Previews

I used to be a big fan of South Park. I watched it every week, and anxiously awaited new episodes.
When I heard that they were making a movie, I was thrilled, and counted down the days until it opened. Of course, while the creators poured all their creative energy into the movie, the weekly content of the TV show suffered dramatically. It felt like filler with no creative soul, and I stopped watching.
So it is with WWDN as of late.
All of my creative energy and focus has gone into rewriting “Just A Geek,” and racing to get it done in time for a late March release.
I love WWDN, and really enjoy writing for it, but I have limited resources in my head, and when I have to pick, the website takes a back seat to the book. I hope readers understand.
Having said all that, I’d like to offer a small excerpt from the book, so you can all see what I’ve been working on.
This is from Chapter three:

Writing about the satisfaction and love I felt when I was with my family came very easily. I didn’t have to put on a brave face, or risk revealing how frustrated and tormented I was in my career. When I focused on my family, I felt liberated, and found humor and happiness at every turn.
28 August, 2001
Romper Stomper

From an e-mail I got this morning:
Wil:
I’m writing a book about Romper Room and came across a TV appearance of you on a California show with Miss Nancy. You told the hosts you used to watch Romper Room ?religiously.”
I’m writing to people who were on the show, or who watched the show, to get their impressions of Romper Room. I’m hoping you can answer some questions. What made you watch it? What’s your strongest memory of the program? Were you ever on Romper Room?
My response:
I was never on ?Romper Room”, but here is my clearest memory from watching it as a kid:
I would sit on the floor of our house (which was really a chicken coop behind my grandparents farmhouse. Yes, we were that poor), my fingers dug deeply into the golden shag carpeting, my tiny fists balled with anticipation, as Miss Nancy would hold up her magic mirror and ask it to tell her, ?did our friends have fun at play?? I would sit up straight, stare into the glorious black-and-white 13-inch Zenith TV and wait patiently as she saw Steven and Jody and Tina and Todd and Michael and every-fucking-body except WIL! Hey! Miss Nancy! I’m sitting right here! I’ve had LOTS of fun at play! I did the DooBee dance! I ran around pretending I was a fireman! I HAD FUN AT PLAY! WHY CAN’T YOU SEE ME?! AM I INVISIBLE?! *pant* *pant*
I never watched TV shows like the ones I did when I was four. Jesus, does anyone?

Writing that made me laugh out loud. I hadn’t planned on it turning into a rant, but I was doing lots of improv at the time, and I just wrote what came out of my head. I thought it was really funny, so I called my mom as soon as I was done to read it to her. When she picked up the phone, I could hear wind chimes and a waterfall. She was gardening in her backyard.
“Hey, it’s your son,” I told her.
“Hi Willow! How are you? Are you feeling better?” My mom always sounds happy to hear from me, and her voice is comforting — like a warm blanket, fresh from the dryer.
I was able to answer truthfully. “Yes, much. I wrote something funny for my website and I wanted to read it to you.”
“Oh, honey! That’s great! Let me turn off the hose.” I heard her set the phone down, and I closed my eyes, picturing their backyard: the beautiful redwood deck my dad and brother built, covered with potted flowers and tomato plants, the railing draped with white twinkle lights. I heard the jingle of their dog Kona’s collar, as she chased a butterfly, or the water falling from the hose. I saw water cascading into their swimming pool, and recalled the long summer afternoons spent floating in that pool, and the warm summer nights I spent as a teenager sitting in their spa, looking up at the stars. I breathed in, and I could smell the star jasmine which still grows under my old bedroom window.
“Wil? Did you hang up?”
“No, sorry. I was . . . lost in thought. Can I read you what I wrote?”
“Yes!”
I told her about the e-mail I’d gotten, and read her my response. I paused dramatically, and lowered my voice for the final sentence. I eagerly awaited her response.
“Oh, Wil,? she said, ?why do you need to have such a potty mouth?”
I resisted the urge to tell her that I had no fucking idea.
“It’s comedy mom, and it’s not always pretty.”
“Well, it’s very funny. I just wish you didn’t have to cuss so much.”
I beamed, knowing that I’d made my mom laugh, and — more importantly — made her feel proud of me.
“I gotta go answer emails, mom. I love you.”
“I love you too, sweetie. Bye-bye.”

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160 thoughts on “Previews”

  4. HA HA! That’s what my mom tells me when she reads MY website…the last thing I let her read from my “funny” page went something like this:
    “My mom doesn’t like the F word. So I won’t put it on here. Barring the use of the F word, I have nothing funny to say. Everything funny in my mind involves the F word. I am lost.
    Dammit, Mom!
    Oops. Maybe she doesn’t like that word either.
    Dangit, Mom!
    Ok.”
    🙂

  6. Nice article Wil.
    Put me down for a book.
    Will there be signed copies available?
    Will you be doing a signing in Dublin Ireland??
    In Forbidden Planet? (where I met the wonderful Gates McFadden!!)
    Keep it up,
    Dev.

