"May the road rise with you."
-PiL
All this week, Shane Nickerson is publishing older blog entries that never made the cut for one reason or another. He introduces each entry with a brief comment about it, then shares some wonderful writing that clearly deserved to make it past the internal censor who often paralyzes writers actors actors/writers guys like us.
This one, in particular, hit me where I live:
If you want the secret, I have it.
It’s about the work. Regardless of your chosen profession or station
in life, the work is what matters. Skip it and you will be caught.
Slack off, and others will catch up to you. Cut corners and you will
have to answer to yourself at some point.Of course, that said, the hardest question to answer once it is
assumed that hard work is part of the equation is, "Now, what do I work
on?" Whatever you love. Work on whatever you love and don’t think about
the payoff, but instead the road. If part of your road is a continual
hunt for a payoff, so be it, but pick a life and career that makes you
happy even in the very pursuit of the thing you’ve chosen.
A couple of days ago, I had an epiphany: Around the time I came to Exile, I drove right off my Road. I started to take an interesting little side trip, (mostly to Prove To Everyone that I could do it) but I lost my map and couldn’t find my way back. I was so thoroughly off my road, I didn’t even realize I was driving around in circles and down dead end paths until it was way too late, and I was running out of gas.
Set phasers to Ramble, Mr. Worf:
When I went to the Grand Slam convention last weekend, I kept expecting to feel bad about it. I kept expecting to feel like I was a loser for going without anything new to show off and I really worked myself up about it. I really felt like I was in exactly the same place I was five years ago, and that seriously bummed me out.
But when I got there, that anticipated feeling never arrived. Despite my best initial efforts to really feel like a jerk, I really had a good time. I didn’t feel bad; I felt like I was at home. I felt like I was surrounded by like-minded people who all wanted to celebrate this stuff that we all love, and I felt like I had something unique and interesting to share with them. I loved how good and how right that felt, and at some point over the weekend, I realized that even though I was hanging out at a con, I’m not in the same place I was five years ago. I’ve grown as a writer, I’ve grown as a husband, and I’ve grown as a father. I’m smarter and wiser than I was five years ago, even if I haven’t accomplished as much as I’d hoped. There is no denying that I haven’t done what I’d hoped to do with acting or writing, but in all the other areas that truly matter, I’ve rolled several critical successes.
You know how everything happens for a reason? If I hadn’t gone to that convention and simply enjoyed the celebration of Sci-Fi and Sci-Fi fandom, if I hadn’t realized, accepted, and acknowledged that I really have grown and succeeded in the last five years, I wouldn’t have found the map back to my Road. Without it, I never would have been in the right place to have so much fun with the hosting audition, and I wouldn’t be waiting right now to hopefully hear good news about that job.
I thought about the last line of Just A Geek the other day, which I thought went something like, "I’m finally cool with all the Star Trek and Sci-Fi stuff, and I’m happy about that."
I just looked it up, and that’s not what it says. It actually says that I’m doing something that really makes me happy, which at the time was writing. It says a lot about my current state of mind, (and the unvarnished truth about myself at this moment) that I thought it said I was happy about my work on Star Trek and I was cool with all that stuff, though, doesn’t it?
When I watch TNG on G4, (and I do, almost every night,) no matter how hard I try to feel sad, or maudlin, or regretful, I just can’t do it. I see my friends, and I have fond memories of working with them. I see my work, and I feel proud (when I’m not laughing at the Ugly Grey Spacesuit) of a lot of the things I did with what I was given to work with. As a bonus, watching lots of TNG has brought back happy, lucid memories of of all sosrts of things I did when I was a teenager: I get flashes of painting 40K armies in my dressing room, going to Depeche
Mode concerts with my friends, watching movies like The Hidden and Alien Nation and Prince of Darkness at the AMC in Burbank with Darin when it was just 10 theatres (and 10 was HUGE back then), and going to different conventions all over the country to celebrate Star Trek. Of course, as I described in Just A Geek, there came a time where I didn’t have fun at the cons, and I started to resent them, but even those memories are hard to pull up as I watch these shows from the second and third seasons. Is it selective memory? Of course it is, and I’m totally fine with that.
