this is my script. there are many like it, but this one is mine

Wil Wheaton Big Bang Theory Script

On Wednesday last week, I picked up my script in my dressing room, and in the upper right corner, it said that the script was for Will Wheaton, playing the part of Will Wheaton.

I picked it up, and walked into the stage. I found one of the assistant directors, and told him, “I think there’s been a terrible mistake. I’ve been given someone else’s script.”

I showed him the name. He looked mortified. “Oh god I’m so sorry. We’ll fix that right away.”

I laughed. “It’s not a big deal, and I can fix it myself right now.” I grabbed a pen and turned the superfluous Ls into little boxes, like I’ve been doing my whole life. “I really don’t care. I just thought I could make a joke about it, and I’m easily amused, so…”

He laughed with me and apologized again.

“I’m not a prima donna,” I said, “and people have been doing this my whole life.”

He spoke into his walkie. “I have him here, and we’re walking.”┬áHe turned to me. “They’re ready for you, sir.”

We walked around the back of the stage and along the space that separates the audience from the set. Today, that space is filled with cameras and equipment, but on rehearsal days, it’s empty and quiet.

“When I was in grade school, I went to this really authoritarian parochial school, and they were all about conforming to the rules. One of my teachers — I’m pretty sure it was my third grade teacher — used the dreaded red pen to add an extra L to my name for the first few days of school, until I got really upset about it and asked her to stop.”

“Jesus, she really did that?”

“Yeah, it was not a particularly awesome time for young me.”

We arrived at Howard and Bernadette’s apartment. “So I learned early on that it’s important to not be too precious about it, and now it’s funny to me.”

Later that day, after our rehearsals were finished and the script was updated to reflect changes the writers made, I got a new script, and it was actually mine, because it had my name on it and everything.

We’re shooting some scenes without the audience today, because there are something like 16 scenes in this episode, and if we shot all of them in front of the audience, it would make for a very late night.

Tomorrow, we’ll shoot almost the entire show in front of the audience, including the scenes that I’m in, where I play Wil Wheaton. He’s just this guy, you know?

133 thoughts on “this is my script. there are many like it, but this one is mine”

  1. just FYI, the closed captioning people get it right … at least the few times we’ve seen Sheldon cry out in agony, Wil Wheaton.

  2. The ways to spell Megan are endless (or at least it seems like it). Take out all the extraneous h’s and ea’s and you get me.

    And then you hit my last name. It’s two monosyllabic words that are very common in the English language put together. And yet I still get impressed when people get it right.

    1. My partner and I didn’t realize how many spelling configurations there were for the name Megan until we gave it to our daughter!

    2. Before changing my name, my last name was Watkinson-3 syllables which, taken individually, are easy to pronounce. Combine two, such as Watkins or Watson, and they were still manageable by most folks. But, add all three and it became too much for most folks to figure out. Hence the name change.

    3. My first name is Joy. Simple, foolproof, one-spelling-ONLY, right? NOT! I can’t decide which is my “favorite” creative variation: Joi or Joya (combining my first name and middle initial)

  3. My middle name is Lyn, L-Y-N. That spelling is the only thing that is unique (and really, it’s not that unique) about my entire name. I too once had a teacher tell me that I was spelling my name incorrectly. I told my mom, who had some choice words for the teacher because of course her child knew how to spell her own name.
    It’s nice that they made sure it was corrected.

  4. As a Debra WITHOUT AN O OR AN H, I feel and have felt many times, your pain. I guess in the 50’s it was one of the most popular names, but spelled “Deborah” (which might explain why all my teachers in the 80’s and 90’s always spelled it wrong… they grew up then!).

    I actually have a collection of celebrity autographs where my name is spelled wrong. It’s funny to me now too!

    1. My first name is my own damned fault (it has a y and two x’s in it). BUT S is my middle name . Just S with no period – it’s not short for anything. Like Harry S Truman. Or my grandfather, Samuel H B****
      How hard is it to NOT put a period? I mean after it’s been explained to you? Like on your official work badge? They remade it at my request. Put the period in anyway the second time. I gave up & put magic marker on it.

  5. Levita after my paternal grandmother is what my parents went with, for a long time people just randomly threw in D’s or Capitalized the V and behaved as if I had some strange two worded name, I go by Vee now, its easier and people are less likely to mess it up. The best think though I always thought was that people made my unique name more unique by adding flair when they spelled it… I never got upset I just shrugged it off! So I am totally with you!

