Try now to take the next step

In the last 18 hours, I’ve been overwhelmed with supportive messages from friends, people I’ve never met, and total strangers. Thank you. It means a lot to me to be embraced by so many when I feel like I took one on the chin, even though it was, in a lot of ways, delivered by my own fist.

Having a crisis of confidence really sucks, even though I know it’s temporary and will pass. Having depression and anxiety also makes things that really shouldn’t be a very big deal into Very Big Deals. I’ve felt like my meds aren’t working as well as they used to for about two weeks, and after feeling so profoundly awful yesterday, I made an appointment to see my brain doctor to figure out if I need something different or a higher dose, or whatever will help me.

So I guess the success I’m making out of this failure is a kick in the ass to get my brain back into shape, which is really much more important than any job will ever be.

I used to write a lot about Balance, how it was important to not take the peaks and valleys of life too seriously, how life was (for me) much better when I made an effort to take a long view of things, striving all the while to live as close to the midpoint of the waveform as I could. (Or is it the baseline? It’s been a long time since I did real science instead of the awesome imaginary kind I did on the spaceship or at Global Dynamics).

So today? A little Balance from yesterday: I had a voice over audition that I recorded in my house and sent to my agent, who sent it along to casting. The producers of that show liked my take on the character enough to bring me in for a reading in person. I also had a meeting today with some producers who pitched me a show that [REDACTED] and could be really awesome.

I think that, mostly, I felt like an idiot yesterday. I felt like an idiot for being so excited and confident that I’d done a great job that I talked about it in public before I knew if I got the job or not. I think it’s just my brain fucking with me, but that felt embarrassing and awkward to me.

But I’m going to make my brain better as soon as I can, and remember that Depression Lies until I can metaphorically stab it with a Q-Tip.

137 thoughts on “Try now to take the next step”

  1. As someone who takes a daily dose of psychotropics, I know that you can build up a tolerance to the medications over time and they do sometimes stop working quite as effectively. A prescription change may be exactly what the doctor orders, and that’ll have you feeling better in short order. That said, good on you for plugging along despite feeling blue. I know on my bad days, about all I want to do is curl up in a corner and pull the world over my head.

  2. AND you posted a new Radio Free Burrito, which is much like comfort food for me. I feel so relaxed as soon as I hear the opening music, and I know I’m about to hear something awesome from you. I hope balance improves for you, because you are talented and I really enjoy the things you work on, and can’t wait to see more!

  3. I’m currently in art school and I know that in critiques, especially when I feel that I’ve done a really great piece, I often feel like I’m being run through the shredder – which makes me feel even worse because I’m an older student and should be able to take this stuff better than I do.

    My dad always says “Illegitimi non carborundum” (Basically “Don’t let the bastards grind you down”)

    maybe it should go on your coat of arms, right after “Don’t be a Dick”

    Be well, stay strong, believe that you are more than what one or two people say (or don’t say)

  4. Hey WIl. We all have days like that. I suffer from depression, and I have no support system, so I have MANY days like that. I just try to do my best, and take the bad, of which there is a lot, with the good, of which there isn’t a lot. Its nice that a couple more projects popped up for you. That did help to balance the negative out. As always, we look forward to your future work.

  5. I’m on two SSRI’s and was developing muscle twitches, headaches, short term memory issues, and just in general being unmotivated and “fuzzy.” I read that some of these could be side-effects, and got a second opinion on my med levels from a new doctor. The new doc said he thought that I was suffering from too much serotonin in my system (yes, that’s a thing!) and reduced my meds by over half of the previous dosage.

    3 weeks later, I feel much more balanced, and have noticed that all of my symptoms are getting much better. As a creative myself, not having motivation and follow through can be detrimental to my projects.

