The Bet rolls on, and Annie is almost half way home, with posts three, wherein Annie comes to terms with my asskickery:
Young Wil: “Ooooo…look at me. I’m a movie and TV actor…boo bitty bee
bee. I live in a fort where I battle cardassians with my Teddy Ruxbin.
My best friend Shane Nickerson is coming over tonight to play truth or
dare and ride Tron bikes. I really want to ask Lando Calrissian to the
Spring Fling but Princess GAY-A keeps cock blocking me. Fucking Whore.
Shane’s going with Boba Fette just to up his cool factor. Plus he can
score some juice boxes. Did you know Shane can pound one? Oh man, he’s
my hero! Come on unicorn. Let’s go to the Northern Quadrant and cover
an X-wing fighter with maxi pads. Boo bitty boo boo bippity boppity
boo, I’m was in Stand By Me.”Ok Wil, I’ll admit it. I don’t know what ‘5d20 times’ means. Nor do I know the actual size of a ‘nanosecond.’
But do you know what this means?
Beware of my ghetto photoshop.
Elbow, double bird, and Send.
And four, where the tragic reality of a month without Nickerblog settles in and takes hold.
Nickerblog Nickerblog, boo bitty boo,
Rest in peace nerd diggity doo.But know this…
As you ‘unplug’ yourself, I will be hacking my way into your encrypted
mind with my multi vector assault mode and GHz GHB Built-in Boot ROM A
DOM DOM . Oh, I’ll find you bitch. Hiding under the covers with a
penlight trying desperately to reread Harry Potter or making out with
your hand to pictures of Jessica Stover.However, for now, I mourn.
Oh, and you know what else we learned? Annie has a sister, who also has a blog:
This is Steffie, Annie’s sister…the brunette in the picture up on
the right hand side, holding Jesus’ Favorite precious hand. Yes, I
know, I was never "Jesus’ FAVORITE" but you’ll have to read MY blog to
get THAT story (wah wah) Although I’m proud of her trashing abilities,
I’m glad Wil and Shane get a taste of WHAT I HAD AS A KID, growing up
in her shadow sucked.But really, I’ve had a blog for months and no ones ever read MY BLOG.
"Oh look at me, I’m Annie and I probably have over a million hits and I
just started to BLOG." The counter on my blog has one hit, my dad, and
he just commented that I should be more like Jesus’ Favorite. But
you’ll have to read MY blog to get THAT story (wah wah). I mean, my
sister didn’t even know what a blog was until the guys made a bet with
her. I tried so hard…"Annie, it’s really cool, seriously, you should
have your own blog." "No Steffie, that’s only for nerds." So, that’s
the story of my life…thank GOD I have found some solace with the
nerds. Playing second fiddle to Jesus’ Favorite sucked. But you’ll have
to read MY BLOG TO GET THAT STORY. WAH FUCKING WAH.
One of these days, Annie is going to have her own show on HBO, or she’ll be a cast member on SNL (even though she’s really too talented to waste it on them). Some publicity jerk will make an appointment with Annie’s assistant’s assistant, and after waiting in the hall for six hours while Annie listens to Winger on repeat and drinks champagne out of the coke-rotted skull of Ashley Olsen, (who mysteriously died while hosting the show months earlier), that publicity jerk will be granted entrance to Annie’s gold-plated dressing room. After carefully stepping over the empty wine bottles and pot bellied pigs, the publicity jerk will tell Annie, "Excuse me, Ms. Ser –"
"Don’t look at me!" Annie will shout, from behind her veil.
"Sorry, sorry." The publicity jerk will say. "The network thinks it would be a great idea to synergize the audience by cromulently maximizing the interactive –"
"If you want me to start a BLOG, just ask me to start a BLOG," Annie will say, from atop her pile of plush velvet pillows. "Because I’ve had a BLOG since all the way back in 2005, right before Nickerson and Wheaton . . ." Annie’s voice will trail off, a tear will form, and it will slowly work its way down her cheek, cutting through inches of blush.
"It’s not your fault," the publicity jerk will say, "that you were Jesus’ favorite. Being the king and the duke just didn’t compare. Nobody blames you for their mysterious disappearance."
The publicity jerk will offer some stock condolence, which was perfected by the network for use on Mike Meyers in 1993, and slowly back out of Annie’s gold-plated dressing room. As the door closes, Annie will look down at her computer, and evil grin growing behind her crocodile tears.
Someone looking very closely may see me and Shane, trapped inside, Tron-style, silently screaming for salvation.
Annie will look at the computer and say, "You heard the publicity jerk.Write me a BLOG, and make it . . . brilliant!"
The keyboard won’t make any sounds, but the words will appear, as if by magic, across the screen:
Dear Blog,
I often wonder how I got to be such a great master of blogging, and how I finally embraced my inner NERD. Well, from high atop 30 Rock in New York, while I’m waiting to go do a sketch with Rosie Perez, who is having some sort of inexplicable career revival, I’ll tell you. It all started at this little theatre in Hollywood, where I was never loud enough for the back row to hear me. That’s where I met the NERDS . . .
Elbow & Send.
Discover more from WIL WHEATON dot NET
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I feel as if I’m sitting at the lunch table in high school with all my “lower class” friends. We have nothing to talk about because our home lives suck but we can hear the table with the cool kids (that would be you, the duke and Jesus’ Favorite and some others of your posse because their are usually five to a table). You have cool clothes, cool jokes and came make a witty come back to anything said. We want to be you. DESPERATELY. But alas, we are on the outside, looking in and trying to figure out one thing:
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I do my best to try and keep up but really, after reading this one, I must admit failure. You’re “inside” cracks on each other are hysterical. I’d hate to see the reaction if I knew the underlined meaning. I LOVED the “Oh, I’ll find you bitch…” Laughed right out loud at that one.
