this is my script. there are many like it, but this one is mine

Wil Wheaton Big Bang Theory Script

On Wednesday last week, I picked up my script in my dressing room, and in the upper right corner, it said that the script was for Will Wheaton, playing the part of Will Wheaton.

I picked it up, and walked into the stage. I found one of the assistant directors, and told him, “I think there’s been a terrible mistake. I’ve been given someone else’s script.”

I showed him the name. He looked mortified. “Oh god I’m so sorry. We’ll fix that right away.”

I laughed. “It’s not a big deal, and I can fix it myself right now.” I grabbed a pen and turned the superfluous Ls into little boxes, like I’ve been doing my whole life. “I really don’t care. I just thought I could make a joke about it, and I’m easily amused, so…”

He laughed with me and apologized again.

“I’m not a prima donna,” I said, “and people have been doing this my whole life.”

He spoke into his walkie. “I have him here, and we’re walking.” He turned to me. “They’re ready for you, sir.”

We walked around the back of the stage and along the space that separates the audience from the set. Today, that space is filled with cameras and equipment, but on rehearsal days, it’s empty and quiet.

“When I was in grade school, I went to this really authoritarian parochial school, and they were all about conforming to the rules. One of my teachers — I’m pretty sure it was my third grade teacher — used the dreaded red pen to add an extra L to my name for the first few days of school, until I got really upset about it and asked her to stop.”

“Jesus, she really did that?”

“Yeah, it was not a particularly awesome time for young me.”

We arrived at Howard and Bernadette’s apartment. “So I learned early on that it’s important to not be too precious about it, and now it’s funny to me.”

Later that day, after our rehearsals were finished and the script was updated to reflect changes the writers made, I got a new script, and it was actually mine, because it had my name on it and everything.

We’re shooting some scenes without the audience today, because there are something like 16 scenes in this episode, and if we shot all of them in front of the audience, it would make for a very late night.

Tomorrow, we’ll shoot almost the entire show in front of the audience, including the scenes that I’m in, where I play Wil Wheaton. He’s just this guy, you know?

133 thoughts on “this is my script. there are many like it, but this one is mine”

  1. Perhaps you should embrace the Will, Will Wheaton could be the caricature of yourself that you play. Will Wheaton played by Wil Wheaton. Yes, it would get messy.

  2. You would be amazed at how many ways people can spell “Gigi”. It’s so funny!
    My favorite was the time I got a call to tell me an order was ready to pick up, and the person on the other end asked, “Is this G – I – G – something?” “Uhm, yes? This is ‘Gigi’?” And when I went to pick it up, told them my name, **blank stare**, then, “Oh! Was that, ‘G – I – G – something?'” **facepalm**
    I sympathize with Nickole above: One person, who emailed us, offended that we left her daughter’s name off the Christmas card envelope, has consistently spelled my name G. G., no matter how I have spelled it on my emails or Christmas cards… I guess she feels she’s correct, since she knows it originated with my birth initials… But that’s not how I spell it. Why is that hard?
    Even my dear Husband insists on spelling it GiGi, which has just become a source of amusement! To be fair, he’s Johnathan, with the extra H, so he’s had to get over having his name misspelled his while life, too.

  3. I’m Scottish and I live in England. The vast majority of the time when I tell people how to spell my name and I say “It’s Ian with two i’s” they spell it “Iian” instead of “Iain”…

    And don’t even get me started on my surname…
    “Oh, like the cat!”
    “No, that’s Macavity. And no, I was never tempted to become a dentist. I would have had to have been called Phil.”

  4. I’m forever adding the accent making my e into an é. I’m used to it and mispronunciation of my first name. I usually don’t even correct people. I’ve had friends be shocked that I’ve let them say and write my name incorrectly. It doesn’t bother me though. I figure I should expect it having. Non English name that is written so closely to a common English name.

