tamed by the purr of a jaguar

Thank you to everyone who commented on my last post. I had no idea so many new readers were visiting my blog; I'd just assumed that the Internet had gotten bored with me, moved on to whatever the new hotness is, and I was writing for the few, the proud, the geeky who had been here forever.

Knowing that there are a significant number of you who are new to my words is incredibly inspiring to me, and I woke up early this morning (not my choice – more on that in a second) feeling pretty excited to fire up Typepad and write in my blog. I haven't felt like that in a long, long time. So thank you to those of you who have been here for a while, and thank you to those of you who are recent arrivals. I hope to make it worth your while to spend some of your time with me.

So let's talk about this morning, shall we? Last night, I celebrated the 4th of July the way the founding fathers intended: I went to the Hollywood Bowl with my wife, our son, his girlfriend and our good friend BURNS! (his actual name, with the ! and everything) to see Hall & Oates perform with the Hollywood Bowl Orchestra.

It was a very short concert, because of the 10pm noise curfew, but it was still a whole lot of fun. Initially, Ryan and I thought that Darryl Hall looked like Hasselhoff, but we later decided that he actually looks sort of like Thor, if Thor were a rocker. Oates doesn't have his epic moustache, and I'm not going to lie to you, Marge: a little bit of me died inside when I saw that.

But then I was clapping along with Private Eyes (CLAP!)* and I didn't seem to mind all that much.

Even though we took the Red Line to Hollywood like intelligent people who don't want to spend an extra fifty hours** waiting to get the hell out of Hollywood, we still didn't get home until almost 11. We were all pretty amped up from the fireworks and clapping along with Hall & Oates, so we were all awake well after midnight. I actually ended up reading comic books in bed until almost 2, before drifting off to sleep to dream of maneaters and the M-E-T-H-O-D-O-F-L-O-V-E.

Four hours later, at six fucking o fucking clock in the fucking morning, my asshole cat decided that he was going to chase a ping pong ball around my bedroom, jump up onto my bed and attack my feet, and then make that one particular sound all cat — I almost said "owners" but we all know the correct term is "staff" — hear when the cat wants to go outside. So I dragged myself out of bed and opened the door for him to go do whatever the hell a cat does at six fucking o fucking clock in the fucking morning … which, as it turns out, is make that same noise again ten minutes later until I let him back into the house.

And that's the story of how I only got six four*** hours of sleep last night, but don't really care because I woke up feeling energized and excited, knowing that writing silly stuff in my blog is actually worth the effort, because you — yes, you — are still coming around to read it, even if it's only a stupid story about my cat.****

* They're watching you (CLAPCLAP!)

** Duration possibly exaggerated for comedic and editorial effect.

*** Okay, maybe I'm a little more tired than I originally thought. Also, math is hard.

**** But the writing is the thing, even if it's something stupid about my cat. I have to get this stuff out of the way so I can write the good stuff.

107 thoughts on “tamed by the purr of a jaguar”

  1. You couldn’t be more right; I’m in the same boat but with a dog who rivals any cat on earth for hubris and arrogance. (She’s old and near The Next Doggy Frontier, so I suppose I should say she’s also “regal”).
    I actually had my phone tracking my sleep last night: http://yfrog.com/gyvfr6j
    I leave it as an exercise to the reader to identify when my services were called upon.
    (Oh, and keep writing! You’re an inspiration to me to (at some point) return to writing, and I keep watching for Eventful to announce we got enough votes for you to come to Austin :) )

  2. I think the lack of sleep is hampering your otherwise awesome math skills, but otherwise I feel your pain. My cat wanted me awake at the crack of “Jesus!” dawn which is about 5AM here….. ugh….

  3. I love the fireworks story, by the way, and I don’t think I will ever get tired of it. I feel very much the same about all of your work, hence waiting patiently for Memories of the Future vol 2 and the accompanying Memories of the Futurecast.
    I always look forward to seeing the gadget at the bottom of my screen telling me there is a new post on the blog. I’ve been a constant reader of the blog since 2009 and and will continue to read as long as you continue to write…anything lol.
    BYW, I would love a new installment of Radio Free Burrito for my, and my iPod’s, listening pleasure *hopeful face*
    Also, I have the same cat issue. Toss in, cat sitting on your head while you sleep and it’s a mirror of my night. *sigh*

  4. So, wait. You went to bed at 2 and woke up at 6. Right? How is that six hours of sleep, Wil? I mean, you’re awesome, but can you change the rules of math?

  5. Dude, face facts:
    Your star has been slowly and steadily rising over the past couple of years. through WWdN, BBT, Eureka, and every other guest role you’ve snagged, you’ve finally managed to shed 90% of the “Die Wesley Die” crap, and turn 8 out of the other 10% and use it to your advantage (read: Evil Wil Wheaton).
    leaving you 2%, Hamlet, because we all know your ego needs to be kept in check. πŸ˜›
    Sir, it is a pleasure to read your blog, and watch as you regain the status in Hollywood you once had. enjoy it, and thank you for letting us enjoy the ride with you.

