The Axis of Just as Evil

This made me laugh out loud. It’s allegedly written by John Cleese, but it turns out that it originally came from Satirewire.


Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the “Axis of Evil,” Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed the “Axis of Just as Evil,” which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.
Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. “Right. They are Just as Evil…in their dreams!” declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. “Everybody knows we’re the best evils… best at being evil…we’re the best.”
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil.
“They told us it was full,” said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. “An Axis can’t have more than three countries,” explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. “This is not my rule, it’s tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool.”
International reaction to Bush’s Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered.
Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what became a game of geopolitical chairs.
Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia said they had formed the “Axis of Somewhat Evil,” forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the “Axis of Occasionally Evil,” while Bulgaria,Indonesia and Russia established the “Axis of Not So Much Evil Really As Just Generally Disagreeable.”
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up…Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the “Axis of Countries That Aren’t the Worst But Certainly Won’t Be Asked to Host the Olympics.”
Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the “Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America,” while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the “Axis of Countries That Be Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick.” “That’s not a threat, really, just something we like to do,” said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.
While wondering if the other nations of the world weren’t perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis, although he rejected the establishment of the Axis of Countries Whose Names End in “Guay,” accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.
Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn’t want to join any Axis, but privately, world leaders said that’s only because no one asked them.

71 thoughts on “The Axis of Just as Evil”

  1. Finally, first! I just wanted to wet this hydrant as my territory before I actaually read the link and really comment.
    Love you all.

  2. Iran, Iraq, North Korea, to G.dubya it’s all the same damn thing. Evildoers.
    P.S. Hey, your a big movie star, right? Can you help improve my /. karma? I made you a friend.

  3. Meanwhile, after reading the article, there’s certainly more subtext than what is written, which is certainly great. W needs to realize that the shades of gray that run the world will prevail over the black and white he makes it out to be.

  4. i think i remember seeing that shortly after the infamous axis of evil speech…
    not sure if it was the onion..or where it originally came from..
    but if it was indeed John Cleese that came up with it….well, that definitely shows that John is still one of the worlds reigning funny guys…
    damn..that really was a funny bit of writing..
    and he hit the nail on the head with all of it..
    oh…
    not sure if you’ve seen this Wil..but i thought you might be intersted…
    our taste in music seems pretty close..so i’ll just post a link to Matthew Good’s newest single..
    ‘a world called catastrophe’
    yep.
    it’s pretty anti-war..
    so’s most of his new album..
    check it out..
    http://www.matthewgood.net/site/media/videos/avalanche/catastrophe_medium.php
    let me know if ya dig it..

  5. That’s pretty good. Does sound like Cleese. And Wil, did you notice I didn’t flame on polotics today?
    BTW, I turned out a Janeway / Paris personality. Hmmm.

  6. Where’s the Slovakian countries?! The could be “another Axis of Evil, but are too busy trying to kill off each other to worry anyone else…” Granted the countries ending in “ia” (serbia, bosnia) could qualify under this too…

  7. While wondering if the other nations of the world weren’t perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis, although he rejected the establishment of the Axis of Countries Whose Names End in “Guay,” accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.
    You’d think they’d have come up with a more believable name. Parauay? That’s rubbish.

  8. I had to pick myself up off the floor to type this. You dig up the coolest stuff on the web Wil.

  9. yeah, it was an onion article, about three months ago, I want to say. Still, it’s funny all the way through

  10. You’ve probably already seen this, but if not, you might want to check it out, it looks to be a wil wheaton dot net kind of thing:
    http://www.moveon.org
    The theory is, if we all speak out together, we can make a difference. I say it’s worth a shot.

  11. Oh my god, This is such a cleverly written piece of writing. I laughed so hard, milk came squirting out my nose! Thanks, Wil for keeping us grounded with the more relevant words relating to the theatrics of modern day politics and the continuing failure of world diplomacy.
    mistygraytoday

  12. hehehe I like that one Wil.
    Good job on the style sheet thing. I like the more pronounced titles and things. Incidently, the H3′s never showed on my Windoze box…all of the text was the same size before. You did good! :}
    Why is it that when I sit and imagine you sitting in front of your box working on the website or reading these comments or emails, I picture you as StrongBad? *snickers*

