I came home early from the WPBT Winter Classic in Las Vegas, so I could attend the annual Wheaton Family Christmas at my parents’ house.
I absolutely adore my family, and I will drop just about anything so I can attend a family get together. The fact that it’s Christmas just gave me an excuse to bring a really stupid White Elephant gift, and gave my brother an excuse to make his world famous Brined Barbecue Turkey.
This year’s Wheaton Family Christmas was exactly like any other of the always-awesome Wheaton Family Christmas (WFC?) gatherings, with one exception that was so painful, I wrote an essay about it for Salon.com called The Real War on Christmas
This year it looked as though it would be a typical family gathering.
But that all changed when I walked through the living room on my way to
get some eggnog. I asked my younger sister, who was flipping through
the channels on the television, what she was looking for."I’m trying to find Court TV," she said.
"Why?" I said.
"Because the governor is supposed to announce whether he is granting clemency for Tookie Williams at 3 p.m.," she said.
I was surprised to hear she cared, because my sister has always been
pretty nonpolitical. "I don’t think he will grant clemency…," I began
to say. But before I could add, "because he’s going to try to win back
his hardcore base with this," she spat at me, "He’d better not!"My sister was a death-penalty proponent? That was news to me. I didn’t
want to upset the family gathering, so I decided to just let this one
go."OK," I said, "I guess we’d better not talk about this."
But just then, my father walked into the room.
"Wil thinks Tookie Williams shouldn’t be executed," she said.
Oh boy.
"What?" My dad said. Not to my sister, to me.
Here we go.
"Well," I said, "I don’t believe in the death penalty, so…"
You know those optical illusion drawings, where you’re looking at a
smiling man, then suddenly he’s become a werewolf? Faster than you
could say "Fox News," my dad was screaming at me, Bill O’Reilly-style."… an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth! He killed four…" he stabbed at the air with four fingers on his left hand, "four people in cold blood and deserves! to! die!"
I briefly made eye contact with my stepson, Nolan, who sat just behind
my father on my parents’ couch. His face flushed and he quickly looked
away. My sister had stopped her channel surfing on a shopping network,
and he looked awfully interested in putting a sapphire ring on
easy-pay. While my dad continued to scream about biblical vengeance, I
went into shock. Just minutes earlier, we’d stood together outside on
the deck and laughed with each other as he congratulated me for a great
finish I’d had the previous day at a poker tournament in Las Vegas. In
fact, I’d cut my trip short, specifically so I wouldn’t miss the family
Christmas.What a difference five minutes makes. While he screamed at me, I wanted
to ask, "Who are you, and what have you done with the man who raised me
to be tolerant, patient, peaceful and charitable?" Instead, I said, as
calmly as I could, "Dad, I just don’t believe in the death penalty. It
is unevenly applied to poor people, and clearly doesn’t work as a
deterrent…""It doesn’t work as a deterrent because they allow these scum to stay
alive for 25 years before they give them what they deserve!" I hadn’t
seen my dad this angry since I was a sophomore in high school and my
friends and I woke up my mom after midnight one night because we got a
little worked up in a Nintendo game of "Blades of Steel.""Dad," I said, "living in prison for 25 years isn’t anything to be happy about…"
"Like hell it isn’t!" he bellowed. "They get satellite television, and weights, and free meals, and jobs, and a library…"
"And raped, and beaten by guards, and sold as slaves by prison gangs,"
I said. "That really sounds good to you? Because it sounds like a
pretty lousy life for violent criminals, which is exactly what they
deserve."He violently shook his head at me and drew a deep breath. "The victims’
families get to watch that animal die! If they don’t get to watch him
die, how can they get the closure they
deserve?" Before I could reply, and he could launch into another round
of talking points, I was unintentionally saved by my brother, who
called our dad to come outside and help him with the turkey on the
barbecue.He turned quickly, and stormed out of the room, followed by my sister.
To read the rest, you can get a free day pass to Salon by watching a quick advertisement. (Make sure you have cookies enabled.) You’ll also get access to everything else that Salon offers for the day, too. I’ve been a subscriber for years, and my Salon subscription has out-lasted subscriptions to Harper’s, Esquire, and The New Yorker, for what that’s worth.
I hope you’ll take the time to read the rest of my essay, and share your own stories about The War on Christmas (from whatever side you’re on.)