-Your Subject
Oh, man. Annie is awesome! That is some of the best nerd smack I have ever read!
I almost lost my hot chocolate when I read about you and Shane in the computer! Oh, and the pillows and gold…
You may not be Jesus’ favorite, but the King made me laugh like heck today!
You three do this better than brothers and sisters!
I wonder in which entry she’ll come to terms with her latent homophobia.
Oh and Steffie is great!
She better step on it, cause you’re winning today!
And do we get a link to Steffie’s blog now? Is she the Duke’s online replacement?
Winger?!!! LMAO
Well done, King, well done!!
And, yes, will someone PLEASE give us the link to Steffie’s blog?
And if Steffie is really just an alter ego or multiple personality of Annie’s, you can tell us…we’ll still read one of their blogs.
Oh.. OH. MY. The coke-rotted skull of Ashley Olsen. You’re so sick, I love it.
I thought Annie was whipping your ass this week but touche’ Wil.. Fucking touche’ (however it’s supposed to be accented, dammit, it looks like the word douche now)
I need to recover. And you know what, the Tron reference just adds more fodder for her, you know? Because I too am a nerd (of a different color but still a nerd), I must whisper, “BUFFY REFERENCES”! I know, it’s only for me but dammit, no nerd-bashing is complete without some kind of Joss Whedon reference.
And for the record everyone, it’s Boba Fett. NO “E” at the end. 😛
So what you’re saying is that Shane is missing because Annie has already sucked him into her computer? Smart girl, that one.
I found THE gift you have to get Annie. It’s the perfect NERD gift!
http://www.popgadget.net/2005/11/mini_babyseat_f.php
What is the significance of “Elbow & Send”? I feel so very out of the loop.
Mr. Person, don’t worry, I am so pretending to be in the loop too. At first I thought it was an email/typewriting term of some sort.
Googling doesn’t reveal much except that “Elbow & Send” seems to be a fighting technique. Makes sense.
I love A good nerd war!! fight on my brothers& sister. Btw..the picture of wil with the Charlie McCarthy dummy in the corner..I have the same picture!! I had one when I was that age as well!! ventriloquism..a dying art
NERD WARS
Episode IV: A New Nerd
The EVIL NERD EMPIRE is hunting down all sweet, innocent and impressionable women and forcing them to create BLOGS and forever stamp out all traces of the ANALOGUE REPUBLIC.
The evil EMPEROR WIL with his apprentice DARTH NICKERSON will attempt to turn the sweet and innocent ANNIE to the Nerd side and teach her the ways of the mysterious TYPEPAD.
EMPEROR WIL: If she could be turned, she would be a powerul ally. Can it be done?
DARTH NICKERSON: She will join us…or cry.
ANNIE: I’ll never join you!
Wow… a degree of randomness I usually only see in my friends. Props.
Wil,
This is a little off topic, but on for the bloggers:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/4484718.stm
This is about how bloggers are getting back at the media for plagarizing them.
All I can say for Annie is this, she secretly wants to be a nerd and a blogger. How else do you explain how good she is at it? She just needed an excuse to blame it on someone else. How else can you explain why she spends so much of her time WILLINGLY with two nerds? How else does she know your habits so well? Unless she is trying to be some sort of nerd zoologist and secretly studying nerds in their natural environments?
But I still hold to the theory she is a nerd in denial and “reluctantly” entering into the blog scene. Great work in outing her.
Wow… a degree of randomness I usually only see in my friends. Props.
I’m pretty sure that wasn’t supposed to make much sense to an outsider (I’m sure it’s full of inside jokes and such). In which case it worked wonders. Really funny, just doesn’t make much sense, kinda like a TMBG song…
Put your hand inside the puppet head!
Her posts have attacked to deal 3d6+2 damage each, yet somehow you have enough HP to fight back. Is it extremely high level, or damage reduction, or both perhaps? Hmmm…. maybe the NERD class gets really good natural armor?
Like everyone else, I’m wishing I could have been in on something this cool. 🙂
Looks like you have an admirer. Meet Satan’s Favorite: http://satanfavorite.blogspot.com/
Dude! You’re listening to Nada Surf? My nephew just played me a CD of theirs. I don’t know what it was, but the production quality made it sound (how can I put this politely?) “home mixed.” I thought they were a garage band who had not released anything yet. I may have to take another listen…he loves them.
Dude! You’re listening to Nada Surf? My nephew just played me a CD of theirs. I don’t know what it was, but the production quality made it sound (how can I put this politely?) “home mixed.” I thought they were a garage band who had not released anything yet. I may have to take another listen…he loves them.
Sorry for the double post. My comment wasn’t that important.
Forehead and Backspace.
I think she should have to add 3 days for every day that she missed. *grins*
you guys are reminding me of friends I had in college. I think I’m going to have to make a few phone calls since I’m missing them now.
Reddy
I think she should have to add 3 days for every day that she missed. *grins*
you guys are reminding me of friends I had in college. I think I’m going to have to make a few phone calls since I’m missing them now.
Reddy
I think it’s kinda funny that Anne doesn’t like blogging, because she is outstanding at it!