  5. My wife (Allison) has the opposite problem. She’s always having to correct people that it is 2 L’s, not one. I’m not entirely sure why, whenever I think of the name (even before I met her) I always thought it was supposed to be 2 L’s.

    People are sometimes weird about spelling names though. I mean, you’d think that I wouldn’t have trouble with people spelling Michael wrong (considering it’s biblical), but it’s not abnormal for people to spell it in some really weird ways. (My BROTHER is especially bad, I’m not sure if he’s just a moron that way, or trying to get on my nerves lol)

    1. FYI, I’m an Alison with one L who consistently has people put two. (I can count on one hand the number of times anyone has gotten it right on the first try, and most of the time they don’t even in email responses where they can see how I spelled it right below!) I have finally come to the conclusion that part of the confusion originated with the last name Allison – my parents claim the baby name book they had said that one L was the first name, and two was the last name – because they weren’t actively trying to give me an uncommon spelling… (If you look at baby name graphs and stats, two Ls is incredibly more common than one…)

  6. At least I didn’t have the problem a friend of mine had. for a while, nobody could remember if his name was Mike or Marc…. they kept thinking it was marc, which is short for marcus…..which rhymes with mucus…..

    and thus, everyone started calling him “Snot”

  7. This is not a spelling issues, but related. I have gone by Kimberly since I was a teenager. I used to go by Kim when I was younger because that is what my parents called me. But, when I got older, I started introducing myself as Kimberly – so I had one set of people who still called me Kim and one that called me Kimberly. That part doesn’t bother me that much. What DOES bother me is when I make a point of introducing myself as Kimberly, and immediately they shorten it to Kim without asking – they assume it is ok. Employees at Starbucks often write Kim on my cup, even though I did not say Kim. I actually got into an argument once when they asked “can I just write Kim?” and I replied “I did not say Kim and Kim is NOT my name.”

    Yes, maybe I take it a little too seriously.

    Today, I am an elementary teacher. I have the great fortune of having a specialized job – teaching ALL students at our school, K-5th science, one hour a week. I make a point when a new kid comes to our school, of making sure that I get their name spelled correctly, that I shorten it or keep it whole – how THEY want it, not how their regular classroom teacher wants it. If other kids argue “no, she isn’t Cassandra, she’s Cassie” I kindly explain that even though she is often called Cassie, she told me that she actually likes Cassandra better, so that is what I am calling her. If they seem unconvinced, I explain Kim vs. Kimberly.

    1. I went by Christopher growing up. I don’t know why, but as a kid it really bothered me when people called me Chris. Now that I am older, I introduce myself as Chris. The funny thing in my situation, however, is that I work with several cousins, and they used to try to correct me when I introduced myself to other employees and customers, because it sounded so weird to them.

      One of them even has a running joke on me. When she calls the store, and I introduce myself, she will say, “I’m sorry, did you say this is chrisTOPHER?” lol. I don’t let it bother me either way, just because I’m used to hearing it both ways, but for some reason saying the full thing myself seems strange to me now.

  8. Do to the fact that my first name has always been hard for people to spell, I have a script that I follow when giving my name:

    Can, like kick the can
    D as in Delta
    Ace, like the ace of spades.

    And, now that I’m married with an equally difficult to spell last name:

    G as in Golf
    Ran, like you ran a mile
    Staff, like people you employee
    NO D!

    I used to tell people, just call me Candy, but inevitably they’d spell it Candi.
    There is one person who always spells my name wrong as Candance. It’s ironic, because I can’t dance.

  9. My name is Katy, so I get a lot of Katie and Kathy. I usually go with the flow and try to fix it only if necessary and gently….but the worst was my class ring – originally spelled “Haty”

    I’m a very positive person generally, so had a hard time with that one.

  10. I’ve been with my fiance for over 16 years and have spent the bulk of that time living with or near his family. 15 years of holidays with his family. 15 years of Christmas presents and cards. You get the gist.

