I worked in the yard most of the weekend. All the rain has finally gone away, and now there are a mountain of weeds to remove.
There’s something incredibly satisfying about getting into my overgrown backyard with the garden claw, a shovel, a rake, some pruning shears, a beer, and taming the wild overgrowth.
It was pretty sad that Felix wasn’t there to walk over and talk to me while I tore through the dandelion patch that’s constantly trying to move in under the orange tree. I know he’s not coming back, but I can’t help it — I keep looking for him, and expecting him to show up in all his regular places. I think I’m going to talk with a grief counselor, because my level of sadness seems very disproportional to the loss. I think there’s some other stuff wrapped up in my mourning, maybe about my Aunt Val, and a family friend who we lost in November of last year. I really appreciate all the kind comments and e-mails from so many WWdN readers. Thank you, everyone.
We had a preview show at ACME on Saturday night for the new sketch show Acme: A Day In The Life. I was really nervous and felt like I was totally unprepared to get out there and give up the funny . . . but I think we did really well. There were some sketches that didn’t work and others that I thought wouldn’t work (including one of mine) that killed. I felt like the company is in exactly the same place right now as Love Machine was when we were three weeks from opening, and I’m confident that this show is going to be just as great. We open on April 16th.
The kids are on Spring Break this week, so we stayed up late last night, listened to A Ghost Is Born (The kids are getting as sick of Wilco as they are of The Pixies. I remember feeling so sick to death of The Beatles when I was a kid, and I love them now . . . so we’ll have to check back with Ryan in Nolan in twenty years or so and see how they’re doing.) and played the Radica World Poker Tour game that plugs into your TV. It was a consolation prize when I played in the WPT Invitational, and it’s surprisingly fun.
We played against three computer opponents, all set on Expert. I went out first when my AK got busted when the computer opponent called me with AJ and caught his J on the flop. Ryan went down shortly after that, not realizing that it’s pretty tough to go on a stone bluff against a computer. This left Nolan to defeat the computer menace and prove once and for all (for one game, at least) that humans are superior to computers.
It looked dicey a few times, but Nolan caught cards when he needed to, and ended up winning it all.
Yeah, it was as anti-climactic as it sounds, but it was fun to hang out with them until we could no longer stay awake around midnight.
Three unrelated things that don’t really fit anywhere else:
- I’m an official Spokesman for igrep! It’s incredibly cool, and I’ll get into the details later today. Until then, you can read the press release
Hey Will, I am glad your keeping busy, it might help a bit. It often does bring up some past that we have not grieved over when we experience another loss and your feeling are so normal. Try and remember the good times if you can and it will help. One day you will find yourself smiling at the photo’s and memories instead of feeling sad. It just takes time. Congratulations on your sketches and well done! Sometime it is the ones we don’t think will work that turn out to be the real winner. Also congratulations on your work with igrep. You’ll do well. Have a good one and take care..
Wil:
Counseling is never a bad thing. What you really need, however, is TIME. The pain isn’t going to go away overnight. You’re going to be a lot better in a month I assure you. You lost a member of the family. That pain won’t disappear just like that. Just take it easy and take it one day at a time.
Scott
Wil:
Counseling is never a bad thing. What you really need, however, is TIME. The pain isn’t going to go away overnight. You’re going to be a lot better in a month I assure you. You lost a member of the family. That pain won’t disappear just like that. Just take it easy and take it one day at a time.
Scott
Wil:
Counseling is never a bad thing. What you really need, however, is TIME. The pain isn’t going to go away overnight. You’re going to be a lot better in a month I assure you. You lost a member of the family. That pain won’t disappear just like that. Just take it easy and take it one day at a time.
Scott
Wil,
igrep made a good choice in naming you spokesman^H^H^Hperson, I never would have known about the service if I hadn’t read about it here. Good for them, good for you. I’ll give them a chance next time I have a development question.
Death of a loved one is hard. There’s no way around it; it messes you up for a while. Being surrounded by people you love can help, but if you’re feeling the loss out of proportion, sometimes you need some outside perspective. Be well, man. We’re pulling for you.
Wil, glad to hear your garden and your family are keeping you busy. If you are feeling as if you need to talk to someone, then you should. I am dreading the day one of my cats passes away, or my dog. I will be devestated. I have had them all since they were babies, and they are my family.
As for ads & such, I had planned to buy books, but saw a tease about autographed books, so I was holding out for those anyway. So if you decide to go that route, I am definitely contributing!
