Over at FARK, they are discussing who would win in a fight if it was Wesley vs. Annikin Skywalker.
The debate started here.
I spent some time thinking about it…read more to see what I came up with…
Well, the way I see it, you’ve got two possible scenarios here:
1. Annie and The Weas agree to fight it out, without the benefit of The Force or The Traveller’s Mystical Thingy, on some neutral planet. They fight it out, WWF-style, and The Weas wins, when Hulk Hogan (circa 1980) runs into the ring, and flattens Annie with an Atomic Leg Drop. So really, it was the Hulkster who beat Annie, but later on, at King of the Ring, The Weas denounces Hulkamania, and Andre the Giant and Hulk Hogan force The Weasel into retirement, so, in essence, both Annie and The Weas lose, which I think is the best outcome here.
-OR-
2. Annie and The Weas start fighting, realize that they have more in common than not, and they team up against France. You know the rest.
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Would that be a re-animated Andre the Giant or just Andre the Giant in his current corpse state? And if it’s the latter, wouldn’t that make him a Frenchman by default?
(“He’s lacking a lot of…CHAAARRRRMMMM”).
oo so you are putting comments up? ok everyone can thank me! ok i’ll shut up now
luv ya
_-*JeSs*-_
I think wesley would get his ass beat like a red headed step child, casue annikin has the force with him and wesley is just a wanker.
Anakin would win both battles. Force or not, he’s got way more of a temper than Wesley especially if you piss him off in the right way. *cough* Star Wars EP2 spoilers *cough*
3. Annikin gets tricky, throwing Queen Amidala in a barely-there costume ringside at a critical juncture. The Weas, blinded, as if by sunlight, stumbles back in a daze. Annie follows up with an Instep Smash [tm] and a Flying Suplex off the top rope, completely blowing the Weas out of the ring. The Weas, finding himself semi-conscious in a heap of folding aluminum chairs, grabs one and proceeds to argue finer points of philosophy with Annie’s head using the chair. The Queen rapidly tires of all this testosterone-ridden mayhem, and orders “Game Over” in a sharpish voice, whereupon our two heroes and the Queen retire to the local Irish Pub to drink Black Bush, and watch the Pogues.
Okay guys, this is not a Wesley hate site, so stop it! Thanks.
wesley would definetly win cuz hes hott.. sorry i juss had to say that-no more comments from me i promise
The whole thing would just be a ploy for male physical contact, and would degrade into some veiled homoerotic foreplay, or more.
In that case, they both win. Even better if we got to watch the match. 🙂
Jeff
(who wrote some whack gay-themed Wil Wheaton magazine article a LONG time ago, now posted at http://Jeff.oasismag.com/stories/storyReader$13)
I have to Agree with Wil on #2
2. Annie and The Weas start fighting, realize that they have more in common than not, and they team up against France. You know the rest.
But after France I think they go to Hooter’s.
(hmmm I wonder what the waitress would say?)
Will vs Jake -> Will would kick his ass cuz he’s cooler, hipper, geekier, and well, uh… older.
Wesley vs Anakin -> I’d think a phaser vs light saber fight would be kinda like the pistol vs sword fight in Indiana Jones… the one where the dude is all swinging his sword around looking like hot stuff, then Indy just pops a cap in him. So I’d vote Wesley winner.
awww, they’re saying such mean tihngs about wil/wesley on that fark whatever site! wesley was awesome! ofcourse he would win!
Georeg Lucas would never alow them to fight. It wouldnt make a very good Burger King tie-in. LONG LIVE COMMERSHALIZATOIN!!!11
–NT
I think Wil’s right about his #2 option… and you’re right, Lobos, they should definitely go to Hooters afterwards! Maybe Wesley could meet that humanoid furry chick he fell in love with there, because she escaped her duties as a ruler to pursue her dream as a Hooters girl! Ye-ha! Oh yeah, thanks for giving us another chance with the comments, Wil ^^
Wesley would definetly win. Yea, and thanks Wil (for putting the comments back on.) But also, those two obnoxious girls were just being good fans. They should still get credit.
I definitly think Wesley would win. Anakin stinks, and Star Trek is a lot better then Star Wars! I’m glad u put the comments page on. Thanks.
Yea me too. What were those two girls’ email adresses? (The ones writing those comments..)
Thanks for putting comments back on Wil 🙂
Well, given that when last we saw them both, Wesley was approx. 18 yrs old and Annakin about 6 yr the end result would be pretty much moot. I suspect that the former, after having a good laugh at the prospect, would wander off in search of a nubile alien partner for the noogie-noogie dance.
Canadian0812
I say that well Wes would win..simply cuz the kids like…hmm…10 yrs older.
But minus powers and things like that? Well.. it might have to end in a tie with Annikin dragging in C-3PO (it will happen somehow) and Wes dragging in Data and having a huge android fight fest (yeah..I’d love to see that one. “Well, sir really fighting is not a polite answer”)
Wesley WOULD win. There….NO NEED for further
discussion on this topic.Thank you Mr. Wheaton
(sir) for NOT taking away the playpen..we will
be good, we promise! (well untill the minor
league gets sent in again anyway.)
