"We’ve all had our ups and downs
It’s been mostly down around here
Now this whole damn mess is becoming quite clear"
-Uncle Tupelo, Life Worth Living
Thank you for all your feedback on the podcast and the blog. Many more people responded than I expected, and virtually all of you wondered if I actually read what you wrote. I don’t have time to respond to each e-mail directly, which feels shitty and disrespectful to me (you took the time, so why can’t I?) but I think I can put here, for everyone, what I’d put into lots of different e-mails. I took it all to heart, and I am deeply grateful to everyone who saw my signal flare, and sent back one of their own.
So. Two things I suspected were confirmed. The first: I can’t please everyone, so I’m just going to please myself. That sounds dirty. Let me try a different way: For every person who said they didn’t like the "sacchrine stories about my family" someone said they loved the "heartwarming stories about family life." For every person who said "I wish you’d write more about politics" someone said, "I’m glad you don’t write about politics very much." Everyone liked the narrative-style poker stories, and nobody likes the dry, technical poker posts. I agree. That’s why I moved most of my poker content to CardSquad. I haven’t had many stories to tell, but when I have a story that’s more like Odessa than a dry retelling of the flop, turn and river, I’ll publish it again.
Lots of you came here for different reasons: Star Trek, movies, gaming, technology, politics, family stories. I noticed that most writers wanted to hear more of whatever brought them here in the first place and less of everything else. I’ve said before that attempting to please everybody results in pleasing nobody, so I’ll just have to write about all of those things when they strike me, and hopefully when I’m interested I’ll be interesting and worth both of our time.
Thing the second: the general theme, from people who I know in real life to people who have read me for years, to people who have just been reading for a few months: my blog, once interesting, has become average and lacks passion.
My blog, which is a reflection of my life, has become average because I’ve allowed it to happen. I’m not entirely sure how it happened, but at least I’m aware of it, and I can begin the long and painful process of ripping myself out of my average rut, and moving to where I want to be.
I’ve been reading a lot of Seth Godin’s blog, and his book The Purple Cow. In Purple Cow, Seth says that the first few cows you see are really interesting, but they eventually blur together and you forget about them. Then you see a purple cow, and it’s extraordinary, and you take notice, and you can’t believe you were ever impressed by a regular old cow. He uses it as a metaphor for marketers, but it applies to anyone who produces some sort of media or entertainment; it certainly applies to me.
Years ago, my Purple Cow was obvious: I was one of the first well-known actors to openly write about the experience. And there was that whole Wesley Crusher thing. Nobody else was doing what I did, so it was extraordinary. Over the years, I’ve fallen onto the other side of the bell curve, and now I find myself squarely in "average" land.
What do I do to paint my cow again? I’m not sure. Obviously, getting work as an actor again would be nice, and fire up my passions; working on some real fiction would also do that.
The excerpt I published yesterday is part of a very short story (it’s only about 2000 words) but it’s a start. I’m doing some work on it (changing from first to third person, for one) and I’m looking forward to publishing it next week. Maybe that will kick off something new for me that makes it worth your while to drop by my blog.
In many ways, I feel like I’ve run really hard, and really fast, and ended up right back where I started.
I know I’m a good actor, and I know that I can connect with an audience and do extraordinary work. That’s not enough to close the gap between me sitting in an audition, and me getting hired. So I’m right back where I was five years ago.
Anne’s ex isn’t supporting his kids, putting the burden on me and Anne, and getting away with it. I’m right back where I was five years ago.
I’m struggling, creatively unfulfilled, filled with self-doubt and more than a little bit of self lothing. I’m right back where I was five years ago.
And you know what? I’m really sad that I’ve failed as an actor. I’m
really sad that, even though I tried so hard my whole life to develop
this skill, and even though I know I’m extremely good at it, I have
failed to have any lasting success with it. It’s not my fault, I don’t
think, — well, other than the reasons I detail in Just A Geek
(which makes a lovely gift) — that the entertainment industry lost
interest in me and what I bring to the party, but when I’m not acting in some capacity, I feel like a big part of my soul is dead. Writing helps, a little bit, but it’s like methadone to acting’s heroin. I’d love to find a play to do around town, or do another sketch comedy show, or do some improv, but the unavoidable, brutal truth is that I can’t afford to. I don’t have the time to devote to it, but I have to somehow find it, and walk a dangerous, delicate, precarious and fine line between providing for my family, spending time with (and enjoying) my family, and hitting the acting needle as frequently and as hard as I can without becoming a gutter burnout.
