I had a rather … interesting … weekend. According to Paul and Storm on Sunday, I won the game of "What I did last night" that I didn't even know we were playing. It was so surreal, I'm mostly writing this down today so I never forget what an incredible time we had.
Saturday, Anne and I were invited to a party at Seth Macfarlane's house for the release of Family Guy Something Something Something Dark Side (their parody of Empire Strikes Back).
I almost didn't go, because I never know anyone at parties like that and end up feeling like a tourist, but I really like Seth and figured there was a non-zero chance I'd see at least one other person I knew while we were there. "Besides," I told Anne, "if we really feel like we don't fit in, we can always go out to dinner or something."
We parked in a garage on Sunset and took a shuttle bus up terrifyingly narrow and winding roads into the Hollywood hills, while the last edge of a nasty winter storm did its best to convince us we were all going to die. When we got to Seth's house, I understood why we needed to park so far away: he lives on the top of a mountain and you could probably only park ten cars there.
The whole thing is a blur, but I shared some highlights with Twitter, which I reprint here with added context and whatnot:
Not only did I not expect paparazzi at this party, I didn't expect them to give a shit about me. That was really weird.
We walked up his driveway, and I was totally unprepared to see an actual press line, with a red carpet and photographers and everything. Usually when there's a press line, there's also a normal walkway without press for normal people to use. I really don't like the whole press line thing, so I always try to go down the other walkway. It's never really been an issue, because for much of the last decade, nobody in the entertainment press has given a shit about me and I can sneak in under a radar that isn't exactly waiting for me to return a ping.
This time, though, it was different. I walked down the normal person entrance, and when I was about two steps from the door, I realized that people were calling my name. From the press line. "That's weird," I thought. "Well, I'm almost in the door, so I'll just keep walking and they'll forget about me in five seconds."
"Who's calling you?" Anne said.
"Photographers, I think," I said. "Let's just keep going and they'll lose interest."
That's when I saw that the people in front of us had stopped, and I was trapped.
I realize this may seem strange to a lot of people, but I really hate having my picture taken, especially when it's by a ton of photographers who all yell my name over and over again while they fire off dozens of flashes and pictures each in the span of about 60 seconds. I can't stress how uncomfortable and self conscious that whole thing makes me feel, but I felt like I was really being a dick by refusing to walk ten feet away and let them do it, so I went over, tried to put on my "I'm happy to be here and not completely freaked out by this whole thing" face, and two profoundly uncomfortable minutes later, got to walk into the party.
http://twitpic.com/tb62v - Ice sculpture of Stewie as Darth Vader. Cool!
When we saw that ice sculpture, the total mindfuck of being in someone's house for a big-budget party with hundreds of strangers totally settled in. It was like, "Oh, you're not just here for a nifty thing at Seth's house. If the fucking press line out front didn't clue you in, Wheaton, you're at a Very Big Deal Event." But I'm not going to lie to you, Marge, that ice sculpture was even cooler (ha! ha! cooler!) in person than it appears in any of the photographs I've seen from the party.
I'm in a room at Seth Macfarlane's house with a full orchestra, and a bar made entirely out of ice. This is so weird.
After we saw the ice sculpture, we wandered around a little bit (Seth's house is one of those giant places that could fit my entire home in the garage) until we walked down some stairs and discovered that the wonderful big band music we'd been hearing since we walked in was actually being created by a live big band. Like, a 22 65-piece live big band. With a conductor and a dance floor and everything.
We saw Seth (who looked every inch the Rat Packer in his white jacket and red carnation) and thanked him for inviting us. At first, he didn't recognize me (on account of my luxurious beard, a theme that would repeat itself again in a moment) but when he did, he got super excited to introduce me to his orchestra's conductor, Ron Jones. Ron scored Star Trek: The Next Generation, and Seth was such a huge TNG fan, he hired him to score Family Guy. When Seth introduced us, Ron smiled warmly and said, "It's so lovely to meet you. I scored your childhood."
It was such a wonderful sentiment, and said with such joy and nostalgia, I looked at Anne and had to blink my eyes several times. Seth got pulled away by one of the hundreds of people who wanted to talk to him, and Anne and I talked with Ron for a little bit before he had to go back to conducting his orchestra.
I just saw @levarburton. He didn't recognize me, on account of my luxurious beard. Ha!
I saw LeVar and his family, and would have run across the room if it hadn't been packed with people.
"Hi, I follow you on Twitter and you never reply to me," I said.
LeVar laughed and said, "That's because I'm an asshole. What's your Twitter name?"
