The Axis of Just as Evil

This made me laugh out loud. It’s allegedly written by John Cleese, but it turns out that it originally came from Satirewire.


Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the “Axis of Evil,” Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed the “Axis of Just as Evil,” which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.
Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. “Right. They are Just as Evil…in their dreams!” declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. “Everybody knows we’re the best evils… best at being evil…we’re the best.”
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil.
“They told us it was full,” said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. “An Axis can’t have more than three countries,” explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. “This is not my rule, it’s tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool.”
International reaction to Bush’s Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered.
Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what became a game of geopolitical chairs.
Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia said they had formed the “Axis of Somewhat Evil,” forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the “Axis of Occasionally Evil,” while Bulgaria,Indonesia and Russia established the “Axis of Not So Much Evil Really As Just Generally Disagreeable.”
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up…Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the “Axis of Countries That Aren’t the Worst But Certainly Won’t Be Asked to Host the Olympics.”
Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the “Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America,” while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the “Axis of Countries That Be Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick.” “That’s not a threat, really, just something we like to do,” said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.
While wondering if the other nations of the world weren’t perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis, although he rejected the establishment of the Axis of Countries Whose Names End in “Guay,” accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.
Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn’t want to join any Axis, but privately, world leaders said that’s only because no one asked them.

71 thoughts on “The Axis of Just as Evil”

  1. It is interesting how Canada, Mexico and Australia fit in there. Although I cannot speak for the latter two, I will say for Canada that we are not so ignorant of this looming show of force that is developing in Iraq. What I am wondering is what Bush’s intentions really are: 1) The good of mankind to get rid of Hussein, or 2) He can’t find Osama and he must bomb something to outdo his daddy.
    I guess people don’t like being pushed into a war either. Granted, Hussein is a bad dude, but I find it funny how after September 11th (which had us Canadians heartbroken too) when Bush couldn’t find Osama, all of the sudden Iraq became the topic of conversation. Oh well, it doesn’t matter. War is inevitable, I just hope that if Iraq is going to be invaded, Hussein gets his and its over with.

  2. Speaking of “EVIL AXIS”…Ever wonder how the superfriends Hall of Justice was kept so nice and clean?
    It was because of thier filipina maid who you never saw and now she is dishing the dirt on the so called “Superfiends” you never knew.
    http://www.fractalcow.com/rex/low.html

  3. Wil,
    Wow, your hair is falling out like your a responsible husband and father. Time is numb. Delete this if you must.
    Just a,
    FG

  4. Very funny! My sister will finally be glad I read something about Irag. She thinks I’m one of those people who “is what’s wrong with the country”. Her words, not mine.
    Thanks Wil, now when she starts in on the whole “You should watch CNN” crap, I can say “Axis of Evil blah, blah, blah”. And who said apathy was a bad thing.

  5. I was surprised that the Axis of “just as evil” didn’t contain anything about large corporations using private communities as dumping grounds for materials that they KNOW eventually cause death. Or.. allowing children in inner cities to have guns and kill each other.. Or have a president take charge who didn’t win the popular vote.. or.. a country that burned up some christians holed up in a house cause they had too many weapons. Why is America afraid of people with stockpiles of weapons all of a sudden? It makes no sense to me, we’re Goliath with the biggest stockpile of every imaginable weapon at the highest level of proficiency available and we are afraid of every David that pops up.

  6. Geez, I’m so sick and tired of you limp wristed anti-war mongers. This country’s founding fathers must be rolling over in their graves. Let us all remember, here, that if not for war, you would not be able to speak your anti-war crap. I did like the satire, but most of the following comments from the pro-peace hypocrites are more than I can bear.

  7. Who the fuck would think this sounds like John Cleese?
    “Our [handshake] is wickedly cool”??
    Sure, if by John Cleese you mean an 18 year old American.

  8. War? What War?

    I got several emails thanking me for the link to StratFor.com but some people are bummed that it’s now a pay site. Yeah, I’m bummed about that too… try this ‘unofficial’ mirror: not-stratfor. I got turned on to StratFor.com by…

  9. Re: The French
    I remember back when they blew up the Rainbow Warrior and I thought: Wow! There’s hope for the French.
    About the same time, I bought a CD of Carmen Highlights and was stunned when I listened to the Toreador March and it was a song about courage, sung in French!
    Of course, Carmen takes place in Spain, so that explains that. More or less.
    France’s fondness for Saddam is probably little more then nostalgia for the “good ol’ days” of the Terror.

  10. can any one find anything actually connected to either the taliban or osama bin laden? any internet chats or e mail drops? would you like to have Lary Farrakahn show you how?

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