It’s tough to write anything from the inside of my heart lately, because I feel like I’m just a big stupid crybaby. In my brains, I know that things could be a lot, lot worse (I know that, really I do, and because I know that I’m reluctant to even publish any of these thoughts) but in my heart and soul, I feel defeated.
Just completely defeated. And I don’t have enough time. And. And. And.
I know that I have the tools and the power to turn this feeling of defeat into something better, and I know that I’m indulging a whole lot of self-pity . . . but at least I’ll admit it, and own that feeling.
This is part of the journey, I guess. Maybe being where I was five years ago isn’t so bad. Five years ago, I had a lot of really great stuff to write about, and a very Purple Cow to share.
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Wil,
This entry kind of took me by surprise. You’ve been creating very interesting things to read and listen to lately – I guess I thought you were in a happier state of mind to be pulling that off. It’s possible that you’re occasionally bored of the blog, but I doubt anyone who reads you thinks this is just another celebrity blog. The quality of this site hasn’t deteriorated at all as far as I can tell. Like a good chunk of the people who’ve written before me, I’m close to you in age, have kids of my own and a wife I dig a lot. A lot of us enjoy reading your blog because it holds a mirror up to what counts in our own lives and its a fundamentally hopeful experience. You are a really rewarding writer to read and I’ll bet there are more than a few of us who never liked Wesley, didn’t know that the kid in Stand By Me was the guy who played Wesley, but found this blog by accident and have made it a daily ritual to see if you updated. That doesn’t pay any bills, but it is a kind of recognition that is somehow more substantive than plain celebrity. And it’s something you should take a lot of pride in. Good luck with working through this.
Will:
You are a good actor and you are successfully good. You’ve also achieved success as an author. You have a successful relationship with yoru family.
The work market these days is very strange and unpredictable this has to do with cultural and social changes. Also, the entertainment industry fickle and a weird version of high school cliques (my opinion).
The hidden job market is at 85%!? It is a struggle for a lot of people in any area.
I’m sure you will find your way!
Wil, PLEASE stop judging yourself according to Hollywood’s criteria. If you don’t, you’ll be miserable about this crap for the rest of your life & I think most of us would hate to see that happen. One of the reasons why I decided not to move to LA & pursue a film career straight out of film school (I wanted to be a film director at the time) was because I was disturbed by the way Hollywood works & still am (The Oscars piss me off every year, but, like the masochist I am, I watch, hoping that someone will get acknowledged for their talent. Usually they don’t). Talentless actors (both male & female) get tons of roles & the great ones don’t & I didn’t & still don’t want to direct people with no talent. I found writing to be more fulfilling. I was doing well with that for a while & then…BAM…I got into a rut due to a slew of nigthmarish & unexpected events, got depressed & stopped writing. There are stacks all around my apartment of unfinished books & articles & it’s been that way for about 2 years. So I got the Writer’s Market 2006 & am going to do my best to start an article I can FINISH. I know if I could get an article published at the tender age of 21 about an important social issue & get paid buku (Did I spell it right?) dolares for it, I can do it again. I’m taking baby steps – just like you – in regard to this creative rut. Although a lot of the same things that happened to you 5 years ago are occurring again, make a mental checklist of the things that are different & better, such as 1.) Your family is a much higher priority now. Hence, when you’re able to relate to most of the people that are close to you on a positive level, it indicates you’re maturing because you’re not always thinking about yourself. 2.) You hadn’t had all your amazing books published 5 years ago. 3.) For what it’s worth, when my family & I get sick of watching pathetic excuses for actors (male & female) on TV, we pop in a movie from the ’80’s, turn to each other & nostalgically say, “Now those were the days when the youngins could act. I mean REALLY act from their heart & soul.” You’re one of those actors we mention & Stand By Me is one of those movies.
I have my own blog, but I don’t think it really has an audience. Yours does, so count that as a plus. I’m a software engineer, but I rarely write directly about my job. I write about computing, but not about my job. I write about whatever the hell I feel like writing about. My current passions are politics and atheism, and I throw in some of our weekend trips to boot. I write about things that I want people to read, regardless if there’s actually people there reading it. Sometimes, as I said in one blog entry, it sounds like I’m shouting a story into the Grand Canyon, but I’ll keep plugging along.
Do the same.
Wil, I’m sorry to hear that you feel this way. But while your at it, revel in it! Great artistry is born out of great pain you know – so enjoy it while it lasts so to speak, it’ll probably help you paint that cow so purple that people will be blinded!
I also wanted to add that I finally got to see you as Walter on CSI yesterday.
I really hope that you are REALLY proud of that performance, it must have been really fun to “meet” Walter. A job exceedingly well done.