I thought, "Ha! LB doesn't recognize me!" so I said, "It's WilW, but you can call me … Whil Wheaton!"
LeVar engulfed me with a hug and told me he didn't recognize me, on account of my luxurious beard. We talked for as long as you can reasonably talk in a room packed with people, an orchestra, and a bar made entirely from ice, before deciding that we'd just hook up in a week or so in a more quiet and normal location to catch up.
I am about to have my picture taken with … wait for it … Chewbacca Claus.
The printer they were using to make these photos jammed, so we don't have a copy of ours. Apparently, though, we'll be getting a copy via the magic of the internet soon. When that happens, I will produce the photographic proof that so many people on Twitter require before accepting that this event actually happened.
So, uh, it turns out that Katie Sackhoff and I are in the mutual admiration society. (Squee!)
Yeah, so … that was weird. The next day, upon realizing I'd misspelled her name, I told Twitter: "So in my nerdglee last night, I misspelled Katee Sackhoff's name. As someone whose first name is frequently misspelled, I'm mortified." Katee was friendly and excited and told me that she grew up watching TNG with her dad, who would probably have a heart attack upon learning that she'd met me. I didn't tell her that I was fairly sure a lot of people in the Twitterverse would have a similar reaction upon learning that I had met her. (And they did, too. I felt a disturbance in the Force, like a million billion million people cried out a Sheldonesque WHHHHHEEEEEAAATTTOOONNNN! and were suddenly silenced.)
We talked about working on Big Bang Theory and being nerds, and then I had to pee.
I didn't Twitter this because my phone battery died, but I ran into Simon Helberg (Wolowitz on the aforementioned BBT, and Moist on the not-until-now mentioned Doctor Horrible) on my way to the restrooms, which was a cluster of port-a-potties arranged beneath a tent on one of Seth Macfarlane's numerous and spacious patios.
Simon was on his way out, so I said, "Hey, how plush are those things?"
"Oh, they're magnificent," he said. "Each one has a restroom attendant inside."
Maybe this was only funny to us, but we riffed on the concept of not just a single restroom attendant inside an 8 square-foot port-a-pottie, but a different one inside each port-a-pottie, for a very long time. Simon is a tremendously funny and kind person. I loved everyone on Big Bang Theory, but I really hope I get to have scenes with him if they ever bring back Evil Wil Wheaton.
Now I'm about 20 feet from Seth, as he sings Dean Martin's "I've got my love to keep me warm" with the orchestra. This is FUCKING AWESOME!
This is unbelievable. We're getting a private Rat Pack-style show from Seth in his freakin' house.
You know that Seth sings all the songs on Family Guy, right? He has made no secret of his love of show tunes and crooners, and the man can fucking sing, people. It was infectious how much fun he was having. Whatever the party cost, I'm bet he'd say it was worth it, just to sing for his friends (and a lot of strangers) backed up by an orchestra … in his freakin' house.
Draw a Venn Diagram of Weird, Awesome, Surreal, and How The Hell Did I Get Invited To This? And put me in the middle. That was my night.
Someone actually made that diagram, which rules.
As midnight approached, Anne and I felt old and tired, and we'd had an incredible time, so we rode a shuttle bus down the hill to the parking lot, and drove home to our delightfully normal lives, where we live in a small house with a lovely patio that can probably only accommodate a single port-a-pottie, if we move the table to one side.
I doubt Seth Macfarlane will ever see this, and I know that for a party of this magnitude, he probably had no personal involvement with our invitation, but just in case: Thanks, Seth. We had a wonderful time, your home is beautiful, and you sang like an angel. Something Something Something Christmas.
I’m sure if you ask sweetly enough, he’d send you another signed 8×10 π
Aww…it’s easy to be nice to nice people. Thanks for not rolling your eyes when I said “Hi, I follow you on Twitter” like a big dork! π
With all those flashes going off… it might end up being a case of “blind justice”!
I think you may be allowing the fakeness to fake you out. If the red carpet is sliding itself under your feet, then perhaps it’ll be beneficial for you to accept it for what it is, and make it real just like you’ve done everywhere else you exist.
I mean, in a way it’s just another tweet, blog entry, Con Q&A – another “media moment” – where your adoring fans get another “type” of peek at you.
Look into that camera and look at us the way you look at us here – with honesty and the insight of the moment.
If you do, those moments might not seem so “profoundly uncomfortable”, and they’ll be valuable for us too.
It sounds like your weekend was made of pure awesomeness. You lucky bastard.
Another great story by an awesome storyteller. I wish I could afford to hire Wil to hang out at things I do, just so I can read later how awesome they were. π
simply awesome. Thanks for sharing!