  6. I learned how to handle my cats long ago. I act just like them. I shove their stuff off the table for no reason, try to trip them when they walk by, and hiss loudly at them when they do something bad (like trying to eat my D&D minis). It works very well because they’re still very cuddly and loving to me, they don’t make demands of me, and they leave me the hell alone when I’m asleep. They never pee on my stuff, only claw the couch I don’t like, and they don’t dip their paws in my whisky nearly as much as they used to. But I’ve been training them since they were kittens, so it may be too late.

  7. I don’t have a cat , but the birds are almost annoying at the same f* hour in the morning… sorry I am not a bird person, especially not that early πŸ˜›
    thanks for sharing!

  8. Yes we do still love you and you do still have it. In fact I can tell from your writing that you used to be cool. πŸ˜‰
    I just finished listening to all the audio a second time from my Phoenix Comicon 7 of 9, and that story made me change my mind about Frakes, not that my opinion matters any more (or any less really than when I was payed to give it) butvthanks.
    I am very glad you are jazzed again about writing here. You and Scalzi are my “wit and humor” multivitamin supplements.

  9. “six fucking o fucking clock in the fucking morning” is now added to my personal lexicon; i hope that’s OK.
    and, yes, pretty new reader here as well!

  10. Very first concert I ever went to was Hall & Stache. Loved them then, love them now. I cannot empathize with you on the cat thing tho’ as I do not now, nor have I ever been staffed to a cat. I do, however, adore your conversations with your cat and dog on Twitter, so while I cannot empathize, I can…laugh my ass off.
    You have a good day Wil and I hope you get a nap.

  11. As someone who is still relatively new to your posts, thanks for continuing to post! I’ve been reading some of your backlog (while trying to keep up with life), and it’s indeed enjoyable.
    So in brief, please to continue to do, that voodoo, which you do, so well!

  12. Thanks for my first laugh of the day. I know it wasn’t your intention, but you’ve gotten my week off to a great start after I woke up under similar circumstances with my 2 cats & 65-pound AmStaff. Plus, now I have a wonderful song stuck in my head. Private Eyes (CLAP CLAP) is a classic!

  13. LOL, I was totally going to call him on that too. But hey…with only 4 hours of sleep, math IS really hard. (I, myself achieved a wonderful** 5 hours of sleep…but fault is my own for not going to bed earlier when my alarm would be going off at 5:30 for work)

    **Wonderful might be an exaggeration, since I had a dream that my 3 children and I were being trained to fight in some war and I was desperately trying to find a way of getting them out of it, as they are 12, 10, and 8 yrs old.

  14. I have two cats, one of which is a confirmed foot stalker, so I too know the joy and rapture that comes from being awakened at the crack of insanity after too little sleep. And Oates without the big ol’ ‘stache? Just not the same.

  15. Yes… a cat nap. (see Teh Dede above)
    Jaguars seem to be a theme. Been working on my take of mayan glyphs to commemorate a friend who is moving on to a greener economic outlook… he hopes. (I question the optimism but refuse to rain on his parade.) At any rate his glyph is a Smoking Jaguar, kinda a pun on the Smoking Frog… which I guess is more a statement on how confusing mayan language is and is rather an inside archaeology joke…
    the long and the short of it is that our little domestic friends are much like their feral jungle cousins. They look all calm and peaceful for a huge chunk of the day to lull you into a false sense of cohabitation… just so they can biff you in the head* when you aren’t looking. Or chew you to bits.
    *or some other aggressive action with a garaunteed d20 for initiative.

  16. Hall And Oates (with epic mustache) hold the honor of being my first concert at age 14 (let awe or mockery ensue). I still love their music and would love to catch them in concert.

  17. Your pet tweets are highly entertaining, it’s great to see a blog about your pets.
    As a cat staffer myself, I know all too well how they enjoy waking you up at god awful hours. Mine aren’t foot stalkers; their head sitters. They perch on my forehead and stare at me until I wake up and feed them.

  18. And this is why 1) my cats are locked in the laundry room at night (it’s big and has fluffy things for them to sleep on – you don’t have to feel bad to for them) and 2) my cats are entirely indoor cats.
    Also, I think this is the first time I’ve posted, but I love your blog, Wil. Kept thinking about your 4th of July story last night while I was lighting ground flowers.

  19. You and Felicia Day are the only “famous” people I follow simply because, with so many followers, sometimes quite a few get (understandably) overlooked. However, you two are hilarious, and post more personal things, so I keep the two of you on follow. I comment rarely, though, for the aforementioned reason. (Only when I have something particularly witty to say!! Though, those sometimes fall flat, too.)

