when i’m boss of the universe . . .

Two words I’d like to remove from the Universe:

deets – The word is "Details," not "deets." "deet" is an important ingredient in insect repellent.

peeped – Did you look at it? Then you saw it. You did not "peep"
it. And your friends? They are your friends. They are not your "peeps."
Your "peeps" are tasty little marshmallow chunks, shaped like birds and
covered with enough sugar to give you type 2 diabetes after one box. They are especially tasty if you let them reach the perfect point of almost-too-stale before eating them.

Thank you.

65 thoughts on “when i’m boss of the universe . . .”

  1. Wow!
    I thought I was a grammar nazi, but some of you have me beat hands down.
    I have no problem with colloqualisms. What I do have a problem with is extra words in a statement. For instance f***in OK. Why put a modifier on OK? OK is the ultimate expression of mediocrity in most dialects of english. It can’t be modified. Or “These ones”. What the hell are “these ones”!!!!

  2. Dude, I seriously never heard ‘deet’ used but that is fucking annoying.
    I am pretty sure ‘pwned’ is still ‘owned’ but purposefully mispelled as is teh infamous ‘teh’.
    W00t for the 1337 culture that loves teh tpyo.
    Ooh, can someone verify that “can’t hardly” is a misues of “can hardly?”
    I mean if you can not hardly wait, does not that mean you can wait, as in you are not barely able to wait…ahhh…confusion.

  3. Can you please also remove “alum”? The word is alumnus (or alumna). Alum is a mineral used in pickling, that stops you from bleeding when you cut yourself shaving, “prevents” hippies from having BO, and, most importantly, constricts Sylvester’s mouth to a pinpoint.

  4. I’d like to put in a vote for removing corporatespeak words. My least favorite at the moment is “tag-team”. I don’t even work in the corporate world, yet the higher-ups I work with love these words.

  5. I’m with you, Wil. I’m afraid ‘irregardless’ has reached the satiric Tipping Point. But could I have my car back, please, or my truck or my scooter? I’m so confused by my ‘ride’. When I was younger, my ‘ride’ was somebody else’s mom picking me up at the roller rink. Oh, and alum? It’s a cheap and easy way of getting around the confusion of alumni (plural) and alumnus (singular) which apparantly people who write newsletters can’t sort out for themselves. And ‘expresso’? What IS that, instant coffee? It’s espresso, peeps! Wil, I think you are already BotU, but nobody’s paying you for it yet.

  6. Dude,
    I am so there with you.
    I can’t stand it when people shorten words. Those are two of the most annoying.
    Of course, I come from the “Land of incorrectly used language,” good ole Philadelphia, PA.
    YO!

  7. Wow… I’m in 12th grade and I’ve got to write a paper for Friday about some aspect of high school (for a book my AP Lit class is doing with the theme “the truth about high school”) and this just gave me an awesome idea!! I think I’ll write a satire about the stupid words people use nowadays… something about internet lingo working its way into normal conversation maybe. Yeah! That’s how I’ll open my paper, mayB w/ sum deets abt my peeps. Hooray! It creeps me out that people actually do write like this -
    http://www.cnn.com/2003/EDUCATION/03/03/offbeat.text.essay.reut/

  8. When I heard the word “deets” I can’t help but think of the Danny Glover character in Lonesome Dove…
    *cricket noises, wind sighing thru sagebrush*

  9. YES! I never heard the deets word used like that but I hate the peeps thing. I really wish people would stop saying “enjoy” to me everytime I buy coffee. Don’t tell me what to do with my coffee! What if it’s not even for me. sheesh…I feel better now.

  10. Wesley has crushed me.

    Oh, blog – I love* Wil Wheaton. I loved* Wil Wheaton before he had one of the best blogs ever (soon to return to his original space at Wil Wheaton dot Net). Before the word blog even existed. I even liked him pre-Star Trek: The Next Generation. But I…

  11. When our Alien/Robotic/Zombie overlords finally make their bloody/bloodless/passive-agressive takeover of humanity (which I welcome by the way) those who have inflicted crimes against teh English language, both written and spoken, (h4x0rz 5p34k doesn’t count because it takes actual thought and analytical capacity) will be the first to go. “You will RUE the day! START RUING!”
    P.S. The Republicans are second. Get ready you short-sided, rapacious @$$h01e5.
    (before you flame me, look it up… In a dictionary. You might find one in a library (a.k.a. “That place that has all the books- well used to have ALL the books before the right-wingers started burning them”.) Now they just have *most* of the books. They should at least have a slightly singed pocket Thesaurus.)
    Oops… was I ranting? Sorry. It happens sometimes… Move along… Nothing to see here…

  12. I don’t think I had ever actually heard anyone use the word “deets” instead of details until yesterday on the radio, and I must say that I share your abhorrence for it. ’twas almost as grating as fingernails on a chalkboard.

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