Anne plays a lot of Scrabble, and she’s really good. It’s not uncommon for her to score between 270-350 in a two player game, and she hasn’t even mastered the art of sneaking fake words past a challenge, memorizing word lists, or counting how many of a certain letter are left in the bag to work out some complex probability game theory thing.
A few weeks ago, she called me from her friend’s house. I picked up the phone while I poked some coals around the fireplace.
"Hello?" I said.
"Wil! I got venereal!" She shouted.
"WHAT?!" I dropped the fireplace poker onto the hearth.
"Venereal! I got venereal as my first word, and scored –"
"Anne, you can’t just call me up without warning and tell me that you’ve ‘got venereal.’"
She cracked up. "Oh, sorry about that."
"It’s okay," I said. "If you don’t win this game, I’ll be very disappointed."
"I’ll do my best. I have to go. I love you."
"I love you, too. Bye."
Score: Anne – 1 Wil – 0
Today, she called me from her salon and told me about this thing she’d heard about called The Miracle Ball. I guess it’s some pain management, muscle fixing hoo hah that one of her clients swears by. Anne and I are doing the marathon again this year, and I still have pretty constant pain in my right hip that nothing is curing. Massage, acupuncture, yoga, cursing, deals-with-the-devil . . . nothing is working. So Anne suggested that I try the Miracle Ball, which she could also use to help her back and neck.
Before I can run, I need to walk at least thirty minutes a day for the next three weeks or so, which means that I’m not driving myself many places right now. I put on my walking shoes, grabbed my nano, pulled on my ultracool San Andreas jacket, and walked myself over to the bookstore, where I found the Miracle Ball book in the fitness section.
After I paid, I pulled out my cell, and sent her the following text message: i have your miracle balls
I wish she was a farker, so she could send back something like, O RLY?
Alas, she is not, so the score is currently: Anne – 1 Wil – 1 There’s a lot of time left in the game, though, and she still has all her time outs.
This is probably 800% funnier to me than it is to anyone reading this. Welcome to my world.
 She went on to win with something like 450 or 490. Insane.