  6. On a more personal note, my middle name is Nystrom, which is my mother’s maiden name. My first grade teacher insisted that it couldn’t be my name because it wasn’t even a word. My father marched into the classroom one morning and grabbed the pull-down map hanging above the blackboard, yanking it so hard it nearly came off its hooks. He then pointed to the lower-right corner of the map, which was published by the Nystrom Map Company. My middle name ceased to be a problem for my teacher.

  7. Absolutely, completely understand. Melyssa-with-a-Y has always been tough for people to grasp. Sometimes they know there’s a Y, but they don’t know where it goes. Mylissa is so much better! ;)

  8. Same here — still get a lot of people who spell Dennis as Denis or McDonald as MacDonald. Used to it after all these years. I’m also surprised that some organizations still have difficulty with the fact that my wife and I have different last names.

  9. I was cruel enough to call my daughter Susanne. I’ve sentenced to her to a life of spelling her name, saying “it’s s in the middle, not z.” I just didn’t like it with a z!

    1. I’m a Suzanne with a “z” and I spend my life being called Susan, often by people who should know better. Not to mention the creative spellings I often get…(two z’s? really?)

      I try not to be too precious about my own name, but it has made me more sensitive about names in general and I try to be very careful about making sure I get other people’s names right, even if they can’t be bothered to get mine correct.

  10. Having a different name may have been a pain as a child, but it has taught me big lessons about being unique and playful. It’s “Jennet” but you can call me “Janet” or “Jeannette” or “Jenn-Nay”. Touche!

  11. I’m Kym with a “y” and people have spelt it wrong my whole life but then something strange happened about 10 years ago. People asked me “Is that with a Y?” I don’t know why but it is pretty great. Still shits me when my family get it wrong!

  12. My first name is Nickole. Everyone, family included, has spelled it wrong my entire life. Now, as a teacher, I stress to my students how important their names are. Not just to spell, but also pronounce. I figure my name is the only thing that will ever truly be mine. But it’s frustrating when people are so careless they don’t even copy it correctly from my email signature.

    1. I agree with you. I teach English to Speakers of Other Languages, and so many of my students have their names ‘Americanized’ for them. By the time they know enough English to correct people, they are used to it, don’t think they can, or are afraid it will make them stand out too much.
      My own history makes me more aware, as well. My name is Mendi. I always say my parents just wanted to be weird, but that doesn’t fit them. I did learn how to politely stand up for myself and when to drop the issue.

  13. My daughter is named Dallas. When I get asked like the tv show’ I reply ‘No, like the Cowboys’. She’s 14 now, and people don’t seem surprised anymore. Now I’m disappointed.

  14. I have to admit to being somewhat disappointed in the ending. I was expecting them to give you a script for Wil[] Wheaton. Oh yeah…and just guess the number of ways my name has been misspelled.

  15. Donna…seems pretty easy doesn’t it? Yeah no. I have had Dawna, Dana and Dona almost my whole life. The last one was on my social security card for some reason and that was nothing short of a nightmare to get fixed.

  16. I get that a LOT. My last name is Earley (married into it), and it gets spelled wrong ALL. THE. TIME.

  17. Have you ever seen how people butcher the name “Arthur” ?? It’s like they think they get more points if they try to fit in ALL the vowels!

  18. I’m Sarah, and you’d think that would be easy. Most people will ask if it’s with an H. But I’ve gotten Sara, Sahara, Shara, Sahra, and Sahrah.

  19. As you can see, I’m Amberlee Garrison. People ask me my name and I say Amberlee and then they think Lee is the last name. I’ve had to give up on “it’s not Amber, it’s Amberlee, all one word, Garrison is my last name” and get used to being called Amber at this point, even though I hate that name for some reason. I think if anyone else screws it up, though, I’m going to purposely and incessantly screw up their name until they get it right.

  20. Kyle would seem straight forward, but I still get all sorts of variations. Khyle (mostly in the philippines, they love their extra H’s), kyal, kyel.

  21. It could be worse, my mother’s first name is Fairy… I’ve had people spell Rebecca with 2 b’s and a hebrew friend of the family insisted that it was Rebekkah, It’s my last name that no one can get. Elwell sounds just like it’s spelled. El-well. You wouldn’t believe the mispronunciations I get, and magazine subscriptions are particularly fun, once I was Rebbecca Ohwell! JOY!

  22. I’m Lauren (named after the great Lauren Bacall) but I often exist in the minds of others as:

    Laura
    Laurie
    Laurence
    Laurel
    Lauralie
    Larry
    (and any other variation under the sun)

    Don’t even get me started on how many times my maiden name was butchered as a kid.

