BEHOLD Clash of the Geeks – The Wheaton / Scalzi Fan Fiction Chapbook

A long time ago, on an Internet far, far away, John Scalzi's brain unleashed the most epic and awesome and WTF image ever known in the history of all the tribes: The Unicorn Pegasus Kitten.

But a Unicorn Pegasus Kitten alone wasn't enough, and so I was placed astride it, wearing the Infamous Clown Sweater. And I, riding a Unicorn Pegasus Kitten while wearing a Clown Sweater (and short shorts), though certainly enough for some mortals, wasn't enough for us, so a Scalzorc was added. And while it would be acceptable in some worlds for a Unicorn Pegasus Kitten to be ridden by a Wheaton in an Incamous Clown Sweater while a Scalzorc looked looked askance, still more was required: a story to bring them all together, and in teh darknez, LOL them.

And, thus was born the Wheaton and Scalzi Fan Fiction contest.

Today, my dear Internets, the circle is complete. The stories have been written, the winners chosen, and the results compiled into a digital tome known for now and ever as:


(Please imagine thunder, lightning, and some dramatic music at this time, perhaps if Iron Maiden were to have scored an overture, for example.)



(Now would be a good time to imagine more thunder, and maybe some howling of a far-off beast that yore glad isn't close enough to be seen.)


Clash of the Geeks


Now, here is why this is awesome: you can, right now, go get the entire digital chapbook, in multiple formats, for free.


We're asking that, if you do collect a copy for your very own, you make a donation to the Lupus Alliance of America, a non-profit and very important organization that is dear to many of us involved in this project, and our families.

Here's what John says, in his grown-up voice:

You’ll notice that we’re offering Clash of the Geeks as a free download. You don’t have to pay for it, or make a donation to fight against lupus. And if you don’t, that’s fine. But if you can – if you’ve got the suggested minimum payment of $5 to spare — we would really like it if you did. All of the money that comes to us for this is going back out the door again, into the coffers of the Michigan/Indiana affiliate of the Lupus Alliance of America. We paid our writers and our artist, but we did that out of our own pockets. Wil, Subterranean Press and I aren’t seeing a cent from this. That’s not what this is about.

We did this thing because we thought it would be fun and because we thought you would have fun reading these stories. But we also did it because people we know and love and care about are afflicted with lupus. Lupus, if you don’t know, is not an easy disease to live with: it attacks your immune system and does all sorts of damage, and those who live with it genuinely do struggle. We’re doing this for fun, but we’re also doing this to help those people living with lupus, some of whom are family. It’s a personal thing.

Which is why, again: If you can pay, we hope you will pay. Our $5 suggested payment is not a lot for you, especially when you consider the sheer amount of awesome this chapbook contains. But if each of you chip in (and tell your friends about it, and they chip in, too), those $5 payments will add up pretty quickly. And then we’ll be doing some real good, as well having fun. We’ve made it to easy to pay through PayPal, but for those of you who would enjoy a tax deduction, we’ve also set up a way for you to get one of those as well.

Okay, now you may go and get yourself a copy of CLASH OF THE GEEKS … and please, please, please, tell your friends, tell your Reddits, tell your Farks, and tell your Twitters. We're all immensely proud of this project.

60 thoughts on “BEHOLD Clash of the Geeks – The Wheaton / Scalzi Fan Fiction Chapbook”

  1. All week, your timing has been amazing! I was just talking about Lupus.
    All I can say is thank you from the bottom of my soul for doing this. On behalf of Lupus warriors every where, I cannot say how much this really means. The past little while has been extremely difficult for me… and that is really all I can say about that before I fall apart for the millionth time today.
    I will be sure to spread this awesomenicity all over the place.
    You and John are too awesome for words.
    Thank you, thank you, thank you.

  2. I’m amused and disturbed at the same time.
    seriously, I’m nervous laughing. and I didn’t even notice the spider that was just walking across this arachnophobic chest of mine.
    damn you, Wheaton!!

  3. Despite the terrifying clown sweater *suppresses fear of clowns*, the cover is sheer awesome. The lupus support is even more awesomer. Sitting awake at 4am with angry joints and angrier lungs, it is really touching to see that people I won’t ever know are chipping in to help find a cure. It is a debilitating disease that doesn’t get a lot of attention usually,so this means a lot. Thank you.

  4. You, sir, have me in a state of awesome awestruck awe. You are full of WIN. I have downloaded and plan to thoroughly enjoy reading this over the next few days :)

  5. I had to jump ahead to the interview …
    Dude is ripped, man. I saw him changing his shirt
    at w00tstock. Each one of his six-pack has a six-pack. He’s got, like, a case-and-a-half pack. The pheromones that waft off him cause fish and amphibians to spontaneously change their sexes. Trust me, Jeff was totally working from life.

    Damn you, Scalzi! You made me choke on ice from laughing so hard!

  6. Have downloaded, donated and passed around the link wherever I could.
    This is going to make fun lunchtime reading. 😀
    Thank you very much for all those involved, it looks like a blast.

