42 thoughts on “raptors”

  1. OK, this is very funny, but wouldn’t we expect to see a ‘1’, ‘2’, and ‘3’ with lines through them if we were to assume this was an accurate velociraptor-incident-free-day counting system?

  2. I think my favorite part of this is that it’s so clearly a Microsoft Word document. Like the gamekeeper is not so familiar with computers, but wanted to make sure folks know he’s doing his job.

  3. After a year of Raptor-free workplace calm we have suddenly seen an uptick in Raptor-related trauma. I’m afraid we either have a failing of security or policy. Human Resources will be reviewing the Raptor policy documents with the Safety Committee. It meets every third Tuesday of every other month.
    Until such time as Raptor policy can be updated, please refrain from discussing Raptor-related incidents with any external audiences and refer any Raptor activity immediately to your floors safety marshal.
    Sincerely,
    Management

  4. Unfortunately, I will have to take my business elsewhere, to a more Raptor friendly company. I thought we were past this level of bigotry. That’s right I’m playing the Raptor-race card! It’s less of a card, and more of a 6in long curved killing claw…

  5. Will things get better? Oh hell no. Things are about to get worse. Much worse. While you see 372 days and only one incident, I see the chaos theory at work.
    In fact, it’s a little known effect called the cha0s (Big Bang) Theory effect. It occurs when something unexpected but completely awesome happens, then after a butterfly flaps its wings, the awesomeness repeats itself with more and more guest appearances, until Eureka! The Awesome is EVERYWHERE and unstoppable. No criminal minds are at work here, it’s just cha0s, pure and simple, and it doesn’t end until the whole world is completely Fawkes.
    -Dr. Ian Malcolm

  6. It’s for purposes of morale. The number of days is actually one, but if you put that, it’s going to make people nervy, because they’ll think that there may be more out there which haven’t been captured yet.
    But four days gives the reader the feeling of, “Okay, the problem’s solved. I can go about my business.”
    It’s all about psychology.

  7. See, this is why I’m glad the State of Michigan now as an entire sub-division of the Department of Labor to deal with raptor incidents. We’re at 11 days and keeping the fingers crossed for more. That poor trainee…..

  8. I don’t get to stop in often, Wil, but I always enjoy reading when I do.
    I think I’ll post signs like these around campus. They’ll surely be taken down before long, but laughter will be had in the meantime.

  9. Hmm…I can’t put up the sign in my office (dratted walk-in guests) but I now have a mental image of velociraptors on skis chasing guests down the mountain. Beautiful.

  10. Hey, that’s not fair. How was I to know it was a raptor?
    It was wearing a top hat and monocle. Who would know? Thank heavens it was bring your child to work day or the tragedy could have been much worse.
    Which reminds me, sorry about your kid Stepto!
    Don’t worry, even I can identify a zombie. I’ve seen 28 Weeks Later. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to head into the Bathroom.
    Bob

  11. I am so, so sick of this sort of bullshit! Raptors are useful, productive members of society just like you and me. They pay their taxes, they raise their kids, and they just want a better life for their families. It’s shit like this that keeps them marginalized.
    This myth of Raptor violence is one that is perpetuated by the warm-blooded MINORITY of this planet to keep Raptors – and all dinosaurs! – down. Wil, I am disappointed that you would buy into this, and help them keep out ectothermic brothers and sisters under heel.
    This must stop!
    END DINO APARTHEID NOW!

  12. Awesomesauce. I used to have a 3.5″ floppy that I took the magnetic media out of, thumbtacked said media to the wall, with a small PostIt that said “Emergency Boot Disk”.

Comments are closed.