I’m sorry, who is this person writing Wil’s blog? Oh, it’s you! Didn’t recognize you with the beard.
Wil Wheaton FTW! Thanks for letting us into your brain for the evening.
I think it’s time for Spike Jonez to reprise a certain 1999 movie which was made of awesome. Only this time it should be titled “Being Wil Wheaton.”
I think we’d all line up at the 7 1/2 floor for that ride.
Sounds like fun. I would be uncomfortable because there are people there and, while having a regular job and all, I always want to get away from parties. Still, I’d pull myself together and go there.
Holy carp! That sounded like a very surreal experience! I especially find it funny that you’re under the impression that members of the press don’t know who you are. Dude, you’re Wil frakking Wheaton, Lord of the Geeks, everyone knows that! Even my nieces and nephews that weren’t even born yet when Next Gen was out know who you are, man. But I totally get the whole not wanting to be on the paparazzi’s radar part, those people are freaking menaces to society. I’m glad that you and Anne wound up having a good time despite the initial shellshock. And hey, you knew a couple of people there, which is always a good thing.
The part about LeVar Burton not recognizing you made me laugh. Do you know how lucky you are to know that guy? I totally would have fallen over dead if I ever met LeVar Burton in person, that guy was such an influential part of my childhood and beyond. And you not only KNOW the guy, you’ve worked with him, and now you’ve socialized with him at a public big deal event at Seth MacFarlane’s house. You know what I got from LeVar Burton? A couple of form letters over the years when my former workplace participated in book-a-thon type of events sponsored by Reading Rainbow. My classroom won two years in a row, and that’s something that I brag about, I’m not even kidding. That I’ve gotten form letters from LeVar Burton congratulating my students for winning book-a-thons! Me and about a million other teachers, I bet, but I don’t care. I had those certificates framed on my classroom wall. And you KNOW him!
Your humbleness never ceases to amaze me. And you know what? That’s pretty cool.
Freaking awesome, man. Very cool. I can’t imagine a party I would like to go to more (except one that rhymes with hey joy). Congrats on the invite, and for remembering why you make yourself go to these types of things.
*g* That may be true, but I’d feel too shy to ask.
I found the link in twitter to the page of your photo with Chewbacca Santa. I gotta say some of the other photos in the gallery are funny. And also odd how some of the photos are not so much *with* Chewbacca Santa, but *in front of* Chewbacca Santa… why would anyone ever stand in front of Chewbacca Santa as if they were more important?
Sounds like a blast!
Oh my. *pant pant*
Color us all jealous, naturally.
I would have slimed Ron Jones* and Katee SOOO hard.
Wasn’t Ron the composer that Berman fired for being too good / too noticable? The amazingly insightful and beautifully cynical anti-Hollywood Hollywood musician?! Love him and his work.
* = Here we go: He used to score Hanna-Barbera, A-team, Hardcastle & McCormick [[Daniel Hugh Kelly tie-in for the 6-degrees ST loop! 5 pts!]] & Duck Tales. The guy won an EMMY for “Q who” FFS!! …and Ricky fired him. Oy. Fool.
His assesment of the Enterprise themesong was the best:
Question:
More specifically, what do you think of the use of lyrics in the Enterprise theme song?
Answer:
Someone needed a naptime, or perhaps they thought they were making a new Brady Bunch series by mistake. It sucks. It doesnβt envelop the essence of space exploration. It is better suited to the opening ceremony of WNBA basketball games.
RJ FTW.
But yeah, Katee would have totally put me on her ‘get a restraining order on this guy, stat’ list in no time.
When I get rich, famous or powerful, I’d love to cast her as the heroine in my sweet graphic novel story about an exFBI-turned-vigilante. Just sayin’ …in case the universe is listening. π
Thanks for the story, Mr Wheaton.
It all sounds too HollyWeird to me.
Another great post Wil. you really have a way of words that pulls me into your post. So Lavar didn’t recognize you? When was the last time y’all met?
I’ll trade your delightfully normal lives for my not-as-delightfully normal life lol
I was going to ask who Seth Macfarlane was, but I didn’t want to appear as a dumbass so I googled it. I’ve never watched Family Guy so I still don’t, oh well a generational thing.
peace out Wil,
bob
Wil, I thoroughly enjoyed the ongoing nerdgasm via Twitter, and the expanded version here just reinforced it. this is one of the reasons I greatly enjoy your blog. Thanks for sharing these parts of your life.
Herb
Wow, that sounds like a ridiculous shin-dig! I suppose when you’ve got enough money to swim in a vault of it like Scrooge McDuck would, these kinds of things tend to occur.