I know I went over this in Just A Geek and Dancing Barefoot, but it’s worth it for me to go over it one more time: I don’t have to avoid or run away from science fiction because
I was a big part of a huge science fiction franchise, and I didn’t have the acting success I’d hoped for when I quit. I was a science fiction geek long before I was Wesley Crusher, and I’ll be a science fiction geek for the rest of my life. I can’t run away from fandom, because I can’t run away
from myself. I can’t run away from who I am. Resistance is futile.
When I read Shane’s post earlier this week, I initially responded to
what he said about the work. But as I reflected on it, I kept
thinking about the Road. When I knew what my Road was, I knew where my Road was, and I knew how to get back on it. I wasn’t as far off it as I thought, in fact. I just had to turn the wheel and step on the gas. It also helped to drive with my eyes open for a change.
My Road is paved with d20s and TRON DVDs and Atari 2600 games. It’s lit
by the glow of TNG and BSG episodes and the soundtrack is by Vangelis. It’s
patrolled by Rover and they sell Soylent Green in the rest stop vending
machines. The speed limit is 42, but if you flash your Bavarian Illuminati card, you can use the FTL drive to make it to Milliways in time for dinner.
I’m back on my Road, and nobody can take the sky from me.
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Very nice, Wil. Sounds like you just had to make a Wil(power) roll to save vs. losing your identity. Now that you’ve criticaled with your pen of vorpal wisdom (+4), your hp are regenerated, and you can employ all your skills and feats again.
Wow, can I come up with any more D&D metaphors?
Plan and simple:
I have been reading your site for the past few months, and I just want to say how much I enjoy it. When you do feel you are off your road, just know that there are people out here who enjoy what you write, and STILL enjoy watching you in TNG:)
Thanks for that post Wil. Shane hit the nail on the head, and you just drove the point home. Glad to see you’ve found your Road again.
Great post. Love the geek references at the end. 🙂 Thanks for sharing your journey with us. Can’t wait to hear your good news.
That was wonderful to read. You are very talented and it’s good to see you recognizing that again. Keep on truckin’.
Awwwwwwww…
That was a great post!! 🙂
Well written, fun to read, and just, well, inspiring. 🙂
Thanks!
Also, Spike TV has restarted the TNG series… and it’s soooo funny! I just saw the first ever Wil Wheaton as Wesley Crusher line. 😛
“Where no one has gone before”
LOVE it! 🙂
As it has been said, Life is what happens while you make other plans. Keep on keepin’ on…
Dude,
You are so much smarter than me. And yet so much more insecure than me, it’s weird. Take care Wil, you will get to where you want to be. In time. Anyway, i still will admire you, for beeing a writer, actor or human -f-ing beeing.
Have a beer man, i will and a cheer to you !
Leon
yay !
that’s all I wanted to say.
You’re awesome.
‘Nuff said.
DANGER! DANGER, WIL WHEATON! GEEK OVERLOAD!
Could you have crammed a couple more Sci-Fi refrences in that last metaphor? I sense a lack of Star Wars, B5 and Matrix in there. 🙂
This is all stuff you should have been quite aware of when you posted your lament a couple weeks ago. Might I suggest you print out this entry, in a GREAT BIG BOLD FONT, and post it above your monitor?
You keep rambling, we’ll keep reading.
BTW – Great little HU tourney last night to go with the regular one. One of these days I’ll get past that bubble into the money… I hope it’s before I go broke trying.
It’s good to be a sci-fi/fantasy geek.
Astin…always nice when the name travels between virtual locations, isn’t it?