    I can imagine many others do the same. Judge not your amount of followers by the quantity of their comments! You likely have many, many who remain silent.

    Not creepy silent, I swear! Just… silent.

    You are a blast to follow. :)

  20. I’ve been following your blog for about a year now and I always get excited when you post something new. Even the little ‘pointless’ stories about your life, like driving somewhere or taking a walk with Anne and the dog always brighten my day.
    And the little bits about your ‘boss’ make me feel better knowing I’m not the only ‘staff member’ πŸ˜›
    Please keep up the posting of words so we can all enjoy reading the sentences they make :)

  21. I read this blog post, then stepped away from the computer to manage the carnage, er, breakfast of my little boys. As I added syrup to the waffles on littlest one’s plate, I realized I was singing. Out loud. It was Private Eyes (CLAP!).
    I know I will have that song stuck in my head all day. (CLAPCLAP!)

  22. It’s a cat conspiracy to make sure their servants are kept sleepy enough so they do not have the strength to resist fulfilling every need. My cat’s tactic of choice: jumping onto my stomach, then crawling up to my face and sniffing it. Nothing like waking up to a close-up view of a cat nose!
    Also, I love your footnotes. Instead of reading each one by one as they occur, I save them (precious bonus gifts that they are) and read them all at once at the end. It’s like Christmas.

  23. When my friends and I were in elementary school, we made up a dance to “Private Eyes” (CLAP) and put on a show for our friends and family. Thanks for bringing back THOSE memories. (CLAPCLAP)
    And now, I will have this song in my head all day. (CLAP)
    Also ILUOMG you’re so hilarious. :)

  24. I used to have a cat called Lulu who would wake me up by sitting on my snoring face and silently farting. EVERY morning. So, consider yourself lucky.
    Fun blog, BTW – I’m one of the newbies so am playing catch up.

  25. The price paid with pets lol Good post Sir. I sadly had to work last night, the only prize being that it was time and half so I could only hear the fireworks as muted pops.

  26. Ah, yes… cats. After a late night, I was awoken at 7am by the sound of a cat horking up a hairball. After getting out of bed in a panic (they always puke on the good stuff, don’t they?), I realized it was just the coffee maker brewing coffee.
    They have me trained, as well.

  27. Nobby Bwahahaa laughing at that.
    This makes me glad that my ferret is in a cage and can’t wake me early in the morning.
    The concert sounds wonderful. Especially since I had to work yesterday :p I look at it that I’m working for the American Dream…paying off my credit card.

  28. This is the kind of post I love to read. <3 These are the stories that keep bringing me back to WWdN.
    At least your cat goes out, by the way. Mine are too chicken. They just scream at the top of their lungs for me to get up and do whatever it is they want me to do – which is usually nothing, just get up and look at them so they can feel properly worshiped.

  29. But I love the stories about your cat. And dog. And family. :-) Actually, I love everything about your blog. So keep doing it, please!

  30. My 15 year-old feline’s favorite trick is to sit REALLY close to my face and tap and/or lick me on the nose approximately every 5 seconds. The main difference is that his favorite time to do this is immediately AFTER the lights go out in the night so as to prevent me from actually getting to sleep..Oy vey…
    Also love, love, love the blog and tweets…looking forward to next season of Eureka, more Radio free Burrito and, of course, Memories of the Future v2!!

  31. I love this blog. I’ve been reading regularly for about a year, and your ability to write engaging narrative non-fiction is just amazing. Long may it continue.
    Also, I hate to be internet spelling guy but it’s Daryl Hall, not Darryl. I know this because my parents named me after him πŸ˜€

  32. “…he actually looks sort of like Thor, if Thor were a rocker.” But Thor IS a rocker! http://www.thorcentral.com/ Also a bodybuilder who can blow up a hot water bottle until it pops and bends steel bars onstage.
    Also: I’d read epic concert/cat/bad math stories any day. Sometimes the most interesting stories are the most mundane, dressed up in clothes made of nice words.

  33. I started reading your blog after I read your books and really liked them. I am, perhaps pathetically, vastly entertained by your tales of feline assholes.

  34. I am suddenly very glad that my cat is an indoor cat! She wakes me up every day at 7 to feed her, though (and tries as early as 5:30 on some days), which I do because she has a stomach problem and needs to eat at certain times. I usually go back to bed after feeding her, but lately after a couple more hours of sleep she decides it’s time for me to get up and starts meowing, even though all she wants is for me to not be in bed. She’s pretty, and she’s cuddly, but she’s kind of a jerk sometimes.

  35. Hey man…you write what you need to write.
    We are just along for the ride.
    And speaking for myself, the ride is quite enjoyable.
    Okay now that even sounds weird to me.

  36. Read this to my husband, who also deals with our cats in the morning, and he laughed in recognition. “Cats are not at all like an advanced alarm clock that you can reset – you get up early once, you’re locked in for life.”

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