you may ask yourself, “how do i work this?”

I stayed up way too late last night, waiting for Nolan to get home from the Horror thing at Universal. When I was younger, staying up until 3 was no big deal, but making it past midnight is a serious challenge, especially since my stupid brain insists on waking up between 7 and 8 no matter when I went to sleep. I never understood, until I had my own kids, why my parents couldn't – not wouldn't, but couldn't – go to sleep until we came home from wherever we were at night. 

I'm telling you this because I just made breakfast (it's been a lazy day here in Chez Wheaton) and it's so awesome I just had to share:

  • 1/3 a block of tofu. Silken is preferred, but any firmness will work.
  • Trader Joe's 21 Seasoning Salute
  • Tapatio or Cholula
  • 1/2 a small can of ortega chiles
  • 1/4 cup Trader Joe's Salsa Authentica
  • Trader Joe's Shredded Mexican Cheese Blend

Chop up the tofu into little cubes and shake some 21 Seasoning Salute over it. 

Toss it into a warm skillet and stir it up for about 2 minutes.

Splash as much Tapatioor Cholula as you want over it. Careful not to overdo it, or the only thing you'll taste when you eat it is fire.

Add the chiles, and stir them around. 

Add the salsa, and stir it again.

Walk away for one minute.

Add at least one handful of cheese, more if you really want it and are all, "man, I love cheese." Stir the cheese around so its evenly distributed. Say, "Damn, Wil Wheaton, this smells good! I can't wait to eat it!"

Turn the heat off, and serve immediately. You can put it into flour tortillas if you want (I bet it'd be delicious with some pan-roasted red potatoes as a breakfast burrito.)

Yeah, so I got that in my belly right now, which is nice.

A few nights ago, Anne and I went up to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to get a new Brita pitcher. While we were there, we noticed that they already have the fucking Christmas bullshit out.

"Are you fucking kidding me with that bullshit?" I said to her.

"It's ho ho horrible," she said.

We grabbed our pitcher and hoped it was more effective than the Dodger's pitchers were against the Phillies. Well, I did. I doubt Anne thought about the Dodgers at all.

We walked up to the register, where we both noticed one of those CD kiosks was playing fairly loud Christmas music.

Anne looked at the girl who was ringing us up and said, "Does that Christmas music drive you crazy?"

The girl looked up slowly and deadpanned, "I just tune it out … until someone calls attention to it."

"Oh god. I'm so sorry," Anne said.

I turned to face her, and started the slow clap.

"Don't you dare give me the slow clap!" She said.

"I am totally giving you the slow clap," I said, as I turned to the cashier and apologized for Anne. I gotta tell you, it was weird to be involved in an apology to an innocent bystander and not be the one apologized for.

Yesterday, I met my friend David for lunch, and somehow our conversation turned to coffee.

"I really like the Kona coffee," I said, "especially in a press."

"You can get it at the ABC store in Hawaii," David said.

"Yeah, but that's only like 10% actual Kona beans and 90% bullshit beans from Nigeria or someplace."

"Oh, yeah," David said, "you really have to look out for that conflict coffee."

I laughed so hard, I drew withering looks from people nearby who didn't want the Wheaton Guffaw with their salads, I guess. 

Yesterday's FML moment came from my friend Lynn, who said on Twitter: OH: "I never had a Nintendo but my grandma did." Then, because she hadn't made me feel old enough, felt compelled to point out that her first home game system was Sega Master System. (For the record, my first system – which actually belonged to my parents – was an Odyssey RCA Studio II.) Sigh. I'm 37; I'm not old.

If you're a fan of the Memories of the Futurecast, I think you'll be pleased to know that I've given the podcast its own category. From now until they turn the lights out on planet Earth, you can see all the Futurecasts in one place without any of that annoying "other blog shit" getting in the way. 

I figured out why episode seven only gave Frontalot's song in iTunes and other aggregators: it was the first MP3 link in the post. As we all know, aggregators aren't quite self-aware enough to figure out that they should get the podcast link instead, so they got confused. I've since changed the links in the post, so iTunes and iTunes-like subscribers should be able to get episode seven in the usual manner, now.

And now, I have a question: I wasn't – wait. I have a statement, followed by a question. Let's start over.

Ahem. Deep breath. Shake the hands. Start again.