So remember – keep your chin DOWN and wait for the inspiration to flow. 😉
my friend was a child actor. he echos your sentiments.
i think that the industry has to step up and take some responsibility for chewing up children and spitting them out again.
it’s not that i want you to wallow in feelings of poor me or anything, because obviously you are a gifted human being and will continue to do amazing things with your life, but i just think someone has to acknowledge that it TOTALLY SUCKS that you can’t do exactly what you want and get exactly what you want from the people who used to give you everything.
Hey Wil –
Hollywood has nth-stage ADHD – don’t judge your ability as an actor – or extrapolate your value to humanity or your family – by its standards.
Please don’t think you have to be larger than life for us. Actually, reading about your ‘ordinary’ life is one of the great pleasures of your blog, where your writing really shines. You have a talent for dialogue and an ability to nail emotion in your writing that I covet. 😉
PLEASE don’t let us, your readers and online friends, constrain you. I’ve pissed away 20 years of a potential writing career because I let myself be freaked the fuck out by the stated and unstated expectations of those around me.
Don’t let the prospect of us reading your blog freeze you up. JUST KEEP WRITING. And living.
I would just like to say that I am consistently impressed with the quality of your blog (although the poker does get a little old, but then, I suppose me talking about star trek all the time does too) You’re eleven years older than me, and normally I wouldn’t feel in a position to give you any kind of advice or encouragement, but you also happen to be on my top ten list of favorite actors and you seem like a really nice person, which is not what I would call common, so I’m gonna do it anyway.
This blog is one of the few places in cyberspace where I feel that the truth is being presented. Not true news or whatever, but true life. True life is hard, it stinks, it’s the longest thing you will ever do, and it has more rewards than anything else can possibly offer. So, you don’t have as much time to act as you would like, and this is a vicious cycle that leads to less time to act. You’re still an actor. That’s still who you are. And you’re still one of my favorites. And I don’t care if you write less, as long as you keep writing! Not only is it good for the soul, you’re really good at it and if you enjoy it you should keep doing it. Everyone needs an outlet. People are still coming in to start reading too. A friend of mine got hooked last week. This blog is one of the great things that make our lives a little better, whatever you do with yours. This is not an average blog. If this was an average blog, I’d hate to know what that says about my friends. Maybe the material in it is average because your life is getting kinda average, but the blog is not average, it’s still extraordinary. You have a wonderful voice (hell, you can make poker sound interesting) and you use it to keep us informed about your life, however it may be right now, wheather you have met us or not. That’s kinda cool.
What is wrong with you people?
Lemme give you some advice my dear old dad gave me on many occasions: SUCK IT UP AND STOP BEING SUCH A PUSSY (he was a lovable ol’ coot)
When Mr. Krabs saw Squidward at the gravesite of his broken dreams he said, “jeez, what a crybaby”. I guess that’s a nicer way of saying it than my old man’s, but it just doesn’t have the same impact for me…
Hang in there, Wil. Like you always say, life is a balance. It’ll get better.
Look at David Spade. In the 80s, he was the teenaged jackass bad guy in every movie. We barely remembered who he was through out the 90s. Now he sits on a balcony with William Fucking Shatner with a cigar in his ear every week.
It’ll come back around.
Dude.
Don’t agree with everything you say, but I usually like the way you say it.
Love your wife.
Love your children.
Let them love you.
Everything else is gravy, really and truly. As a friend lovingly tells me on occasion, “Buck up little camper.”
Your blog is like a buffet- not a cheap n’ sleee-zee buffet, but a really swank one. We (your readers) get lots of different offerings from you- some we like, some we don’t want, but dang, what variety! And who’d complain that every single dish at a buffet didn’t please them? You wouldn’t expect ALL the dishes at a big buffet to be to your taste.
Bring on your El Grande Word Buffet, Wil! I’ll be happily loading up on your literary bacon. (Ahem.)
And you aren’t where you were five years ago- you’re here, you’re queer… um, no, wait… Well, you have READERS. Your writing gets better and better. You write stuff on a daily basis as ‘throw away’ writing that other writers would kill for.
And who else in H’wood has a posse this size? Hmmm?
Wil,
What originally brought me to your blog was a link that was posted at another. It said “Wil Wheaton : WWdN” and I, disbeliving had to come and see for myself. Low and behold, it was you.
I remembered how much I loved (and still do) the movie Stand By Me and how it literally got me through a whole lot of issues in my early teens. (My escape.)
Of course, that’s not what made me stay or what keeps me coming back or what made me bookmark you. I like your writing. I wouldn’t continue to come back to a place that didn’t put a smile on my face. Some times, you make me think, make me smile and some times I even laugh. You have an incredible way with words.
