feel. The dreams may not be voluntary but you DO choose what to do with them. Dreams only affect reality if you choose to let them.
    By the way, you’re a good writer. Keep it up! I’d love to PAY MONEY to see you in a FILM soon too!

  8. I got pregnant immediately after getting married, and began having very strange dreams every time I went to sleep. With the help of a dream interpretation web site (much cheaper than a therapist) I realized that I was afraid of losing myself in my new life. (Being Cody’s mom or Chris’s wife instead of being Amanda). Just knowing what it meant helped me deal with it. Every time my loser brother gets engaged (he’s on fiance #4 now, and hasn’t bought a single ring, much less got married or got a job), I start to dream that he brings his child to meet me and abandons it with me. Not hard to figure that one out.
    I agree with the other Monkeys on why you’re having these troubles. And that’s my two cents.

  9. *shudders*
    I know that dream although obviously i have never experienced it at your house.
    Dream interpretation is risque at the best of times, but clearly you fear being overwhelmed and/or destroyed by something.
    I suggest…actually i dont know what.
    I never was very good at this…

  10. one, two freddies after you
    three, four better shut the door
    five, six grab your crucifix
    seven, eight better stay up late
    nine, ten never sleep again……
    sorry…just HAD to post that…
    not poking fun at ya wil, i just remembered that when i first saw a nightmare on elm street (the original of course) it scared the living be-jesus out of me…and i just remembered that childrens rhyme from it….
    you know…a few years ago, i had a pretty nasty toothache..
    couldn’t fall asleep it was so painful..and the dentist appointment was days away…
    my solution?
    3 pints of beer
    not enough to get drunk..
    but juuuuust enough to make ya sleepy…
    worked like a total charm :)

  11. I used to have nasty dreams about things that were after me and they would also ‘take over’ my mom kind of like a space alien kind of thing. I think I got the idea from that mini-series “V”. It would terrify me and I would be convinced the dream was true. Had that dream sometimes several times a week. I got so worked up about it that when my mom sent me to counseling (some b-s about kids involved in divorces need counseling) I had to talk about that dream right away. The counselor gave me the excellent advice to take over the dream, not to let it run me. I told her I had never seen one particular wall of the room, even tho I “knew” what was on that wall. She said next time you have the dream, I should turn my head and look at the wall. A few weeks later, I had that dream, as soon as I turned to that wall, the dream ended, instead of getting into the rest of the scary dream.
    You can take over your dreams, it’s just hard to remember to do it. Most of the time, I let them flow to see what will happen next, I have dreams now that are like stories instead of being night mares.

  12. Wil,
    I am no expert when it comes to dream analysis but I have read a few books on it since I too tend to have those dreams where terror reigns supreme and I feel like I am losing the battle against it.
    Did you ever consider the boogeyman might actually be you? Or at least a side of you you haven’t dealt with yet? I have often read that dreams that involve fear of something or someone is usually a reflection on a fear about one’s self that you have yet to come to grips with. Apparently once you have chosen to face that fear in your dream symbolized by the thing you are running from or fearing than they will no longer exist.
    Anyway just a thought. I found it sort of helped me deal with things.

  13. when next you see the demon in your dreams its important that you not run away from him. no matter how much fear you feel you must face it head on. dont try to fight it in the begining if thats too hard, just focus on understanding what kind of creature you are confronting. there will be a weakness within it, they are always flawed in some way. demons are guardians of knowledge we are often too afraid to face. the fear, the running away… there is something within you that you have not acknowledged which demands attention. it may not be a literal truth, it may be an internal realization you have to seek out, but only through facing this demon can you get the knowledge you need.a god ignored is a demon born

  14. Eat more sprouts and mashed yeast.
    Stop writing scary stories.
    Think happy thoughts as you fall asleep.
    It works.

