A Great Disturbance in the

A Great Disturbance in the Force

So I’m sure that, by now, everyone knows that George Lucas is putting the guys from *Nsync into the next Star Wars movie.
The resounding cry all over the ‘net has been something along the lines of, “Nooooooo! Bring us more Jar Jar! Bring us a whole army of Jar Jars! Put Wesley in it! Just don’t put *Nsync in there!”
Harry Knowles wrote a great piece at AICN (scroll down a few screens to read it), and there’s a discussion at FARK, and here’s my take on the whole thing, for what it’s worth:
I once met some of those ‘Nsync guys…and they were some of the nicest people I’ve ever spoken to.
They were so nice to my step-kids, who are completely nuts about them, and, even though I really don’t like their music, I have wanted them to be successful, because they seemed like nice people.
Now, putting on my cynical, “burned by Lucas in Episode 1″ cloak, I will say this: This makes perfect sense to me, and anyone who doubted Lucas’ complete disregard for the long time, older Star Wars fans, in favor of the 13 year olds who loved Jar Jar need look no further.
Also, I’ve been asked countless times by countless people to suggest some books that they can read about acting and writing. Until I make a page here all about that (a fairly major undertaking), I’ve made a list at Amazon, of the books that I always suggest to people.

Workin’ for the weekend Well,

Workin’ for the weekend

Well, it’s official. I’ll be bringing my unique brand of comedy to the ACME Comedy Theatre this Saturday night, at 8 PM.
I just got the lineup, and I’m in a bunch of REALLY funny sketches, including 2 that I wrote: “Shut Up, Wesley!” and “Cold*eze”. Both sketches were very well reviewed the last time I did them, and the other material in the show is hilarious.
So if you haven’t made plans for Saturday night, yet, why not come see the funny at the ACME theatre? You’ll be glad you did.
Oh, important note: if you’re some freaky weirdo who would have to travel a thousand miles to come here, stay home.
Unless you’re a hot 19 year old cheerleader. That’s female cheerleader, dorkus.

Sugar Free Jazz On my

Sugar Free Jazz

On my way home from getting my hair cut this afternoon, I drove right past the Rose Bowl, where a few people are watching this football game, that used to be played between the two teams with the best record…but something’s all farked up this year, I guess.
I’m sitting in some traffic, and I hear this awful, loud, angry, screaming, explosive sound, and I think that a tanker truck has crashed, or something. I start looking around to see what the source of this was, and there is this huge, firey explosion off to my right…and I realize that the noise is yet another squadron of fighter jets doing yet another fly over. The firey explosion was fire works inside the Rose Bowl.
Boy, my heart was pounding. I’m glad I don’t live near an airport.
When I got home, there was a rather strongly worded email from my friend Mark, who directed “Foreign Correspondents“. He was a little cheesed off at me for forgetting to mention that the film is now available, on DVD and VHS.
Sorry, Mark. Blame the holidays, and the F-18’s.
Lots of people have emailed, and asked when they can see ForCor, and Jane White. Well, you can get those DVD’s and VHS’s of ForCor here, and, if you live in Southern California, you can see a screening of Jane White! Information about our screenings is here.
Also, due to the overwhelming demand, I have put up a Toy Soldiers photo and the Star Trek lunch box on eBay. Have fun!