Your stories about your family makes me happy that I have children that can make me feel the same way that your boys make you feel.
As you said, everyone seems to have something that they read the most when they come here. I relate to the family life. (spouse and kids will do that) I do read everything though. Some times, I don’t quite get some of it, but I think that’s just me. It’s hard to grasp something that you know nothing about. (pod casting – way over my head)
Whatever the funk you seem to be in, it will pass. Some times you just have to fight a little harder to keep your head above the water. Some times, you have to fight really hard. Believe me when I say that being in a funk of any sort isn’t a whole lot of fun. I’m just finally getting to the light at the end of the tunnel in my own life. (a very long year of PPD)
Just know that you do matter. There’s three people that rely on you every day and two of them, I’m positive in their own inner-geek way, aspire to be more like you.
BTW, I saw you on Vh1’s Toy show – LOVED your “GEEK” shirt. I couldn’t help but laugh when I saw it. Now, I’m off to finish frosting my dd’s birthday cake. 🙂
Wow, the comments keep rolling in. That’s awesome!
Wow. Very honest and open post. Maybe that’s what some of us are looking for more of. 🙂 Anyway, I think most of us go through this…when we are doing things that don’t seem to do much but numb our souls (sorry if that’s too dramatic), even us non-actors. I’m an artist in a job that I hate and it sucks and I feel like it’s been sucking ME yet I sit her posting on your blog while sitting at my boring desk. I guess just don’t stop aspiring to do something that you feel move you inside (wow, you can take that in any direction you’d like) ;). Keep inspiring, keep writing, and screw Hollywood! 🙂 Well, at least until you get an acting gig.
Dear Wil,
Nothing happens that is not supposed to. Your day in the limelight will come again; I’ve no doubt to that. You are far too talented an author and actor to disappear into the mist.
When the time is right, you will be recognized for the clever, brilliant, creative individual we all know you to be. Soon, someone will tap into the resource that is Wil Wheaton. A revelation will be made then and everything will fall into place.
The important things to remember during this time are patience, not losing grip on reality and self, not losing sight of what is truly important, and, most importantly – never EVER saying “die.”
Take no prisoners, my friend. Surrender is not an option.
My suggestion to you would be joining up with an acting troupe of sorts. Love the stage. The biggest rush, for an actor (or really any performer), in my opinion, is putting on the performance of your life … LIVE, on the spot, unrecorded and exposed; this drives you to do your best to put on the most riveting, flawless performance of your life. The next night, you do it again and always, ALWAYS take it up a notch.
Trust me, kiddo, someone will notice. But while you’re waiting, since you are such an amazing writer, might I suggest the option of starting a screenplay? This gives you something creatively productive to do in the meanwhiles.
I wish you the best, my friend.
-Melissa
P.S.
Loved you in Sirens.
Wil, “Purple” is inside you more than it is anyone else, not to say that *you* are the one person inherently giving people that thing to tickle their ears or make them laugh, because laughter is fading, and everywhere, but it *is* the touch with the real inside you, that touch with the vibrance of life that makes you, and anyone, purple. “Life” is what people tune in to hear about, not “purple”, because life is what people desire most out of living, and it is “life” that is missing in so many people’s lives. Then and now, yeah it seemed *SO new*, but even when that new very thing fades, “life” is always there moving on the same way. Just don’t forget to look at it. Because it’s there – where the voice inside you meets “life” is where your “purple cow” always lives, and really, never leaves… unless you stare at it too long. Cows don’t like to be looked at. They get self conscious and go up in a puff of purple smoke.
OK mostly everyone has said what I was thinking…but here is a new thought. For all your blogging everyday, and you podcast a day efforts, you seem to be more and more unhappy with that. I remember when I was dying for an update and you had not posted to your blog for a day or two, now you have 2-3 new posts whenever I check in.
Perhaps you need to stop this altogether. Thats right I said stop blogging.(someone shut her up!) Hear me out, stop for a week. Go to an audition/Go talk to a indy producer/spend time with family/get WWDN back up/write on paper instead. Then see how you feel. How addidicted are you to this blogging thing? If it is the only thing DEFINING you to the public. then that is where you lost your “purple cow”. Come back to us when you are dying to share your life (the good and bad)with you fans, then the average posts will no longer be average.
I, for one, will always be looking for you, no matter where you go
Well, besides posting the obvious that you are a lucky man to be in a loving relationship with (what sounds like) great kids, I will add to the chorus of “don’t be so hard on yourself.” You have led a very interesting life to this point. Seen and done more than most of us will ever accomplish in a lifetime. However, it doesn’t sound like you can live on your memories of when you “used” to be an actor and a star. To that I can only say, wait awhile. You are about my age, and I can say that it has only been recently in my professional life that I’ve felt that I am transitioning from young kid to somewhat respected member of the team. As if I have just crossed an invisible line where others are saying, “He has paid his dues.”