  15. Wil,
    I had a recurring dream about being chased by skeletons. I think I may have seen that “Jason and the Argonauts” movie where the skeleton warriors pop out of the ground. I was pretty young, probably less than 5 years old. I finally found a way to deal with it. I made friends with the skeletons. For some reason after making friends with the skellies I no longer had any nightmares again. I have had dreams where I have suffered a lot of physical damage but it no longer scares me. It is just sort of , wow, look at all that gory stuff.
    Good luck getting repeated doeses of deep and restfull sleep, sleep, sleepppppp.
    dzimmerm

  16. Wil,
    As long as you know that it is only a dream, you will be just fine. If that does not work have Anne tape you a bed time story.
    FG

  17. Wil, I hope I’m not to far down so you don’t see this…
    When I was younger, I was plagued my nightmares for a while. I talked to a counselor friend. I’ll give you the advice he gave me:
    You wake up upset as if Anne really was kidnapped or the dream you had was real. Keep in mind that they are just stories that are coming from YOUR mind, from YOUR imagination. You have the right to control the stories. If you decide that you want to change the ending, do it. Just because you are awake doesn’t make the endings any less significant than the endings when you were asleep. You have the right to change the stories if you want. They always were yours.
    So, when you wake up from a scary dream, say to yourself, “This is MY story and I don’t like the ending. I’m going to change it.” Then change the story in your mind to suit you. Once you give control back to yourself, the dreams will stop.
    Wil, try it and let me know how this works for you. It worked wonders for me almost immediately.

  18. I am sooooo glad the subject of dreams has come up in a comment. I have wanted to get this off my chest for sooooooo long.
    Before I start, what I am about to divulge is true, no-one could come up with this out of their imaginations, and to that extent, I swear to the almighty that what I say is the truth, may I be struck down if I lie. Phew…lets continue………
    I am lucky in the sense that I rarely get what everyone here has termed ‘nightmares’. Sure, I dream, heck I dream plenty, and like most people rarely remember my dreams the day after.
    However, (and this is the non BS part, I swear to God) nearly every time I dream about an aeroplane, no matter how benign, within a week, somewhere in the world a plane will crash and that it would make the main news. The dream itself could be of me lying on a tropical beach somewhere and I look up and see a plane, the said plane doesnt crash, it just flies, that kinda thing, totally insignificant you would think. I dont know what airline is involved, or what kind of plane it is. The nearest dream to the actual crash that I had featured Concorde. I was walking to work and Concorde flew between the cooling towers of one of the heavy industrial works that dominate my town, and you know that Concorde has square engines as opposed to the regular round ones? Well plumes of black smoke were corkscrewing down to the ground and half its tail was missing.
    Three days later, Concorde had to make an emergency landing with engine trouble and a section of the tail missing due to bird strikes.
    I had a dream about a plane 2 days before 9-11, and (hopefully I dont freak anyone out) I had a dream 2 days ago.
    Before anyone does get freaked, as written above, not ALL of my plane related dreams come true, and I am in no way trying to pass myself off as a psychic. This may seem like I’m going WAAAAY off topic but I’m a third daughter of a third daughter of a third daughter, so maybe that has something to do with it (7th son of a 7th son kinda thing).
    If any others have any constructive advice or comments about this, I would love to know, because it does sometimes freak me out so much so that I now write a ‘Dream Diary’ with dates when I dream about planes.

  19. Honestly, that is a marvelous piece of writing. I do not choose to psychoanalyze you, as that is not my field, but I wanted to be certain to tell you I enjoy your writing.
    Write on, so to speak. :)

  20. Your very real (and in many ways, justified) FUD regarding your book seems to have spilled into your nightdreams. This sort of night terror is very common among creative people reaching some sort of reckoning with the work at hand. Ship the book, and the dreams will be all raspberry lollipops and Jaime Pressly love-slaves.
    At least mine are…well, at least the lollipops.

  21. Stephen King included an anecdote in his marvelous Danse Macabre, regarding the nightmares he’s had while in the heat (and stress) of creation: He was always in an abandoned house, typing his manuscript in a room just adjoining the attic. He’d hear sounds coming from the top of the steps, behind the attic door…and was certain a madwoman with an ax was waiting to eviscerate him if he opened the door.
    Not fun, but the unenviable byproduct of the creative mind, which can sometimes turn on itself savagely. Witness Sylvia Plath or Dylan Thomas.
    Keep writing, Wil.