  7. Philadelphia awaits your triumphant debut as a full-fledged writer.
    Hell, we gots a Borders AND Barnes & Noble.
    You may consider yourself and Ann, guests in our humble establishment. http://www.thebikestop.com (We’ll keep away the riff-raff just for you).
    Dude, your folks’ dog is named Kona? I had a friend that named his dog that and I knew why. They got him in Hawaii, right? In a sandwich sized Glad Bag.
    Ahh, call me when you get here. You have the number.
    Jim

  8. Willow. I like it. And I find that when I visit my mother’s house, I have to “switch gears” with my language a bit. Mom is not above a “damn” here and there, but I don’t believe I have ever said “fucking” in her presence. =0
    That’s kinda weird. Why do we protect our parents from our real selves so much? ‘Cause we love them and don’t want to offend their views on things I guess.
    Love the excerpt Wil, thanks for giving us a sneak look. Can’t wait for the book. Don’t worry, Jbay and we mods will watch the fort for you while you labor.
    Ahud

  10. I thought my grandparents were the only ones to have a chicken coop converted into a house. Is this common?
    Can’t wait to read the book, Wil. It already sounds good.
    Thanks
    Ben

  12. “Hey, it’s your son”
    I should try that some time when I call my parents… “Hi, it’s your daughter.” I can’t, for the life of me, understand why that particular phrase stood out for me while reading this excerpt. “Willow” was cool too. =)
    I’m *really* looking forward to this book…. Thanks for sharing, Wil.
    Em

  13. Romper Room never quite worked for me. The layout of the room itself always seemed more like some “human-gerbil-cage” design people in a lab might come up with to keep, feed, and train pet humans. Eerie.

  16. I’ve got a website (along with everyone else in the world), but unlike WilWheaton.net, I’m pretty sure that my parents are the ONLY people that look at it. (Scratch that: If one of my cats happens to be in my lap as I’m updating, they seem to sort of look at the screen from time to time. . .) Therefore, I’m quite wary of anything that could upset my parents that I might have to answer to in a future phone conversation.
    Lame.

  17. I have a different problem regarding moms & cursing. My mom can’t get out one sentence without cursing at least 3 times. Its particularly annoying when she’s talking about food -the imagery is not good. It was embarassing when she’d meet my teachers. My youngest sister seems to have the same inclination to curse abundantly. Moderation means nothing to them.
    Anyway, I’m excited about the book! Though your writing for WWDN has been limited, it has kept me interested.

  18. your Romper Room rant sounds oddly familiar….a character, named Beau (played by Daniel Baldwin), gave a similar rant about his never being seen on my favorite show, “Homicide: Life on the Street.” if it’s any consolation, I don’t think she ever saw me, Lauren, either. ok, now I’m feeling very unloved…

  19. I loved the way you described your slip into memories of your parents house, Wil. Just reading it made me imagine a soft, sunny day with birds singing and a gentle breeze. Sheets drying on a clothesline. You have a lovely way with words; very descriptive and emotive.
    I think that I am going to enjoy reading your book a great deal!
    Thanks,
    Drea

  21. I’m a new reader of WWDN…and I’m enjoying myself tremendously…and this is filler? Wow.
    Thanks for the excerpt…Willow. (giggle giggle)

  22. Bah, don’t worry about the website Wil! You’re writing a book!
    You’re coming to Seattle for a signing party when it comes out, right? 😉
    *more book mojo*

  23. color me obsessed, but I had to go and find the quote, in case you think I’m completely insane, which I am, btw….
    “Romper, stomper, bomper, blue. I see Jimmy and Julie. Except she never saw me. I spent years in front of that friggin’ tube and she never once saw Beau in the magic mirror. That BITCH!”
    – Beau Felton, from “A Model Citizen”

  24. Thanks, that little excerpt just transported me from this soul-less, drab, mind numbing office to when I was a kid, and I was there, living one of the summer afternoons you describe. Similar to the feeling I get when watching Stand By Me. I’m no literary critic, but you really have a talent for painting a picture with words.
    Just curious, didn’t your mom realize the swearing part was a reference to the end of the aforementioned film? Jesus, Mrs. Wheaton. :->)
    That reminds me, I need a new job, like, today.
    Damn these TPS reports.

  26. …image of Alyson Hannigan in mind’s eye…. debating whether to override….
    So, when did we get “WWDN:The Movie”?
    Book looks great. Nothing bad about backseat. Priories are slightly askewed. With me, mawwiage did the trick.
    Oddly, sounds like a bit of Joe Straczynski, as his work schedule piled up and on.
    We’ll still be here.

