alt.usenet.made.me.laugh

Found on Usenet, authored by O.Deus:

A crowd has gathered outside a dumpster, current residence of the reel
of film featuring Wesley Crusher, at the news that Will Wheaton’s
apperance had been cut from Nemesis.
“First they let him go from the Next Generation and now they cut him
from Nemesis alltogether?” Wanda Killgorne 39, one of those holding a
silent vigil at the dumpster. “It makes no sense. The producers never
realized what they had with Wesley. The show went downhill the moment
he left and they’ve been too arrogant to do what it takes to save Star
Trek. Bring back Wesley as a Starship Captain with Godlike powers.
He’s the only one that can save Star Trek.”
At those words the crowd began chanting, “Bring Back Wesley. Bring
Back Wesley. Bring Back Wesley” but it was clear that their hearts
just weren’t in it.
“Some of us are here because we’re off our medication. Others are here
because Wesley Crusher gives us a reason to live.” William Johnson 56
said delivering an improptu speech from the vantage point of standing
on a stained milk crate. “Still Others because due to our homoerotic
crushes on Mr. Wheaton, orders of protection prevent us from going any
closer to him. Still we all united in our veneration of this lost
reel.”
Saying this Mr. Johnson reached into the dumpster and pulled out a
reel along with several roaches living in the reel.
“Behold the Reel of Wesley.” He shouted as the crowd fell to its knees
before the reel and then rose one by one to kiss the reel and return
back to the private and state facilities from which they had come as
the sun set over the tall buildings, indicating that curfew was almost
over.


This made me laugh out loud.
It sure was strange to see something on Usenet about me that didn’t involve Klingon gang rape.

112 thoughts on “alt.usenet.made.me.laugh”

  1. In response to an earlier comment:
    “That’s utterly hilarious. It reminds me of the Church of Star Trek on
    Futurama (any possible guest spots for the talking head of Wesley
    Crusher?). ”
    While that would be very cool last i heard Fox had not ordered any new episodes of futurama to be made, so the series is as good as dead (in a coma at least). Fox are so stupid if the Simpsons were created today they would cancel it. I cannot beleive the dropped Dark Angel, and the last episode was almost a cliff hanger with loads of stuff unresolved.
    Oops i have gone way offtopic.
    The funny was story :)
    and i thought “the Reel” sounded more like something out of the life of brian than out of the Holy Grail.

  2. Is this true? People were really doing this? Is this all they think about other than their SSI check that comes every month? What a fucking life.
    J.

  3. Well my goodness, I suppose I should start copyrighting my Usenet posts like JMS. Nah, too much bother.
    Though the fact that some of the comments reflect the sentiments I was mocking in the post, is a lot scarier than any Klingon gang rape.

  4. O-Deus:
    I tried to email this to you privately, but alas there was no obvious address on your website (which is utterly brilliant, and hilarious, BTW.)
    When this post was emailed to me, it wasn’t credited with any author. I looked it up on Google, and saw your name attached, and left it off because I wasn’t sure if you’d want the extra attention.
    Since you’ve commented here, I’m going to edit the original post to reflect your authorship, with a link to your homepage.
    thanks for making me laugh.
    -Wil

  5. Oh I don’t actually mind, though having someone tell me that my post had ended up here did make for a somewhat surreal encounter.

  6. “Is it me or have people used this post as an excuse to admit the homoerotic crush they had on wesley/wil throughout their “confused” period during puberty?”
    Darn, you caught me ;)
    Seriously though, how could I ever forget my first crush? I was what, 10 then? :P I remember saving all my measly $1 allowance to buy one of those 8×10 photos they sold at the trek convention…
    And WHERE can I find those Klingon gang rape stories? ::snerk::

  7. I recently checked the Internet Movie Database concerning an old film you did, The Last Starfighter. You are listed as “Louis’s friend” with the notation (Scene deleted). I don’t know what is worse, being credited and deleted or not showing up at all

  8. I missed the last post because I don’t get on the net a lot. As far as getting cut from the movie, there is always the special edition dvd with all the cut scenes from the movie.

  9. That is indeed sad to hear – both your being cut from the movie, and the wake around the garbage can – “Someone left his reel out in the rain…” comes to mind. I’ve discovered your Blogger by accident while surfing, but have been enjoying it!
    Best of luck with your future endevors!
    As for Klingon Gang Rape? Be lucky you wern’t Bill Mumy in Lost in Space – jokes too numerous to mention have involved young Wil, Dr. Smith, and THE ROBOT. *shudders* Don’t ask… *grins*

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