  13. Hillarious! As an Aussie I got a good laugh out of it – at last we are finally part of an Axis.

  14. Wil, a friend of mine in Canada sent me this through email. I thought it was cute…
    ~~~~~~~~~
    Sing this to the tune of “if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands”
    ==========
    If we cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
    If the markets hurt your Mama, bomb Iraq.
    If the terrorists are Saudi
    And the bank takes back your Audi
    And the TV shows are bawdy, Bomb Iraq.
    If the corporate scandals growin’, bomb Iraq.
    And your ties to them are showin’, bomb Iraq.
    If the smoking gun ain’t smokin’
    We don’t care, and we’re not jokin’.
    That Saddam will soon be croakin’, Bomb Iraq.
    Even if we have no allies, bomb Iraq.
    From the sand dunes to the valleys, bomb Iraq.
    So to hell with the inspections;
    Let’s look tough for the elections,
    Close your mind and take directions, Bomb Iraq.
    While the globe is slowly warming, bomb Iraq.
    Yay! the clouds of war are storming, bomb Iraq.
    If the ozone hole is growing,
    Some things we prefer not knowing.
    (Though our ignorance is showing), Bomb Iraq.
    So here’s one for dear old daddy, bomb Iraq,
    From his favorite little laddy, bomb Iraq.
    Saying no would look like treason.
    It’s the Hussein hunting season.
    Even if we have no reason, Bomb Iraq.

  15. I would add to this another word to our war-time lexicon.
    To defend its war, the White House refers with great flourish to the “Coalition of the Willing” as the group of countries with the will to get behind the US in our Big Iraq Attack, even if they weren’t willing to pay anything for it or be there with troops themselves.
    Never to take “It’s not you, it’s me. I need my space. You’ll make someone a good ally some day.” as a final answer, the US has been trying to woo lovers, arm twist friends, and influence enemies by giving them a little going to war cash in exchange for ignoring the popular opinion in their respective countries. Turkey negotiated the US up to something like $32B in fabulous cash and prizes, probably including the Northern part of Iraq to take home with them. Talk about your Turkish Delight. Alas, Turkey told the US to get stuffed. But many others have remained as the US’ side… well, not our side… more like way back behind us.
    They say that money can’t buy you love. Yes, but you can rent it in some of the seedier parts of the world.
    Thus is born the newest phrase in geopolitics: The Coalition of the Billing

  16. Ha! I remember that one from a while back, & it’s still funny.
    A little while ago I devoted a bleg entry to anti-war humor:
    http://annmariabell.com/alternate/blog/blog.html#loco
    Here’s my round-up of articles from America’s Finest News Source:
    http://www.theonion.com/onion3701/bush_nightmare.html
    Bush: Our Long National Nightmare of Peace and Prosperity is finally over. 18 January 2001
    http://www.theonion.com/onion3734/us_vows_to_defeat_whoever.html
    Bush Vows to Defeat Whoever It Is We’re At War With 26 September 2001
    http://www.theonion.com/onion3734/talking_to_your_child_tips.html
    Talking to Your Child About The WTC Attack 26 September 2001
    http://www.theonion.com/onion3734/hijackers_surprised.html
    Highjackers Surprised To Find Selves In Hell 26 September 2001
    http://www.theonion.com/onion3833/bush_wont_stop_asking.html
    Bush Won’t Stop Asking Cheney If We Can Invade Yet. September 11, 2002
    http://www.theonion.com/onion3836/bush_seeks_un_support.html
    Bush Seeks U.N. Support For ‘U.S. Does Whatever It Wants’ Plan 2 October 2002
    http://www.theonion.com/onion3847/bill_of_rights.html
    Bill of Rights Pared Down To A Manageable Six 18 December 2002
    http://www.theonion.com/onion3906/point_the_iraq_invasion.html
    Point / Counter-Point:
    No Blood for Oil vs. Exactly How Much Oil Are We Talking About? 19 February 2003

  17. How come the “france surrenders” bit comes back repeatedly ?
    any idiot can see that if Britain had had a physical border with germany in WWII, they would have been snuffed out just as quickly as anyone other country, they where no more prepared than the US at pearl harbour.
    more french bashing for xenphobic fun, I guess.

  18. It looks like your templates may still a bit mucked up. I’m not able to trackback to your entries. If I try from one of your pages it wants to trackback to your creative commons license.

  19. In lue of all this frivolity, Bushwacker is reving up the B-52s (and I don’t mean shooters) in the Pacific.
    SCARY!
    If we can’t laugh at ourselves we certainly can laugh at others.
    SCARY!
    I know, lighten up!. I may after I have my coffee. It was pretty funny though. And Wil, shouldn’t you be finishing that book not surfing the net?