  29. Oh, I empathize with your Romper Room experience! I wanted Miss Mary Ann to say my name so badly. (My name is Robbie, and I’m female. Blame my dad.) Anyway, one day my mom and I were watching — I must have been 4 or 5 — and Miss Mary Ann looked through her Magic Mirror and said, “…I see Robbie!” My mom was beside herself with glee, and said, “See? She said your name!!”
    I was wearing a sad/disgusted face, apparently, and my mom couldn’t understand why, until I said, “She was talking to a BOY Robbie!” and stormed off.
    My poor poor mother. ::snicker::

  30. Wil, wil you explain the Willow reference? Pet or legal name (I have no intention of making fun of you; just curious.) Have you written about how your parents arrived at your name (spelling, story, et al) in the past?

  33. Willoughby wallaby Woo,
    an elephant sat on you.
    Willoughby wallaby wee,
    an elephant sat on me.
    Your nickname reminded me of this…

  34. I can hear those quotes from your mom coming from my mother’s mouth.
    I can’t speak for everyone that reads the site, but personally I know how much time this book is taking for you. It has to be perfect. I understand all too well. And then there are all these auditions that you seem to be going on. Is it my imagination or are you going on more lately? CSI, John Doe, I Robot, etc…damn dude.
    Oh…I never mentioned it, but I saw the Pax movie you did. I thought it was a really inventive and deep script (though semi-hokey at times). A most excellent job my friend.

  36. If the book is more of that then count me into the buying of it 😀
    wait. . . I was gonna buy it anyway.
    And I always respond to my mom’s hello with “It’s your daughter” Or if I’m lazy “hey”
    march huh?
    *looks at calendar* hey that’s coming up pretty quick! *looks again* Yup next page even!

  37. I love that your mom calls you “Willow.”
    Moms are moms, though; your mom wishes you wouldn’t swear when you write, mine wishes I didn’t put sex in the things I write. She understands that yes, people have sex, but “can’t we pretend they don’t?”
    Heh.
    You mom sounds so sweet 🙂

  38. I have to wait another 2 months to read The Book? I think I’ll just about survive.
    To judge from this taster, I’ll be devouring the whole thing as soon as it comes through the door.

  39. I know the feeling of using profanity around the parents. It’s always been taboo in my family, but now that the youngest child is getting ready for university, we pretty well say what we want, with the exception of the F word, but we’ve been able to get away with it once in a while.
    Still, parents never like to hear their kids using those words from what i’m told.
    Oh, and ‘Willow’?

  40. you MUST come to Seattle like Joystick said, there will be plenty of people who’d like to see you “Willow”. 😉 At least your Mom could call you “Big Willy” Or something a little more manly.

  41. What? No post from Wil yet? C’mon Wil we’re dying to know. Is Willow your given name?
    Can’t wait to read the book man.
    Peace to all WWDN’ers from Buffalo

  42. Willow? hehe. I think’s its funny you actually read the F-word to your mom. Your posting of your experience of watching Romper Room made me choke on my soda. Thanks for the hearty giggle…. and allowing me to revert back to happier childhood memories.

  43. I think it’s like…some strange karma that no one ever hears their name on Romper Room. I’m sure she’s SAID wil…just not when you were watching. Like everyone i’ve ever talked to never heard their name…it’s so frustrating!
    Also, the Stand By Me reference made me laugh out loud in computer class (which was kinda bad because i was supposed to be researching tech stuff) and my teacher came over to see what was so funny….unfortunatly, mrs. L is not a stand by me fan…so Wil, you got me a detention. Oh well…it was worth it.

  44. Oh, and they ARE making a WWDN Movie!
    But at the last minute, all of Wil’s scenes will be cut.

  46. amendment (second comment): reading these comments, it makes me wonder how many people got the last line as a reference/joke. I snickered and rolled my eyes.

  48. I’m new here, only recently discovering WWDN. And I was amazed to find how damn funny you are. I appreciate your desire to keep the legions of WWDN fans entertained, but feel your angst is misplaced. You have choosen to share part of your life with those of us in cyber space. That is kind of way cool. But I think there is never a need to apologize if your A material is going into projects that help support your family. You understand not every performance will be your best, that goes for here too. Don’t put too much pressure on this performance – just enjoy it. We will too.

  49. I was on Romper Room! One full euphoric week of Romper Room. I danced with Miss Nancy, talked about fruits and vegetables, and dressed up like a clown.
    Actually they would make us change clothes and do about 2 to 3 shows a day…I still have some tapes of me on it….
    In the tape we were playing a guess the fruit game where the kids would have to put on a mask/blindfold and then Miss Nancy would feed us the fruit. Well I was all happy and excited, but guess what? She gave me a mushroom instead. As I bit into it my face scrunched up in replustion. I wasn’t a happy camper. It’s hilarious to see myself doing that whenever I watch the video. Just thought I would share with you!
    Conor

  50. Romper Room? Never heard of that show, though I’m kinda guessing it was the US version of the BBC’s subliminal kids show Play School. (addressed to the British fans…Was it just me or was Hamble the FREAKIEST doll in the world EVER (?) I’m still mentally traumatised by her.)
    :oS (trembles in the corner at the thought!)

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