I didn’t go to Jeff Tweedy last night. Because of the blizzard in New York, my friend’s friends were stuck in town, and I gave up my ticket so one of her friends, who loves Wilco as much as I do and was stranded here for an extra day, could go to the show. (It helps to draw a little picture with arrows connecting friends, so you can see who is who in that paragraph.)
Instead, I had dinner with them before they headed to the show, and came back home, intent on spending the evening with the family.
When I walked in the door, Nolan and the dogs greeted me in the entryway.
"Hey, Wil!" He said before I even had the door closed, "do you have any plans tonight?"
"I’m just hanging out with you guys," I said, as I hung my keys on the designated key hook (you’ll find one in every house, you’ll see.)
"Cool! Can we play a game?"
"Sure," I said, "figure something out while I check my e-mail."
Nolan ran off to the back of the house, and dug through the big trunk of games. I opened my laptop and did a little TCBing from the dining room table.
He dug through all sorts of games, as simple as Jenga and as complicated as Illuminati. Finally, we settled on Gold Digger, which is a simple but incredibly entertaining game (especially when you call the mine with all the fool’s gold in it ‘the booty mine,’ and you sing a song that goes, "It’s booty time, in the booty mine; it’s mighty fine in the booty mine!")
So. We played several games of Gold Digger at the dining room table, while Ryan and Anne watched this total trainwreck of a show called Wife Swap.
Oh. My. God. Okay, seriously. How in the hell did that pile of shit get on television? How many great dramatic shows or brilliant comedies were passed over so that monument to completely disfunctional fuckups could pollute the airwaves? When it was about 2/3 of the way through, I asked Anne if she’d ever seen it before. She said that she hadn’t, and would never watch it again, but it was like picking at a scab: once she’d started she couldn’t stop. Ugh.
Anyway, Nolan and I did our best to tune out the "reality" television that snuck in from the other room like stink from the dump, and we had an absolute blast while we played.
We played three games, and Nolan ended up beating me by one point, thanks to his genius card-counting skills, and a bonehead play by me which set him ahead by four after the second game.
When we were done, he went to get ready for bed, while I cleaned up the cards and put the game away. Alone in the dining room, I thought about how totally awesome it is that my fourteen year-old kid wants to play games with me, and asks me to do things with him all the time. When I was fourteen the last thing in the world I wanted to do was hang out with my totally lame parents, much less play games with them, because they so totally didn’t understand me.
I have prided myself, these last ten years, on never trying to be a friend to Ryan and Nolan. I have always taken my responsibilities as a parent very seriously, and I believe that trying to be your kids’ friend is one of the fastest ways to screw them up. My thinking goes: they make friends at school, and they need parents at home. But this never meant that I didn’t want to play whiffle ball with them, or introduce them to geeky games, or anything like that. I guess it’s a parenting philosophy that one either intuitively groks or doesn’t, so I won’t spend a lot of time trying to explain it. The point is, even though he’s fourteen, (and occasionally has serious pod-person days,) he still wants to hang out with me. We make an effort to do things together, and I always feel like it’s important and rewarding to us both. It’s more than awesome. It is the hawesome. In fact, it is the reason hawesome was invented.
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Rock on, Wil. 🙂
It sounds like you have a great relationship with your kids and I only hope I remember all the good advice (including yours) I’ve heard when its my turn to be a parent.
We’re always looking out for good games that can be entertaining with two players, so I might just have to pick up Gold Digger.
BTW, I downloaded all of your podcasts today and am looking forward to an entertaining commute home!
Oh..one more thing. Happy Valentines Day!
I had a pretty sucky childhood and now as My angelic toddler becomes this tantrum throwing kid and starts becoming his own person.. I try to cherish the moments he wants to sit with me and play a game with me and wants all my attention, because I know when he enters those precious tween and teen years and beyond, I won’t be his world anymore. (sigh)
What you have with Nolan is amazing, most parents wish they could be half of the parent you are Wil. I bow to the hawesomeness.
I would wish you a Happy V-day.. but sadly I am still getting over the loss of my aunt on Fri the 13th 2 years ago – the killer- her bday Feb 14th. I have never met a February I liked.
