Vogon Poetry

Vogon Poetry

Good morning, everyone.
I am recovering from those $#@!ing Yankees and their $#@!ing ‘mystique’ and ‘aura’…
I swear, The Diamondbacks have been watching too many Dodger games, based on the way they blow 9th inning leads.
Just a reminder: The WILLIAM F***ING SHATNER and WILLIAM $#!@ING SHATNER stores are closing today, so if you want anything from there, now’s the time to get it.
Don’t fret: The WWDN and Posse stores are still there, and I’m working on a RFB design, too!
My fortune from last night’s Panda Express Extravaganza: “Nothing can keep you from reaching your goals”.
So I got that going for me, which is nice.

S! A! TUR! DAY! NIGHT!

S! A! TUR! DAY! NIGHT!

This Saturday night, at 10PM, your pal and mine, Wil Wheaton, will be performing, LIVE at the ACME Comedy theatre!
I have recently joined forces with The Liquid Radio Players. We battle evil by performing an entirely improvised 1940’s-style radio play. We wear period costumes, perform with a sound effects man and musician, and there is always 1940’s era entertainment, as well, like Swing Music and dancers during intermission, etc.
Here’s the info:
WHAT: Liquid Radio Players
WHERE: ACME Comedy Theatre
WHEN: Saturday, 4 November 2001
WHAT TIME: 10PM
HOW MUCH: I don’t know. But certainly less than buying the DVD re-release of Cleopatra Jones.
If you’re in the LA area, come and see the show. You’ll be glad you did! < /shiteating grin >
If you come early, you can see the 8PM “Best of” ACME sketch comedy show. It’s Spud-tacular!

A Message From Robert Redford

A Message From Robert Redford

Robert Redford is one of my favorite actors of all time.
About 16 years ago, Sundance was not the disgusting marketing bonanza it has become. It was a workshop for budding filmmakers. Imagine Space Camp, but for films. Like Movie Camp, I guess. Robert Redford provided the location, and the filmmakers would go up there, and have access to *real* actors for their projects. When I was up there, I remember Karl Malden was there, Rob Lowe, Lea Thompson, Andrew McCarthy…It was 1985, I think, so you can imagine, they were a very big deal at the time. We’d work on films during the day, and we’d get to watch the projects at night, as well as screenings of popular movies, including a Q&A with the director. I seem to recall that Akira Kurosawa was there, but I was 13…so my memory is a bit hazy on that one.
None of us got paid, we just went there to participate in the workshops. It was really, really cool.
At the end of the whole session, which I think was 2 weeks, or something, Robert Redford had a big party at his house, which was on a hill overlooking the entire resort. I met him at that party, and, even though there were hundreds of people there, and I was just a snot-faced kid, he took the time to thank me for coming, and was very warm, and friendly to me. I was just excited because I was meeting the guy who played The Sundance Kid, but I managed to keep it together.
I just received the following message, written by my old pal, Robert Redford. Please read it, and act accordingly:

Dear Friend, [wil: see? he remembers me! just kidding.]
It is understandable that we Americans feel an almost reflexive need
for unanimity in trying times like these. As a nation, we are rightly
consumed with responding to the terrorist attacks on September 11th.
But, at some point — and I think we’re beginning to get there — we
need to take a long-term view even as we are reacting to the current
crisis. Really important domestic issues facing us before all of this
happened — education, energy and the environment, health care —
still have the same dimension and consequence. But we have to
recognize that it’s much more difficult to discuss and debate them in
the aftermath of Sept. 11th. Unfortunately, disagreement is sometimes
characterized as unpatriotic during times such as these and open,
thoughtful discourse is somewhat muted. The gravity of the current
situation is not lost on any of us and we all want to do what’s right
to insure our national security. It is with this in mind that I felt
compelled to write you today.
A handful of determined U.S. senators, encouraged by the White House,
are arguing that national security requires the Senate to rush a
pro-oil energy bill into law. They have vowed to hold up normal Senate
business and attach the bill to every piece of legislation that comes
to the Senate floor. So far they have failed in what The Boston Globe
is calling “oil opportunism.” But with President Bush, himself, now
calling for rushed passage of this disastrous bill, intense pressure
is building on Senate leaders to succumb to the emotions of the
moment. Using our national tragedy as an opportunity to advance the
narrow interests of the oil lobby would not be in the best interest of
the public. This bill, already passed by the House, would not only
open the Arctic Refuge to oil rigs, it would also pave the way for
energy companies to exploit and destroy pristine areas of Greater
Yellowstone and other gems of our natural heritage. As important, it
would do nothing to address energy security.
I’m asking for your immediate help in stopping this legislation. After
reading my letter I hope you’ll take action at
http://www.savebiogems.org/arctic/index.asp?src=ab0110a and then
forward this letter to your friends and colleagues.
Last spring, the Bush administration and some members of Congress said
we had to pass the president’s oil-friendly energy bill because we
were facing the most serious energy crisis since 1973. But here we
are, a mere six months later, and the energy crisis has vanished. Due
to a slowing economy and falling demand, the prices for gasoline,
natural gas and home heating oil have plunged. Meanwhile, the
much-feared “summer of blackouts” in California never happened,
largely because consumers and businesses made dramatic cuts in energy
use by launching the most successful statewide conservation campaign
in history.
With no energy crisis to scare us with, the administration and pro-oil
senators are now promoting their “Drill the Arctic” plan under the
guise of national security and energy independence. Don’t buy it. It
would take ten years to bring Arctic oil to market, and when it
arrives it would never equal more than two percent — a mere drop in
the bucket — of all the oil we consume each year. Our nation simply
doesn’t have enough oil to drill our way to energy independence or
even to affect world oil prices.
We possess a mere 3 percent of the world’s oil reserves, but we
consume fully 25 percent of the world’s oil supply. We could drill the
Arctic Refuge, Greater Yellowstone, and every other wildland in
America and we’d still be importing oil, still be paying worldwide
prices for domestic oil, and still be vulnerable to wild gyrations in
price and supply. As The Atlanta Constitution put it: “Burning through
our tiny oil supply faster will not make our country more secure.” I’d
go further: increasing our dependence on oil, whether that oil comes
from the Persian Gulf or the Arctic Refuge, practically guarantees
national *insecurity*. And we know that it will bring more habitat
destruction, more oil spills, more air pollution, and more global
warming. The public health implications will be devastating.
If our nation wants to declare energy independence, then we have no
choice but to reduce our appetite for oil. There’s no other way. We
need to rely on smarter and cleaner ways to power our economy. We have
the technology right now to increase fuel economy standards to 40
miles per gallon. If we phased in that standard by 2012 we’d save 15
times more oil than the Arctic Refuge is likely to produce over 50
years. We could also give tax rebates for existing hybrid gas-electric
vehicles that get as much as 60 mpg. We could invest in public
transit. We could launch an “Apollo Project” to bring fuel cells and
hydrogen fuel down to earth, allowing us to begin the mass production
of vehicles that emit only water as a by-product. The list goes on and
on.
In this climate of national trauma and war, it is up to us — the
people — to ensure that reason prevails and our natural heritage
survives intact. The preservation of irreplaceable wildlands like the
Arctic Refuge and Greater Yellowstone is a core American value. I have
never been more appreciative of the wisdom of that value than during
these past few weeks. When we are filled with grief and unanswerable
questions it is often nature that we turn to for refuge and comfort.
In the sanctuary of a forest or the vastness of the desert or the
silence of a grassland, we can touch a timeless force larger than
ourselves and our all-too-human problems. This is where the healing
begins. Those who would sell out this natural heritage — this
spiritual heritage — would destroy a wellspring of American strength.
What’s worse, their rush to exploit the wildness that feeds our souls
won’t do a thing to solve our energy problems.
There are plenty of sensible and patriotic ways to guarantee our
nation’s energy security, but destroying the Arctic Refuge is not one
of them. Please tell that to your senators. They urgently need to hear
it because the pressure is on to move this pro-oil bill to a vote in
the next few weeks. It will take you only a minute to send them an
electronic message from NRDC’s SaveBioGems website.
Go to http://www.savebiogems.org/arctic/index.asp?src=ab0110a
And please forward this message to your family and friends. Millions
of Americans need to know about this cynical attempt to promote the
interests of energy companies at the expense of everyone else.
Sincerely yours,
Robert Redford

Steamer Trunk

Steamer Trunk

Today was a good day. I didn’t even have to use my A-K.
It was also a good day because my friend Keith’s TV show got pick of the week in the LA Weekly, wherein they call him “local hero”! Yay Keith!
In the same article, my friends at ACME, who are in the Sunday Show, got the Pick of the Week for comedy.
I am so proud of my friends! Kick ass you guys!!!