Take care and I hope the days get easier for you.
Sandra
Hey Wil, just wanted to drop a note & say how sorry I am to hear about your loss. I’ve been reading your site for a while & getting all the other KC Actors to read it too. It really helps us to see things are about the same everywhere in the biz. Congrats on the CSI gig, you did great!
Anyway, I have been bawling my eyes out here at work following the stories of your cats. I have 4, and one of them is 19 years old, has just developed liver issues over the past year, and the recent bloodwork revealed his kidneys are starting to get weak too. Not too bad for a super old cat, but when you talked about how skinny Felix was getting it really choked me up, because my little buddy Fritz is the same. I’ve been pre-grieving big time, and it really helps me to see I’m not alone, and others are going through the same things. I know they’re kind of short & hairy & they can’t really talk right but they’re still people! Sometimes even better than people to have around. Who knows how much time we have with each one? They don’t come with expiration dates stamped on their furry butts after all, so it’s hard the not knowing.
Well, this is probably sappy, but we really appreciate your candor, you are speaking to my generation really well, and it is very helpful.
Counseling sounds good, I’ll be going starting tomorrow too, maybe they will have some strategies for dealing with this. Grief comes in waves. At first it feels like your chest is imploding and you’ll never feel right again, but the waves come less often, I believe that. And you did all the right things for the Bear, never doubt that!
In the meantime, enjoy the moments of day to day living with all the positives if you can. Try to step out of griefland for a while!
hang in there!
Michelle
Your grief is NOT disproportional. It’s just that contemporary society does not “approve” of people putting their animals/pets on such high pedestals. Don’t worry—there are lots of us who DO understand, and have gone through it ourselves. When Osgood had to be put to sleep,I, too, was worried that people would think I was nuts for grieving so.
Please make sure you let us know when you are selling the autographed books, as I need to replace mine. It went for a swim: http://griff.buzznet.com/user/?id=1011020
Regarding income:
Firstly, I’m not too savvy about internet ads, but I don’t see how google ads would be that different than the advertising you already have on your website. I’ve been visiting WWdN for about a year and a half and I wouldn’t mind seeing a couple minor ads at all.
Secondly, can’t you set up your site to sell some signed copies of your books directly to your adoring fans? I know, you don’t want this to be another celebrity-selling-his-stuff site. So set up a separate site for the business stuff. Or an ebay store.
Just a thought.
Pulling up the dandelions? Goodness, send them to me. I don’t have a good crop of them this year, and the rabbits aren’t getting as many as they want.
Uh, sorry about the last post… I just re-read and realized selling books was what you had just mentioned. Too little sleep on my part, I guess. Anyway, good idea!
And as for the $$ to pay the vets? Give us an opportunity to buy your books autographed! I would snap them up in a hurry!
A family friend died yesterday… I just came back from visiting the family. It’s just been a really sad day. You can’t really measure your grief… you either feel it, or you don’t. The wife’s face kept reminding me of my mum’s when my dad died. It’s just so overwhelming for the first few days, but you know you just have to keep moving. It’s good that you’re keeping busy. Wherever Felix is, I’m sure he’s at peace. 🙂
Wil,
If you set up a confidential website, I am sure there are no shortage of ways people would be willing to help so your vet bill won’t overwhelm.
I for one would be more than happy to get some autographed stuff; how about a program from your shows if there are any, ’cause so many of us live too far away to see the show.
How about making a recording of one or more of your live shows? Just a thought….
Jen in Illinois
Sometimes we have to take grief along with happiness. It’s the opposite side of the same emotional coin. Your capacity to grieve speaks volumes about your capacity to love.
Emotional healing after the loss of a special companion animal takes time, something I know first hand. You did everything humanly possible for him, including making the final trip to the vet. You’re a good man, Wil Wheaton.
I’d go ahead with the ads. People that are really bugged by them can download AdBlock. Personally, I don’t mind seeing a few ads in exchange for free content- it’s (literally) a small price to pay.
Thank you for posting all about your Felix. My cat is 16 years old, and we recently adopted a stray dog who we found out has advanced heartworm. I will soon be going through what you are going through now, and sometimes it helps just knowing how other people handle problems (even if I handle things a little differently).
Hi Wil,
I wanted to let you know that if your reaction to the loss of Felix The Bear seems disproportional then you’re doing just fine. I sobbed like a baby reading your story, as did many of your readers. Because of the level and type of communication between humans and other animals, we often form our deepest attachments to our furry companions. We’ve all lost someone special to us and we all feel for you.