Wil,
This is what I meant when I said in a post a couple of weeks ago that your blog resonates with me. Take these lines from today’s post:
“I didn’t feel bad; I felt like I was at home. I felt like I was surrounded by like-minded people who all wanted to celebrate this stuff that we all love, and I felt like I had something unique and interesting to share with them. I loved how good and how right that felt…”
That is EXACTLY how I feel when I go to an Astronomy conference! I feel *at home*. I know that is my Road, and I am where I should be.
I am happy you have spotted that elusive Purple Cow! And I hope you hear back from SciFi soon. Waiting stinks.
Holy crap, Wil. PiL? All of my old PiL is on cassette and lost to the ages. I might need to go on a CD buying spree as its been FOREVER since I’ve heard it. The scary part is I think I have recalled all the lyrics to the song you quoted. “I could be wrong….I could be right.”
My first concert was a PiL show in Chicago when I just entered high school.
Thanks for the memory.
It’s an awesome time to be a scifi geek, with all the movies, books, games and internet fan sites. I for one, would love to see you in another scifi series.
Ain’t it funny how when you have a positive thoughts re-inforcing your aura, things begin to fall into place with your having to verbalize anything?
Well, you did verbalize, but it was just a description of your positive re-awakening.
Sometimes, when you emerge from your darkness, you appreciate how bright everything around you actually is. Darkness has a purpose that cannot be dismissed.
Welcome back to your highway!
Wil Wheaton is a psych class.
Of course I don’t mean this in a negative way, that’s just how it feels. On Monday he’s okay with his acting on Star Trek, on Tuesday he’s not. But on Wednesday, he’s okay with not being okay with the job and the experience, and on Thursday he’s fine…
I started reading your blog just as you set up shop in Exile. I’m a little OCD and was daunted by the task of catching up on your massive archives, so your temporary switch to Typepad seemed like a good place to jump in.
I had no idea that you felt you were in such a downturn these past few months. I’ve really enjoyed the things you put out there (especially the long podcasts).
This entry was inspiring to read, and I’m glad you’ve come to terms with your successes and failures, your moments of pride and embarrassment. Healing through science-fiction, as it were. 🙂
I thought that was an amazing and honest entry. I shed a little tear (not sarcasm), and then you brought it back to the truth of it all with your last paragraph:
You are just a geek. And we are so damned lucky you are.
Keep rocking, Uncle Willie. You can do anything.
Awesome post, Wil. Thank you.
I am totally digging your Road Wil. May it rise up to meet you. 🙂
EnvoyPV – Yup, I’ve been surprisingly lucky in that regard. Since I’ve used this alias for 15+ years now (back to those heady days of BBSes and CompuServe/Prodigy). Seldom have I had to alter it.
Of course, now everyone thinks I’m part of the Astin family…
One of us. One of us. ONE OF US!!!! Yeah, you’re smart, witty, talented and a total geek. (I mistyped “geek” as “gook” and laughed for a good five nminutes…) Anyway, I came to WWdN many moons ago and since then I’ve lurked, wandered off to look at shiny things, lurked some more and I’ve come to realize that YOU ARE THE SHIT!! (in a good way) Thanks for being so open to those of us in the intervoid. (Intervoid? Hmm, I like that…)
I can’t help but wonder – will you be rocking Final Fantasy XII on the 360?
Reality checks … priceless.
And Wil, my dad gave me two pieces of advice I’ll share with you. One: Do your best, and forget about it. Two: When in doubt, give it gas.
Words to live by.
*still hoping for good news*
I totally forgot to post this link. It’s so surreal it’s a geek/fangirls dream come true. It’s Depeche Mode – singing in motherf-ing SIMLISH.
http://archives.depechemode.com/video/exclusives/sufferwell_sims.html
Word.
This is totally what I meant about “batter recharge” for you, Wil. You’re getting focused and back on track and you’re reconnecting with yourself and your loves in life. I have always admired you and see much of myself in our generational sharing of Geekdom.
Mojo still heading your way from the desert!
That…
was a beautiful entry.