  7. Normally, when something is offered for free online that I enjoy, and a donation asked in kind, usually to the site I’m reading, I ignore it. I download the material, and I’m on my merry way. But, for some reason, I felt obliged to donate in this case.
    Part of me feels like I did it because Wil and John asked so nicely, because they were so very nonchalant, in saying “It’s only five bucks, if you can spare it, Thank You So Much, if not, please enjoy the book anyway”.
    Another part, is the fact that I feel this sort of connection. To all of us. We geeks and nerds who are uniting under this banner held up by guys like Wil and Adam Savage. All the famous nerds out there, who are making it cool to geek out over your favorite thing. For a small part of me, it felt like a friend just asking for a five, “Damn, I forgot my wallet, can you grab this?”
    It’s an odd thing this internet. I feel like I have hundreds of friends, through Twitter and websites and the like, I’ve never even met yet we have our own inside jokes, our own references. (Incamous Clown Sweater is my Weird Al cover band =-D ) We can make jokes no one we know in in person will get, but if we post it online, we’ll get a few “that’s frakkin awesome!”‘s and handful of “WIN!”. And it feels good. No matter how much confidence has grown since I was a 12 year old, and now 26 and much more confident in my own skin, it still feels good to feel like you fit in somewhere.
    So here’s to you Wil, John, and everyone who made this book possible, I tip my hat that you use your powers of awesome for the good of Lupus research and having given our people a voice.

  8. Donated, downloaded and tweeted. I’ll be enjoying this later. This is Geek Power at its finest!
    Now, I hope this doesn’t annoy or irritate or make anyone think I’m a dick, but…
    I entered the fan-fic competition back in June and didn’t win. So, while I didn’t end up in the book, at least I can now do this to further help out the Lupus Alliance of America:
    For every critique I get on my writing blog, up to a maximum of 50, I’ll donate another dollar to the LAA (that’s not just critiquing “In The Playground Of The Fire Kings”, but any of my published writing). The final amount will be rounded up to the nearest $5. There’s no time limit, apart from how long and the PayPal link are available for.
    Thanks for your time!

  9. *can’t read now…go back to work, go back to work, go back to work*
    Jumpin Jeehosafat I want to read it so bad that my I’m shaking! Okay maybe not that bad, but there is seriousness on my face and that doesn’t just happen, man!
    I will be reading/donating tonight…my son can take care of himself, right?
    On a side note: I can TOTALLY see that artwork on a t-shirt that would somehow end up in my closet.

  10. Hey Wil and John,
    Part of me wonders if you guys warned Gretchen, who is getting many donations notated “via unicornpegasuskitten”.
    Thanks for the LOLS, and the awesome cause.

  11. I’m so tickled I actually know (and by know, I mean have either had ongoing Twitter conversations with, or actually podcasted and emailed with) two of the winners! Congrats to @stepto, whom I only missed meeting at PAX because there was so much cool to do there. And congrats to Friend of GeekDad John Anealio!
    Ken from

  12. This is awesome, and for those of you (you know who you are) who will download this, can afford the $5 and don’t donate, you should read this by Christine Miserandino who describes living with Lupus (and any other chronic illness) in ways the non-sick can understand.
    Awesome cover, awesome payment scheme, awesome writers and awesome readers!

  13. Seconded! I definitely want a hardcopy of this! The current lack of which will not prevent me from donating and downloading, I just like dead tree editions.

  14. Clash of the Geeks is the name of my w00tstock 2.5.1 tribute act.
    Friday’s show was hilarious – I laughed so hard it hurt. And yes, my daughter loved it too (you guys kept apologizing for swearing in front of her, which was cute if mildly misguided – after all, we brought her…).
    Downloaded and donated. I have a friend with this disease. Thanks for the work.

  15. Some times I forget how cool my new iPhone is. F the boss!! Downloaded, donated and posting to my blog and facebook.
    I have a dear friend with lupis so this one hit pretty close to home. Thank you for organizing this.

  16. Tweeted,facebook’d and critiqued and whatnot..
    Will download and donate later,when bg returns with wallet. ^^
    I first learned about lupus through top model (and seinfeld-reruns) and whoever fights through each day with lupus are HEROES in my opinion.
    Wil, Orc-man, – so are you for inviting us to help.

  17. Patrick Rothfuss contributed to it?!? That’s great! I just finished his novel, “The Name of the Wind” and was filled with its awesome. If anyone digs a good fantasy novel, where character development and good storytelling take a leading role, you need to read this book. I couldn’t put it down.
    Great idea for this project, Wil and John. I look forward to reading it and am more than happy to donate to a worthy cause!

  18. I just downloaded and donated. When I have a little free time I will give it a read.
    I was actually wanting to do something akin to this with the Gaming Monkey card. The art is in, and we should have a mock up in a couple of days.

  19. I just wanted to say that after the way you answered my question at PAX I understand how seriously you take the idea of putting your name behind a cause. Because of that I’ve thrown in my donation and look forward to enjoying the book.
    I wish you all the best of luck with this. The Humble Indie Bundle has shown that people are willing to give even if they don’t technically have to, and I hope you enjoy at least as much success.

  20. I love my digital editions, but I would love to bookcross this book. (check out for explanation) I think it could be a good way to get more readers and donations. A lot of authors actually give out free early copies just to get them passed around the site.
    Plus, setting up this book in a public place for someone to discover could be hilarious.

  21. Dear Wil,
    Recently on Twitter I and a few dads have started a hashtag (#DadsView) to help support other dads, men who are working hard to be a moving force in the lives of children. The world these days does not shed a favoring light on fathers and we are determined to make a change for good. We blog as a network, and do whatever we can to support fathers. I am a father of 8 and right now I am fighting cancer and Im confined to the hospital. I refuse to give up and from this hospital bed I am doing what I can to help dads and children. We need help. I know you are busy and often bombarded with asking for help. All we ask is for a “shoutout” on Twitter to #DadsView for any father who may need support.
    Dr. Shawn

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