Thats why I love your blog Wil. Your posts brighten my days 🙂 (oh poo- happy vday)
I’ll hush now.. 😀
I may have to print out the parenting part of this entry to read over and over, as my 7 year-old-going-on-teenager is getting increasingly moody already. sigh.
p.s. Happy Valentine’s Day!
I really appreciate all the “mundane” stories that you share about Nolan and Ryan. My mom tried her damndest to do the right thing re: the kids, read all the books, and we still ended up screwed up. I get worried sometimes that “functional” families only exist in Dr. Phil books. Hearing about the intersection of what you and Anne shoot for as parents and how the kids act under that influence gives me hope that one can try to do the right thing as a parent and actually have it pay off. Not to imply that you guys are perfect; you’re just human. In the best sense of that word.
And the pod-people stories are good too, as counterpoint…they keep it real. 🙂
I enjoy playing games with my kids often. Would it be possible for you to blog about some of your favorite games?
I love your blog for so many reasons, but I think the way you feel and write about your kids has to be one of the main ones. It’s so obvious that you love these kids and get incredible joy from the fact that they love and respect you. And it’s nice to read about it. Oh, and about “wife swap” v. good dramatic show, if they cancel one more show like “Over There” so they can play season 100 of “The Simple Life” I’m going to scream.
“they make friends at school, and they need parents at home”…can I get this in a bumper sticker??? It’s so totally true! We have 3; our daughter is 7, the boys are 4 & 2. I hope they still consider us semi-cool when they’re in jr high.
haha – Wife Swap. I’ve seen it a couple of times, but I’ve never made the effort to purposely set aside time to sit down and watch it. When I have watched it, it hurts my head to watch these families that are polar extremes of each other. I roll my eyes and rest my forehead on my head and shudder. That show has to be rigged/staged, like any other reality TV show on anymore.
That is so sweet about you and Nolan. It’s awesome that he likes to play games with his stepdad. Give yourself a pat on the back, Wil. You’ve done something right.
“..did our best to tune out the “reality” television that snuck in from the other room like stink from the dump”….Oh My Goodness, that made me chuckle out loud!! Thank you! I’m still laughing at that phrase, Uncle Willie, you are truly a writer!!
Wow, what kind of mutant-freak kids are you raising? Maybe it’s a Millennium thing. Some weird radiation or global warming. I don’t know.
Maybe you’re just doing someting right. Good job, Wil.
Happy
I agree with Torabi – that needs to be a bumper sticker. how do you make everything sound so fun. Even pulling weeds. keep up the writing & I hope you got Anne something really special (not just the usually roses – I could see a coffee mug with roses on it)
Such a great description of your relationship with your stepson. It gives me a goal for when mine get older.
And, on Wife Swap, I have to say that I watched it a few times. In the end, though, I had to quit because they recruit people who clearly have real mental issues and I hated myself for laughing at their problems.
–I am trying to break your heart—
I work with students of the same age as your step-sons, and on most days, I pride myself on standing by my professional ethics in not being their “friend,” but an earnest, reliable adult signpost by which they can rest assured in a future that is, admittedly, as clear and as tempting as mud. Your relationship with Nolan and Ryan is precious indeed. I wish more of ‘my’ parents were as involved. I also wish I had the opportunity just for games! How much fun would that be. I’m jealous of ‘my’ parents. I hope they know what I’m missing.
i love your blog i love your writngs! im writing off-topic right now b/c i just watched Star Trek (the epidsode where you and picard crash land on the moon and need to get water). I loved it as usual, My boyfriend and i decided that if those idiots were smart they would have done a Wesley Crusher at the adacemy spinoff not Deep sapce 9. THAT would have gotten a whole new younger corwd.
Wil Wheaton Plays TGOO!
One of the non-boardgame related blogs I read is Wil Wheaton’s. You might remember Wil as Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation or from movies like Stand By Me. On his blog today he posted this:
Okay, I’m going to admit that I had never heard of Gold Digger before this post. Did I have a deprived childhood or something? Or am I really just that ignorant when it comes to board games? I suppose I’ll go with the latter, seeing as how the only board games I own are Titanic (I got it in the gift shop at the Molly Brown house) and Lord of the Rings Monopoly. And even those don’t see the light of day much. Sounds like a sweet night, though; it sometimes surprises me how much fun board games can actually be when one takes the time to sit down and play them.