You know Wil, I bet that Seth always wanted to be a singer and with the success of Family Guy he has so many opportunities to perform. I’ve performed with an orchestra before, but I can’t imagine what it must have been like to have a “Big Band” in your own house, singing for all your friends – AWESOME!
I think I’ve picked up on a bit of “strangers demand too much of my time” defense mechanism.
If someone says to you “I think you are/do/have a *negative connotation*” the best response is “That is because I am a bigger *connecting negative association* than you could ever imagine.”
There really is no good response to that other than “Ha! You didn’t recognize me because of my luxurious beard!” And unless the person actually are being disguised by a luxurious beard, I suspect they would sort of wander away in a short amount of time.
I really hope Harmonix releases a “Lounge Hero” game so I can pretend to experience that.
The deluxe box set would come with all 65 fake plastic big band instruments, but the stage accessory would probably be sold separately.
I’m a little behind on the jargon, but I will now do everything in my power to promote the word “nerdglee.”
Thanks for the wrap-up; sounds awesome.
Funny you should draw a parallel between the guys from Jackass and the paparazzi. I’m not sure that’s how they started their careers, as far as I know, none of them have actually gone to film school, but some of the pranks that they pulled were on unsuspecting strangers, which wouldn’t exactly make them paparazzi, but definitely guilty of some pretty inane behavior.
I actually met and hung out with Bam Margera, Ed “Rake” Webb, Ryan Dunn and a couple of other guys in their crew from Jackass (later of Viva La Bam fame) at a bar in my area about 10 or 11 years ago. They’re from West Chester, PA, which is about an hour and a half outside of where I live, and the MTV camera crews were filming that night. I believe they were trying to find out how many shots Bam could do before throwing up or something to that effect, but they were actually pretty cool guys to hang out with. They were buying rounds of drinks for me and my friends that night, and I remember Rake hitting on me for most of the night. (Little known fact about Rake, he has a Chemistry degree from Penn State and has since gone on to work as a chemist since the show ended.)
My friends and I were asked to sign waivers but I don’t think that the footage was ever used on the show to my knowledge. I think it had something to do with the fact that most of them weren’t even old enough to drink legally at the time, so showing it on television probably would have gotten MTV into trouble. Their behavior wasn’t anywhere near as outrageous as depicted on the show and the films. They just seemed like a bunch of kids full of piss and vinegar to me, and no death defying stunts were performed that night with the exception of Bam possibly giving himself a bad case of alcohol poisoning. I forget how many shots it took before he finally vomited.
You “really like” Captain Misogyny with the vicious rape jokes?
That’s -1,000,000 cool points.
You’re entitled to your opinion, of course, but I always try to be careful not to judge professional people by their comedy.
Because an actor who plays a racist isn’t necessarily one, nor is the writer of the screenplay who wrote it, nor is the comedian who tells a joke about it.
If my best friend were to tell me a joke like that I’d nutpunch him, and tell him to stop being such a dick, but once you are a professional – an artist – the rules of engagement change, due to artistic license (read: social commentary, satire, parody).
Sounds like you had a wonderful time. I would love to see the Chewbacca Clause. You met Katee! OMG OMG lucky dog!
Sounds like you haa a wonderful time and I would have loved to have seen Chewbacca Claus. OMG OMG Lucky dog getting to mee Katee.
LOL@LeVar’s tweets, because, after he unpacked his nook, he tweeted this:
“I simply LOVE the power of the web…! Props to ALL who contributed to the final product.”
Yep, it’s complete and finished. It’ll go into sales on January 1st. We’re still trying to make a cool cover design for it. Not too nerdy, but something catchy. Like, probably something with a LOLCat.
*(Β―`Β·.ΒΈΒΈ.·´¯`Β·.ΒΈΒΈ.- The web ends here. It’s done. -.ΒΈΒΈ.·´¯`Β·.ΒΈΒΈ.·´¯)*
I really can’t wait to see Chewbacca Claus. I hope you get the picture soon.
haha awesome post. especially the paparazzi…it’s a short trip from there to having teengirls chasing you through a parking lot.
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Is there a beard club? I want in.
I recently attended a “G-list” holiday party for the employees, family and friends of Blizzard Entertainment. While playing blackjack with our “nerd posse,” I looked over and saw some people playing WoW TCG at a table next to ours, and sighed happily. I looked at my spousal unit at said, “These are *MY* people.” My husband just laughed at me. He did not disagree. It was a great night.
“It’s so lovely to meet you. I scored your childhood.”
Wow. That’s great. And I love that you keep referring to your beard as “luxurious”. x]