i feel really weird right now

This morning, I took my dogs out into my backyard, and watched them run around. A warm, almost hot Santa Ana wind blew leaves off the trees, and the dogs kept stopping to smell whatever mysteries the wind brought with it.

About 18 hours ago, I walked to center ice at Staples Center with Bob Miller and Jim Fox, and threw a pie into Greg Wyshynski’s face.

I know that doesn’t mean much to most of you, but it was such a surreal experience for me, I have to write it down so I can know that it was real.

In about 30 hours, I’ll walk out in front of an audience and thank them for coming to the first ever taping of a show I helped develop, that I write, produce, and host. At the moment, I’m making twelve episodes of that show, but there’s a non-zero chance I will get to make more.

In about 48 hours, I’ll get on a plane and fly to New York, where I’ll spend three days doing one of the things I hate most in the world: talking to the press to promote something. I prefer to let the work speak for itself, but before I can do that, people have to know that the work exists. It’s a first world problem, to be sure, but not something I’m looking forward to doing.

I miss writing narrative stories on my blog, and I suppose I should be embracing the fact that I can’t, because I’m so busy working on creating things. I’m happy for those things, obviously, but I still miss the simple joy of sitting down in The Quiet of telling a story and writing it down.

Tabletop Season 3 is the most successful crowdfunded webseries in history. We finished last night at just over 1.4 million dollars.

Everything is really awesome and amazing, and I feel really weird right now.

100 thoughts on “i feel really weird right now”

  1. This is really awesome, Wil. Congratulations on your new show. I do miss your home brewing posts, though.

    1. I miss brewing, too! I was going to make a porter today, but it’s too damn windy, and my wort would get full of leaves and pollen and junk.

      1. Will your show be on Hulu? Due to several issues including the fact that I read a lot (I mean a A LOT) and haven’t turned the TV on in months, I cancelled my cable (and saved ~ $1200/year). I now watch shows such as TBBT on Hulu.

        1. At best it will be available online at SyFy.com however they tend to only put shows online 30day after they air.

          1. My understanding, after conversations with the network, is that this will be online within 24 hours of its original broadcast (probably sooner, if you know where to look and can’t get it any other way).

          2. Thanks for the replies. I can only reply to Capple’s response, not to Bebinn’s or Wil’s responses for some reason. I’ll get my friend to DVR it. I’ll get cable back but it will be a year or two, gotta let things in my life settle down first.

  2. Every creative worth a damn I know has absolutely no idea how to handle victory conditions. Doesn’t matter how successful they are or what they do, you hand someone who creates things a definitive win, an absolute validation? And almost all of us will go…

    ‘Really?’

    Really.

    REALLY.

    You do amazing work. You’re a passionate, eloquent advocate for the things you love and you come at them with a willingness to let the work speak for itself. That’s incredibly rare and incredibly admirable.

    Go hydrate, play with your dogs, futz about online, whatever it takes for your subconscious to finish rendering. You’re going to have a very big week and it’s going to figure out that very soon.

    Have fun, Wil:) You’ve earned it:)

  3. Congratulations on your success! You’ve worked hard and while it may seem surreal, take the time to savor these moments and the fruit of your labor. Breathe them in deeply and then exhale completely…give yourself room to then take in more. Because your story is nowhere near done. :)

  4. I think what you’ve done with TableTop had been incredible, and I think the passion and enthusiasm you, and everyone involved, have put into it is being reflected in the success you’re having now. While you may be busy at the moment, I’m glad you’re taking time to reflect on it. To me, that shows you’re thankful for it and that it’s deserved!

  5. We are all happy for you Wil. I’m sure everyone who reads your blog and has read your books is rooting for you and glad to see you succeed. I know I’m looking forward to your new show, Tabletop Season 3, and the new RPG show. Can’t Wait!

  6. Have you talked to Thomas Tull yet? He seemed very eager to meet you on the Nerdist podcast…

  7. You’re allowed to feel a little sad about the things you’re not getting a chance to do right now, even when everything else is awesome. Just remember to take some time out to enjoy them the next time you get a break for a couple of weeks – you’ve earned it!

    Delighted for you that so much good stuff is going on for you just now – I’m looking forward to the Wil Wheaton Project, and even more to Tabletop S3 and the RPG Show :)

  8. Well in this case weird = good. Congrats on the wonderful news —we are all out here cheering you on. Press tours are a necessary evil I would imagine and maybe this one will prove to be a bit different. If nothing else maybe some more “stories” will evolve from it. Way to go!

  9. Its a good weird, though, I would think! You are doing amazing things in so many areas… its awesome to keep up with you and see whats new! Good job Wil!

  10. Genetics teaches us that change can occur suddenly through mutation. Successful mutations result in creative adaptation to the environment. So, Wil Wheaton, if you are creating that means you may be a successful mutation. What could feel weirder than that? I’m kidding…Can’t wait to see your show!

  11. Wil, I know you’ve put a lot of work into all of these projects. I can’t wait to see the fruits of all that labor. Just try not to think about everything for the moment and enjoy today. Keep up the good work man!

  12. Hey Wil! Congratulations on all your success! I love TableTop, and my wife and I will see you tomorrow at your taping!

