i blend with kings, i’d never change a thing

After dinner tonight, Nolan ran off to IM one of his friends, and left Anne, Ryan, and me in the dining room.

"Dude, you totally need to get me a shirt like that," Ryan said. He pointed to my "Choose your weapon" shirt from Jinx, that features six polyhedral dice.

"Like this?" I said. "What qualifies you for a shirt like this?"

"Dude!" He said, "I totally have a bag filled with those dice in my bedroom!"

"And you use them to actually play . . . when?"

"Well, I’d use them all the time, but someone never made a campaign for me!"

A little bit of me died inside.

"So, you see, I’m still qualified." He leaned back in his chair, and took a long, satisfied drink from his water glass.

"Dude, I’ve been playing D&D longer than you’ve been . . . well . . . anything." I said. "I think I’m a better judge of who is qualified and who is not."

We were playing nerd chicken and I could sense Ryan searching for his next play.

"Besides," I said, "It’s nerdtopia in there — " I pointed toward my office, "so if you really wanted to ‘choose your weapon,’ you could easily take care of business."

Now, here’s the thing: I can’t remember what Ryan said next, but it was a great burn. It was an awesome, classic, soundtrack-stopping burn.

I came back the only way I could: empty parental threats.

"I am such a huge geek," I said. "I will embarrass you so hardcore, you won’t know what hit you." I snorted, for effect.

"Oh yeah? What are you going to do to embarrass me?" He said.

"Anne," I said, "You should sleep in tomorrow. I’ll take the kids to school, and I’ll pick them up, too."

"Mom!" Nolan called from the living room, "I think I’m going to ride my bike to school tomorrow, okay?"

Ryan gulped. I went to the kitchen. As soon as I was around the corner, and he couldn’t see me, I smiled to myself. From the dining room, I head Ryan chuckle.

This is how we live. This is why I do, well, everything.

27 thoughts on “i blend with kings, i’d never change a thing”

  1. Okay, this is a little off topic but I just wanted to say that it feels like, in the last few weeks, you’ve been re-bitten by the writing bug. I’ve really been enjoying the posts lately. Good stuff, Wil.

  2. I think the ultimate in parental embarassment was when Dave Barry picked up his son, Rob, from middle school in the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile. He used the PA system to say, “ROB BARRY, THIS IS YOUR FATHER. REPORT TO THE WEINERMOBILE IMMEDIATELY.”

  3. You make me want a family of my own, man. :)
    And I have to agree with the previous comment about it being nice to see you writing so much again.

  4. oh man, I can’t believe I have never heard of Jinx.com before! I just went and ordered two t-shirts and had to exercise some serious discipline to stop there! THANKS WIL!

  5. I’m picturing John Candy as Uncle Buck threatening a child with being walked to class while he’s wearing a bathrobe… (but much thinner, and while wearing No Sweat Chucks.)

  6. My kids know they come from solid nerd stock. My small one (age 10) had a great one yesterday. Both my boys both play WoW, and get a limited amount of time each day to play. He wrapped up about 15 minutes earlier than he needed to yesterday, and said “I’ll use the rest of my time tomorrow morning before school, since I have rollover minutes.”
    I almost fell off the couch laughing.

  7. You remind me of the older brother picking on Elliott in the D&D scene in the beginning of E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial.
    “ooohhhh, I have ultimate power!”

  8. So, did you drive him to school with a face mask and rollers in your hair? Fuzzy slippers? Tattered bathrobe? Stand up out of the car, wave and yell “I love you sweety snookums!”?

  9. Very early in their lives, my children learned that I am missing the gene that causes a person to be ticklish. We call it “The Tickle Gene”. You may not be aware of this, but little children often do not know how to tickle effectively and you can fake a certain unaffected response when they attempt it. So if you catch them early… you can prevent a lot of painful furute tickling attacks. My son is now 12 years old and still has no idea that I’ve been pulling a very strange practical joke on him for the past dozen years!

  10. What a coincidence – I have a “Signs of 40″ book (imagine a flip-book of bumper stickers for your desk). I flipped to the next page this morning and found “Embarrassing my children…just one more service I offer.”
    And like Clay said, thanks for the link to Jinx. I’m getting that t-shirt tonight, and the bumper sticker to match!

  11. I love all your blogs – even some with references I don’t understand. But I especially love the posts about your family. It seems as though you have plenty of laughs in your home and that is so healthy. It gives me warm fuzzies to read!!! Blog on, Wil….

  12. I wish we had that much fun when I was a kid. The only dinnertime discussion we ever had was whatever my father wanted to talk about, and it was never fun.

  13. Suuuure you don’t remember what the burn was. We believe you, Wil. :) I’m betting Ryan remembers it, though.
    So did you break out the clown sweater for the ride to school?
    Great post – love the “small moments” stories that remind us how precious each day is.

  14. “Never underestimate the embarrasment potential of a Star Fleet ensign’s uniform!”
    LMAO, nedodojo! Hey, he could always break out the Starfleet Uniform, too!

  15. Dude, you have to play some D&D with the boys. How long do you think they’ll actually be asking for it? They’ll find other ways to entertain themselves, but you’re missing out, man! If you don’t have time to put together a good dungeon, just grab an insta-dungeon module to get rolling. You do have some old game modules, right? Shrine of the Kuo-Toa? Slave Pits of the Undercity? No? If not, you must know of a used game store that sells them. Here’s a reminder:

  16. My husband and I are hardcore nerds. I played D&D and Robotech and LOVED them. My dice in all their glittery glory were like treasures to me. But alas, my 10 year old daughter gives me the PATENTED PRE-TEEN EYEROLL whenever I mention it. She shall not be following in my nerdly footsteps. I envy you, and have high hopes for my 4 year old son. 😛

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