And now, I have a statement, followed by some thoughts, which eventually lead to a question: I wasn't seriously planning to do an audio version of Memories because it would be very long (at least 13 hours) and I'm not sure I could sell enough of them to make it worth the time and effort involved. I sort of thought the Futurecast would be a nice substitute for a full audio version, but some people have been asking for a full audio version, similar to what I've done for my other books. I'm still not convinced there are enough potential customers to do it, but I had this thought yesterday during lunch: why didn't I just order my own goddamn sweet potato fries? I also had this thought: What if I did an audio version, but I recorded and released it episodically?

I haven't moved that idea from the "Crazy" file into the "Awesome" file yet, but I'm considering it. If you're one of the people who wants an audio version of Memories, I'd be very interested to hear any thoughts you have about that idea.

I may be inheriting a bunch of AD&D modules and a full set of First Edition AD&D (not first printing, first edition) core books. If it happens, I think I'm going to be compelled to get some of my friends together to play, using the rules we all grew up playing. I've been re-reading (for the third time this year) my D&D Basic Rules books, just in case. You know, so I can be ready.

I have an idea for a scary story. It involves a monster and a swamp. I hope I can scrape it out of my brain in time to release it for Halloween.

Boy do I love Halloween. We're finally getting to decorate today, which means it's time for Mad Monster Party and Nightmare Before Christmas, too.

Finally, this will get its own post, but I'm so thrilled to find this that I had to include it here: someone recorded all of w00tstock 1.1 from Los Angeles earlier this week, and uploaded it. It's an audience recording, so you can pretend you are actually sitting at Largo next to the guy who recorded it! If it's the guy I think it was, he had a magnificent pimp hat on. If it's not … well, now you know that there was a guy at w00tstock in LA with a magnificent pimp hat, and you have yet another reason to wish you were there, sukka.

147 thoughts on “you may ask yourself, “how do i work this?””

  1. The kid in the pimp hat in the front row was Charlie, and his two pals were Sam and Michael. Sam actually made the recording, I think; I was sitting next to them and he showed off his iPhone 3GS to me while we waited in line outside doing the nerdy social thing.
    And yeah, they were *dead center* at Largo, so that’s a solid recording.

  2. We had a 2600, rather my brother had it (he’s the same age as you, Wil – I’m 27). I have very deepset memories of playing Centipede and Space Invaders as a 5 year old – those sound fx will always bring me right back. I played NES at friends’ houses (and sucked) but the first console I ever truly owned was N64, when I was 17. Guess I don’t have true nerd roots, but my addiction to games came on as strong as anyone else’s. Sometime I have to learn to play D&D.
    Audiobook sounds like a great idea 8)

  3. If you inherit the AD&D game before Xmas, remember to run Tomb of Horrors for the full 1st edition experience. If you are looking for a more silly piece, run the Castle Greyhawk (book #2 I think ). I do a yearly ‘old’ game experience and it was interesting to see the difference between the Red book and the AD&D first edition stuff when we did that.. Keep on the Borderlands is survivable with the Red book.. not so much with the AD&D version (carrion crawler TPK FTW :)).
    And dont listen to these frickin kids and their Nintendo 64’s.. some of us remembering having to wire our joysticks by hand because the Atari ones broke after doing some corner in Pole Position.

  4. I had an RCA Studio II, along with 15-20 cartridges. Or actually, my younger brother did. We managed to have fun even though it was black and white (not even greyscale) and fairly primitive even for the day.

  5. Wil, I just want ya to know… I just figured it out (why I love reading your blogs (and tweets (yes, I did just use a parenthesis within a parenthesis.. twice in the same parenthesis (shit, now I’m worried whether I spelled parenthesis right)))) <— Looks like an Excel formula should go there … Anyway…. back to my deep thought…
    Whenever I read your blog, I feel…. well, normal. Thanks man.

  6. Dude. You are the coolest. I am a big fan from your Star Trek days, although I am not a trekkie, I think NG was the best series on TV at the time. I have to say I was a big WW fan, too. Good to hear you are still around and hanging out in the LA area. Hope to see you act some more, too. Go geeks! -MJ

  7. I remember having Pong, and if you got paddles in just the right position, the little square ball will come down and bounce off of the corners at the top. My older sisters thought it was hilarious to do this and sing “Grandma is retarded” over and over to the melody that played while the damned thing was bouncing off of the corners. I also remember her thinking that it was me who rigged the game to do that and she would say “All right for you, Yellie, all right for you!” which to this day I honestly have no clue what she meant when she would utter that phrase. I’m pretty sure it was some sort of death threat, but being only about four or five years old at the time, it went completely over my head.