Is Chicago, Is Not Chicago

Is Chicago, Is Not Chicago

From the ever-growing list of bands I am so bummed broke up, Soul Coughing, comes today’s title. This is from the great album, “Ruby Vroom”.
I’m starting to realize that mainstream stuff just annoys me, because it all sounds alike…I think that’s why I so love bands like Cake, and Radiohead, and Soul Coughing…the Pixies…I gotta tell you, I am so upset that the most recent releases from Save Ferris and No Doubt are so “ready for radio” and pop-ish…they feel so “produced” rather than “created”, if that makes any sense…and Save Ferris is one of my favorite bands of all time. No Doubt…well, they’ve become sort of disposable to me recently, because you can’t even get within a hundred feet of them at a show for less than a hundred bucks…but you can still see SF at normal venues, and they will actually hang out and meet people after the show..Save Ferris rules. I mean, c’mon. I named my dog after the damn band!
I’m bummed that the new album is more pop-ish than their other stuff, because it feels like it’s not true to what they really are. It feels like some producer or record exec said, “Let’s make them sound more like [currently popular band]”…but if that’s what you gotta do to survive and keep workin’, hey…I am not going to cast stones at that…look no further than “Python” or “Deep Core” to see my acting-world equivalent.
Besides, the new album has “Angry Situation”, which is one of the best Save Ferris songs I’ve ever heard.
I hope they are amazingly successful, and when they get huge again, they pull a Tony Clifton and record an album of just the old stuff. :)
But that’s not what I sat down to write about today.
I want to tell you all about this great thing that I got for Christmas…and this is *so* going to sound like a lame commercial…but I just love this thing so much, I wanted to share it with the world: my mom got me the George Foreman Grill, and I’m cooking everything on it, and it rules. If you’re a college student, or you live in a one-room apartment, you gotta get one of these…it makes the most amazing burgers and chicken breasts, and it’s so easy to use, I don’t even burn anything. I made chicken breasts in it a couple of nights ago, and I used it to make sausage this morning…oh man, it rules. My consumption of grilled, marinated meats has increased 5000%. Thanks, George Foreman!

Okay, so now that I’m done with that, I really don’t have anything else to say…I just didn’t like that I hadn’t written anything in a few days, mostly because there was nothing worth writing about, except for the damn B2 bomber that flew over my house on Jan 1 at 7AM, shaking the whole damn thing and scaring the hell out of me, even though I knew it was coming. Stupid Rose Parade.
Anyway, that’s all for right now. I’m going to be updating the site pretty soon, switching to Moveable Type, and really making the concerted effort to get the old GM entries exported. I’ll also talk to Loren and Josh about bringing the Soapbox back up, and it looks like I’m going to have to completely re-install the gallery. Dammit.
OH! I almost forgot: I’m getting lots of emails asking if I’ll do another auction, so I’m going to go ahead and do that. This time I’ll be offering that cool Star Trek lunchbox, and I think I have a Wesley Crusher action figure around here, someplace. I also won another auction…get ready…it’s a VHS of “The Curse”. Yes, that’s right, I have, in my possession, a copy of one of the worst movies ever made, starring yours truly, and featuring my sister.
Pop quiz, A-hole. You’ve gotten a copy of the worst move ever. What do you do? What do you do?
Well, you offer that for an auction, too, of course. Duh.
So, that’s three things for the collectors, which I hope will make some people happy. Those should be ready in a couple of days or so.
Finally, I completely forgot to post this earlier this week: The ACME Comedy Theatre, where I teach and perform, is starting a new session of Winter Classes. This Saturday, we’re holding a sample class, where you can come out and see how we teach, and what we teach, and it’s all for free. Here’s the email that our company’s director sent out:

Subject: ACME WINTER CLASSES
To: undisclosed-recipients:;
last chance for 2002 winter session! (begins Jan. 12)
ACME COMEDY WORKSHOPS
Offering classes in improv and sketch comedy!
Become a member of the
critically-acclaimed ACME Players!
Attend this Saturday’s FREE Sample Class!
Saturday, Jan. 5 — 1 p.m. (lasts approx. 90 min.)
NOW UNDER THE DIRECTION OF M.D. SWEENEY
Study and Perform Comedy on the same stage as WAYNE BRADY, RYAN STILES,
BRAD SHERWOOD, FRED WILLARD, WIL WHEATON, ADAM CAROLLA, ALEX BORSTEIN,
UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADE and many more.
Company Members who developed their writing skills at ACME include
Emmy-nominated writers of SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, writer/producers of FRIENDS,
GROUNDED FOR LIFE, Emmy-winning writer/producers of WARNER BROS. ANIMATION,
THE SIMPSONS, JUST SHOOT ME, VERONICA’S CLOSET, NORM, 3RD ROCK FROM THE SUN
and many more.
To Register or for More Info
CALL 323 525-0233
ACME COMEDY THEATRE
135 N. La Brea Av
Hollywood, CA 90036
(1/2 block south of Beverly Bl.)