    Good luck to you in getting your balance back! :)

  6. You thought you did awesome and you shared it! Nothing wrong with that! In all likelihood you -did- do awesome. I’ve struggled with depression, anxiety and PTSD for more than half my life at this point (21 years) and I’ve discovered in this past year that the thing that helps me the most out of all of the other stuff I’ve tried is lifting weights. Lifting HEAVY weights! Especially for the anxiety. When I lift heavy I have to be very aware of my body, aware of what each muscle is doing and going to do and then I have to engage them. That part alone is similar to a lot of the grounding techniques taught by my therapists and then to top it all off I have the awesome chemical surge to lend me a fantastic high once I’ve done the lift.

    I’m not sure what your current exercise routine is but I would highly recommend it.

  7. Seeking out jobs is not an easy task. Voice Over? I’ve always wanted to do that. Create a character, and have fun with it.

    Problem with drugs, anti-depressant or otherwise… is they provide a temporary fix, and put off solving the underlying issues. I sure hope to see you more, as you are talented, funny, and entertaining. Grab the bull by the horns.

    1. “Problem with drugs, anti-depressant or otherwise… is they provide a temporary fix, and put off solving the underlying issues.”

      That is likely true of recreational drugs, but it is absolutely not the case with anti-depressants, which have been a life-saver for millions of people.

      1. Anti-depressants kept me alive until we figured out what was really wrong with me (bipolar 2–yay?). I would be dead today without that Prozac intervention, even though ultimately it was the wrong med.

      2. “That is likely true of recreational drugs, but it is absolutely not the case with anti-depressants, which have been a life-saver for millions of people.”

        thank you for that. anti-anxiety and anti-depressants quite literally saved my life, and it is tiresome and a bit overwhelming to have them confused for recreational drugs that merely provide a bit of euphoria for a short period… and you said it so nicely. 8)

        k.

      3. A number of my close friends are medicated, and are better for it. I was trying to understand it, and was talking with one of them and I asked “why do you need to take drugs to feel normal” and he replied “I need to take drugs to know what normal feels like”.

        Sorry for another late night comment on your blog. I should probably stop doing this, but I’ve just come back from a wonderful dinner where I took my own advice (which evolved out of your blog posts) and made a date with both my bride and a number of good friends. Now I’m basking in the afterglow.

        You wrote that you “felt like an idiot” for writing about the audition before you got the part. I think it just made you human. It’s the journey that matters more than the destination, so thanks for letting us share yours.

        The only advice I can give is not to let it get you down. Don’t lose your confidence. People can tell when you aren’t 100% confident and it will hurt your chances in the future.

        If you need something to think about, think about those of us who read your work (and those of us who are crazy enough to comment on it) and remember that we’ll watch/read/listen to pretty much anything you do. There is value in that and I believe that the powers that be will see it.

        We got yer back.

      4. THIS.

        Oh, if I thought it would help, I’d beg a tweet of encouragement for my husband. I don’t do such things normally, but I’m a bit desperate. It was a Bad Night the other night, Wil. I can’t help him when it gets bad. He’s through the storm, I think, but…I can’t help him when he’s like that, and it scares me and I don’t know what to do sometimes.

        Thanks again for being open about this. It helps to know that we’re not alone in our struggles, and I salute your candor. *germ-free hugs* (For being a big help to me with your words – and for the greeting in Austin, by the way. Not sure I’ve told you, but it was special for me.)

      5. You’re absolutely right, such medications are very helpful for those who need it. Though, and this is a personal opinion, I think some doctors over prescribe, rather than determining the underlying issues.

        Hope all is well!

    2. You’re right in the sense that we (sort of) know how to treat the symptoms, but we don’t know how to cure the disease. So less of “putting off” than “we’re doing what we can until we can find something better”.

    3. I began meditation and yoga practices as a result of my experiences with postpartum depression, anxiety, psychosis and PTSD. I began those practices to get at the underlying issues in my own life, but the truth is that my brain would not have the ability to do yoga and meditation – therefore constructing better coping mechanisms for underlying issues – without SSRIs and SSNRIs. For many of us who struggle with mental illness, antidepressants are not a temporary fix, they are the partner who helps us carry the load.