I’m pretty sure this will stir up some very powerful emotions. Please think carefully before you post your comments.
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The death penalty – whe 25 years of redemption and a Nobel Peace Prize means nothing in the eyes of the State. Life Without Parole, Anyone?
Wil, I really recommend that you see a DVD called ‘Outfoxed’. It really cuts to the heart of the Fox News style of journalism. I showed my parents this and they understood that Fox is basically Murdoch’s soapbox.
Then again, my mum never trusts anything that comes from News Corp. anyway.
Political arguments don’t happen much in my family. When it comes to social issues we generally all agree. I do get upset with my mother for not voting though. Actually I’m rather ashamed of that. Dad’s an Atheist republican, but as he dislikes Bush just as much as I do there’s not much conflict there. Both of my parents are against the death penalty, but mainly because they don’t trust the government not to lie to them about a person’s guilt or innocence.
I’m more liberal than most of the country, but in our family my views are the closest to mainstream. I believe government can be a force for good, and I don’t subscribe to conspiracy theories. Instead of just bitching about politics I’m out there volunteering for my party and political campaigns. That’s something my family sees no value in, and at the core of our only political debates.
Wil,
I know that must have been a tough thing to go through. I for one can empathize with you. I’m very sorry thiat happened.
I too can see the benefits of your arguement. But on the other side of the coin, I see your Dad’s too. Sometimes, sometimes we all give into the talk show/political hype, and fall in to the trap. We just have to remember to try and use all the information we receive to make sound decisions for ourselves.
To you, Anne, Nolan, And Ryan have a Merry Christmas, and manny returns for the new year!
I’ve read through all of these comments, and I have one of my own. I work for a nonprofit. A lot of donors call every day and ask me how much of their donation goes to programs. I explain that it’s about 40%. They gasp and splutter and haughtily exclaim that it’s horrific that we should have such a high overhead. (This is actually a pretty good return; do the research on some of the biggies like ARC or Girl Scouts or any other, and you’ll find that oftentimes it’s 15 or 10%).
Having worked for this agency for three years, I have learned in that time that nonprofits do not run themselves. You can’t run a program for youth without having a program coordinator, or an executive director, or a call center calling to raise the money to pay those people. You can’t do that out in the open air, you need an office, and equipment with which to do that…you can see where I am going with this. We successfully run hundreds of programs each year with your “pitiful” 40%.
Why do I bring this up? Because many of us get on our high horse about subjects we really know nothing about. When one sees things from the other side, one learns that there are two sides to every story, and the assumptions we make can be false. Which is why any solid declaration of “facts” makes me uncomfortable. So those of you who feel the need to “educate” us all on the pros and cons of the death penalty…just let Wil speak his peace on his own blog and leave it be.
I read everyday and enjoy, but I generally aren’t too much into posting comments and ideas.
The only thing I would like to say is that I am a Correctional Officer for a state Department of Corrections in which the death chamber is housed, at my institution.
That’s really beside the point. Other than I do take some…not offense, really, but slightly taken aback by being accused of “beating” inmates. In that comment, “beaten by guards…”
Not being a guard, but being a correctional peace officer (i.e. a law enforcement officer), I and most of my co-workers dislike the term “guard.” That’s neither here nor there.
“Beating” of inmates does not occur in modern correctional settings. Force is used, and used often in some cases, but not out of any pleasure. When you house violent criminals, who dislike authority, they will lash out against orders and authority figures. I don’t think anyone should expect a correctional peace officer to accept getting beaten and assaulted, possibly killed, because they don’t want to “beat” an inmate.
The lame excuse of, “You knew what you were in for when you signed up” doesn’t apply. Car accidents occur that involve fatalities, a vehicle is an inherently dangerous object, but no one says, “Well, you shouldn’t have been driving then” when someone plows into the side of their vehicle.
I have a very important duty to carry out, and occassionaly that requires use of force.
I’m just slightly disappointed that Wheaton would be so dismissive and judgmental, presumably based upon film and television portrayals of correctional settings. That’s all.