Can I paint your chair?

Can I paint your chair?

If anyone has been laboring under the delusion that I am now, or ever was cool, you need to see this.

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240 dollars worth of puddin

240 dollars worth of puddin

Over at Fark, we’ve been talking about me being on Weakest Link.
Somehow, the conversation has morphed into a “Six degrees of Kevin Bacon” discussion…boy, I love that game. You all know it, right?
A was in [movie] with B.
B was in [TV Show] with C.
C was in [prison] with Kevin Bacon.
So A is 2 degrees of Kevin Bacon.
Wanna know how many degrees of Kevin Bacon I am? Click [link] or [comment], and you can read it there.

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All Hallow’s Eve

All Hallow’s Eve

Happy Halloween, everybody!
Halloween is my absolute number one most favoritest holiday, EVER. Maybe it’s my inner Druid…I dunno. I’ve always loved it. The spooking, the scaring, the candy, the punkin carving…mostly the fact that the fundies don’t like it…that’s always been a big bonus.
So, what are you doing for Halloween? Why don’t you post a picture of your costume in the comment area? I’d post mine, but I haven’t put it on yet. I’m gonna be a ghoul, complete with pointy ears and bald head…no fangs, though. Fangs were too damn expensive.
Hope everyboody (ha!) has a great day and safe evening, whatever you may decide to do.

BOO!

Who was the weakest link?

Who was the weakest link?

So I just got back from my taping of The Weakest Link.
I’m bound by contract to not say a single word about the show, like who did what, or who won, or anything like that…
BUT!
I can say something, that is going to rock everyone’s world. It certanly rocked mine.
I sat in the green room (a place where actors hang out while they get stuff ready. There’s food, drinks, and TV, usually), and watched the World Series.
Not a big deal, right?
Well, I watched The World Series, With WILLIAM FUCKING SHATNER.
It was so goddamn cool. I was sitting there, talking about baseball with him, discussing Randy Johnson versus Curt Shilling (Who was better), the various strategies employed by the teams during the few innings that we were watching…and he was so cool to me, I don’t even know what to do. He was nice. He was funny. He was warm, genuine, and basically just a 100% cool-ass guy.
Matter of fact, I can say this one thing about the show: William Shatner was the funniest I have ever seen him, or anyone who was in Star Trek, ever.
William Shatner has earned 50,000 cool points with me, after tonight. One for each monkey at this site.
So, until further notice, I am dropping the FUCKING from WILLIAM SHATNER, and I am closing the store at the end of the week, even though it’s earning me enough to pay for the MASSIVE bandwidth I’m consuming here.
William Shatner, you are my new buddy. I’ll see you for Game 4. I’m buying the first round.

Oscillate Wildly

Oscillate Wildly

Guess where I’m going, right now?
I’m going to play on a special Star Trek edition of Weakest Link!!
It’s all for charity, and my charity is The Electronic Frontier Foundation. They’re guaranteed $10,000 of TWL’s money, and even more, if I can make it to the end, and best my opponents, who include…WILLIAM FUCKING SHATNER.
Holy Crap. This is going to be SO MUCH FUN!
RFB is on autopilot all day, today. There’s an IRC chat room called #rfb at irc.undernet.org
Have fun, everybody!

Slashdot, redux

Slashdot, redux

Have you read the Slashdot interview, yet?
I am really proud of it, and the comments there have been overwhelmingly positive. I caught myself beaming more than once, as I read it.
Considering how things have been lately, this really made me feel good.
A big thanks to everyone who mirrored the site. That was super cool. :-)

50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

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