I think I’m going to be in the show this Saturday night. If I am, I’ll be doing a sketch called “Shut Up, Wesley!”, that always kills. So if you’re in LA on Saturday, come and see us. The show starts at 8.
I hope everyone is enjoying the first week of the new year! I’m going to get my hair cut now.

One more thing I really

One more thing

I really thought my last post would be my last post for 2001…but I just got off the phone with my mom, and I’m gonna get on a soapbox for a second.
My dad is a perfusionist. That means that he runs a heart lung machine during open heart surgery. Basically, when someone is having their heart operated on, my dad keeps them alive, running the machine that performs the function of their heart and lungs. My dad also helped pioneer this process called ECMO, which is extended heart bypass for newborn babies who have heart defects. ECMO has saved countlless lives since they invented it, and I’m really proud of my dad, and all that he’s done.
Ever since I can remember, my dad has been on call during the holidays. Before this year, I can’t remember the last time he wasn’t, and he gets called into the hospital every Christmas. This used to bother me, because I wanted to spend the time with my dad, until I thought, when I was about 15 or so, that while I was upset that my dad was not at home, he wasn’t at home because there was some other family who was hoping that their dad, or mom, or whomever was not going to die. Perspective is important, you know.
So here’s what my mom told me: My dad got called into the hospital at 3AM, for an emergency trauma surgery. One more note: my dad is one of the best and most respected perfusionists in the world, especially in California. He’s so respected and so good, that when George Bush the first was having all his heart trouble and came to Los Angeles, my dad was hand-picked to be on standby the whole time Bush was here, just in case. If you’re going to have heart surgery, you want my dad on the open heart team, is what I’m saying.
So he’s called in at 3AM, because there is an emergency.
This man and woman had taken their son and daughter to see a movie. On the way home, they were hit by a drunk driver. Their daughter was instantly killed, and my dad was called in because their son had massive internal injuries, and I guess he needed open heart surgery. I’m not sure what happened to the parents, but I do know that the drunk driver who murdered their daughter survived without a scratch, and was fortunately caught by the police.
I want you all to listen, now, and please think about this: life can change in an instant. One moment, you’re driving along, singing with the radio, or arguing about the movie you just saw, or simply sitting in silence, and the next moment your daughter is dead. Forever. Your son is clinging to life in a hospital, and you and your wife are never giong to be able to have a Christmas or New Year’s with both of them again.
I’m sure this happens all the time, because that’s what happens in life.
But this family has been torn apart because some stupid fucker had to drink and drive.
We all know that people do it. Maybe you’ve done it once or twice, and you’ve gotten away with it.
We’ve all heard the “don’t drink and drive” message so much that it blends into the background noise of our lives…and here is my wish: please listen to it this time. Please, if you or someone you know is planning to go out and party like it’s…well, not 1999…but you get the idea…please think of this family, and think of the loss of their child, and how preventable that loss was. Please don’t drink and drive, and please stop your friends from drinking and driving.
I know this sounds like a silly PSA, but I really do mean it. Thanks for indulging me.
Have a happy new year, everyone!

2001 I can’t believe that

2001

I can’t believe that this year is already over.
I also can’t believe that I haven’t written a thing since the 27th!
Well, I’m glad I took the little break. I’ve been spending the last few days with just my family, uninterrupted by computers, TV, the phone, and all that…and it’s been really nice. If you can remove all outside distractions and just hang with your family, or your significant other, I highly suggest it.
Yesterday, we took the kids and two of their friends to this local skatepark, where Ryan tried out his new skateboard, and Nolan proved again that there is nothing he can not do, when he just tries. I swear, this kid is amazing. All he has to do is put the slightest effort into something, and it’s like he’s been doing it for years. Soccer, complicated math, baseball, Tony Hawk 3, whatever it is…Nolan is just amazing that way.
I told him that he should try to jump this table-top, and he says, “okay”, and just fearlessly goes for it. He bails, hard, three or four times, but he keeps at it, and the rest of the day, he looked like the X-Games. For reals.
I guess the lesson there is that you can do just about anything, as long as you do it fearlessly and
[complete tangent: the stealth bomber just flew over my house. for reals. crazy.]
Okay, so the lesson is, you can do anything you want to, as long as you do it fearlessly and commit to it 100%.
So that’s my lesson for the end of the year, and my wisdom for the new year.
I had so much more to say, but I would rather we all think about that, so I’ll sign off now.
Have a happy New Year, everyone, be safe, and I’ll see you all in 2002.

