this is my script. there are many like it, but this one is mine

Wil Wheaton Big Bang Theory Script

On Wednesday last week, I picked up my script in my dressing room, and in the upper right corner, it said that the script was for Will Wheaton, playing the part of Will Wheaton.

I picked it up, and walked into the stage. I found one of the assistant directors, and told him, “I think there’s been a terrible mistake. I’ve been given someone else’s script.”

I showed him the name. He looked mortified. “Oh god I’m so sorry. We’ll fix that right away.”

I laughed. “It’s not a big deal, and I can fix it myself right now.” I grabbed a pen and turned the superfluous Ls into little boxes, like I’ve been doing my whole life. “I really don’t care. I just thought I could make a joke about it, and I’m easily amused, so…”

He laughed with me and apologized again.

“I’m not a prima donna,” I said, “and people have been doing this my whole life.”

He spoke into his walkie. “I have him here, and we’re walking.” He turned to me. “They’re ready for you, sir.”

We walked around the back of the stage and along the space that separates the audience from the set. Today, that space is filled with cameras and equipment, but on rehearsal days, it’s empty and quiet.

“When I was in grade school, I went to this really authoritarian parochial school, and they were all about conforming to the rules. One of my teachers — I’m pretty sure it was my third grade teacher — used the dreaded red pen to add an extra L to my name for the first few days of school, until I got really upset about it and asked her to stop.”

“Jesus, she really did that?”

“Yeah, it was not a particularly awesome time for young me.”

We arrived at Howard and Bernadette’s apartment. “So I learned early on that it’s important to not be too precious about it, and now it’s funny to me.”

Later that day, after our rehearsals were finished and the script was updated to reflect changes the writers made, I got a new script, and it was actually mine, because it had my name on it and everything.

We’re shooting some scenes without the audience today, because there are something like 16 scenes in this episode, and if we shot all of them in front of the audience, it would make for a very late night.

Tomorrow, we’ll shoot almost the entire show in front of the audience, including the scenes that I’m in, where I play Wil Wheaton. He’s just this guy, you know?

133 thoughts on “this is my script. there are many like it, but this one is mine”

  1. A friend named her daughter Faline. It’s pronounced Fah (rhymes with “hah”) lean ( rhymes with “seen”.) I would have spelled it Faleen or Falene. I can’t imagine how many times she is called Fah LINE (rhymes with nine) and I know she’s been called Feline (as in a cat).

    1. As a Dis-Nerd, I can tell you with confidence that Bambi’s girlfriend was Faline, spelled exactly the same as your friend’s daughter. I don’t know whether that figured into the reasoning, but it’s something.

      1. Yes, that was where the name came from. Her Mom saw the movie and liked the name, so she decided, “if I ever have a daughter I will name her Faline”

  2. Just be careful. If the Wil Wheaton they are asking you to play should ever be asked to play Wil Wheaton, you could quickly find yourself in an infinite recursion, with your brain running out of memory and coming to a screeching halt.

  3. I am Sara-without-an-H and I like to tell people I *have* an h in my name, it’s just silent. And invisible.

  4. I can relate somewhat. My name is Randall but a great many people insist on shortening my name to Randy, which I detest. Whenever someone calls me “Randy” I make sure to correct them but inevitably feel as though I’m being overly sensitive or an asshole. Still, it’s interesting how some people seem to infer the right to shorten or modify names while others take their cue from how you introduce yourself.

  5. Hi Wil, we met you yesterday near the bathrooms at Disney. Just wanted to say thanks for chatting with us–best day at Disney EVER! Have fun at MegaCon. :)

  6. Oh, names. I’m Rachel, aka Rachael, aka Racheal, aka Rebecca. Yes, if someone is going to call me the wrong name, they always call me Rebecca. It doesn’t bother me too much if it’s a stranger (like at Starbucks), but I do compliment them on getting it right if they do. The funny thing about the spelling of my name is that since I was named for the Rachel in the Bible, my parents wanted to spell it like it was in the Bible. One version had one spelling, the other another spelling. So they went with the fewest letters.

    My husband is Andrés, aka Andreas, aka André. Last one is courtesy of my aunt, who has called him that since the day she met him. At least she gets the accent in there.

    My son is Alex. I get so many people who try to call him Alexander. Nope, it’s just Alex.

    And our last name. It’s a fairly common one, but I guess my Texas accent doesn’t do it justice because I have to spell it out so many times. And it’s spelled exactly how it sounds!

  7. On the topic of your name, did you get a good giggle out of Stewie callin’ you “WHil WHeaton” on Family Guy a while back? ;)

  8. I’m an Aussie by birth. My parents however are American. They named me Laurie. Down Under Laurie is a males name, short for Lawrence. For my entire school career my name was put on the boys roster when calling attendance. It was always mispronounced, like Lorry (Loh-ree) when I preferred to be called Laurie (Law-ree). Most teachers once they saw I was in fact a girl, I asked respectfully that I was put on the girls roster, and as a female be called by the feminine pronunciation, they were fine with it. Except my PE teacher in 7th and 8th grade who had a chip on her drunken abusive shoulders. I failed PE both years because I refused to answer to my name still being on the male roster and she refused to even attempt to pronounce it correctly. She was awful and physically abusive. Due to her abuse I was pulled from PE classes and excused for the rest of high school.

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