Anyway, it’s good to hear that you all spent some good quality time together this week. I’m on my autumn break next week and hope I can have some quality time with Butterfly who turns 1 Monday.
In your time of grieving I hope you can cherish the beauty in your life and remember why you dare to love despite fear of loss. Sic transit gloria mundi.
Love,
Rockety
I say also, do the ads, Wil. They have never been intrusive in any sites I’ve seen them on, and considering how easy it is for you to make at least some money with it, I say go for it.
It’s been almost a year now since my feline companion of more than 19 years, Cyr, passed through the door from this existence. He had been with me since college…through 2 divorces…3 living spaces…the death of my father (who he used to sit watch on while my father slept on the morphine while dying of cancer). He was the only consistent touchstone in my life for almost 2 decades.
There is no way that having that sort of change does not cause a strong emotional reaction. Our living companions, whether human or another species are our groundings in life. The connections that make this ride vibrant. You’ll miss him. You’ll miss him daily. And then, not so daily, but it will still be odd that he is not where you “expect” him to be. Over time, your mind and heart will come to the place where you will have truly taken in the change.
Don’t begrudge yourself the waves of grief, they are normal. Anyone who says otherwise has not lost someone (whether human or otherwise) they held dear. However, grief will dredge up old hurts you may have packed away in the closet of your soul before you had truly worked through them. Such emotions stay packed in their little (or not so little) boxes until the container is kicked open…once open, you’ll find that box holds your pain or whatever you packed there, just as fresh as the day you put it away.
Allow yourself to feel fully and completely. Don’t pack this one away. Look at what it brings to the surface and try to feel those feelings too, so that they don’t keep taking up space within your mind and heart.
When you have drunk fully from the cup of sorrow, you will put it down, ready again to feel joy.
D.
From what we can glean from your post, I would say you’re handling the loss of an immediate family member with great resiliency. The fact that within three days you’re up and doing stuff (even to distract yourself) means that you’re starting to grieve in a very healthy way.
If you’re seriously non-functional in a month, then going to a councilor might be a good idea, but it sounds like you’re already back on your feet, more or less. There’s certainly nothing _wrong_ with going to a councilor, though.
Keep up the good work! I look forward to firing up WWDN every morning. Can’t wait until your third O’Reiley book comes out.
Take care of you and yours.
. . . it’s good to hear that you are out in the garden . . . and that you are going to check in with someone around the grief you’ve got going on . . . you never cease to amaze me with your sensitivity . . . and your practicality . . . I also wanted to let you know that I finally got to see your CSI episode . . . you did such a great job with it . . . the tremors going on – the righteous anger and ridigity – the attempts at being slick that were just loopdeloops. I don’t have a tv so I put out a call here in the comments a couple of weeks ago and another wwdotnet reader mailed me the videotape of the episode which I just finished watching down in the library multimedia section. So well worth it on all levels . . . 🙂 Best wishes to you . . . sending you and your family a hug . . . keep doing what you love . . . there are so many of us that appreciate your heart, passion, humor, and warmth 🙂
Autographed books for sale is a great idea; but shoot- you could probably even just put up a PayPal button for donations for vet bills. We’ve all been there, pally, and many of us fellow cat-staffers would be willing to help share the financial burden.
My husband and I believe that since we’re probably regarded as “unsaved” by most major world religions, we’re counting on our cat buddies who have gone on before to sneak us into Cat-Heaven through the back door flap… Rubbing cat bellies for eternity would be a pretty nice thing.
I grew up in San Diego county where we had droughts every year, complete with water rationing. Just how do you keep a nice yard year-round in So Cal? Do you have the droughts up in LA too?
Just curious…
Sorry for the double post.
mr Wheaton,
Hello. I am writing from Ohio, Columbus to be exact. So I wanted to let you know that I have never lost an animal personally. My mother said” no animals they make a mess” (unless you count fish.) My girls(cats/black and whites) are 7.5 years and are my first pets. My son is 4years(also black and white) and was found at my clinic in a Kroger plastic bag(Kroger is a grocery store in the east). His eyes were not even open yet and I raised him, with the help of my husband. Now I know that you should never have favorites, but seeing as I raised him it is hard not too. I have more of a bond with Joey than I have with the girls. Note I call them my cow kitties. Being a Veterinary Technician(8 years now) I have seen many different ways people will show their grief. There is not a right or wrong way, there is only the way you feel. I am very sorry your loss and know that Felix is better now.
