Things every person should have

Things every person should have:

  • A nemesis.
  • An evil twin.
  • A secret headquarters.
  • An escape hatch.
  • A partner in crime.
  • A secret identity.

What else?

155 thoughts on “Things every person should have”

  1. 1. A large screen TV with a camera to make you demands on.
    2. A planned community for your workers to live in.
    3. A health plan for you AND your life partner.
    4. Tom Landry’s Hat.
    5. The Dallas Cowboys, NOT the Denver Broncos.

  2. Have you seen the picture at the top? From the Wheaton perspective the mirror universe twin must be clean-shaven. I leave it up the to reader to figure out which is the “evil-twin.” 😉
    Hey new Big Bang Theory title: The Wheaton Perspective.

  3. No no no. Never have a partner in crime. They’ll become a liability. Always commit your crimes alone. Trust me on this (or maybe not, given my knowledge of crime committing). :)

  4. * A witty retort
    * A go-to song for karaoke
    * An embarrassing childhood nickname (such as Moon Pie)
    * A pet to demand attention when you’ve spent too much time at the computer

  5. OK, Parallel universe clean shaven Wil, however an evil twin in the same universe has to have a goatee…
    Good Grief, I feel like I am channeling the comic book guy.

  6. Your choice of…
    A: White Turkish Angora (keeps focus of one’s face)
    B: Shark (for disposing of bad employees/double 0 agents)
    C: Half Pony – Half Monkey Monster (for pleasing potential love interests)

  7. Good point about the added benefit of having a backdrop for PSAs. I thought of mentioning an ascot, but it was mentioned above so I let it go. I guess a smoking jacket needs to be added, and a pipe (or a bubble pipe for non-smokers – that would actually be funny in Wil’s Shut The &#%$ Up theater service announcement: take a sip of brandy, pick up a nice pipe, and blow bubbles).

  8. +1 on the smoking jacket
    +1 on the bubble pipe
    +100 on the “Shut the &#%$ up” message in the theater.
    It would be AWESOME to have that play at a theater, some idiot start jabbering, and it just so happens Wil is there, he walks down to them and says “You were warned buddy, comeon, lets go” and escorts them out to wild applause.

  9. You can get them at The Hammock Hut, Hammocks R Us, Put Your Butt There, and Swing Low Sweet Chariot – you know, down in the Hammock District.
    But the best place is Mary Ann’s Hammocks.

  10. There are some things you may want, but in the event you can’t have that, there are certain alternatives you may be entitled to.** Such as…
    a heated kidney shaped pool,
    a microwave oven–don’t watch the food cook,
    a Dyna-Gym–I’ll personally demonstrate it in the privacy of your own home,
    a king-size Titanic unsinkable Molly Brown waterbed with polybendum,
    a foolproof plan and an airtight alibi,
    real simulated Indian jewelry,
    a Gucci shoetree,
    a year’s supply of antibiotics,
    a personally autographed picture of Randy Mantooth
    and Bob Dylan’s new unlisted phone number,
    a beautifully restored 3rd Reich swizzle stick,
    Rosemary’s baby,
    a dream date in kneepads with Paul Williams,
    a new Matador, a new mastodon,
    a Maverick, a Mustang, a Montego,
    a Merc Montclair, a Mark IV, a meteor,
    a Mercedes, an MG, or a Malibu,
    a Mort Moriarty, a Maserati, a Mac truck,
    a Mazda, a new Monza, or a moped,
    a Winnebago–Hell, a herd of Winnebago’s we’re giving ’em away,
    or how about a McCulloch chainsaw,
    a Las Vegas wedding,
    a Mexican divorce,
    a solid gold Kama Sutra coffee pot,
    or a baby’s arm holding an apple
    **if you are an American citizen

  11. A sack of rocks, tied to a length of rope. For throwing down a dark hallway, to ensure there are no traps.
    *source: years of RPGing

  12. Everyone should have a…
    sense of humor
    secret treasure
    hidden talent
    dark secret(As well as a knowledge of someone ELSE’S dark secret!)
    signature color
    dish they can cook with their eyes closed
    cloaking device
    pair of comfortable shoes
    mission or purpose

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