  22. Wil,
    Unless you’ve had your dreams come true (I call them prophetic dreams, of which I suffer from), I wouldn’t worry to much about it. It’s just your sub concious telling you that you have way to much on your mind.
    Try writing things down. Get a private journal and write down things, anything, you’ll be surprised about what comes out. When I do it, I’m always surprised. I do it to help with my depression but my coucillor says she recommends that anyone with nightmares do it. It helps the mind to sort itself out and get stuff out that it can not normally bring forth.
    If you start get prophetic dreams thats when you start to worry. I get them regularly and it freaks me out. Although like you I can control my dreams, and if I’m having a really good dream but wake up from it, I can get back into it at any point I want to weather it’s the next night or even if it’s three years later.
    Don’t worry to much about it. Nothings happening.
    Sleep well mate.
    Spike
    2.30am GMT
    England
    8th March

  23. If I could hear the details of the dream,I can tell you what it means or,what’s wrong.It’s really hard for me to say right now and trust me,I’m very good at this.If you’re wondering,then please feel free in contacting me.

  24. Weird, I had a nightmare last night for the first time in years.
    Mine involved a trip to LA…. So is my nightmare your reality?
    Seriously, I figure I’ve been watching the news too much about the pending war. The Shrub does not inspire confidence.

  25. Dude…sounds like you’re afraid everything in your life is either being taken from you, or is about to be. You’re 30 years old and shit…midlife crisis, all that bullshit. By the way, Diablo 2 blows chunks. ;)

  26. Sounds like your worrying is carrying over from real life. Something you have no control over has you very worried… Do you have some issues or problems that you can’t seem to resolve? Or something to that affect. Once you resolve these problems these dreams should subside. If unable to resolve them you need to do some meditation and really consider the dreams. Focus on each point and let the random thoughts go through your mind. As you do this you might find a pattern that might help you figure out what is bothering you so much. Work, relationships, family, etc… It might help in the meantime to try and focus on some happy thoughts before bedtime each night. It might head off those nasty dreams and help focus your thoughts into a more positive realm.

  27. Sorry,I didn’t see that read more.This really is simple.You,my dear,have been wanting something,and you may not realize it,but it’s eating at you.You see it as being overwhelming,that’s why you have been seeing this thing coming at you like you have.
    You said that you seen Ann taken away,that’s just another way you see this thing that you want.See,when you dream,you will dream about the days events or worries.When we dream them,we see them as something that we don’t recognize.Don’t get me wrong though,we can dream of things that are going to happen.
    Anyway,I hope that helps you out some.Sweet dreams Wil :)

  28. Getting a journal going before going to bed is a very good thing to do. Write all your worries and concerns of that day. What you know you have to do tomorrow. You don’t have to be creative, you don’t even have to make sense of it.
    Suggestion: When you do try to sleep close your eyes and place yourself into a vision of your choosing. Make the background ie: a green forest or a fantasy city, plot out what you are doing pleasent things, things you know you enjoy and relaxes you. Give in to the slightest whim, afterall it is in your brain and no one can view that. This does take a bit of practice, but it is very successful. I’ve taught myself, my son, and my nephews this and now they do not have hardly any nightmares.
    Dreams are a reflection of what you may think about, feel, worry, stress, or even the environment around you. The dreams may not “mean” anything, some are even quite opisite of what you think they are. Do not dwell on them even if they are re-occuring (sometimes they re-occur just because you remember them)
    I also adopted a sort of philosophy, if a problem or stress looms in life:
    a) you can deal with it right away so it goes away
    b) you cannot change or prevent it, it will happen or not happen so why worry? deal with it, if or when it ever happens
    c) is it about a friend, or family member? Concerned about something – talking is the best soothsayer – talk to that individual. Rationalize it. then refer to (b)
    d)work or deadlines (the real killers) do your best then refer to (b) :)
    Again you may find a nighttime journal is a good practice anyway, you’d be amazed at what oddments turn up in it.
    **sorry so long** =)