  13. I wish you the greatest of successes Wil. I think it is totally awesome that you are able to be so successful in your creative endeavors! I understand your weird feeling completely. Congrats Sir!

  14. I know how you feel, Wil. I’ve got 600k and 5,000 people depending on me to not screw this one up. (City of Titans (spiritual sequel to City of Heroes))
    Everything is awesome. These people are awesome – I’ve talked to many of them.
    And I have work to do. My normal life has been shattered by this, but it’s what needs to get done, in order to do what I need to do.

    It’s really humbling.

    All we can do is be the person we said we were going to be, make the project we said we were going to make, and when we can, push to make it even more awesome.

    I’ve managed to pull off a few tricks.

    Here’s hoping you do the same.

    And hey, welcome to my town.

  15. One more thing to add to your successes: you enable time travel.
    The three words, “Santa Ana wind” brought me back in time instantly about 17 years when I sang a very cool arrangement of Babylon Sisters by Steely Dan with my a cappella group. Thanks! I loved that song!

  16. I’m really really happy for you and all the exciting stuff you’re doing right now! You absolutely deserve all the best things. I’m still going to miss our time together at PCC this year though.

  17. known tidbits about your MH history.. it makes total sense you feel weird. I have anxiety/panic as well and some of the times I feel worst are the times I’m succeeding. I should be happy, but im freaking about the success (what next, i have to talk to people?!, what if .. what if.. what if..) i end up kicking myself for freaking out, then have a moment of “omg i did it” pride, then another anxious moment of oh god what now…. its weird.. its ok to be weird. id rather be original and weird than a carbon copy of what’s expeccted. sit back, relax, have a glass, play with the dogs, futs around the house, have friends over for game… it will all play out at the end

  18. Despite the fact that I follow your blog on RSS, I did not know you were running the tabletop fundraiser. Now that I went looking for it, I found it on a list of links in your last post. But I really hadn’t heard of it otherwise!

  19. Add me to the list of well-wishers, Wil! You have really done a lot for us nerds, and I am so happy for you (and excited for myself) that you get to bring all these awesome things to life!

    Wish I could attend the taping of your new show, but I am on the wrong coast.

  20. You are going through some halcyon days of success where the future seems to bring more questions than ever before. Everything seems awesome… but part of your psyche is expecting the worst at any moment.

    It has always been impossible to tell the future, but when everything seems to be going along better than ever imagined, we all begin to become distinctly apprehensive about the what will happen next.

    It is the knowledge of basic physics that burdens us. Knowing that things which are moving quickly tend to have dramatic endings when they are forced to stop, especially if the stop is unexpected. And life always seems to have ways of putting the most unexpected and difficult barriers directly in the path of our planned travels.

    Just know this Wil: No matter how good things get, or how bad… You are surrounded by people who appreciate you and your efforts. You are married and have great kids. You are living a fortunate life. Savor the basic good things, and only sweat those things that could cause undeserved harm to others.

    Best of luck Wil. :-)

    1. Thank you for your kindness, and for putting it into an analogy that actually makes a ton of sense to my brain. :)

  21. The work you do and your outlook on life leave me in awe sir, as a creative trying to make my art work for me I know how hard it it and all the insecurity and doubt that goes with it. The fact that you’ve been able to pull off so much a blend stay a blends humble and grounded as you have is an inspiration. Thank you for being so awesome.

  22. We are in the midst of buying a house right now, and there’s one thing that everyone keeps saying to us:

    “You deserve this.”

    OK, so we’ve been to home buying classes, and spent 6 years saving up for it, and my wife lost her job at one point but got a better one so we can still afford it, and we’ve read everything there is to read about it…

    But deserve it?

    I’m not used to the feeling of things falling into place and actually getting what I want.

    But somewhere under all the monsters, and the negative words that fly out from the storm clouds and buzz around your head like gnats is one, lone, tiny voice that’s saying:

    “You deserve this.”

  23. I’m so excited for you. I can’t wait to see your show, and so awesome that you exceeded your goals on Tabletop!

    As a blogger myself I know it sucks not having enough time to write the content that you would love to put out there, but it just means you’re busy, and busy is good!

  24. Based on how highly you’ve spoken of your agent in past blog posts, maybe you can get away with promoting the show while still stopping [very?] short of pandering to anybody. Part of your appeal as a writer and television/web actor is how you maintain a high level of honesty. I think that Wheaton-ness can only do you good with the SiFi show.

  25. Folks who deal with depression can be unaccustomed to the mesolimbic reporting back that “it’s all good!” It’s okay to feel a bit weird when the dopamine is plentiful. If you relax into it and practice, you’ll get used to it – and given your talents and supportive community, I think you’d better get used to it! :-) Congrats and Best Wishes.

  26. It has been a long and wonderful journey with you. I remember ending up on this very site over 10 years ago and becoming a part of the amazing community that it once was. I am honored to have been a part of that.. and so proud of how you have turned each of your dreams into realities. You are an inspiration and I will always consider you a friend.
    You will always be the HMIC to some of us who will always be monkey boxers in our hearts. Congratulations on this new path of your journey.. may it lead to even more wonderful things!
    *Wishing you loads of Love, Light and Mojo*
    Nephratari

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