  8. Long time listener, first time caller (I’m a big fan going way back, and I was sad to miss getting your autograph at PAX). I just had to sign up to comment about your Mad Monster Party tradition. Love it! That would be the perfect Halloween show, more perfect than the Great Pumpkin, if not for Cloris Leachman and her damned cackle. My girlfriend and I cringe whenever she’s on the screen.

  9. How very “Tales of Monkey Island” of you :-)
    OK *sigh* I have to admit I didn’t read Memories yet. I’m driving 4 to 6 hours a day and listen to Podcasts. When I come home, I read RSS feeds all day and magazines that have been piling up for two years now. Quite a nice stack – about 6 feet high.
    What I’m getting at is this: I read your stuff on TVS and want MOOOOORE new stories. If I “let you” do the audiobook, those would be pushed back. It’s also the reason why I can’t bring myself to sit down and read Memories Vol. 1 – it isn’t fresh enough – but listen to the Memories Podcast – because it has new, fresh stuff in it.
    So basically what I’d want you to do is drop everything and do an audiobook of episodes 14 and up. Yeah I know that’s not going to happen anytime soon.
    So I guess as a way to generate income, the audiobook is a good idea, and I’d buy it. Even in episodic form. Hope you manage a way to handle the subscriptions, because (as mentioned above) I’d want to buy ALL of the episodes in advance (just like “Tales”) to give you a solid base to do your work with the option to do other stuff in between and the added pressure to finish it. Whatever, that’s your decision.
    BUT: I bough “Just a Geek” from you in audiobook form and I like the Memories Podcast so much more. You already added tidbits i Just a geek and you deviated even more from the text of the book in the Memories Podcast so to make all of us buy the audiobook version of Memories you just HAVE to do it like the Podcast. Do it like this post here. Drop everything in you want to. Look at @thatkevinsmith – he’s answering a simple question with 45 minute monologues of anal ruptures. I guess I’m speaking for a lot of fans out there when I say you can deviate as much a you want, heck you can put in stuff totally non-related to the book if you ask me. As long as you got your recording equipment (iPhone 3GS *hint hint* 😉 ) working correctly you can just read a chapter once a week and drop in bonus material worth about the same amount and I’d pay for that. A buck per hour I guess.

  10. Yup. …they’ve got an app for that. 😉
    I’ve got Lewis Black, Spinal Tap and er… Backyardigans “concert” recordings via my iPhone.
    I tells ya I felt futuregeekariffic listening to the Spinal Tap concert minutes after it ended, in my friends car, via the ipod plugin it has.
    “Man that was funny! You remember? That thing that happened back in… like, 28 minutes ago?”
    They still rock, btw.

  11. I cast my vote for the audio version.
    I’ve been listening to your “Memories of the Futurecast” podcasts from the first episode. It’s a great way to spend the time on the long commute into work — you know, traversing the barren wilderness here in Canada.
    Now that I’m reading the book in PDF (which I purchased from, I can remember each intonation of each word you spoke — my wife thinks I’m nuts for laughing out loud when I read it on my Fujitsu Stylistic 3400.
    Therefore, I say yes to an audio version. Mr. Wheaton, make it so.
    BTW, in Canada, the Christmas retail invasion is doubly aggravating because we still have Canadian Thanksgiving plus Halloween to get through before Christmas even begins to show up on radar.

  12. Episodic audio would be cool. You could hit each one fresh and I couldn’t ruin it for myself by listening all in one marathon session (which happened with Just A Geek and Happiest Days; once I finished the one I couldn’t help but click Play on the other right then).
    So much retro gaming nostalgia. You DO watch the Angry Video Game Nerd, right? He always makes me feel better about sucking at Kid Icarus as a kid.

  13. I’m definitely looking into that. I’ve never been able to enjoy audio books because the dull monotone readers can never keep my interest alive but I’ve got faith in Wil!

  14. >Aside from the tofu part breakfast sounded great, never been able to get over tofu’s texture, and I have tried more varieties than I care to think about. Interested in the sauces though I don’t think I will find them in Toronto.
    >Kona is good but overpriced, I’m lucky enough to have a friend who goes to Guatemala and brings back the most amazing coffee.
    >The Christmas music drove me nuts when I worked retail but the worst was when I was working for a catering company and got sick of the music and the food from all the Christmas parties I served.
    >First computer was C64, I love Ugh-lympics. Gaming consoles were never allowed in the house (something about ruining the tv) and so surprisingly my first console for me to own personally is a Wii. I’ve always played PC games at home and the consoles at other peoples homes. Strange.
    >hope you do get the story out in time for Halloween, I do love a good monster story. Halloween is one of my favourite times of the year, who doesn’t love to dress up and eat candy.
    >I would buy your episodic series of MotF, I love your audio stuffs.