    To this day, his mother, brother and cousin are still the only ones in the family that can spell my name reliably. It’s not even hard. It’s Erin. See? Simple, right? About as plain as you can get.
    But I’ve been Errriond. Erwin. Eorian. Erann. Arriond. There have been g’s and q’s and y’s… The ‘y’ I can possibly see… but I’m still baffled by the rest!

    It’s become a game at this point – I score on creativity and pronunciation and end up with a few much needed chuckles around the holidays. :)

  11. You should find a wishing well, and put it in your will to writers everywhere, with a codicil to will other people to remember to write your name as Wil. Then it’ll simply be a matter of Will Wil Will Wil Will Well Work?

  12. I remember sitting down and figuring out more than 10 variations of the spelling of my name when I was a kid. I go by both my first and middle names, Mary Anne, and had a college professor (a Catholic Brother…) that refused to call me what I asked and would only call me by my first name. THAT infuriated me, but unless it is something “official” I let it go. I do get excited on the rare occasion when they spell my name right on a Starbucks cup, though!

    1. … And my daughter’s name is Lily, and people always want to give her another L. When people ask how many Ls, and Ian say “two, but not together” no one gets it.

  13. I have an unusual name that’s difficult to spell so I learned early on just to ignore it and answer if people seemed to be talking in my general direction. At one job I had we had a temp that insisted on calling me Jemima, despite the fact that it was not really close to my name AND that my name was emblazoned in large letters on my door which she faced and looked at all day long. I thought it was funny, but it drove everyone else in the office crazy. I got an odd amusement out of hearing them try to get her to say my name properly. “Joanne? Gail? Jennie? Gwen?” she’d say, perplexed. Maybe it was just a combination of letters that eluded her somehow…

  14. While preparing the photo credits and thank you page for a book I was warned that one of the photographers would get very upset if I left out the umlaut over the O in his name.

    It’s too late now, but it would have been amusing if the character was “Evil Will Wheaton” played by Wil Wheaton.

    [I too don’t get upset by the two alternate spellings of my first name, two similar first names and the ten different spellings of my last name.]

  15. Don’t even get me started on “Dolores”……and the Grade 7 teacher who announced that I looked more like a “Doris” and that she would be calling me that for the rest of the year.

  16. Yup… I’m a victim of the crazy spellers too. My name doesn’t get a whole lot easier either. Double L double E. I would say you wouldn’t believe the variations, but considering what some of the rest of you go through too – yeah you would. My “favourite” is “Collen” – seriously? If you’re gonna skimp on a letter, let it be the L for heaven’s sake, at least it can be pronounced correctly. The worst part is that one seems to appear on replies to my business email – where my signature line is VERY clear. No funky font or anything. *sigh* Also had Collin, Collene, Colline, Coleen, Colean… had one at Starbucks not long ago that was SO far off, I thought I wouldn’t forget… but I have. 😀 And my last name is even easier… basic grade 1 stuff. If I had a nickel for every time someone asked me to spell it… *sigh* Sometimes they want to make it plural… nope, nope, just one of me, thanks! My mother & daughter both have feminized fairly common male names – just add an “a” at the end for my mum’s, and an “e” on the end for my daughter… and everybody seems mystified even still. *sigh* We shouldn’t be surprised though – it’s a spell-check world out there – and people don’t even use that, why would they make sure someone’s name is correct?

  17. I’m a Jennifer. Just you plain basic Jennifer where every girl born in the 70’s was named. 90% of spell it the normal way. But everyone else spells it wrong. 1 n, 1 f’s, I’ve gotten a G instead of a J. But what’s really sad, my ex-husband’s sister was named Jennifer too. Spelled the same way. My ex-father-in-law would still spell my name wrong. He had 25 years of practice before meeting me.

  18. I may have done this to my son. I named him Kalieb (pronounced like Caleb). I just wanted something different for him.
    As for me, I grew up being called “Andy” by my mom and family members. As I got older I started introducing myself as Anthony (sounds more like an adult), and my friends have called me “Ant” for YEARS. I now have friends that seem to stutter between calling me all 3 sometimes. And to let people who know me professionally only hear my mom or a friend call me Andy, they act like they are shocked! “Andy is short for Andrew, not Anthony.”