    4. I’ve tried everything when it comes to fixing my brain. I’ve done therapy, seen psychiatrists, even tried talking to this bullshit psychic lady to help me get better. Drugs are the only thing that’ve worked though.

      And you know what? Comments like yours are really unhelpful when it comes to mental health. They help build up the stigma surrounding mental illness, and someone reading this might not get the help they need because they think that drugs are for the weak, or are temporary fix or whatever.

      Would you tell someone with diabetes that taking insulin is a temporary fix and doesn’t fix the underlying problem? Because all that is true, but you probably wouldn’t say it.

      All right. PSA over.

    5. Depression is a physical illness. It is not a failure of character.

      You wouldn’t tell someone with a broken arm, a bacterial infection or cancer that their medical treatment is a temporary fix and they should just buck up and solve the underlying issue.

      Although in truth, all medicine really is just a temporary fix.

      1. “Although in truth, all medicine really is just a temporary fix.”

        That’s true, in that you wear a cast until the bone mends. With depression, you treat the problem until it goes away. In the very lucky case, sometimes it does, or other means are found to combat it if it wasn’t a boss to begin with. Most of the time, it doesn’t go away, though,, so you treat for life, as you would low thyroid levels or any other imbalance. So, you fix the problem forever – but only one dose interval at a time.

  8. I think depression and anxiety and the associated insecurities and occasional freak-outs that go with it are part of being a creative and sensitive person. With the benefits, you get the drawbacks. It sucks. And yet, it doesn’t suck…..not all the time. When I went through my big Depressive time I wished I could have remembered that it wouldn’t feel awful for too long, but when you’re in it, you’re in it. Easier said than done. I think I’ll hang up a quote I always like: “This, too, shall pass.” It’s a good one.

    Glad you’re feeling better today.

  9. I’m going to keep talking about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It’s been absolutely effective for me in such situations. — The idea for CBT is basic: Change the language of your inner monologue. Instead of saying “I’m having a crisis of confidence,” say “I’m a person who is confident in who he is and confident in his abilities.” It’s essentially fake-it till you make-it. And it really works. Do the research, talk to your doc, see if it feels like a strategy for you.

    1. I love that you mention this method. In the spring of 2011 I was caught, alone, in the middle of an ef5 tornado in Joplin, MO (which is very traumatic for a chick from the East Coast). We lost our home, my vehicle, and separated me from my husband for 6 1/2 hours of pure hell. I saw terrible things that night as I searched the town for him and a safe place to be. It left me with really stubborn PTSD that had me sleepless and terrified all the time. I was in constant fear of a reprise.

      Finally this past (2011-2012) winter I sought help when I knew the spring (aka Tornado season) was approaching again and the fear was returning. My therapist used CBT for my therapy method and, even though it felt a little weird at first, it really really helped!! I know it won’t work for everyone, certainly not for chemical imbalances, but for problems stemming from poor thinking it can be a life saver. My therapist had me read about inner monologue and deep relaxing breathing (for my anxiety) and practice every day even when I didn’t need it, so I was prepared when I did. Wil, I’m sure you’re doc has mentioned similar things for your anxiety as well, but one my doc suggested was the use of a focal point (happy mental image, much like used in labor) and the slow flexing and releasing of muscles starting at my toes, and moving all the way up to my shoulders. This was the only thing that allowed me enough calm to sleep at night. Using this in conjunction with changing my thinking (saying “I can handle it if it happens again.” rather than “I’m a wreck and I can’t do it again.”) helped enormously get my mind to a more peaceful place. I still had anxiety, but I could control it, I still had to check the weather, but not as often as before to feel peace. In fact, I still have days, even though we’ve moved and are not alone anymore, when the Texas weather gets me nervous, but I tell myself now that we can handle it.