Oh, and you’re completely right–WifeSwap has to be one of the sickest shows on TV. Seriously. I’ve only watched it once or twice, but every time it completely throws me for a loop 1.) because there are people that fucked up out there and 2.) because people feel the need to exploit them on TV for money. I can’t believe that’s what television has come to these days.
When I was in high school, we used to play this surprisingly fun game called The Farming Game, which is a lot like Monopoly except the goal is to get out of debt without getting screwed by weather, the bank, etc. There’s also a little bit of screwing going on as you milk your poorer neighbors by leasing our your combine so they can harvest without buying their own (which would put them further in debt, but of course rent to you keeps them from saving up for their own).
And, of course, there’s always the One True Game. Even better if you require the winner to do the Lord of Catan dance.
Wow.
You give me hope when reading about your days with your kids that my 8 year old and 4 year old will still be somewhat human when they become teenagers. I applaud your parenting.
Family still exists! You are an inspiration! Keep writing.
Right the eff on. Down with Wife Swap, up with kids and games.
Wil, YOU are the hawsome!
Dude, FINISH YOUR BOOK ALREADY!!! I want more stories. Wait, I guess if you’re spending time with your kids you have less time to write about spending time with your kids writing about spending time with your kids — whoops, brain spinning.
very cool. my wife and I do not yet have kids, but we will be working towards such a relationship with them when we do have them.
Today I brought my little stepdaughter a white rose in a vase. I got a big hug and one of those (highly addictive) little girl kisses. I told her how a white rose means pure love forever, and that’s why I brought it for her.
A few minutes later she came up to me with both hands behind her back and asked me to guess what she was holding for me there.
I said “I can’t guess”.
She leapt into my arms and hugged me tight. “It’s a big hug for you” she whispered in my ear and held me tight. I returned the hug and sentiment, feeling like the luckiest man alive.
It has been several hours and I still feel that way.
I love my little girl!
Oh Wil, Don’t even get me started on the piece of shite that is ‘Wife Swap’.
It is aired here is Australia aswell. And its not an aussie version, its the original American version. No offence to you guys but why do we need to be subjected to crap that you guys dont even like watching.
Glad to hear that someone else out there thinks its not worth the effort.
cheers…Lauren.
As a Briton, I have to apologise on behalf of our nation for unleashing the terrible format for “Wife Swap” unto the world.The show was originally concocted by the Execs at Channel 4 here in the UK, and the format has been sold to hojillions of countries worldwide. I feel your pain, Wil…
As for board games, my girlfriend and I like a good game of Scrabble every now and then, and we picked up the Simpsons edition of the Game Of Life fairly recently, but haven’t had the time to play it yet. I’m also one of those sad cavemen who appreciates a good game of Chess, with a quality board to play it on, too.
OK, hands up here, I admit it, we are to blame. Over the years the UK has given you such viewing pleasures as Blackadder and The Office (and I am referring to the originals, not the US versions) we have also landed you with the steaming turd that is Wife Swap. It started here, and then somehow the show took a life of its own and spread like wild fire across the globe.
Although having admitted to the turdness, Wil’s wife is entirely correct, I can’t stop watching. Every week I am there glued to it and every week I end up shouting at the tele, hoping in the vain that my unheard screams will have some effect on the horrors of human existence being presented to me. Mind you, I wouldn’t describe it as the “car crash TV”, the only reason I have come up with to explain my continued viewing is that I have serious self-esteem issues. As the credits roll on each show my wife will usually suggest (she is kidding, god let her be kidding!) that we should apply to go on. I give the same answer every time; we are just not fucked up enough. The undeniable truth is we aren’t “good” enough to be on Wife Swap. That simple fact makes me feel so much better about myself! Who knew? So if you have low self-esteem, think your kids are a nightmare, worry that your partner is taking you for granted or even doubt your intelligence; you know where to go. Therapy?? No! Wife Swap….good for all that ails you!
Great story, Wil! You don’t need any advice from me, but I offer it anyway. Remember, the fact that he wants to hang out and do stuff with you doesn’t mean you are cool; it means he is! 😛
that is insanely awesome.
though, i can’t make myself even type ‘_awesome’.
sorry.
Hi Wil,
I like hearing about the “boring stuff”. It shows that you are a real person too. I like that.