True, O’Reilly is technically anti-death penalty. His stated preference is that capital case prisoners be transported to the Artic and dumped on an ice berg until they die. I say “technically” because I have never once heard him urge its non-application in any specific case. In general, his “throw’em-under-the-jail” views on crime, punishmnent and civil liberties are far to the right of Judge Napolitano, one of the most conservative jurists in the U.S. I don’t completely disagree with O’Reilly on this subject, but to suggest he is a “liberal” in any sense of the word is ludicrous. He is, in fact, a Republican shill and a journalistic fraud.
Oh, wow, Wil, you got an essay published in Salon! That is super-cool, I’m so happy for you! Merry Christmas.
As for the so-called “War on Christmas,” it is so stupid, so god-damned stupid, I refuse to dignify it with an answer.
Happy Festivus to all!
This is getting a bit off topic, but I thought I’d respond anyway. I did some research like one comment suggested about percentage of dollars going to programs for a nonprofit.
I found a fairly good US News that casually mentions:
“The BBB says groups should spend at least 65 percent of gifts on programs, while AIP and Charity Navigator say 75 percent.”
So, those people who scoff at a 40% useage of funds for programs were actually quite justified in their beliefs. While I’m sure that’s better than other large charities, It’s not really something to be proud of.
Watching Parent(s) Turn
An excellent excellent article by Wil Wheaton at Salon.com. Im sure many of us have had this experience, but it really meshes with what Ive experienced with my dad (although, admittedly and thankfully, no screaming match disagreements….
I believe murder is wrong, no matter who it is. Harmful people should be locked away from society, but that’s all. It isn’t our place to play God and take away someone’s life. That would only put us on the same level as them.
Wil,
I’m fairly new to your blog and have really only been following it regularly since you went into exile and your smiling face showed up on my PokerStars account. I’ve enjoyed your writing though and it prompted me to start my own blog, which is beginning to grow with each passing week.
Your points in your Salon Christmas article rang very true for me as an Englishman living here for six years now. I’ve noticed that since Bush took office there has become an ever increasing concept in America that you have to pick a side, much like a sports team. It is no longer acceptable to be middle of the road and simply consider all sides of an argument and form an opinion; it now seems to be necessary to label oneself a liberal, a conservative, a Christian etc. The pundits on Faux News and Ultra Right talk radio appear to be looking to pick battles to further divide America on every emotive issue they can find from abortion, Intelligent Design, evolution, the death penalty, the war in Iraq, and His Royal Highness George Bush.
Unfortunately the news in the US is not very informative and is a lot more to do with ratings and money than it is actually providing the news. So sadly too many Americans get their information from these slanted biased pundits who try to pass themselves off as journalists. I’m not sure what the answer is at this point, but I look forward to the day when Bush heads back to his ranch and stays there.
As for your points I think I largely agree with you. The death penalty is only about revenge, nothing more. In fact when my wife studied criminal justice as a minor I read in one of her many books that the states in America that have the death penalty also have the highest homicide rates. When its okay for the state to kill someone who has wronged another it seems to imply that it is okay for anyone to kill another who they feel has wronged them somehow. It also doesn’t work as a deterrent, because people don’t murder people thinking they might get caught. Just look at any of those crazy countries that cut off arms, legs, hands, feet. Countries that cane, whip, flog and torture criminals. Guess what? They still have criminals. No matter how bad you make the punishments, crimes still happen.
It is also interesting to note that the counties of the world that have pretty liberal and soft punishments for crime have both a low crime rate per capita and a very low re-offend rate. Just take a look at those Scandinavian countries and their crime stats.
Sure anyone can make an emotive argument about people raping and killing family members, but it doesn’t render the argument any more correct or logical, merely more emotive which is a cheap way to try and win an argument.
Finally I also agree on this war on Christmas shit. Just a few years ago I remember Christians bleating about how over commercialized Christmas was and how the stores had hijacked this Christian holiday and used it for pushing their products and making money, far from the true meaning of Christmas. So now that many of the stores have elected to use a more generic term covering all faiths and the commercial holiday that seems to stretch from Thanksgiving to the New Year they are unhappy about that too. There seems to be no way to make them happy.
Well, all arguments about the death penalty aside, it sucks to have a perfectly friendly family gathering spoiled by politics. meh.
Merry Christmas, anyway! Arguments come and go, but the family will still be there. Cheers!
Wow, Wil… That’s pretty crappy that you came home early just to wind up getting yelled at for your beliefs (which you were trying to avoid sticking in anyone’s face).