Roast Beast Finally recovered from

Roast Beast

Finally recovered from Christmas. I’ve never eaten so much in my life. In fact, I ate so much at all three holiday meals, I never had room for pie…until the final dinner, last night. Then I gorged myself on punkin pie.
mmmmmm pie. Mgarragghhhhhhhhh.
Anyway, I am so glad that Christmas is over. It was a very stressfull one this year. But I did something that I’ve never done before: Anne and I replaced our normal, 17 to 25 member Christmas Eve dinner with a “just the 4 of us, plus two friends” dinner. We had our friends Mykal and Kevin over, because they didn’t have anywhere to go…so we told them they could come to our “dinner of misfit toys”. It was wonderful. We didn’t have to worry about putting on certain airs for not-so-pleasant relatives who we’d rather not invite, or deal with bratty kids who ruin our carpets and chase our dog. It was just the four of us, and our two friends. I think that’s going to be the theme for every Christmas to come.
We’d told the kids that they couldn’t wake us up until at least 6:00 on Christmas morning…Nolan was standing next to our bed at 5:59! Anne told him to give us a second, and then fell back asleep. It was 6:12 on the clock when Nolan came back in, helpfully prodding Anne’s head, telling her, “Mom! I think you fell back asleep! C’mon! There’s presents!”
So we got up, and enjoyed the wonder that is children on Christmas morning. Christmas this year was very light. Anne and I haven’t worked a whole bunch this year (thank you very much, runaway production), and we had decided that we’d give gifts only to the kids, and not to each other (although I did manage to sneak her a card, and she snuck me some boxers ). It was so cool. Because it was sort of a “light” Christmas, the boys really enjoyed everything that they got. Nolan got a new CD player, Ryan got a Toy Machine skateboard, and they both got Tony Hawk 3 to share. Oh, and Anne and the boys all got me a bonsai tree and Zen meditation rock garden, which I’ve put right next to my computer, with the fountain Anne gave me last year. When I switch over to MT, I’ll post a picture of it. It’s really nice.
We all ate breakfast, where I managed to not burn the cinnamon rolls for the first time in years, and then went up to my parent’s house for more festivities. It’s always great to see my parents and siblings on Christmas. When we all get together, we’re all kids again. My brother is running around, barely able to contain himself, my sister is carefully evading the teasing of Jeremy and me, and my parents are struggling to keep order over the whole thing. I just love it. We exchanged gifts, Anne and I dropped the kids off with their dad, and awaited dinner.
I wrote about this earlier, about how badly I wanted a tradtional Christmas dinner, and how badly I had to fight for it, and it was totally worth it, even if Anne and I were falling asleep at the dinner table. We went to sleep at 9:30 that night.
On Boxing Day, we had Anne’s brother and sister-in-law over, with their friend (another misfit toy. I’m beginning to really like this idea) and my neice and nephew, who I absolutely adore. They are 3 1/2 and 2, and so wonderful. I had this conversation with my nephew:
Him: Who’s that?
Me: That’s Ferris.
Him: Who’s that?
Me: Ferris is my dog.
Him: Why?
Me: Well, we found her. Want to pet her?
Him: Why?
Me: Because I think she likes you.
Him: Why?
Me: Beacause you’re nice!
Him: I’m [his name]!
I just love the two of them, and I don’t see them nearly enough. My brother in law is coming over to help me fix some sprinklers, because nearly all of my grass is dead, and my lawns (front and back) look like Eastern Europe. I hope he brings the kids.

The One Ring

Tonight we saw “Lord of the Rings”. I’m not going to deconstruct it, because that’s been done better, elsewhere…but I am going to say, “Best. Movie. EVER!”
If Trek X is half as cool as LOTR, I’ll be happy.

Going once…SOLD!