    Oh! And my Uncle….. Seeing as mom has called me Andy, he has always thought my full first name was ANDREW. So I show up to a cousins wedding in 2003 looking for my name on the table list and cannot find Anthony Finney. But I keep seeing an Andrew Finney. Then it hit me. My uncle called me that so much, my cousin thought the same thing…..

    And Shakespeare had the nerve to write “What’s in a name?”

  19. Jea… Names… funny thing!
    The funniest dialoge in this matter ever happend to me started with:
    “Oh you´re a girl! I thought Berni is the short form of Bernhard.”
    My first name is Bernadette and I can´t count how many versions of spelling there are.
    I just smiled when a teacher of mine started to call me Uli because of my last Name Ulrich.

  20. My name is Lenora. I’ve been called everything – Leonora, Elenore, Lenore, Lorraine, Laura. I finally got tired of it and have changed to Nora. I still get the occasional, “Laura?” but for the most part people don’t mess up Nora.

    It’s funny because until I changed NO ONE was allowed to call me Nora except my mother, brother and husband. It was a family name only. But it got to the point (around age 35) where I couldn’t stand my name being mispronounced anymore.

  21. My name isn’t hard to spell, but is hard to hear. In grade school, I was called Dickie. I would get “Nickie”or “Mickey” or “Vicki”. During high school, I got tired of that name, so decided to go by Richard. When I went to college, I decided to change again, to “Dick”. (That’s my father’s name, too. )
    Of course, this name has its own problems. Some people insist on calling me Richard, instead. I also once worked as a cashier, where management told other workers to only call me Richard over the intercom. Many chat boards will **** out my name, so I have to put spaces between the letters if I actually want to spell it out. I just laugh it off. I have great fun with my name. (I also still have the problem with people mis-hearing my name. )
    And, Michael, I can commiserate. My daughter’s name is Rachel – another biblical name that people shouldn’t get wrong. It’s truly amazing how many people want to put an ‘e’ in random places.

  22. My name is pretty simple… At least I’d never thought Shanna was all that difficult… However, I’ve had everything from shawna to Shannon to Samantha… The one that really threw me for a loop was my ex-boyfriend’s grandmother who called me Rebecca. He had never dated a Rebecca.

  23. I’ve lost count of how many ways you can spell my first name (and we won’t even go into the last name). It was apparently common in the 70s – in a class of 35, there was me, Christina, and Kristina, plus at least one male Chris, who ironically insisted on calling me Christine. My name was spelled differently on almost every report card in grade school, back in the pre-computer days, and to this day my grandmother can’t spell it right. Unless it’s something official, it usually doesn’t bother me.

    I got so used to seeing in spelled wrong that when I got my first drivers license, I didn’t notice that my name was spelled wrong on the paperwork. So I had to get back in line with my hot-off-the-printer license and have it corrected, and the clerk just looked at me like I must have been the dumbest person she’d seen all day.

  24. I have been every ‘A’ name people could come up with, but usually Ashley for some reason. Never mind folks not being able to understand I spell my name A-L-Y-S-O-N with a ‘y’ and only one ‘l’. They seem able to accept one or the other, but not both xD Then just last week I got an envelope at work, with a _typed_ label on it with my name as Aliyson. It was amazing, and super confusing.

    1. My first name and last name frequently get misspelled by others. The names aren’t long and they are English names. My first name can be spelled many different ways. My first name isn’t spelled how it sounds so that leads to a lot of confusion with how it’s spelled and pronounced. My last name usually gets an extra double letter added to it. Sometimes it gets completely butchered but that’s usually my fault when I don’t enunciate clearly. I don’t get upset with strangers getting my names wrong. In fact I’m usually curious how the spell my first name when I say it.