    1. When I’m texting and I want to use the word, “will”, as in, “I will be there soon”, my phone autocorrects to Wil. As in, Wil Wheaton. Which, to my recollection, I only ever texted one time to a friend to see if Wil Wheaton would be at the Chicago Comic-Con. And it stuck. Forever. And I’m ok with that.

  23. My mom decided that her firstborn needed to have a special name and that’s how “Ashtan” came about. It throws people off because if they just see my name they assume I’m a guy. Or they try to correct me and say, “oh, did you mean Ashley?” No, motherfricker, my name is Ashtan, with an extra ‘a’!!! D: I’m pretty sure I know my own name!!!

  24. My mom’s name is Cathy, no K, not short for anything. You’d believe the amount of mail she gets as Katherine. I have a friend who’s actual name is J Daniel, not an initial, and she’s female.

  25. I have had my name spelt Aarik Eric Erik my last name has been Berber BurBur Beaser Beaker Beker Boomer No idea how they got that one. I know how you feel Wil

  26. I was corrected on how to spell my name by one teacher every day. Finally I handed in a project with my name spelled wrong so she wouldn’t correct me. 5th grade. When I got it back and showed my mom, my mom was so pissed that she went down to the school and yelled at a bunch of people. It was funny. She cared more than I did.
    Although, I do care more now than I used to…

    1. I’m Kate, but my full name is Katharine. I had to write a fictional story for history class when I was about 11 years old. I had a Princess Katharine in it. It was handed back to me with the K crossed out and replaced with a C, and the A crossed out and replaced with an E. I lost marks for it.

      There was also a Jennie at my school. It was Jennie on her birth certificate – it wasn’t short for Jennifer. There was one teacher (a different one) who insisted on calling her Jennifer. She would refuse to respond and kept telling the woman that wasn’t her name. If I remember rightly she may have been given lines to write at one point for her insolence (!)

  27. Very few people either spell my last name right or pronounce it right when reading it. Despite the 90 years of seeing Clyde Beatty, Ned Beatty or Warren Beatty on the silver screen… I just calmly walk them through it and often just answer to ‘be-atte’ or ‘beete’. Perhaps one day I’ll be famous enough to take over for the Beatty clan… ;)

  28. I LOVE this post and the comments! I’m a Lori IRL and have often been confused with Laurie, Lorie, Lorrie, etc. In addition, my former pastor and his wife used to call me Laurence (their pet name for me) which I’m sure confused others who heard it. My experience has evolved though; many people will ask how I spell it or I’ll just presume they want to know and tell them, “Lori, the easy one.” :D

  29. I am Lyndsey which most people spell differently. And I’m okay with that especially since it’s actually my middle name (thank you, teenage parents) so if I’m Lynsey, Lindsay or even Linzi I consider it a win as long as I’m not Jennifer!

  30. I love the number of people who are chiming in with “misspelled” names. It’s nice to not feel alone. I’m an Alyson with one L and a Y. No extra Ls or Is here, thankyouverymuch. And then I got an Italian last name when I got married, and now people can’t spell either one. :)

  31. My name is Joel, and sometimes people spell my name as Jole.
    I have never, ever seen anyone with this name spelled like that, so why do people keep on spelling it like this?

    1. Because in English, if you hadn’t seen the name and had to guess, you would probably spell it “Jole” based on hole, sole, mole, dole, role, pole, etc. You could go for Joal like coal but that’s a less common way to make that long-O-then-l sound. And the only thing I can think of like “Joel” is “Noel”, which is two syllables. So, yeah, I would expect Joel to get spelled wrong since it doesn’t follow the pattern of many similar sounds in English. It’s the same reason “Wil” gets misspelled. There are a lot of one syllable, double-LL, short vowel words in English (in addition to there being a common alternate name spelling but my point is I think that is less important than general “rules” of English when it comes to people automatically spelling things without thinking).

  32. I have an odd spelling of Staci I often get Stacey Stacy Stacie but very rarely the actual spelling. Never had much issue with it at school as I went to a small one but a substitute did once pronounce it as it’s spelt.

    However I did have an argument with a manger at work over it. But I soon won when I got my drivers licence out

  33. I hate telling people my last name because as soon as I do they always call me Courtney instead of my first name: Ivy. It is also fun that when people ask for your last name and you say Courtney they huff back at you “NO, your LAST name.”

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