Carly gets a letter from the DMV:
Dear California Driver
Dear form letter!
Drivers with crashes and traffic convictions on their records are
at greater risk at causing future crashes. Your recent record of bad
driving (see below) places you at increased risk of causing crashes,
injury and death. We do not want you to suffer those consequences and
we want you to avoid them.Okay. First of all, it was hardly a crash so much as it was a fender bender, but we all know the story on that one
(and yes, my insurance company was faulted. Hooray!) Second of all, it
was a speeding ticket that I got seven months prior to that little
mash. Before that, I had maybe one other ticket in my entire California
driving career. That’s it. And now I’m on the list of Drivers With the
Potential to Cause Vehicular Manslaughter?[. . .]
While you may be a good and safe driver most of the time, your record reflects at least momentary lapses in driving judgment.
No shit. That’s why they’re called “accidents” and “I’m sorry,
officer, I didn’t know how fast I was going.” What can I say? This year
was a bad year that I don’t intend to repeat.At highway speeds, a moment of carelessness might become a
tragedy. Good, caring people who make careless decisions while driving
can cause injury or death.I know, mom.
In our effort to urge you to drive safer, we are offering you a
choice. You can choose to prevent further action from the DMV by
avoiding additional traffic convictions and by not causing any crashes.Oh my god… it’s genius! I never thought of that before! Thank you,
DMV, for pointing out the obvious! If you hadn’t have said that, I’d be
driving over medians and plowing into school kids right now!
It’s kind of pretty awesome that Californians can now enjoy the irritation and idiocy of the DMV, right from the comfort of our own mailboxes. It’s twice as kind of pretty awesome that Carly can make me laugh this hard.
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Woo hoo! First comment! Anywho, you know who shold get these letters? Drivers in Pennsylvania over 60. Slowest. People. On. Teh Road. Evar!
Never before have I been forced to do 30 in a 55 in the middle of a hot, sunny summer day.
Is quite the funny commentary, though. Did make me chuckle…
That CAN’T be real. Who wrote that? Who was the one that wrote that and who was the one that said, “This is good. We’ll go with this.”
Would anyone claim to have been the one that wrote it if we stood before The Powers That Be and asked?
*nods* Didn’t think so.
In 1997 I got three speeding tickets. My privilege to drive in the state of Maine was suspended for two weeks.
What can I say, I loved to speed, plus there’s nothing on the road up there when I was speeding for like 50 miles between Portland and Bangor on 95.
Luckily they also have public buses…
Your tax dollars at work.
Damn, and here I thought Texas’ was bad. Got nailed a month or so back for doing 8mph over. The ticket was $150. Rule don’t get caught speeding in Texass. At least here they included an option to go to a defensive driving course to drop the ticket. And they didn’t have genuis child statements like the last paragraph.
It reads like a typical government agency letter. The brilliance it exhibits shows a quick witted mind. They must have been snapped up by Mensa.
Arcticoyote
That’s the most asinine letter I’ve ever read. I only wish I could be surprised.
Hells Bells, I go 45 mph out of my FRICKIN’ driveway.
I like how California spells it out to you like you are a 10 year old.
Possum f*cking Ass hats…
(and I live in NC–EWWW home of NASCAR-day-um)
HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE !!!
Pook
Wil,
I know you are probably sick of hearing this, but you rocked on Next Gen!
You were really an important character in one of the most frequently run shows in syndication.
I would not feel too bad about that if I were you.
And yes, you blew us all away in Stand By Me.
So ok, call me a fan. But I am 45 years, old, and I can probably help you with your site, and some of your technical issues.
I am a consultant.
So email me if you want, I will be happy to help if I can.
If your only 30, you got a long way to go. I feel sometimes like I’m just gettin going at 45.
You got your whole life still in front of you.
But don’t dis your Star Trek Years. You were perfect for that role, you performed it perfectly, and you will always be remembered fondly as Wesley Crusher, (I know, you’d rather not), and that’s not a bad thing.
P.S
I am just starting to read some of your political stuff, and it looks like you have some good stuff to say. Have you checked out Lydia Cornell’s Blog yet?
Check it out, drop in and drop a note. She makes a lot of sense.
http://www.lydiacornell.com
Your fan, WORFEUS
In NJ they just send you a letter for the next three years that says “Cough up $150 bucks now or we take you licence away”. I guess we only respond to threats to make us better drivers 🙂
I got my first ticket EVER (I mean, EVER!) back in October, apparently was doing 65 in a 45 (what? I know the rules of driving in rural KS and NE. State Troopers and county sherrifs stake out right at city limits to peg those that don’t slow down going through a town with a sign stating a population of 93 that is crossed out and someone’s scrawled 92 next to it… anyway.. first ticket ever,) and the officer was “nice enough” to bring it to only doing 19 over so I can take Nebraska’s defensive driving course that was a ton of propaganda. I lived two hours away from the closest class location.. and had to go, or pay $165 for my ticket (It was $60 for the class anyway!) and have it stay on my record.