      My husband and I read your post all the time, though this is my first time commenting, ever, but I send you positive thoughts and lots of fan-love! We think you’re awesome!

      – Jaime

  10. The moral here is you are human and humans tend to have ups and downs, whether or not you are in need of a brain doctor. Glad you are feeling happier and more confident, and remember: EVERYONE goes through self doubt and roller coaster emotions. :)

  11. Those of us with brains that also lie fully understood. Kudos to you for recognizing it and taking the steps to correct it. Sometimes the hardest part is pegging your depression for the lying bastard it is. One other thing I encourage you to take away from it is that you’ve provided a reminder that even the best of us have moments when depression wins, the war never really ends but it can still be won on a day to day basis.

    Also:

    <3

  12. We can’t understand or appreciate something without its polar opposite to help us achieve some kind of understanding. Good::Evil, Life::Death, Success::Failure, etc… We wouldn’t even have a word for “darkness” if we had never experienced light.

  13. I’m glad you are feeling a tad better and that the support, even from total strangers, can help somewhat.
    I hope the doctor will be able to help you out even further.
    There are some great herbal teas also out there :)

  14. Remember, you’re not only Wil Wheaton, just a guy, you’re Wil Wheaton™ internet persona extraordinaire.

    That latter persona has achieved some measure of celebrity. It may very well be that you kicked that audition’s ass, but the people involved in the project didn’t want the first impression of your character’s appearance to be “Hey, that’s Wil Wheaton™!”. I’m sure you can understand how that can affect a decision on somebody’s project.

    The fame you have is a double-edged sword, it may not be fair, but it is what it is. For what it’s worth, I’d like to see more Wil Wheaton the actor I loved in Stand By Me (in addition to Wil Wheaton™ net-céleb), so keep on keepin’ on, man.

  15. As a stauch “cautious optimism/don’t tempt fate” practitioner I understand the “GAH. I jinxed myself!” feeling that comes from talking about something that then goes awry. I, for one, am glad to have been trusted enough, as part of your audience, to be allowed to see that arc for you in real time. It makes me feel less alone in my own neuroses. :)

    But as a cheery thought: next week you’ll be in PDX! Rumor has it you love it here :)

  16. good to see you feeling a bit better. i hope the upward trend continues.

    we are nerds. we are legion. we’ve got your back.

  17. Wil you did nothing wrong, it is perfectly normal to be excited and want to share. As for having your meds adjusted I talk to my Dr. every 3 months about that, it too is a good thing, you realize you don’t fee right, that’s good. Or so I’ve been told.

  18. I had one of those experiences recently and it definitely gave me a kick in the ass. Now I’m hell bent on reorganizing and rebuilding in a different direction and it feels mighty nice. I definitely have one those occasions where I was feeling like my meds weren’t doing their thing but I find that usually happens when there’s an outside source causing me some grief. It doesn’t hurt to talk to the doc, though.

  19. I’m certain you did a great job yesterday. The nature of your business is that someone can be simultaneously stupendously awesome and still not the right fit. That’s a lot for anyone to take for 30 plus years. I have The Depression and I’d be a puddle on the floor after the first go round. Keep at it, we want to see more of you on the teevee.

  20. Thank you so much for writing about this. As someone that deals with Anxiety and Depression on a daily basis this means a lot to me. Especially because so many people dont understand.

    I completely understand the highs and the lows. Currently I am dealing with my valley of dispair but I hope its going to get better.

    Again thank you so much for this. This made my day and helped break through my grey fog.

  21. First, I’d like to extend my sympathy and support (for what it’s worth) to Wil. I don’t know you, but I know what rejection feels like and it’s a harsh mistress.

    That being said, I guess that’s what I like about the internet. Previously, a celebrity actor was an unknown and untouchable quantity. I always just felt like they didn’t react to things like rejection the same way a “normal” person would.