  15. Wil, I would love to hear an audio version of Memories of the Future. Even before the book was common knowledge, I loved listening to the original TV Squad versions on YouTube from various conventions and such. The written stuff is great, but hearing you read it has added energy and passion and sometimes sadness too. Please move it to the awesome file post haste.

  16. You’re getting a kick out of being able to grumble “I’m 37! Im not old!” at people, arent you?
    Im 27, and in some contexts I feel old, and not in a damn-kids-today way (though my classmates all just came out of undergrad, whereas Ive been out for four years).
    My first gaming system was a game boy color. As a kid, I wasnt allowed a nintendo or anything else, because ‘we have a computer. you dont need a nintendo!’. I played a lot of Wolf 3D, Doom 1-2, Blake Stone, and most (if not all) of the Duke 3D releases.
    Ive still yet to buy myself a gaming console. Ive wanted an XBox for years. Can’t justify the costs though, or the 30-60 dollar games that go with it.
    Ill just grab ’em off the antiques table in 10 or 20 years.

  17. Old? I’m so old I used to sell the 2600,then I moved to Radio Shack and sold the TRS -80 (model 3 ,the one was so last year)and was overjoyed when the TRS-80 color computer arrived. So effing old. Well that cheered me up no end ,have a nice day ,or as the district manager used to say to us at RS “Remember Christmas starts November one”

  18. Re: The Kona coffee. You could go to the Costco on the islands, if you don’t want to comparison shop and check the labels at the local grocery. They regularly have 2 lbs. of Nicky Beans 100% Kona for a pretty good price.
    There’s a Kona peaberry going around, now. I think I know what I want for Christmas.

  19. Hahaha! Uh oh, Wil…looks like you have another fan over here teasing you about your age. Not sure how old MythicFox is, but as you and I both know, you are one year, two months and two days older than me 😛

  20. I would definitely purchase an audio version of MotF, episodic or one-shot. Please do it! My reading is list long and getting longer. Audio format will let me get to it much more quickly. :)
    And I so started on pong. Not 3-version pong or pong with other games mixed in. Just simple, turn the power on and play pong (i B&W) on the TV. Sucks being old sometimes!

  21. LOL, don’t feel too bad, Jules. My first real gaming console was the Commodore 64. Not when it first came out, mind you, I got mine second-hand when one of my mom’s friend’s kids outgrew it. I loved that thing so much it’s not even funny. I spent hours on end typing source codes into it just to fail miserably at whatever game I was playing. Good times! I can totally relate with you about the feeling so old factor when reflecting back to memories from your childhood because one second you’re there, and the next you’re here, wondering where the hell all of that time went!
    Oh, and I thought I should mention that I’ve been visiting your website for the past couple of days and I’m pretty damned impressed! I’ve already added it to my RSS feed, that’s how much I enjoy it. How in the world you find time to work on it with your kids keeping you on your toes makes it that much better. You’re very talented, Jules. Keep up the great work!

  22. Annnnnnd I totally forgot to plug your book while mentioning your website! Hey! Everyone! Jules has a brand spanking new book out called From the Mundane to the Insane. Definitely looks like a page-turner to me, so I’ve decided to order a copy when I get my next check. So I suggest that everyone at least visits her website in order to get a feel on her particular style of writing. It’s really good work, trust me on this.
    This is just one example of how WWdN:IX is the coolest place in cyberspace, at least IMO. You get exposed to all kinds of people from all walks of life and you learn something about everyone you come into contact with. Who would have thought 20 years ago that the kid who played Wesley Crusher on TNG would someday host an atmosphere this freaking cool? Oh, how I love pleasant surprises!

  23. “I’m 37, I’m not old”
    Once again, Wil, you remind me to kick myself for going my whole 37th year without dropping that line even once (I’m 40 now). Damn you, Wil Wheaton!
    BTW, the Big Bang episode was the awesome!