Your ramblings are better than some paid professionals’ deadline work.
Enjoy you immensely. As in I do and you should.
Go, Wil, go!!!!!!
Hey Wil!
Funny reading this you reminded ME of something. Long ago, when I still cut pictures out of magazines and taped them to my walls, I read an article about you in Teen Beat or Tiger Beat, or some such magazine. It was about the time Stand By Me came out, which is one of my favorite King stories, and you said your favorite band was Depeche Mode. You’ll be happy to know you influenced my life in a positive way that day. I thought if Wil thinks it’s cool, well then it must be. That day I bought my first Depeche Mode tape (yes TAPE). I can’t tell you how many I’ve owned since that day — but thanks for turning me on to some great music!!!
Kellie
Wow. That last bit was like a nerdsplosion.
I liked it.
So. Does this mean you’re finally going to run a Dungeon with your kids?
Side note: NERDSPLOSION!! I love that!
thank you…it felt good to read that post.
Your eyes, they are open. This is a good thing. 🙂
Still waiting on the most excellent news that you have landed the hosting gig. Go Wil Go!
AMEN Brother!
I feel I must jump up and down cheering for the nerds and geeks of the universe (myself included) after that. Free from what you think you should be, be what you love.
But isn’t that something like – writing what you love and wished there was more of?
Stand tall and be the geek.
Frickin’-A. Glad to hear that you’re trekking (no pun intended, I swear) on and were able to relocate your Road, no matter how this iffy gig is going. Your “rambling” was a joy to read, and really brightened my day.
P.S. Saw you on TNG earlier today – was outraged to think they were going to kill you over a ruined flowerbed (=P) but very happy that I was able to see a bit of your spark through the lines that so often dimmed it then. Glad to know it’s never faded. And nerdsplosion is a beautiful word. *yoinks*
The Road
“The speed limit is 42, but if you flash your Bavarian Illuminati card, you can use the FTL drive to make it to Milliways in time for dinner.
I’m back on my Road, and nobody can take the sky from me.”
So, wer hat jetzt alle Referenzen verstande…
Mind if I take a hit off some of that “sky”? Pass it on, mannnn! 😉
Hold on. Wait a sec. Just a moment here.
I thought the last line of JAG was “And then they threw me out of the supermarket. The End.”
[another solid plug for Teh Audiobook]
Bravo. It’s just like I am always telling my 10 year old: Sometimes it’s not the destination, it’s the journey.
Dear Mr. Wheaton,
I am certainly glad you have reached this important point of peace at this particular period of time in your life, because your inner contentment with yourself and your past now leads you onward into greater things, if you wish.
I would like to ask for your help and support in my attempt to replace the Earth’s suicidally insane method of existence of worldwide depleted uranium radiation poisoning and mostly generalized warmongering for conquest, profit and power…and then replacing it all with a peaceful and free energy based high-technology Earth civilization that will be soon reaching the stars in reasonably short order, once my technology discoveries are made public.
I am who I am – merely one who is mostly concerned about our fate and future as a species. To elaborate that idea a little further, let’s just say I was the kind of kid who was a Wesley Crusher in real life. And unfortunately for me, I was always too right most of the time, too.
The name is Don, by the way. Hope to hear from you in the near future.
Take Care,
[email protected]
Clearly, the timing of these two events implies that I should conjoin them:
You, mentioning that you’re happy with your Star Trek past and having fun with it, and me finding this bit of entertainment through metafilter:
Kid re-enacts scene from First Contact (YouTube link).
Really suprisingly funny.
I hope you read this, because I have a feeling you’ll enjoy it as much as I did.
{{{Wil}}}
Good luck staying on the road. Those side roads can seem right at the time but I’m glad you are back on your road.
*keeps fingers cross on that phone call*
How interesting your comments, since I came here to specifically comment myself after re watching the STNG episode “Where no man has gone before”…the one where you met the Traveler, where he went to Pacard and told him that Wesley was a Mozart with electronics, time, space instead of music.