I don’t agree with your views, but I admire the fact that you tried to avoid confrontation for the holidays, and I’m sad you dad couldn’t do the same.
…And while I agree with you that the death penalty is applied disproportionately to the poor, I think further examination will also show that prison time is applied disproportionately to the poor. That’s a problem with our *legal* (as opposed to “justice”) system. The rich and powerful always get away with more shit than the rest of us. But we’ve got the best government money can buy.
Merry Xmas.
Mr Wheaton, Sounds tough, I’m sorry it put a downer your holiday, hopefully, overall it turned out better. Your father sounded a little out of control, but there is a side to his story. I find it interesting how children, even adult children expect to never have their feelings hurt by their parents, it happens just as I’m sure you hurt their feeling at some time during your life, the point is he was heated, we all get heated about odd topics from time to time, occasionally I feel the need to comment on a blog, and this is once in a blue moon for me.
You saying “This is something we should not talk about” is an inflammatory statement, if you did want to avoid the topic, just make a checkmark in your head and listen to your sister’s side. You said she was non political and morphed into a vaguely political stance, I would be more interested in how she decided to get there (as I would assume you would be too, judging by your surprise to her new position[you could write an essay on that topic])
The Death penalty is on it’s way out, we all know that, it’s only a matter of time before it’s abolished, old sentiment dies slowly.
My Problem with Tookie’s story is he lived like a king on money provided by gang bangers while in prison, he was not raped, he was not traded for sexual favors, he certainly could have brutalized by the guards, but don’t get it wrong and believe he had a perilous life behind bars, his upkeep was the best can be provided in prison.
One does not get to be a leader/founder of the Crips by selling cookies, you know, he ordered many hits. Many people died on his direct orders and even more in a less direct way. He was a very bad man, and never apologized to the public or the victims’ family.
There are better death penalty cases where people are less polarized, less stance oriented and better for dialogue.
You should write about Walter Mann Sr, that’s a true miscarrige of justice.
The death penatly is nothing more then governemnt legal means to murder.
Its been proven already that many former death row inmates where found not guilty after DNA proved it. Who is to say that faulty evidence hasn’t happened as well?
Everyone is fast at jumping one the bandwagon to kill anyone for any reason now. If its not governements is society or a religion doing it.
Its just sad how many people believe in the “eye for eye” theory.
“An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind.”Mohandas Gandhi
I think people should die the way they killed. For instance, if you torture and kill someone you should be tortured and killed in the very same way you killed that person.
That is truly and eye for an eye.
What a nice surprise when I logged on to Salon.com this morning! I hope to see your essays there more often.
I’m glad you talked with your father beforehand, and that he reacted positively. You have balls.
Someone else probably mentioned this upthread, but your article catalyzed a new Salon. com thread in the White House folder called “Holiday Hell: Politics Around the Family Dinner Table 2005.” Check it out.
Wil, Love you, love your website, but, c’mon—telling us to think carefully before we post a comment? Why not remind us to breathe every day, too? Just a skosh condescending, yes?
RUSH: He was trying to avoid fights in the comments. Common sense would have led you to that conclusion my friend.
Wil: I had no idea you were against the death penalty. How…surprising. Don’t know why. Personally, I think the rapist should be put with the rapist and have to try and avoid the very thing they are there for. The murderer’s should be put with fellow crazies. The death penalty would be the least of their worries.
I have mixed feelings about the death penalty. Everything in me says no for many reasons. Religion is the biggest reason. People thinking they’re God would be reason number two and yes, is different and seperate from the first.
I think I’ll stop there. I’m ignorant about politics and wish to remain blissfully so for as long as I can. The death penalty raises so many questions though and I DID watch The Life Of David Gale, which forces me to ask, just how effective is it and before we use it, perhaps we should work out the obvious kinks in the justice system first.
Wil….
Several years ago, I had the pleasure of working with you as a sign language interpreter at a Star Trek convention in Chicago.
I just read your Salon.com article. It was like re-living holiday gatherings at my house, except the ones who boiled over were always my mother and one of my younger brothers. I don’t know exactly what it is, but I have a theory that anyone who watches the Faux News Channel (and Bill O’Reilly in particular) for more than five minutes should be forced to listen to a recording of themselves. (It might make their ears bleed.) Bring up anything that even smacks of politics, and both of them would shout anyone down who dared to oppose them, especially me. My father would do the same thing in any conversation with him before he passed away in 1999. He went from Live and Let Live to uber-conservative in the space of a year, and it was frightening.
