I will rejoice as the madness consumes him.

Tonight, Anne and I took some friends who are visiting from out of town to ride the Ghost Train in Griffith Park. Unlike the Haunted Hayride, it’s not designed to be scary, just to be fun. We had a great time, and it was delightful. HOWEVER  …

…while we waited in the line, we were subjected to a nightmarish collection of Kidz Bop Halloween songs. This unspeakably horrible experience lead me to resolve that, when I am King Of The Universe, the asshole who made Kidz Bop a thing will be forced to live the rest of his life in a dark, damp, inescapable pit of misery where the Kidz Bop music he vomited upon an innocent and undeserving world plays on infinite repeat.

I will rejoice as the madness consumes him.

22 thoughts on “I will rejoice as the madness consumes him.”

  1. But … but what if the creator of Kidz Bop actually *likes* that stuff. What if the extensive variety of overplayed, autotuned popsongs actually pleases him/her/it during eternity?

    Haha no. The suffering would be epic, and most entertaining.

  2. Speaking of strange soundtracks. I’m playing Fallout 3 while listening to all the old Radio Free Burritos. It’s really weird how well they go together. Three Dog plays some good music, but Wil is better company out in the Wasteland.

  3. I’ve always said that the government could do away with water boarding and sleep deprivation as ways to get detainees to talk and stick to just playing Kids Bop until they crack.
    I spent 10 minutes in a car listening to it and wanted to stick a screwdriver in both ears to make it stop.

  4. Infinite repeat & play it at half-speed or double-speed randomly. There are very few things that make me parent rage like the existence of kidz bop.

  5. Well by all accounts you could make this happen. Apparently there is a thing called catacombs which is wifi for the coffin…. yep you can take your playlists with you and because it is wifi enabled…… your loved ones can add to the playlist so that you never miss a new trend…. just saw it on a tech review. Mr. Crusher, they’ve made it so. ;)

  6. I’m sorry to do this but it’s spelled led. I hate being “that guy” but this is such a huge pet peeve of mine.

    I can’t believe Kidz Bob is still going. That came out when I was in middle school. Who is buying these (besides that guy).

  7. There was a Kidz Bop halloween video that had a whole bunch of kids singing “Time Warp” from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I’m no prude, I’m a die-hard lover of the Rocky and can’t wait to take my own kids someday. But there’s something about a roomful of 8-12 year olds singing “and it’s the pelvic thruuuuuust, that really drives you insayayaaaaaane” that was a bit too much for me to cope with. ::shudder::

  8. Pretty sure the guy who created that “Kidz Bop” stuff is the same goon who created the “Now That’s What I Call Music!” series.

    So really, the guy must have missed the lesson on “what is music?” in the first place.

  9. Thanks Wil. The person(s) who recruited and coached these kids to become KidzPop, are responsible for creating wealth and employment for lots of people. Yet, as you beautifully point out, great suffering for many.

  10. I am a firm believer that “Evil is Good”, but even I draw the line at torturing innocents in this manner.

    This person must pay.

  11. As a mom to a 3.5 year old, I COMPLETELY agree! Since I want my kid to grow up awesome (and with taste) that crap is banned in our house. Spookie Train was fantastic, other than that.

  12. As being german i didn’t know KidzBop. Thanks to Wil i do now! Thanks Wil for sending me shivers down my spine. Such crap exists everywhere in the world i guess. The german KidzBop is Volker Rosin be sure to check him out once you feel bold and comfort enough to face the true horror…

  13. Wow. Remind me to NEVER tell you what I thought of Wesley Crusher. Wil.
    You’re the type of arch-enemy that makes Lex Luthor look like Martha Stewart.
    (By the way, I adored Wesley. Seriously.)

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