My Velouria

First, I have been overwhelmed with the support, the kindness, and the sheer volume of comments, and emails regarding my last entry.
I have to say “Thank you” to everyone. It’s simply amazing, how many different people, separated by distance, culture, carreer, and whatever, are feeling the same things I’m feeling. The amazing thing is, people said things to me that I’ve thought at one time or another, and forgotten…things about “risk” and things about “giving up”. I thank you, all of you, from the bottom of my heart, for opening yourselves to me, and sharing with me your advice and experiences. I’d like to post them all, in the future, and share your wisdom with the masses.
Mixed in amongst the emails was one from my mom. My mom told me that she’d read my Weblog, and that she was “proud to have given birth to a person like me”. She told me that she could feel my hurt, and that I should “be sure to cry all the tears, because the joy is waiting in the last tear.”
So that’s what I did. I went into my bedroom, sat on my bed, and this 29 year old man sobbed like an 8 year old child. Big sobs. The kind that hurt your throat. The kind that shake your body, and soak your face with tears. I cried so long, and so hard, I don’t even know what I cried about. I cried for the hurt of losing the job, and for the hurt of being attacked by idiots who don’t even know me. I cried for all the times I picked on my little brother when we were kids, and all the times I’ve sat here at my computer and let my wife go to bed alone while I worked on this site. I cried for every bad choice I’ve ever made, but mostly, I cried for myself. I cried, and when I thought I was done, I cried some more. Then, just as quickly as it started, it stopped. And I felt better.
Then I made the enormous mistake of checking my logs, so I could see where people are coming from, and thank them for linking to me and I found that some guy uses my site as “hell”. Thanks, fucker.Some dude at metafilter says “I’m too good” to join them. Yeah, I can’t wait to get into that shit. Please, can I join your little club, so you can hold me up to further villification, without ever getting to know me? Can I PLEASE spend even LESS time with my family, sitting here at this computer, so I can try to change the minds of people who are going to judge me no matter what, without EVER walking an inch in my shoes? So you didn’t like my fucking character on a fucking tv show I haven’t even worked on in ten. fucking. years. Thank you for blaming ME for the writing of a fictional character, on a fictional tv show. That makes complete sense, considering all the input the writers would take from a 15 year old kid. Have you ever bothered to ask? Did it ever occur to you that I just said the lines I was given? I’m sorry Wesley messed up your precious television show. Fortunately, there were whole seasons after I quit, without me. So you can watch them, and feel better. But don’t take it out on me. I’m just an actor, doing the best job he could with what he was given. So I worked on a TV show. So I have made a living as an actor. Big deal. I’m no better than anyone else, and I have neversaid I was, or thought I was. I am just a geek, looking for validation from his fellow geeks.
Congratulations, sir. I’m glad that your empty, pathetic existence is made whole by shitting on a person who you’ve never even met.
You know, I promised myself that I wouldn’t get into this. I promised myself that I wouldn’t get sucked in to the mire with the lowest common denominators. Well, guess what, guys? I don’t care if you’re “The Guy From TV” or if you’re “The kid from math class”. Being personally attacked hurts. It sucks. I wonder, do you spend a fifth of the time you spend dumping on me doing something constructive with your life? I certainly hope so. You people are just like the people in High School who never took the time to get to know me, and judged me before I even showed up.
Aren’t we mostly geeks here, online? Didn’t we all, at one time or another, get bullied by “the cool kids”? Don’t any of you remember what that felt like?
My mom said to me that she was amazed at how honestly I revealed my feelings. She said that I’ve always reacted in anger when I am hurt, and she didn’t think I was angry. Well, I wasn’t, but I am now.
So here’s the deal, people: You can read this, or not, and you can see the stuff at my site, or not. But if you are going to judge me, me, the person, Wil, who gets up in the middle of the night when his kids are sick, and worries about making the bills this month, and tries to find time in the day to spend with his wife, and works his ass off for auditions that are going to go to the flavor of the month, anyway, well, you can fuck all the way off. Zip up your spacesuit, and hurry to the comic shop. Your weekly supply of “Magic” cards has just come in.