Attention, Canada!

On behalf of all American hockey fans, I would like to officially begin the shit-talking:

Dear Canada,
Today, we are going to kick your ass.
Oh, sure, the score, and the game, will undoubtedly be close, but we will be handing you your toque-wearing, back-bacon-eating, gold-medal-not-getting asses to you.
You may have invented the sport, and for that we will always be grateful, but it would seem that, in the last 50 years, you’ve passed the torch to…well, anyone else who would take it, really.
We’ll happily take it from here.
Hey, don’t feel too bad. You’ve still got all our film work, and Curling. Nobody can take that away from you.
Sincerely,
Wil

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166 thoughts on “Attention, Canada!”

  1. Asked of Virtual Wil:
    > what do you think of canada winning gold in hockey?
    >
    What i didn’t mind, in the least. When we all think about this: life can
    change in an email that i want them to pick out one. It’s so funny to
    watch my boys do things like this, so i’m even more advertising, that they
    should reduce the cost of tickets, but that’s just me.

  6. This will definitely be a morale booster for the men and women who are serving on Operation Apollo!
    (Must email the hubby and let him know – news isn’t as fast getting to them as it is for us back home)

  7. Prof Wendi,
    If some other Country attacked you, You would be thankful for The USA; You would be hiding behind us making faces at the enemy while we protected you.
    Besides, We still got Football

  13. Damn the stereotypes….
    Damn them to hell…
    But we farking rock.
    Cuz we won. *hums we are the champions*
    (although I did have to laugh “toque-wearing, back-bacon-eating, gold-medal-not-getting asses”

  16. LOL! You all are worse than us nascar fans. Lets just say I chose a good old american sport over hockey today. At least you weren’t hoping others would die. Sad fact of nascar fans. Many wish death on the drivers they hate. Other than that this was hilarious to read. By the way no matter who won I’m damn proud to live in the USA and wouldn’t trade it for anything in this world. Canada is just full of cold french people. lol! Everyone knows the french never win a war.

  17. A guy across the street is yelling “Who’s Number One?!” from his balcony.
    Do you think I should tell him it’s not him?

  19. Bluesman – what the heck does that have to do with hockey??? *shaking head and rolling eyes* We were just talking about a good ol’ hockey game.. You need a Blue, man… and some real back bacon, it will make you feel better. 😉

  20. Let’s not get into stereotypes, life’s too short.
    Besides, I’m an English speaking Canadian. I dont see any cold French people here *l*

  24. Hey,
    French people rock man!!! Half of my familys’ French, and they all farking rule.
    Cold is not a French word… French ppl are tonnes of fun!
    *ahem*
    Sorry, Je suis une Canadien.
    Fracais…c’est un bonne lang.

  28. DaleJrBlueEyes said: You all are worse than us nascar fans. Lets just say I chose a good old american sport over hockey today.
    I’m sorry, but how can driving a car be considered a sport? Car racing is NOT a sport. It takes no athletic ability whatsoever. I’m not saying it doesn’t take skill – not everyone can drive around hairpin turns at 150+mph and not crash, but athletic ability? Don’t think so.
    /putting on the armor for the backlash I’m expecting on this one…..

  29. Wow! You want to get into that car and drive around fighting G forces for 400 laps. It wipes them out. Its a sport and I bet you couldn’t do it. You would crash your ass into the wall. It takes tons of strength to turn that car at 200 mph. And thats the reason they don’t drive when they are sick or hurt. They work out and build up their strength and all that stuff just like real athelets. By the end of the race they are just as tired if not more so than someone who just played a Football game or Hockey. It helps to read up on it. There is a race I think its the Indiapolis 500 which is 500 laps. Every year you will see the men climb out of their cars and kneel on the ground cause they can’t stand up because the fight over turning the car was pretty wild. It’s about fighting G forces and they do it constantly for four to five hours at a time. Tell me that doesn’t take athelic ability.

  30. Its not the race at Indy thats the Brickyard 500 its another race which Im having a hard time finding in the book. Im thinking bristol cause they are fighting a lot of g forces there.

  31. NASCAR may be a sport, but the reason it exists still eludes me. Incredibly dangerous to participate in, unbearably boring to watch… Yeah, this sounds like a good sport!

  32. Well you know people could say Football is incredably boring. Did you know that they Daytona 500 got higher ratings than the SUperbowl and can sit over 300000 fans and the race was sold out. Yes its boring believe me I know. Today’s race was a huge example of boring. But in Football one can die from a broken neck. In Hockey being hit in the wrong place can make you die. Same in Baseball. They chose to go out and play those sports just as Nascar drivers chose to go out and race. They know the risk. It’s no different than any other sport. Nascar is far safer now than it ever was. The men who walk away from major crashs outwieght the men who died.

  33. Damn, Dale, you don’t hafta bite my head off. I said that not everyone could do it – including myself. Damn right I’d crash into a wall. I said it takes SKILL, but I maintain that there’s not any athletic ability needed.
    And you’re right. Some people think football is boring. Some people think baseball is boring. To each his own. I don’t like NASCAR or any kind of car racing. You enjoy it – good on ya. Thousands of others do too. I’m not doubting it’s popularity. But you don’t hear it referred to as “The Sport of Stock Car Racing.” It’s just Stock Car Racing. Or INdy Car Racing.
    But, I see that this is like trying to see ice to an eskimo. We’ll agree to disagree on it – before it gets ugly. Ok?
    /extending hand

  34. Well they work out just as much as (With the exception of spencer- which is why he sucks) any other athelete that plays sports. That’s what I am saying. It takes atheletic ability and endurance to race. Just the same with Football, basketball and baseball and other sports. 🙂 But don’t worry I don’t hold grudges.