One of my favorite games is “Eurorails”; you transport goods making deliveries to collect money, which is used to upgrade trains (transportation), build more railways to destinations. Besides, you get to draw on the board with crayons; what can beat that?
Anyways, keep writing, even if you think it is nothing interesting. The comments here prove that is not the case.
I’m glad you and Anne had a great time.
By the way, you may wish to send a bill to your neighbors lawnkeeper for the clean-up time.
Harlan…
Rock-freakin’-on! That’s the parenting philosophy everybody should have. You lose your kids when you stop respecting them and understanding where they are, but that doesn’t mean losing discipline for the sake of the “friendship.”
Wil – what a great story about you and Nolan. It gives me hope that my soon-to-be 13-year-old may actually pull himself out of his world of Hot Topic rubber bracelets, death metal t-shirts and hoodies, and have some substantial interaction with the rest of the family. Although I’ve somehow managed to maintain my status as “the cool mom,” at no point do I cross the line between being a parent and being a friend. I just try to be a very open parent who tells my kids the truth when they ask the hard questions, and to make sure they understand that every action they take has a consequence for which they alone are accountable.
And as far as I’m concerned, being a parent is my most important job, and raising my kids to be good people is the only measure of success that counts.
Nolan and Ryan are lucky to have you in their lives.
Amy
Picnic 2006-02-15
Todays picnic basket of items from my blogroll.
Pettifog says humans werent the only once celebrating St. Valentines Day
Orthodoxy looks critically at women deacons
Of The Mind finds computer are as different as Apples and oranges
An…
I never want Little Drizz to grow up beyond not wanting to play with Daddy.
Wil,
Of all people, I know you’d appreciate this. I’m doing math homework with my daughter. I read blogs while she does a few, then I check them. No tv tonight. Strangely, this is enjoyable. Tv adds chaos sometimes. Tonight, the house if peaceful. 🙂 Thanks for sharing parts of your life with us.
I have loved reading about your relationship with your kids– you’ve chosen a wise strategy. After all, who’s going to lie on their deathbed thinking, “I wish I’d watched more Wife Swap”?
…and the bumper sticker slogan is a great one. As a teacher on hiatus, I can truly appreciate it.
My thinking goes: they make friends at school, and they need parents at home.
I think a good parent will also become a good friend later down the line. I think it’s supposed to be a gradual process… as they become more independent and need less hands-on parenting, there’s more time for genuine friendship to develop.
In a most ideal world, children would leave the nest at a point in their lives when the need for parenting had tapered off to zero, and their friendship with the parents would be fully formed. However, a lot of kids don’t really want their parents as friends and their friendship doesn’t develop until much later (usually because they suddenly need someone to watch THEIR kids).
Anyway, I think your philosophy is a good one. A friendship is forming there even if you are a parent first and friend second.
For those of you who aren’t aware of BGG, head on over to http://www.boardgamegeek.com/ whenever you want more info on just about any boardgame. It has reviews, player aids, pictures, etc. Glad to see a reference to Catan here. It’s been a long time since I played Gold Digger, but I don’t want to go without Settlers of Catan for any extended period.
We always play with a variant I found on an old version of Herr Teuber’s site. (I haven’t seen this particular variant listed anywhere in the years since.) As in “Poverty Is No Dishonor”, a player who receives no resource on any single dice-roll receives a chip. On his turn, if he has as many chips as he has visible points, he must trade them in to the bank for a resource of his choice. This mitigates luck and helps less as a player’s position becomes stronger.
Okay, enough BoardGameGeekiness.
interesting… i wonder if parents who act like parents, rather than parents who act like friends, do better with their kids in general, if only because they’re not trying so hard to be cool? discuss.
Being on the brink of step-parenthood to a thirteen-going-on-20 girl, I really enjoy reading your posts about Ryan and Nolan. I admire your approach and I hope I can be as cool when it comes to her!
Haha! Wife swap-such a mind-numbing programme, which my Mum use to watch frequently.It’s almost as pathetic as big brother! It doesn’t actually have a definate message in the programme and most of the famillies on it are foolish and tacky. It use to just be a British reality tv show. It makes me cringe!
However, on brighter terms, you seem like a lovely Father:). Keep up the good work!