Although we loved each other, there was very little, if any, respect for any opposing feelings. I learned to steer clear of political discussions, simply because I was tired of the Fox-News-type debates in my living room. If I want to listen to a bunch of people scream their brains out with no facts behind what they’re saying, I know where FNC is on my cable remote.
I tend to watch Anderson Cooper 360° on CNN because you will get all sides of a given story there. In my mom’s eyes, that made me a traitor…shameful that I would watch “liberal” CNN!! When Mom passed away the week before Thanksgiving, I decided then that FNC and Bill O’Reilly would never be seen in my house ever again, unless Bill does something particularly stupid. It’s fun to watch him back-pedal.
Wil, I don’t agree with you in many areas. When you appeared in Chicago, you were not shy about sharing your feelings about several issues, including abortion and the death penalty. However, there are too many people who fought and died to give us the freedom to agree to disagree. Whether I am personally uncomfortable with what your opinion may be on a given issue, it doesn’t take away from my enjoyment of your work.
You were cool in 1992, and you’re still cool. Thanks for letting me share.
Wendy aka VoxyLady
Against… I’m Canadian. ‘Nuff said.
I’m more interested in the werewolf phenomenon that took Wil’s father. Happens with my own on occaision (read: daily). I have some fairly strong opinions about a fair number of topics, but I just cannot fathom what makes people in general think that we have either the right or obligation to voice them to any unwilling audience.
Telling your kids that sneaking cookies and staying up late on weeknights is bad is one thing, but forcing a political or theological point of view on someone is the small scale equivalent to conquering a country and forcing them to adopt your way of life. Mental slavery, bah!
I’m against organized religion, but I’m not even forcing my beliefs on my own kids. My wife, who IS fairly religious, and I agreed to answer all their questions but not to push an agenda on them.
Heh, and here I am, drilling my opinion into you, the unwilling audience. Ok, my hipocrisy has seen the light of day today. Ta!
Everyone who is blabbling about the pro or con of the death penalty here is missing the point.
It used to be okay to disagree without screaming and hate… Senate members on opposite sides used to argue passionately and then go out for a friendly drink afterward. It used to be a given that, for the most part, someone who disagreed with you was still a fellow American and not a monster.
Not anymore, I guess.
And so it seems that the poison of talk-radio America has hit home, too. Oh sure, I bet political discussions at holiday time were pretty loud and crazy before the crop of professional bloviators and demonizers held sway. But it’s gotten worse, because these guys’ main point that they’ve been so successful at selling is that those that disagree with you are just *evil*.
I remember many a passionate political match between me and my smart, charming, racist, and elitist Grandma. It would get heated, and as my fourteen year old self would be on the verge of exploding, she would grab my hand earnestly and with shining eyes, exclaim, “Oh, I just LOVE a good argument!” Gramma was still Gramma, whatever her politics.
Well, with a lot of love and Jon Stewart on our side, maybe we can turn this unfortunate tide. Peace on earth, goodwill to men.
Wil Wheaton and The War on Christmas
It has been a while since Wil Wheaton has written anything substantial. Not that Im complaining or anything, his blog remains popular and Im sure its a great outlet for him. But I miss his journals that managed to be simulatenously…
With so much bickering and negativity, it’s easy to forget that everyone in this story is human.
I have not read all of the comments and so I maybe am missing this, but Will, I know you feel awful about this, but did your father apologize to you, for his inappropriate outburst in front of your wife and kids?
Hey Wil. I’m sure you’ve seen 12 Angry Men & Dead Man Walking. If you haven’t, please do so. They’re both great films that question the death penalty.
I’m not a big fan of the death penalty. I was raised Catholic & attended Catholic school for 6 years. I believe that the death penalty should be used as a last resort. If a killer cannot be rehabilitated (This means all options have been exhausted with the help of mental health experts through medication & therapy, etc.), thus he or she shows no real remorse & has not improved him or herself, then we have a psychopath on our hands, devoid of a conscience. There’s nothing left that can be done with a person like this & the only answer is execution.