I won an eBay auction tonight! My first! I’ll be putting more stuff up this week. I just found a Star Trek lunchbox, with the thermos, that’s got me on it! COOL!
Happy day after the day after Christmas, everyone. :)

Feliz Navidad Happy Christmas, everybody!!

Feliz Navidad

Happy Christmas, everybody!!
If you have children around, you should track Santa, and then you should tune in “A Christmas Story” on TNT.

Boot to the Head Wow.

Boot to the Head

Wow. Can you believe that there’s just 3 days until Christmas? Anne and I are going absolutely crazy, trying to get all the holiday baking and shopping finished, wrapping all the presents, and stuff. It totally sucks, but we have so much stuff to do, we can’t go to any of this weekend’s holiday parties.
I was up until 3 this morning, painting ornaments, and cleaning up the kitchen, and I came across one of the greatest comedy albums of all time: The Frantics’ Boot to the Head. I had this album when I was in 9th grade, and my friend Ryan and I would listen to it constantly. We were always quoting “Boot to the Head” and “Driving Chicks Mad” and “I Shit a Piece of Pie”…you know how annoying 14 year old boys are? So we were like that, but multiplied times being dorks, and comedy album weenies. We were such complete dorks, that, get this…Ryan’s mom had a drill team, and we never scored. I mean, we were constantly surrounded by athletic girls in spandex, who were doing the splits, and we never even got to first base. It’s amazing that we ever talked to any girls, at all. Even more amazing that we now have beautiful wives and families.
So when I finally went to bed this morning, I’d left a plate out with some paint on it, that’d I’d been using to mix colors for some ornaments. When I came out to the living room this morning, there were all these little red kitty prints all over my dining room table (where I’ll be signing those eBay pictures…), and all over my kitchen floor and counters. Okay, Felix? Bad kitty. My house looks like an Urban Legend…”The Ghostly Cat” or something.
Oh, speaking of auctions, there are two ending in about 2 hours (here and here), and I won’t be home to send the immediate “congratulations” email, because I am going out to visit my gandma for a few hours. So if you’re the winner, don’t worry. I’ll get in touch with you tonight. :)
So that’s it, for now. I really have to get back to painting, baking, doing the laundry, and mailing out the Christmas cards. I am, without a doubt, the world’s biggest procrastinator.
There is a very good chance that I won’t have much time to update until after Tuesday(unless I find some time to do an RFB Holiday show), so, I would like to wish all of the readers of WWDN a very, very, Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukah, or a Happy Yule, or Solstice.
I wish you all the most wonderful New Year, and thank you all for your support since I launched this lame website back in Summer, and I hope that you’ll continue to stop by and see what’s up.
Be nice to someone, and call your mom. She’s worried about you.

Stormy Weather Wow. We are

Stormy Weather

Wow. We are in the midst of a HUGE thunderstorm tonight. Massive thunder and lightning, rain pouring down so hard the gutters are overflowing…(I really need to clean those out…my friend Darin saw grass growing out of one of them a few days ago)
So it’s been a busy night…I made 6 dozen cookies, and painted a ton of Christmas ornaments, because every year, Anne and I paint an ornament, date it, and give it to our friends and family. We’ve done wooden snowmen, trains, jack-n-the-boxes, and stuff. I won’t say what we’re doing this year, because my friends and family come and read this website. (My friend Seth, who directed the recently-selected-for-a-pretty-big-deal-film-festival-in-France “The Good Things” said to me yesterday, “I don’t need to ever talk to you anymore. I just read about your life on your website.” Well, Seth, just so you know, I don’t talk about everything here, so you should still call, and occasionally take me out for a Guinness.)
While waiting for things to bake and whatnot, I also managed to move the RFB, mess up the stream, fix the stream, and I think I’ve messed it up again. Fear not, however! I have the help of the intrepid guys (well, one of them who doesn’t mind my lameness) at Shoutcast, who’s offered to help me out.
I’ve also written another story for BBSpot, and made one last eBay auction. I got TONS of emails asking for more Star Trek stuff, so I put up one more picture. This auctioning thing is working out really well…I’ll be sure to put more stuff up as I find it, when I’m cleaning out my garage next week.
I think that’s all for tonight. I’m going to go finish painting, and hit the sack. Have a great night, everybody.

50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

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