I was stuck by how in a metaphorical sense, the Journey of Wesley paralleled your Jouney. My God. You were the only “Child” in a realm notorious for adults only – before and since. You were always the outsider. But the force of who and what you were brought you into the family.
Ever see the Dog Whisperer Ceasar Milano? A phemonimal man who teaches how to work with dogs by training people. He commented that Dogs provide a mirror of our cycles good and bad. Laughes about how he knew how to be the pack leader for his dogs, but had to learn how to be one for his family.
I was struck by how you knew that, have worked with that concept with your stepchildren.
As I wrote a response on that list I have been reflecting how much life is a mirror that speaks the truth of what we truely want in life.
If you would have gone on and become the “star” of your twenties, what would have happened with your family? What woud have happened with your values?
So many men think that their only value is in the work that they do and not the participation in relationship they contribute, How many stories with thoe children would never have happened? Special times with your wife because you would have been too tired from your “work”. How bout the money your raised for the cancer runs, would you even had time to really be with your beloved pets in their last days, to moarn their loss, to treasure their gifts – or would you have to sock those feelings away because you had to present another type of personality for one of your scripts.
I have philosophy, “that when God (or who ever you hold the upstairs guy to be) wants me somewhere, nothing can stand in the way, and when he doesnt, nothing can make it happen.” I have found however, that it doesnt matter if the top 9/10s of my being thinks it wants something – if the bottom most hidden 1/10 doesnt want it for want ever reason – it aint going to happen. I shoot my self in the foot with this so many times. Like just now – there was a 10 hour safety class I was supposed to be doing today and Friday that got cancelled at the last minute.
When I really looked inside at what was going on, I had to laugh because I really REALLY didnt want to do it (bottom hidden 1/10th, but that I “should” do it top 9/10th.
For me, it is acknowledging that I am in a different space now moving at a different pace that is not possible with my old lifestyle, but the conflicting messages I am sending out to the universe keep dropping opportunitites from my old life into my life. It is not even that I cant do them but that I am drawn to do them in a different way.
Well, if you do decide to go back to your old life, I am wondering if the delay is to give you time to get strong enough that you will not fall into the Hollywood traps of long hours, PR demands and other temptations that don’t fit with or into your life right now.
Sorry Wil I look at the stories you did as a precurser dream of what and how your life was to go – and it seems clear that it was always supposed to be your own different road, and not the usual, planned and expected freeway, you seem to keep trying to climb on to – . Just a few thoughts.
Fantastic!
Its work like this that keeps me coming back to your site every day.
Your willingness for self-scrutiny and your struggle for honesty is what keeps this blog relevant for me, regardless of how interesting I find your poker games, your acting ups and downs, your writing process, your geekeries and your family. I love that you want to communicate as openly as possible with yourself and that you want to share that communication with people. IT RESONATES, DAMMIT! [and/hearts/semi-colon]
I used to read WWDN ages ago, and recently rediscovered it via a livejournal feed, apparently just in time for you rediscovering yourself. This was a lovely, thoughtful read, full of the same kind of geeky introspection I remembered from previous reading. Thanks for this.
I’m so glad you’re back on your Road! I hope to find my own sometime soon, but first focusing on getting through the birth of my hubby’s & my first child.
One of my favorite things about reading your blog is the use of song titles on your posts. Amazing how much music taste I have in common with you!
And the geek references always make me smile!
great post! hope I can find that road…
Long live Firefly!
Dear Wil,
You don’t know me, but after reading your blog for five years or so, I’m good with taking the liberty–I’m glad you found your Road. It gives me hope that I will find my own. It’s out there, somewhere–and your words have inspired me to hope and *believe* that I will find it. And that is no small feat, for a thirtysomething to inspire a 50something. So thank you, Wil. This entry of yours was one of the reasons why I check in every day or so. You are a gifted writer and a remarkable human being. “Keep on keeping on.”