    Now, through venues like blogs and Twitter, the truth can out. Actors are normal people. They feel hopeful, and happy, and sad, and frustrated, and angry. In short, they’re human. This is a revelation to someone who grew up thinking they were something more.

    In a way, Wil’s failure to book this job makes me feel more hopeful about my endeavours. So “thank you”, Wil Wheaton, for NOT getting that job (no matter that you tried hard, and wanted it badly).

    And remember, there will be other jobs for which you WILL be “the guy”.

    Break a leg, and DFTBA.

  22. I hope it works out for you Will, maybe you have looked into it maybe not, not sure what meds you are on, but you might want to try weaning off these meds ( again depending on what they are ) anxiety and depression can be horrible ( I should know i have dealt with it my whole life ) but meds can make it worse, and in the long run they pretty much always make it worse. a better diet and exercise are clinically proven to greatly improve mood, i would also suggest Kava Kava extract for anxiety, a daily dose and you can take a massive dose safely in case of actual panic attacks, its pretty awesome stuff! and FYI magic mushroom tea is always good!!! LOLZ!!!

  23. I know you did an awesome job yesterday and you should not have doubted yourself. I feel so proud when I read your words – I wish I had half of the insight that you have. Keep doing what you do and you will ALWAYS be successful whether it is in a movie, TV show, your writing or just being the wonderful human being that you are! :)

  24. Art is so hard in this case, in this respect. A lot of people have trouble understanding, with this kind of dip, when you put that creative part of you forward, what this kind (the art kind, heh) of vulnerability feels like. I’ve lost contracts, changed studios, and always thought back on them with a very hurt heart and some sore feelings about it, I don’t have clinical depression or anxiety, my mother has manic depression though, and its rough, it’s hard to deal with those kinds of bumps on their own, and I know you hear it a lot I know it helps though; Things pass, and it is okay to be sad, to be depressed and be upset. It is okay and it is right to feel crappy sometimes (even crappy x2 is okay :)

    With other emotions rolled up into it all, it is infinitely harder, and no one can fault you for that. Art gives you a feeling of exposure, and in this case it might be worth turning belly to the sun, and let it warm you up. I don’t really know what that kind of warming could be for you, I’m not sure what actors/writers do in place of painters/sketching. But still, like you said,

    ” it’s temporary and will pass. ”

    and it will <3

  25. As you were posting your posts yesterday I kept thinking how comforting to know that even someone as popular and awesome as you are have moments of self doubt. I constantly doubt nearly everything I do and fear it will never be good enough no matter how great other people think it is. Maybe that is the curse of the actor, singer, artist, etc that anyone creative must face. The fear of never being good enough.

  26. Man, I tried logging in with my wordpress account but it said I had a banned IP address, and what is that even about? AM I BANNED FROM WIL WHEATON’S BLOG BEFORE EVER EVEN COMMENTING? NOOOOO. That sound? It’s my heart breaking forever.

    Anyway, jokes aside. First time commenter, long-time reader. I just wanted to say that I feel you when it comes to depression and anxiety. I feel you big time (that sounds kinda dirty, sorry). I recently just went through a really tough time myself. And as much as I realize that I have this lovely life with a lovely husband and lovely son, I get down on myself all the damn time. Especially when it comes to my writing. Even though I’ve had moderate success, every rejection feels like a knife through my damn heart, no joke.

    And you and the Bloggess are right, depression does lie. But it’s a fucking sneaky, persuasive genius of a liar, and it’s hard to not believe it. Especially when life kicks you in the shins and then steals your lunch money. And the worst part is that we don’t talk about mental health, so it’s hard to find other voices, voices that know what they’re talking about, to counteract the poison that depression is pouring into your ear.

    Anyway, thanks for writing this. Thanks for being so open about this, and helping remove some of the stigma. That is pretty brave and awesome. High fives all around.

    I wrote a bit about what I’ve been going through, if you think it would help to read in a not-feeling-so-alone type way. If not, that’s totally cool too.

    http://bellejarblog.wordpress.com/2013/02/01/dispatches-from-the-dark-side/

    Peace out, homie.