On a happy note I wanted to thank you so very much. My husband is a Technical Writer and is working for Nationwide Insurance. Since he started school 5 years ago he has lost his desire to write freely. He recently found out about your blog and noticed that you have a book out, Just A Geek. Now you must understand that that phrase sums up my husband perfectly. After only a few chapters he has been inspired to write once again. Not the boring manuals that he gets to write at work, but really writting for himself. I will also be reading it when he has finished. Again THANK YOU.
Hey, Wil. Sorry again for your loss. It is very hard to get through, but it will get better.
I’m sure if you put some autographed books on E-Bay, they would sell. I know I would bid. I’m out on the east coast and would really like one. Just a thought.
Wil. A young friend of mine had this problem. He was terrified of dying young. I wrote this for him…
He does not try to trip us,
He does not make us fall.
Each day he walks beside us,
Our most loyal friend of all.
He does not try to guide us,
He does not try to lead.
He goes to where we take him,
He requires no act or deed.
He smiles at all our efforts,
Not turned by truth or lies,
And when our time is over
He will gently close our eyes…
So if that doesn’t work, get your best friend to slug you – just to remind you that you’re still walking the green grass and sucking in air. Death is just a full stop. It doesn’t spoil the story that went before.
Having read Wil’s blog for a long time, there is one thing that is pretty clear to me: Wil is not comfortable with making money strictly off his celebrity. He doesn’t like the idea of people paying to eat with him at conferences. I don’t think he really likes the idea of selling autographs. He definately does not want to put a tip jar out to cash in on the good nature of his fans.
On the other hand, I don’t think that Wil is really thinking outside the box very much in the money department. A few suggestions:
– Record a commentary for “Stand By Me”. Do it informally in your living room. Do it in one shot. Sell it for $1. A two hour investment becomes a couple thousand dollars. This is not cashing in on your celebrity. It is providing a service that you can uniquely provide. I don’t know the legal issues with this… listen to the movie with headphones on so that your recording doesn’t include any copyrighted material.
– Get some of your filmmaking friends to make short films of your comedy groups’ retired skits. Put them on DVD and sell them. Give everyone involved a cut of the sales (including the salesperson). Not only does it make you money, but it helps the careers of everyone involved (which in turn helps you in the long run). This has a larger time investment, but if you are willing to sacrifice some production quality, you could easily shoot a 5 minute skit in an afternoon.
I imagine there is a sense that no matter what you do you are relying on your fame to make it successful. Like if you picked up a piece of trash on the road, called it ‘found art’, and auctioned it off as a piece of original Wil Wheaton art. I think that there is some element of truth to that, but I think that both the ideas above go beyond self-exploitation and would provide real value. I’m sure there are many, many other things you could create that would have real value too. Go do one.
Now.
No, really. Stop reading this and go do it.
Go!
Per that satisfying yardwork feeling:
an entry of mine
I have a boxhedge that surrounds our entire yard outside the fence. I decided that I didn’t actually *need* power clippers, just the regular shears. Blisters aside, trimming the entire thing (a multi-day process) is one of the most Zen things I’ve ever done.
When life gets too big, or somehow reminds me just how much of it is outside my countrol, I often take my solace in my yard. Dig in.
Alan, I respectfully disagree. Wil said in his post that he was considering selling some autographed books. He’s sold signed books, photos and action figures on eBay to raise a little extra dough before. And I don’t think he feels uncomfortable about it- he personalizes the items he signs and the people who purchase them feel it’s well worth the money.
He’s also “used his celebrity” to encourage people to donate money to good causes, and to sponsor him and his wife for charitable walk-a-thons.
And since Wil is now a professional writer, it’s not such a horrible idea to put up a PayPal button “tip jar” for his writing. It’s not like he’d be telling people they had to subscribe to read his blog, but if they wanted to pay for the enjoyment of reading then fine. His writing is already something of “real value”- and if not for the web, we’d be paying cash-money to read his essays in a zine or magazine.
I’m happy Wil’s blog is free; but when someone we like, someone who shares so much with us, has a financial crisis, it’s no shame for his fans and supporters to offer to chip in a little.
Alan, I respectfully disagree. Wil said in his post that he was considering selling some autographed books. He’s sold signed books, photos and action figures on eBay to raise a little extra dough before. And I don’t think he feels uncomfortable about it- he personalizes the items he signs and the people who purchase them feel it’s well worth the money.