  29. Wil,
    I’ll assume you’re still with us and were not only able to escape the death grip of the Bogeyman but were probably talented enough to imagine the whole story. It was a very well written piece, I might add. However, as an earlier commenter replied, the Bogeyman is likely you, created by your furtive imagination to simply write a short story or he’s really part of your subconscious self. As the darker part of your id, he hangs outside the secure warm abode of your more civilized mind. On your mental patio. (I think it’s physically located somewhere near your frontal lobe.) To nit-pick, you said as he took another step, you “smelled his Terror.” The keyword here is ‘HIS’. You see, subconsciously, you knew as you wrote this that he felt the terror. The Bogeyman felt terror as he approached you. Perhaps the wild and chaotic part of you is horrified at the thought of being normal and just a nice guy. So it rebels with sharp pointy claws.
    It’s cool how you pimp your new “Just a Geek” book and selling your WWDN paraphernalia on your site. Seriously, this is a cool site. And I shouldn?t dis someone who has published something.

  30. Too much news…you’re watching way too much news. Start watching things that will make you laugh. Not that you have to be out of touch with what’s happening…you just need to control how much you “upload” into your brain everyday.
    At least, that’s what I have to do when this happens to me.
    :o)

  31. Wil, have you been staying up at night watching the late late late late late late show again?! ;}
    Seriously, I don’t really have any superb advice to give you or any annecdotes about nightmares I’ve had, but I think that like a few people have said there is just a lot of stress going on.
    Someone mentioned before that maybe you were having anxiety about Anne coming home late or something. If your normal daily routine has been drasticly changed to the point where you and Anne don’t get to spend as much time together as you used to, that could possibly explain her disappearance in your dreams.
    The part about running from someone, could be caused by the real life things you wish you could just get away from. Maybe an aggrivating financial situation, annoying neighbors, the asshat trolls that like to hang around here…It’s hard to say. Even the simplist, most insignificant little thing can send major repercussions through the subconsciouss.
    As far as that Big Terrifying Thing is concerned, that could possibly be a manifestation of the potential war that could break out in Iraq any day. That is something that has been weighing heavy on the minds of many people around the world I think. I’ve had a few unsavory dreams about the end of the world as we know it because of the constant barrage of scrolling news tickers and anti-American former 1980s pop stars…
    Hell I guess they could even be caused by certain foods that you have during the day. Without knowing you on a personal basis and being there in your life every minute of every day I really could’t say. Perhaps filling your last few waking hours of every day with pleasant thoughts and positive things could help out. Maybe you could even bribe Anne to give you a nice backrub to help you relax a bit, but if she does, you’ll owe her one ;}
    Sorry I’m not much of a help my friend. Just keep in mind that no matter what happens you’ll always have thousands of monkeys pullin’ for ya :}

  32. You know what Uncle Wil? thats sick that he tasted your tears as you died. i’ve never had a nightmare like that. my worst nightmares involve clowns coming out the walls with knifes. lol.

  33. Wow, that’s a very dark image.
    I’ve never had screaming nightmares, although I’ve woken up crying a couple of times.
    And when you figure out how to get to sleep, let me know. It’s not happening for me.
    No sleep make Karina go craaaaazy

  34. There are a few people that had the right idea here… go see a doctor :)
    Relieve your stress. :)

  35. go a little easier on the tequila and twilight zone reruns and you should be fine! trust the force, Wil.
    hehe paul

  36. Yikes! Scary dreams are definitely no fun. At the risk of repeating about 27 other people… I’ve found that a cup of chammomile tea before bedtime really helps to relax me. I think warm milk has also been mentioned once or twice.