  24. My god-sisters had a Commodore 64 and I was always so jealous of that fact when we would go to their house. But they were jealous of our Coleco so I guess it evened things out. I really do not understand at times where the past decades of my life went. Growing older (not going to say growing up because I don’t think we really ever fully do) is such an odd phenomena that happens to us.
    And thank you for the feedback. I really appreciate it. Too bad you couldn’t hear the auditory “awwww that is so sweet” when I read it. I don’t know how I find time for anything these days but at least with the website I can use “its work so its gotta get done” excuse to just do it. And I don’t mean work in a negative way, just on the list of things that have to get done while I am in work mode during the day. Thank you again Danyiel, really really appreciated. It makes me happy that you like it so much :)

  25. K, seriously Danyiel your latest comment brought tears to my eyes. This book means so much to me especially since part of the proceeds go to Lupus research. Something I myself have.
    Wow. Tears.

  26. Would it be worth having a micro-escrow service where you could say ‘If x number of people commit y dollars/cents, I’ll do the audio version’, with some kind of time limit. The money would actually be held in escrow until you committed or maybe delivered. Probably not a business that would make money by itself, but maybe Paypal could add it as a service.
    If anyone implements it, I’ll take a small cut, thanks.

  27. My first gaming gizmo was a little box that my Dad brought in from work that would play tic-tac-toe…and would BEAT YOU. “Big Deal” I hear you say. It was. This was around 1958 and my Dad was an engineer at Bell Labs. My guess is that little box with the little lights probably cost a couple of grand to make.

  28. Wil said in reply to Ardaniel…
    Holy carp. They recorded the whole show on an iPhone?!
    Codey Carta said in reply to Wil…
    Yup. …they’ve got an app for that. 😉
    Yet again, another fit of laughter that surely must make my neighbors think that I’m totally insane! I can just imagine their conversations about it.
    Mr. Still Rocking a Mullet in His 40’s: “Oh God, she’s up there laughing her ass off again.”
    Mrs. I Still Have High 80’s Hair: “What the hell is she laughing about? She’s all by herself, she’s not on the phone and I don’t hear a TV in the background…”
    Mr. Mullet: “Ah, fuck it, hand me another beer, will ya? We have about 12 or 13 hours worth of drinking to do. And make sure that the kids run around all over the street with absolutely no adult supervision!”
    Mrs. High Hair: “They’re already doing that. Lock the front door so they can’t get in while we act like total assholes!”
    Wow. Can you tell that I really, really don’t care for these people at all? They deserve much worse than me breaking out into spontaneous fits of laughter while I’m reading stuff on here.

  29. Oh God, that sounds tasty .
    mayhaps a new blog section; ‘chef Wil’ in the future?
    and holy shit, Crusher is nearly 40. and holy shit, I’m nearly 30. why do we have to get older?

  30. If your performance of “Justice” at the Phoenix Cactus Comicon back in 2007 is any indication, an audiobook of MotF would be nudging the awesomer side of awesome. It’s one of the few things to have been on my iPod Shuffle since I got it and it still makes me laugh out loud whenever I listen to it. So what if the girl on the treadmill next to me gives me funny looks?!?
    My first gaming system was a console that used cartridges and let us play racing and motorbike games. I can’t remember the name of the console for the life of me; all that I remember is an orange, plastic body, controllers with a round knob on the end that unscrewed and that the motorbikes crashed with a horrible, grating screech if you went too fast.
    The first proper computer I had was a Sinclair ZX-81 (Timex Sinclair 1000 in the US), with a wobbly 16kb RAM pack stuck on the back and smooth, slightly textured keys that made you doubt every key press. The games came from BASIC listings in computer magazines and, if you were lucky, you wouldn’t have a typo and you could play a game of Space Invaders or Defender. Needless to say, as soon as the Sinclair Spectrum turned up, with its massive 48kb RAM (non-wobbly) and lovely, lumpy rubber keys (oh, and RebelStar), I was there and haven’t looked back.

  31. Thanks for the laughs. While that breakfast sounds more like something I would eat for dinner (minus the vegetables), I can appreciate the Art there.
    Loving MotF thus far!!! I would adore an audiobook, but I like the podcast format.

  32. I don’t like french toast either, I don’t eat bread very often and never cared for it fried dipped in egg.
    I’ve eaten my share of tofu presented in many different form but I have never been able to get over the consistency of it.
    Its not like I’m a vegetarian that doesn’t like tofu so I still have many options open for Wil’s recipe. Its finding the hot sauce that will be an issue but I might try it with chicken 😛
    For the record I’m not really a picky eater, I just sound like one. I do like bread – I just don’t eat it often.

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