Longest.. eight.. hours.. of my.. life. Then of course I had the hideous two hour drive back home.
Have my driving habits changed? Probably not. But I have a neat little certificate from the State of Nebraska stating I completed their defensive driving course…
ooooooohhhhh my brain!!!!
I feel better now that I know that. I won’t crash anymore lol
Anyone who grew up learning how to drive in the state of Maryland should get one of those letters.
It would need to be dumbed down a bit, though.
That was just funny.
I suppose drivers in the state of Maryland are pretty bad, speaking from experience as somebody who lives north of DC.
But the worst I’ve ever encountered are those of PA and FL.
That’s funny. I live in Texas, and I swear, the cops here are just itching to hand out tickets. Arcticoyote wasn’t kidding. Cops here are pissy. They’ll get you for anything, and the mail system sucks everywhere, not just Cali. I got busted for speeding coming off the highway. On the off-ramp. And, of course, the letter about the defensive driving course that I could have taken to get out of the ticket got lost in the mail. Surprise, surprise. But your friend’s story was hilarious. My brain hurts now, though. Never try to rationalize the government. Especially when you haven’t taken your migrain meds.
Shauna
I was where you are once, I had the same notice It sucks. The sweetest revenge for me lately is splitting lanes on my bike and knowing it is not illegal. Then, passing that cop and waving to him as you pass at 40mph, all while he is stuck in traffic. Muhahaha.
I got one from the CA dmv a couple months ago, TWO in fact, because I got speeding tickets in Iowa in July and Michigan in October, going to and from school in Michigan. They’re such jokes..I just think they’re funny, and yet such a waste of perfectly good trees.
I drove for a year on expired tags, without insurance (I have never once said I was smart). I got pulled over twice in that time period and the cops didn’t notice.
However, living in D.C., we have a road hazard here that makes it rather tough on you when getting in accidents: The Diplomats. No matter what, your insurance is faulted.
And these bastards drive like maniacs.
I drive a “plastic” Saturn vehicle. (Okay, it’s polymer…)
It has a 90 horsepower four cylinder aluminum engine.
Got a speeding ticket and paid the price.
But the letter I got stated I was doing 225 kph (139 mph)!
I phoned the courthouse and explained that my car couldn’t do that speed even if it was coming in from orbit (since terminal velocity is about 120 mph – joke was lost on them…)
I still had to pay the fine.
Anything any level of government touches becomes tainted ro twisted.
Makes good blog post material though.
I want to see the form letter they send out to the bad, insensitive drivers.
Wow! The story is hilarious. That is to say. I read the post yesterday. And today I read the original story. Well… .At least its not so much reading.
Have a good time.
Annette
I think I didn’t get the headline, though.
True, the DMV can overreact, sometimes. They’re just trying to keep things as safe as possible, though.
Greetings from the Hammerdown State (Alabama)
That is freaking hilarious. It always amazes me the junk that governments can come up with and it reads like something my 7 year old niece would write.
Hi Wil!
The Dresden Dolls will be playing next week on Wed. the 28th in Echo Park!
I love them and heard you mention them on a Podcast.
Tickets:
http://www.ticketweb.com/user/?region=socal&query=detail&event=646021&interface=
LMAO…..plowing school kids, that’s good stuff. What I hate even more than their ridiculous letters is actually talking to them. They talk down to you, as if you are stupid because you don’t have the access to the information that they are privy to ,” No ma’am, it was 50 dollars before the 15th. Now there is a 50 dollar late fee.” Well then why not tell me before I get the money order? I hate them and all their hidden fees, it’s worse than my cell phone.
hahaha! Im just getting caught up on your entries, what a great letter. LOL 😉
I have a story about my driving record. I was driving through a construction zone (double fines for speeding) who’s legal speed limit was set to 40mph
It was a 2 lane highway,they were widening so there was plenty room for me to pass safely (it was early early sunday morning 5 am-ish) And i was attempting to pass a big gravel hauling semi (thing was pelting my brand new car with rocks) and i was busted going 85 MPH.
Did I tell you that the semi was going around 65-70 mph. So i had to go 85-ish to pass.
Well when i saw those red and blues, i was worried about the $300 ticket i was about to recieve. But the officer was really nice, and i think he was pelted by the rock hauling semi that i just passed. He gave me a ticket that was only $50 bucks (normal fine for going over 10 mph on a non construction road) and a reprimand to drive slower.
yep , that was my…only ticket in the last 5 years 😉
mausie