  27. Hey, I only know you from the little screen and your Facebook posts. But, I know a few people in that tangential sort of way and some of them are complete ass-hats. You are not. In fact, and for whatever value an old guy’s opinion carries, you’re actually pretty cool, except for that LA Kings thing. But, hey, nobody and nothing is perfect. Which, in fact, was the point you were making, no? So, good luck on the gigs, Will. Don’t know ya, but still pulling for ya.

  28. You don’t have a thing to feel embarrassed about at all! You were rightly proud of yourself for doing your utmost and loving doing it. That’s an amazing feeling. And many people aren’t brave enough to give it their all ever. So congratulations :) you did everything you could and after that it’s out of your hands. I hope you continue to love your craft and life this much forever. And yes, it’s always nice when our brain bits aren’t trying to conspire against us. Life’s hard enough sometimes without that! (this was long!) x

  29. Will,

    Just know that you inspire me (and many others I’m sure) to keep on “keeping on” with anxiety/depression issues. I’ve had a combination of both since my first daughter was born. I was not diagnosed until my 3rd daughter was born. It has been a constant struggle for 10 years dealing with this illness which has finally manifested itself into less depression and more anxiety. I’ve been on meds, then off them, then on them again, and now finally off them with the help meditation, eating right, and just reading about people like yourself who have shed much light on the issue making it more normal and a lot less scary to live with. Thank you. Thank you for sharing your story. It’s comforting not being alone in the struggle.

    It always sucks to get high hopes for something, and then let down. It doesn’t matter if it’s an acting gig or leading a guild and racing a for top ten spot on an MMO Leaderboard (we made 12th…dammnit../sigh). With anything, you just gotta pick yourself up by the bootstraps and move on to the next opportunity that presents itself. Try harder, learn, adapt. Just know there WILL be a next thing…there always is, and you will do great!

    Sincerely,
    Rachael

  30. Thank you for posting about your issues auditioning. I have an audition tomorrow that I was preparing for on JCCC3. I’m ridiculously stressed about it. I feel so under-prepared. Thank you for sharing your experiences and your pep talk. It was great to meet you!!

    There’s just so little correlation between what happens in an audition and what happens on stage/in front of the camera/in a show that makes auditioning so difficult. As someone who’s helped with casting before, it’s also so disappointing to find those people who audition so well and can’t pull it off later.

    I wish there was a better way to do things.

  31. Another thing to keep in mind is generic =/= exact. I switched to a generic and had a year and a half of wretched existence. The time release part of the formula (at least here) is not required to be the same.

  32. I hope you feel much better soon, Mr. Wheaton. I also suffer from major depression and anxiety. I take a lot of meds that help to an extent, but I know how difficult it is to fight demons that are literally in your head. You carry your own worst enemies with you always and they are constantly scrabbling for any opportunity to let all the self-hating, self-defeating, self-doom-fulfilling thoughts take over. I am happy for you and encouraged that you are able to be as productive and creative as you are with these afflictions; it gives me some hope for my own future. I used to be an aspiring writer and hope to take it up again someday, if I can ever fight my way out of my own head. Sending any positive thoughts I can spare your way.

  33. As awful as this sounds, it’s somewhat comforting to know that people of a higher profile than myself have to deal with this depression crap too. I used to take something for it, years ago, but it was expensive (for my budget) and had unwanted side-effects. Now I just deal with it, as best I can, on a day to day basis.

    Hope you pull out of it soon!