      What does bother me is people who have known me for a long time and who I interact with on a very regular basis who make the mistakes. It’s a careless attitude that I don’t like.

  25. My cousin Jamie had a teacher like that – seemed to take it as an act of defiance that his name was not actually ‘James’, and even flipped out one day because ‘we do not use nicknames in this classroom.’

    If I remember right, it’s the same teacher my mother eventually yelled at for calling me ‘Christian’ all year. So, that’s fun.

  26. My name problems are more with pronunciation. Tara, with the same “ar” sound as bar and far, not dare or fare. It does not rhyme with Sarah. The only people who get it right the first time are people from the U.K. because it’s an Irish name. Yes, it comes from Gone with the Wind, which was book long before it was a movie, and Hollywood got the pronunciation wrong. I grew up in a small town, so every school year I had most of the same kids in my class, and in unison, they would correct the teacher on the first day of school. In college I met a guy named Omar (same ar sound and my name), and he actually argued with me about how it was the same name and that I shouldn’t correct people. So I said, “Really, “Omare” (rhyming with dare)? It doesn’t matter?” Quickest, most sheepish apology ever.

  27. I have very simple and common first and middle names (Sarah Emily) but go by a variation of my middle name (Emma). Despite my name being at the bottom of every email, I fully accept “Sarah” and “Emily” as proper forms of address- they are my names. I just get confused by the others (and there are MANY others)- Edna, Anna/Ana, Alma, Stephanie, Sandy, Ella, Samantha, Sally, etc…did you just pick a first letter and go with it??

  28. Yep, me 2. I’m a LaGrou. Not Lagrou, not La Grou, not Lagrow, not LaGreau, and numerous others. The creativety people have in misspelling my name is amazing. It used to bug me, but lately I’ve just started ignoring it. HEY?!? With you name being spelt different ways, does that impact you with the SAG union? Isn’t there some voting status?

  29. I hear ya, man. I get “Lilla”, “Lily”, “Leela”, “Lisa” etc. for pronunciations, and “Lilla”, “Lilah”, “Lyla”, and “Leila” for spellings.

    And how on Earth anyone can appoint themselves arbiter of how SOMEONE ELSE should spell his or her name continues to flabbergast me. My own mother, whose name was Katherine, used to get snippy about “Kathryn”, “Catherine”, and “C/Katharine”. Not when people misspelled her name–when they spelled THEIR OWN names differently from the way she spelled hers.

  30. Mine is a Shari – not Sheri, Sherry, Sherrie, Cherry….. like Shari Lewis (and Lambchop – showing my age now for sure). And how about a last name Hritz – a slavic name, pronounced (here anyway) like Ritz, the cracker. Hertz, Heitz, Shari H. Ritz – I always had to spell my name because none of the spellings are common. and just TRY telling someone you have a silent H in your last name! When I married and gained the surname London I thought, AHA, I will NEVER AGAIN have to spell my LAST name! And yet most people will spell it Lunden (like Joan Lunden) rather than London (like the bridge).

    What I wonder is – is there anyone out there who ALWAYS gets their name spelled correctly? Seems like that would be rarer!! At least it is good to know we are not alone in our name-misspelling woes.

  31. I use my first and middle name at work to remind me I am in a formal backstabbing setting so I do not get comfortable and assume I have more friends than enemies.

  32. LOVE the “Hitchhiker’s” reference, Zaphod!
    And nice job on @Midnight tonight (today?).

  33. i no longer feel the need to correct people misspelling my name as Nick when it’s actually Nik… but i do take out my baton and whip them incessantly. j/k

  34. WIL WHEATON. LoL. It seems to say Wilo Wheaton.
    Just messing with you. I love you, I loved you in Star Trek, I love you in TBBT. You are the hero of many, and one of the reasons I wanted to be a physicist. I try and faild by the way. But I love you :)
    Do you really have time to read all the replys, by the way? It would be awsome to know. Godspeed, my child hero.

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