He’s also “used his celebrity” to encourage people to donate money to good causes, and to sponsor him and his wife for charitable walk-a-thons.
And since Wil is now a professional writer, it’s not such a horrible idea to put up a PayPal button “tip jar” for his writing. It’s not like he’d be telling people they had to subscribe to read his blog, but if they wanted to pay for the enjoyment of reading then fine. His writing is already something of “real value”- and if not for the web, we’d be paying cash-money to read his essays in a zine or magazine.
I’m happy Wil’s blog is free; but when someone we like, someone who shares so much with us, has a financial crisis, it’s no shame for his fans and supporters to offer to chip in a little.
I apologize for the double post.
Wil,
I’m sad about the loss of your beloved Felix. Seeing a grief counselor isn’t a bad idea and I applaud you for seeking help as you navigate this experience. And… It’s also true that the pain is what it is and will take the time it takes to work through. Be gentle with you and know that the love you shared with the Bear continues, resonating throughout the universe. It is intact and whole. It cannot be lost.
Much love,
Dot
Someone once defined sentimentality as “too much feeling for too small an event”.
Events are NEVER small when you’re dealing with true companions.
I’m sorry for all the heartache you’ve been through, kid, with family and friends and pets. I’m glad you’re considering a grief counselor. (I wish I had gone to one when I lost loved ones…my family was really great, but I always felt a little guilty, venting to people who were hurting just as much as I was, ya know?)
Thanks for thinking twice about the ads. I shall buy many books in gratitude.
You might want to consider how much WordPress will tax your system since it does a dynamic page creation->load. Are you currently using that feature in MT?
Also, any chance in talking to the peeps at igrep and coming up with some firefox plug-ins like the mycroft search box (is it mycroft. I think it is…) or I might just have to do it the old fashioned way by associating a keyword with the bookmark then typing ipgrep into the toolbar. Yeah, that is the old fashioned way. lol. pretty neat still except I don’t really use my local bookmarks.
Dear Wil,
There is nothing I can tell you about grieving for your pet that the hundreds of other people who commented haven
Two and a half years ago, I took my cat in because she’d been feeling poorly for about a week. The vet discovered a tumor roughly the size of a lemon in her abdomen and said they could probably remove it. As Shadow was 16 years old at the time, I couldn’t, in good conscience, agree to put her through that particular misery, especially if the best I could hope for was another year or two.
I had her put down that morning, and I stayed with her until the injection took effect. I sobbed for the next four days, and it wasn’t until UPS delivered her cremains to me that I started to feel human again. Yet just now, typing this out, all the grief and sorrow hit me again, the pain as fresh and sharp as it was that October morning.
My point is that saying goodbye to a much loved pet hurts like a bitch. You’re supposed to watch over them and love them; when disease hits, it’s impossible to fulfill one of your main roles.
Your grief isn’t out of line. Accept it as a sign of how much Felix meant to you.
Wil,
I’m so sorry to hear about Felix the Bear. I have had cats my whole life, and know that the grief we feel when we lose a pet can be every bit as acute as when a human family member passes away. I cried reading your post, and I don’t think the grief you described seems disproportionate at all. But if you feel a grief counselor would help, of course you should see one.
Another option, however, is looking for online communities that deal with pet loss. There are also pet memorial websites; while they are heartbreaking to read, they can also be very reassuring because you see that you’re not the only one who feels the loss so acutely. Here’s one such place:
http://www.rainbowbridge.org/
Also: I haven’t been there in awhile, but I think that iVillage.com has a pets bereavement message board that has been very helpful to people I know.
Take care of yourself, your family, and give extra love to the pets you still have. Time will help, but in the meantime, we’re all thinking of you.
I feel for you on all those trackback spams. I can’t believe that not only do we have to suffer email spam, but we have to be subjected to comment, trackback and even referer spam!
Someone should really shoot all spammers dead.
I don’t like spam either, tastes awful. Oh, and the e-mail type sucks too.
Actually, Jesus himself is a spammer. Check out his website. tedjesuschristgod.org
The guy at the site is some man from Arizona who thinks he’s God. Anyone who reads this HAS to check out the site! the man calls himself Ted Jesus Christ GOD (TJCG). The way he writes on his site would lead you to believe he’s crazy, but an other section where he asks for money (well, how else is he going to buy the boat that flies to Heaven?) leads you to believe it’s all a scam. I think it’s really a bit of both. Go to the site, and Ted be with you!
PS, really sorry about your cat, Wil.