  34. Any time you talk about the Very Big Deals, you’re making things a little easier for the rest of us that also listen to the lies Depression deals out. Thank you for your honesty. Your words are encouraging as is your forward momentum. break legs with the auditions to come – and may the dice be ever in your favor ;)

  35. Thank you, Wil, for speaking so openly about depression and anxiety. The more we talk about it, the less stigma there will be and the more lives will be saved. I have dealt with clinical depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and panic disorder. My worst bout was 2 years ago. I almost didn’t make it out alive. Now I speak out about my struggles in hopes to reduce the stigma. It has to end. People need to feel free to talk about mental illness. They are diseases of the brain. No less a real illness than cancer, diabetes, Alzheimer’s, etc. Thank you, again, for speaking out. I wish you much better days filled with success and love. – Jaclyn – http://www.couragehopestrength.tumblr.com

  36. You have a huge following of supportive fans/geeks/nerds (myself included), we might not always say something. But we are always here for you!

    If you need a break, Garycon is on next month :) You can even rp with some of the Gygax’s.

    Keep smiling!!

  37. Don’t let the depression make you second-guess yourself. I’m guessing you DID do a great job, and you knew you did. You didn’t get the part and that’s ok, but maybe you made a good impression and that could mean good things later down the road. I hope you feel much better soon. I also suffer from The Depression, so I know how it is.

  38. Finding the right balance with anxiety and depression medications its tricky. Sometimes the withdrawal is worse than the initial feeling, but once you found that balance you’re YOU and can function again. Hopefully you can get the right dosage adjusted/ the right combination of meds, which makes a huge difference.
    Last year I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, out of the blue. The only way I could function was to not kick myself in the days where I was down, and remember that not all days were like that. That there were plenty of good days. You helped, by the way. Your humour in your posts, and Tabletop. Your reminders about the awesome things in life – my son, my husband, my love of art, writing and gaming. Don’t feel like an idiot for being human, and being hopeful. The honesty with which you share your highs and lows is one of the reasons why your fans love you, Wil. Not Wesley, not evil Wheaton from Big Bang — but Wil Wheaton the human being. Your warmth, your humour, your amazing relationship with family and friends… all that comes across in your posts. Take things one day at a time, but I hope you know that you and your work, your passions and humour, have helped many of us through our own lows.

    Here’s hoping that you get that balance, and for more of the good days than the bad. :)

  39. Glad to hear that you have a plan to deal with a possible infection vector of anxiety. An earlier comment reminded me of a little ditty from my childhood which is both appropriate and lighthearted. Hope it helps.

  40. Hearing that a celebrity, role model, and all around cool guy has the same ups and downs and crisis of confidence that some of us have helps more than you know, Wil. We’ve all had interviews we thought we nailed only to find out differently. We’ve all had those moments where we enter from soaring high to crashing low.

    You just reminded a lot of us that we’re all a lot more alike than we thought. Thank you.

  41. Wil,

    This comment:
    I felt like an idiot yesterday. I felt like an idiot for being so excited and confident that I’d done a great job that I talked about it in public before I knew if I got the job or not. I think it’s just my brain fucking with me, but that felt embarrassing and awkward to me.

    I really feel for you and I *really* hope you don’t feel that way any longer. You have a following of people who care for you and think you are tops – and are grateful that you share your life with us – good and bad.

    As for the rest – well — remember what Dory taught us – “Just keep swimming! Just keep swimming!”

  42. I think myself suffer from depression, have not talked to anybody about it. I feel sad each and every day. And what scares me the most is that I know that suicide is a way out if things get too hard, and I’ve thought about it several times. Thanks to you I will probably try to talk to someone and get some medical help with my issues! And im glad you feel better!
    Regards,
    Niklas Olsson
    Gothenburg, Sweden

      1. Thanks jmarcum15, I will do that! Nice of you to say that im an important person, it feels good to hear. You are also an impotant person!:)

  43. There’s a quote from an “Anne of Avonlea” book by LM Montgomery about how the soaring makes up for the thuds that sorta seems appropriate for this. I’d look it up but it’s almost midnight here.

    You are brave to open yourself up like this, we join in your excitements and commiserate when you thud. Thank you. Hope the doc helps with your brain.

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