Wesley would get his motherfucking ass kicked by Greedo.
Greedo once killed a man just for snorin’.
And no more blinky-blinky with the comments or stuff around this barren, little rathole is gonna go missing.
That was mean! Wesley was great! He could beat anybody up!
The cheese votes for R2D2.
boop be boop be booop boop boop beep boop
what was that
No idea who would win, but it might be a fun Celebrity Deathmatch. I am SOOOOO happy that comments are BACK. yay.
Wesley is a wimp….but since Wesley IS Wil Wheaton. Wesley would probably win!! Wooohooo!
Well in the case of Wesley BEING Wil Wheaton…that prolly wouldn’t help too much… J/K. Fark me, I know. But Anakin is a little Wimp and in the later seasons of TNG Wesley was new bold figure in the face of Trek… *Cough* so he’d win 😉
JoshAct
You guys are all dorks.
Worrying about “Wesley” versus “Anakin.”
God’s sake, people!
Wil Wheaton versus JAKE LLOYD.
To the pain.
Now that’s what I call pod racing.
A box of Wheat Thins vs. the dessicated corpse of Harold Lloyd.
Vader’s bionic hand twitched uncontrollably. He had not been prepared for the onslaught of the
young Ensign’s repulsar beam. At that moment, he felt not only the agony of electrical impulses
arcing against his nerve-endings, but the humiliation of being stung by Wesley Crusher. The
Dark Lord of the Sith stunned. His mechanical breathing quickened as he throttled his pain, and
reached for his light saber. He had not thought it necessary. This puny boy should not be
such a formidable opponent.
“I have you now, young Crusher.”
“The force won’t help you this time, bitch. You’re in the Star Trek universe now!”
“Shut up, Wesley.”
“Ahh!” Those words, which once before had marred a deep wound, were now, again conjured. Wesley
stumbled under the weight of the dark figure’s cursings. But, just as he had before, he mustered
the strength to challenge the one who uttered them.
“You wouldn’t say that if I was an adult. Actually, Sir, you’re going to regret saying that. This
kid’s going to kick your Imperial ass!”
Wesley spoke with authority, but feared his power may not be enough. Sure, he’d floated a chair
across the room with his repulsar beam, but never had he used it in a combat situation. He quickly
reconfigured the power matrix for 110% output — a trick Jordi had taught him. “Take that!”
Wesley directed the emitter toward his enemy, but Vader was too quick. The beam was easily
deflected by the glowing, red saber.
“I’m going to turn you into a torch, little man.” Vader charged his opponent, his breathing
further hastened by the attack. With both hands, he grasped the saber and struck down against
the blue beam of wesley’s. Wesley fell back, desperately trying to keep the emitter pointed toward
his enemy. Then, came a thunderous clap. A Plasma burst! The two energies from two different
universes had annihilated the gravitons in the repulsar beam like an antimatter explosion.
Wesley found himself enveloped in a graviton bubble. He writhed in pain from the surging of the
bubble, and the plasma burns on his hands. Vader was infuriated. He violently struck the bubble
with his light saber, each time causing a plasma burst and singeing his foe.
The young Ensign thought this was the end. At any moment Vader would break through the graviton
field and slice him open. But wait! Wesley thought for a moment, and… Yes! If he could just
tap a few of the buttons on the front of his little, gray box…
With smart thinking, and some quick finger work, Wesley reversed the polarity of the emitter.
Suddenly, with a burst of bright light, the blue beam turned to yellow. Vader was thrown to the
ground as the light saber exploded in his hand.
Wesley stood and approached his vanquished foe. “Screw you, sir. Your saber-swatting, tie-
fighting, dark-side living days are over.”
The blinking lights on Vader’s breastplate slowed and dimmed. A stream of smoke emanated from his
grill-covered mouth. The battle was over.
Mortal Kombat voice: “Finish him!”
Harold Lloyd (barely audible rasp): “Need milk. Throat very dry.”
Ohhhhhhh, so this is how you post a comment, hmmm.
Some people probably ought to have those *coughs* checked out by a doctor…sounds contagious.
Farkers are mean by nature, because they seem to think they are superior over all other humans.
If it were an unarmed battle, my vote is for Wesley, who most likely got fight training from Star Fleet and Worf. If it were an armed fight, it would probably still be Wesley(the training)
and the Dark Side always loses in the end. If it were cheese factor, it would most likely still be Wesley, because Star Wars is far cheesier than Star Trek. If they were the same size and age, it would probably be Anakin, because he would fight dirty. Hey, I’m not “worried” about this, just speculatin’, and without kissing Wil’s butt or advertising my site either! I like the Data vs. C3PO scenerio, but obviously it would be Data.
…..and what are we thanking “JeSs” for??