  20. It’s going to be pretty funny when North Korea swarms over South Korea moments after the first “official” shot is fired in Iraq.
    And by “funny,” of course, I mean horribly, horribly tragic.
    Whenever I hear news involving either of these “Axis of Evil” members (poor Iran…what are THEY going to have to do to get attention?), I’m reminded of another satirical headline – “Bush on North Korea: ‘We Must Invade Iraq.’”
    Oh well…at least in a couple of years we can replace Bush with someone calmer and less… I dunno… singularly megalomaniacal. We’ll still be able to replace him, right? Uh…America?? Hello???

  21. I love the Python-esqueness of that piece. I quote from ‘Monty Pythons Life of Brian’
    Brian: “Are you the Judean Peoples Front?”
    Brothers (and sisters): “F@*K OFF…..We’re the Peoples Front of Judea!”
    Brian: “So what happened to the Judean Peoples Front?”
    Brothers (and sisters): “He’s over there…..SPLITTER!”
    ok ok I’m an anorak but that movie is sheer class!
    And in other news….
    Being welsh, I am annoyed at being usurped by Scotland in the ‘Axis of Countries That Be Allowed To Ask Sheep To Wear Lipstick!’ I mean, welshmen are renowned at being sheep shaggers! Ok ok I realise that scotsmen have every right to be members of said axis on account that wearing kilts means the said sheep would not hear the sound of zippers, but still…
    As the joke goes “If a sheep is tied to a fence in Wales, what is it called?”…..”A LEISURE COMPLEX”
    *if any comments are taken literally, please note that no offence was intended, and that this commentor most definately has her silly head on today (and has PMT if that makes a difference)* lol

  22. [quote]How come the “france surrenders” bit comes back repeatedly ?[/quote]
    Germany wasn’t the only one that walked all over France. They’ve had little to no military successes in a _long_ while. The Maganot(sp?) Line was a joke, French tactics have never impressed me. They’ve simply shown little backbone in any combat effort, including these most recent campaigns as well.

  23. that link to all the graphics was hilarious. i actually have the first one, the movie poster making fun of episode 2, at my desk, it was a poster that came in MAD magazine a few issues back. the reason why everyone is saying they think its john cleese that wrote it is because there was an episode of flying circus where they did the “axis of just as evil” joke, and talked about how they were left out because it was just 3. i forget which countries were involved in it. hey,check this quote out
    You people are some of the most disgusting examples of a waste of protoplasm I’ve ever had the displeasure to hear about.”
    – country singer CHARLIE DANIELS, in an open letter to Hollywood celebrities opposed to war with Iraq
    boy, has he ever changed…..

  24. okay, so everyone is forgeting the fact that france lost 4 percent of its population in fighting back during world war two?? they didnt give up, they were overrun. if it weren’t for the sheer amount of german casualities during their first few skirmishes with france, hitler may have won!! lets not forget that france also bankrupted itself helping us pay for the revolutionary war (which is part of what caused the french revolution….. irony anyone??)

  25. hey, a little off topic, you know why sheep lovers always do so at the edge of a cliff?? its so the sheep will push back!

  26. That was the funniest thing I’ve read since this whole subject came up. Keep the Funnies coming Wil, it helps to forget the reality of the matter.. :)

  27. That was great, i really got a good laugh from that. I went ahead and emailed that to my friends and family. I do hope its not to late to put that into your book. Speaking of the book, how is it going?

  28. Wil,
    Just a suggestion, Black bold links don’t really show up very well, u may want to try a different color and keep the underline… :)
    Dave

  29. The Axis of just as evil

    haha, I found this on Wil’s weblog. It’s hella funny, but there seems to be quite the controversy about who wrote it. Some say it was written by John Cleese (the jokes certianly sound Python-ish), …

  30. Oh man that was really funny. I’m right in the middle of my Web Page Design class and I can’t stop laughing. lmao.

  31. It comes from Adam Felber’s “Fanatical Apathy,” I believe. Def. not John Cleese. Here’s a link to the site: felbers.net/mt

  32. *Has another good giggle over it* (I saw the SatireWire linked a long time ago.)
    I’m actually amazed so many hadn’t come across it before.
    If anyone is interested in setting up their own axis, let it be known that we Sevilians have already claimed the Axis of Apathy. But probably won’t bother to fight if you want it.

  33. Funny stuff, not to stray too far from the comical story but and its a but that will make most here mad at me, I dont want a war but if only 10% of what you read is true and we are looking at a person who would someday attack anyone with anything???
    In a nutshell I’ll ask one question what if you could have stopped Hitler would you?

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