  35. At least you called them toques. 😉
    And they kicked our pathetic asses into next week. Go Canada!

  36. Dalejr- would you please lay off the flaming and reactionary posts?
    We’re all friends here, just havin’ a good time, not taking things too seriously.
    Thanks 🙂
    Wil

  37. Oooh…. you yanks are going to eat your words….
    Vive Canada! Vive Canada libre!
    (with apologies to Charles de Gaulle)

  39. I don’t think they are reactionary posts I was explaining. As you know over the internet it’s hard to convy emotion. I was explaining why it’s a sport. And then explaining why other things are sports too. And how they compair. I wasn’t taking anything seriously and I said I wasn’t holding grudges and that was jokingly because I never was mad. As I said before the internet ain’t a great place for expressing emotions. 😛 I still love them all. Love you too Wil. 😛

  40. Bluesman –
    You are opening up another can of worms. It could be argued all day whether golf is a sport of not.
    If NASCAR has to be a sport, than so does Golf. And Bowling.

  42. Dale Jr,
    With a name like Dale Jr, I am assuming that you take Nascar very seriously.
    Maybe wil would understand if it was a discussion about if acting was really an Art, I mean your not drawing anything, or making a statue, your just reading some lines, about as hard as driving a car or something like that.
    Im not gonna ask him myself cause I dont like controversy. It upsets me too much.

  43. Dear United States,
    I thoroughly enjoyed the severe ass-kicking that we lay down for you on Sunday. It almost seems impious for us to have beaten you so outrageously on a day that God claims for his own.
    The score was not, in fact, all that close. You tried your best, and two points is really much better than I thought you’d do. Don’t feel badly, not every country can be the best at hockey. In fact, if you’re not Canada you don’t have much of a chance at the title.
    We did in fact invent the sport. Then we honed and perfected it at countless early morning peewee practices, outside on frozen shinny ponds, as the first generation of women to play on high school and university teams.
    If you’re interested in stealing Canada’s thunder in the world of sports I’d suggest you continue to focus your attention on basketball (another of those great, Canadian-invented sports). Clearly when it comes to hockey we toque-wearing, poutine-eating, eh?-saying, dog-sled to work Canucks are out of your league.
    Enjoy your silver medals, and start practicing for 2006. Hopefully by then you can provide us with a more entertaining game.
    Les Chers Etats-Unis,
    J’ai compl

  44. Heather,
    Your getting a little to worked up about a NHL North-South All Star game. & Alot of the guys sat out because the NHL season is still up for grabs.
    Its not going to be referred to as the “Miracle on Ice” like when we beat the Russians.

  45. Since when is basketball a Canadian invented sport? From encarta.com. Nice try Heather, but basketball is 100% American!
    VIII. History
    In early December 1891, Luther Gulick, chairman of the physical education department at the School for Christian Workers (now Springfield College) in Springfield, Massachusetts, instructed physical education teacher James Naismith to invent a new game to entertain the school’s athletes during the winter season. With an ordinary soccer ball, Naismith assembled his class of 18 young men, appointed captains of two nine-player teams, and introduced them to the game of Basket Ball (then two words). Naismith, who had outlined 13 original rules, dispatched the school janitor to find two boxes to be fastened to the balcony railing at opposite sides of the gymnasium, where they would serve as goals. The school janitor, however, only found two half-bushel peach baskets, and the game was played with these.

  47. Fine.
    But, it was invented in the US and Luther Gulick was American.
    Damn Canucks, trying to take credit for everything. Sounds like Al Gore saying he invented the internet……
    😉

  48. Found this quote on another blog. Overheard in Utah from some street corner,
    “Canada is just J.V. America! Always has been, always will be!”
    Sounds bitter.
    K

  49. :'( USA lost. I was so upset. Yet happy for the Canadians at the same time. But also mad at them in a way. God, I wanted the US to win!!! Ah well, I guess it wasn’t meant to be… I’m proud of our USA boys (and girls!!) 🙂

  50. “With an ordinary soccer ball, Naismith assembled his class of 18 young men, appointed captains of two nine-player teams, and introduced them to the game of Basket Ball (then two words). Naismith, who had outlined 13 original rules, dispatched the school janitor to find two boxes to be fastened to the balcony railing at opposite sides of the gymnasium, where they would serve as goals.”
    By your own argument the game was comissioned by an American, but invented by an expat Canuck.
    Incidentally, Al Gore did play a pretty crucial role in inventing the Internet. I ought to know, I was the lady who asked him to come up with something to allow quick and inexpensive information sharing on a global scale. Also, that newish beard of his simply rocks. In 2004 I say the Democrats should just nominate the beard. I love it.
    I’ve got nothing against America; it’s a great place to visit when I want to shoot guns off in an old Civil War cemetary (I’ve got some Washington DC Republican attorney friends, they actually encourage gunplay when vacationing at their Pennsylvania farm), eat an obscene amount of food for $6.99, or buy overpriced and nasty water-beer.
    You’ve got yourself a pretty nice place down there; a little too right-wing and self-righteous sometimes, but then nobody’s perfect. You’ve got a moron as President, we’ve got a jackass as Prime Minister. At least you’ve got term limits to oust President Monkey-Head, we’re apparently stuck with our incoherent leader forever.

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