Clarification: I want to see a homoerotic wrestling match between Wil and Hayden Christiansen, NOT Jake Lloyd. BIG difference, there. 🙂
Jeff
I thought this whole thing was really hilarious. The really nice thing was that, over at FARK, nobody made the mistake of confusing me with my character.
I don’t think that would have happened before I had this website, and it makes me happy. 🙂
Hey,
we’re thankin jess cuz shes the 1 that got the comments bak 4 ur information n she’s a good fan. so u should b kissin her sweet ass!
I think Wes would have to win. But through brains not brawn. It would be MacGuyver style. He would find something in the area to quickly make a rudimentary phaser, and then using the grease from his own hair as an energy source, would shoot Anakin right between the eyes (on Stun setting, of course).
Re: Jeff’s comment about a wrestling match between Wil and Hayden Chritinansen. – May I just say, nice Idea, but it would definately have to be Wil and Natalie Portman doing the wrestling. And somehow I don’t think Wil would object!
It strikes this newbie that blogs such as Mr. Wheaton’s (SIR!) should be mandatory endeavors for anyone who happens to find themselves in the public eye. Much adolescent misery and confusion could be thus averted… Just think how many young people may not become anorexic/bulemic if only they knew more of the real truth of the essentially ordinary people lurking behind the facades of their wafer-thin, supermodel idols (but one example). To say nothing of the “leveling” effect such sites might have on their creators. If Wil’s laudable exercise is any indication, such sites not only help others to “separate the man from the role,” but help the man to fight his own demons associated therewith. Ah, pity the poor, soon-to-be starving therapists… now that self-help is just a blog away! 😉
[Please pardon the psuedo-psychological ramblings of an elderly nerd… my God, this stuff is bloody addictive. Now, what were those 12 steps again?]
Colin
PS – re: “Farkers” and apparent mean condescension: These (mostly) very bright kids have yet to learn one of life’s most important lessons… Intellect sans social grace is like a gourmet meal sans good wine; nice to have and quite enjoyable, but incomplete and ultimately less than truly satisfying.
Hrm.
Colin, although I never really thought of Mr. Wheaton (SIR!) as a “wafer-thin supermodel,” I can see how someone might have seen Him that way, what with the boyish good looks and bubbly charm….
Jesus moses. What have you done, Colin? My pure, unsullied brain has been soiled! Oh. Wait. Never mind. Too late….
Well said, Colin.
[quote]Colin, although I never really thought of Mr. Wheaton (SIR!) as a “wafer-thin supermodel,” I can see how someone might have seen Him that way, what with the boyish good looks and bubbly charm….[/quote]
JSc – Not what I meant, of course… but an interesting thought. Uncle Willie sporting the latest Polo gear on Ralph Lauren’s runway? Why not? Good money in that, eh? And JSc, gee, I’m honestly very glad to know that I won’t be held responsible for soiling your brain. That would indeed be a heavy burden to bear. 😉
Colin
You all really miss it Wes would win because he was played by the God, Wil Wheaton.
Way to go- i vote for Joshua’s sinario, very cool-indeed. Everyone knows that the superhuman mind of Wesley could come up with anything to defeat the bad guys.Wesley Rocks! and He’s way cuter!!!
Two minutes into the fight, Wes suddenly figures out the problem with Anakin’s force that’s making him such a bitch. He gets Riker to distract the kid while he fixes the problem. With the problem fixed, the fight is called off.
20 years later, Anakin doesn’t turn into Darth Vader. Without an evil sidekick to hide behind, the Emperor is forced to grow his own balls, making him that much more dangerous. The Emperor wipes out the Skywalker family while the twins are still preadolescent, and handily takes over the galaxy.
Millennia later, the really decrepit looking but still powerful Emperor is now in control of the known universe. A young Gene Roddenberry disappears while still in elementary school, suspected of future ‘political views opposing the government’. Wesley no longer exists.
Meanwhile, George Lucas has a lucrative career as the producer of government propaganda movies. The hero of the Star Wars series is now the Emporer.
Wil, let’s be honest…
Anyone would kick Wesley’s ass.
Seriously.
The people that hated Wesley are all the people that PRAYED that they could BE WESLEY.
You know this; it’s all that envy.
Buncha crap and the Cheese and R2D2 know it.
boop be boop be booop boop boop beep boop
It’s quite simple really. Wesley would stop by his mothers work and pick up some antibacterial/antiviral/anti-etc. medecine and give it to Anakin.
This would remove the source of Anakin’s power.
It’s simple, and it’s brains over brawn, in true Wesley style.
I say thanks for getting the comments back to whoever did that, thanks Wil. I kiss no ones ass!
although most point made were valid, i would have to say that wesley with his god powers would beat anakin. Anakin has the force but he ain’t no god, wesley stops time and then pokes anakin with a sharp stick as well as most of the french population for good measure..
Who would win in a fight between Teddy Duchamp and John Gotti?
It’s threads like this that make the comments worthwhile.