  37. Many people around the world are experiencing nightmares lately. I wonder if it is somehow connected…?

  38. I see that you’ve already been inundated with countless replies to this, but at the urging of a friend, I thought maybe I should add my (un-asked for) advice as well.
    I’ve suffered Night Terrors all my life. Growing up, I didn’t even realize that other people didn’t die in their dreams. I rarely survived mine, and It just never occurred to me that others did. I wont say how I died, I don’t want to give the others here bad dreams of their own (::grins::), however over the last 20 years, I have learned a few things about dealing with them. So here ya go…maybe something here will help.
    First off, *DONT TAKE THE BENADRYL*! No pot either. Both of these things will (yes, I grantee it) make your Night Terrors worse. And if you take too much of the Benadryl, it can give you severe hallucinations (think, really bad acid trip). Especially if your body is unused to taking it, and already exhausted from lack of sleep. The Pot might put you to sleep, but then the dreams will just get much worse, and you will (usually) be unable to wake up at all from them. It just gives your subconscious free reign to terrify you.
    I’m not going to tell you to take something. I would say “talk to a councilor”, but that has to be your choice. You have to decide on your own if these dreams are bad enough, or going on for long enough, before you see someone about them. If you don’t feel they are, then seeing someone would just be a waste of energy. I hope you do see someone when you are ready though.
    After reading about your dream, my advice to you would be this…sit down with Anne somewhere where you feel safe. Outside, in bed, on the couch, doesn’t much matter. Just sit facing her, hold her hand, and tell her about your dreams. Just tell her everything about them. What you see, what you do, what you feel…and then what you think they mean. Just get it all out, and *share* them. The sharing of the fear is the important thing, psychologically. Show her that you are afraid, and let her help support you and give you strength. Reaffirming that bond really does make a world of difference. It truly, truly does.
    And that’s all I’m going to say. Even if you don’t read this (wow, that’s a lot of replies to go though, I don’t blame ya for just skimm’n them, or skip’n them all together, man! ::lol::), I hope that someone here who may be going though the same thing can garner some help from what I’ve said here. This post is already *WAAAAY* longer then I ever intended it to be. ::chuckles::
    So, on that note, I hope everyone here stays safe tonight, is happy by morning, and is loved in-between. Now I’m gunna go bury my face in complete embarrassment for giving all this advice to people who have no idea who the smeg I am. ;-)
    ~Torra

  39. God, Wil, you’re scaring the hell out of me with this one, as in “scared for you.” But if this is what is going on in your head right now, then the very first thing that I need to do here is to thank you, for having the courage to share it.
    Somebody else I cared about, but also never met, ended up dead not too long ago, and it’s just possible that if he had been able to talk about his “Bogeyman” – whatever it was that was really going on there – he might have been still alive in the morning. If he had been willing to admit his fear, maybe he could have survived it.
    If really getting to all of us out here who care about you is what you meant to do … well, you succeeded at that, and yeah, there will be a few other people not sleeping tonight, for whatever it’s worth (probably not much). Does it help at all to watch us lining up to take a number to do some Bogeyman-slaying?
    Not all the advice that you’re getting is necessarily good (I name no names, I point no fingers) but I think you get the common theme: We care. Does any of it do any good? I don’t know. Most of the time, with most people, it seems like it doesn’t, and I’m not just talking about those who bear the “celebrity” label, either. Each one of us gets locked into our own private nightmare at times and nobody else can reach in to help.
    But then again, most people don’t have the courage to open the door and let others look in.

  40. Nightmares are a constant companion of mine. Waking life is a nightmare at some points, and sometimes I wish I could really wake up from this place of eternal hell that God, Fate, Chaos, Whomever has so “lovingly” deposited me in.

  41. Wil
    There are doctors that can help. Have you thought about hypnosis? That can help, plus sleep therapy can help. I hope you get some kind of help. It makes good writing for your site, but you should get some help.
    Good luck

  42. Wil,
    There are numerous ways to avoid these damn dreams:
    1) 200 grams of vodka before sleep.
    2) Smoking a joint.
    3) Doing both #1 and #2.
    4) Seeing a shrink and paying $100/hour.
    5) Instead of #4 doing a double dose of #3.
    6) Recompiling your kernel before going to sleep.
    7) I won’t say this one explicitly, but I’ll give you a hint: just as much fun as #6, starts with an ‘s’ – ends with an ‘x’.
    Good luck.

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