What’s shocking to me is that the psychopaths who have stayed in the same old sickly skin are still alive! Scott Peterson, BTK, The Green River Killer, Charlie Manson…The list goes on. Meanwhile, Tookie Williams, who, unlike the rest of these nutjobs I’ve just mentioned, had a conscience, showed real remorse & was rehabilitated was still executed. In this case, the death penalty was applied in an unjust manner.
Just the thought of the psychopaths I mentioned earlier who can possibly escape from prison (Ok, so maybe the chances are slim of this occurring, but Ted Bundy did it & killed many more women) & inflict harm on more people gives me the heebie jeebies in an indescribable way.
The accounts I’ve read that describe the details and methods of torture and terror that many of these death row inmates subjected their victims to is absolutely sickening.
If you’re against the death penalty, what is your first thought when you read the horrors that these evil people inflicted on their victims?
Forget it – it’s the same old debate again. Except this time the death row inmate wrote some children’s books.
Steph, if Scott Peterson were executed today, then Tookie Williams would have been executed long before he was able to reform himself. And his name wouldn’t appear in this blog…
Wil –
Just discovered your blog a few days ago, and have been reading ever since, catching up.
The death penalty sounds like it’s an emotionally charged issue for your father, one in which you can’t engage in debate – instead, he wanted to argue. I’m sorry to hear that, and hopefully you two can stay away from issues like that, as it can cause friction within the family. I do agree with an earlier poster that political discussion within a family is extremely important, but you have to pick your topics carefully. Make sure it’s one where you have opinions, but not feelings. If someone brings up one of these idetified topics, just say you can’t talk about it. It’s tough to do, but it sounds like something your father should think about.
It sounds like you and your father resolved things – especially the part about “in front of your wife and kids”. I certainly hope so. I can understand how painful that would be.
I agree that the recent discourse regarding politics has gotten worse and worse, to the point where we can’t even disagree anymore without hating each other. I have trouble believing it’s from talk radio, though, since it’s done on both sides of the aisle, and liberals have no talk radio that’s been feeding that for years (except Air America, which is fairly recent and still doesn’t have enough listeners to be self-supporting, last I heard). The rhetoric goes both ways, for sure. If I may be so bold, I’d suggest that you should have political discussions, and perhaps even debates, with your parents about these issues. You may get to the point where you even understand, logically, how a “really smart guy” (your quote) like your father can get from where he was to where he is now. You can tell him why you disagree with him, and hopefully, you can both learn from each other. That’s what family is all about, to me.
I also just discovered your blog today and it’s hilarious! Reading this post just sent me back a few years! I have a family of Republican uncles and election year is the worst for Thanksgiving! I am thankful my sister is a member of the Green Party, where as I am just a lowly Democrat, she gets the brunt of criticism from them. Even my mother, who was a hippy and then became a yuppie, is now a Republican, living in sin with her GOP boyfriend. Trying to talk to them about Bush and his administration is like trying to talk to your friend about their horrible boyfriend that they should break up with (because he just tried to make out with you but you can’t say that), and your friend just can’t let go. The loyalty that is so entrenched within them is impenetrable and a bit nasty at times. I have learned my lesson about political discussions within family functions. I now stick to the weather and offer to put on movies like National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. At least we can all laugh at Cousin Eddie. I am a staunch supporter of my political beliefs and if anyone asks me I will let them know exactly how I feel, but for the peace of my grandparent’s home and to make sure that the turkey is the only thing getting knifed at the dinner table, I keep my mouth shut. When the discussion gets a little too political, I bring up how my Uncle Alan almost set the porch on fire during the Fourth of July when he was twelve (which is the favorite family story). Either that or my sister and I head down to our local bar to have a drink (God love the athiests that run Segovia’s, saved our lives Christmas Eve!). Whichever way you want to deal with it, family and politics don’t always mix, but they still are your family(even if they have gone over the deep end and you suspect they may have an arsenal and cult leader tendencies). I try to remember what it is I like about them, or in the case of my Uncle Brian, that he lives three hours away and I only have to see him and his wife once a year. We can’t always agree about what makes the world a better place or how it should be run, but we can all laugh at an idiot dumping his septic tank into the storm drain. Who knew shit would bring leftist commies and hardcore right-wingers together in family bonding?