It seems, actors who were famous when they were young go through a similar seasoning. No one wants to seem them in their 20’s and early 30’s. Maybe they seem “over” or they are close enough in age to their earlier hey-day that they suffer for the comparison. However, it also seems that as these actors approach their late 30’s and early 40’s they can sometimes fall back into favor. They gain gravitas as older people. Patrick Dempsey has landed a great role on “Grey’s Anatomy.” Neil Patrick Harris is now on “How I Met Your Mother.” Hell, I just saw C. Thomas Howell on 24 this week with a head full of grey hair! I would wager that none of them thought they would ever be back in the spotlight again.
As much as Hollywood loves to build up celebrities and then tear them down, it also seems to love comeback stories. It could happen to you too.
Wil,
I like your blog (except for the political stuff — too much of that from too many sources these days, so I have to be honest and say I tune you out on politics).
I hear you about your wife’s ex not supporting his kids. I’ve dealt with that for ten years now, and unfortunately, there is not a lot you can do about it. He’s never bad enough to be considered a “deadbeat” but he is just lazy enough to do the minimum, and his “half” never comes anywhere near the real “half” that it costs. Hang in there.
Life goes in cycles. Hopefully, each time you begin to see experiences which are familiar, you will have more maturity and expertise in dealing with them.
Your acting will pick up. Keep on plugging.
Good luck — I’m going to keep reading the blog (except for the political stuff — or did I say that already hahahahahah)
Keep your chin up Wil, as you said, you have the talent, you have the perserverance, just keep at the auditions and something will come up
(Way up above…)
“I would bet though- for every person who has had something bad to say, there are 5-10 more like me, who enjoy most of what you write and just don’t feel witty enough to let you know how much.
-Susan”
Amen, sister. Amen.
Wil
I enjoy your writing. Like you, I have a wonderful family. In my career (education) I have been more successful than I could ever have dreamed. Even with all of these positives in my life, as I read your post, I recognised in your thoughts many of the issues I am struggling with. Now, I don’t know you at all but I do know we have one thing in common. We are about the same age. When we are teenagers, we get all worked up over what we are going to do with our lives. At our age, I feel like I am preoccupied with what have I done with my life. Did I make the right choices? What’s next? What’s next is very big right now. I have all of this confidence and energy and feel like I’m not being given the opportunity to best use it. Oh well, life goes on. I guess we’ll see what’s next.
Bob
so the key is to get the extra next to the ordinary and bind them into one magical thing that is you. it’s a fine trick. what made you feel extraordinary then, what would now? wagering that… that you then, and the you now, are way completely different… i just turned 33 and have been standing at a sorta crossroads or check point of sorts… thank you for being so open.
OK. So first, I’m astonished to read that you consider yourself a failure as an actor. If acting is anything like the music industry, with which I have some experience, what you have accomplished is extraordinary. So, this suggests a different question to be answered: How do you define success? What does succeeding look like?
As for feeling sorry for yourself, I think self-pity is underrated. It’s as useful as any other emotion and can be a vehicle for Change. Ignoring it or rationalizing it only makes it cling, waiting to be acknowledged. You are doing great with just allowing it to be.
Hang in there. Rumi said: The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you. Don’t go back to sleep. You must ask for what you really want. Don’t go back to sleep. People are going back and forth over the doorsill where the two worlds touch. The door is round and open. Don’t go back to sleep.
Much love,
-Dot
http://dottie-dear.livejournal.com/
longtime lurker registered to tell you: Stay strong, brother! You inspire me! I am grateful to you for sharing your life. In my eyes you are a modest, humble SUPERSTAR DAD. I think you’re rock awesome. I hope that when my road is rocky, I persevere too.
Being in a rut so to speak always sparks something in me. The feeling is not fun to go through especially when you’ve been through it before. When I get in a rut I put on my hiking boots and start the long hike back to my life. I wish you the best on your hike… Just remember to keep your head up and breathe the experience. You are more than an actor. You are you.
Acknowledging these feelings in such an open manner makes me respect you. I think these moments keep us on our toes and remind us that our path in life isn’t always obvious or easy. I had feelings like this and allowed them to persist for quite a while – too long. When I finally took them to heart and changed direction I wondered why I was so stubborn before. Embracing the feelings pushed me forward. I think as long as you are pursuing your passions, listening to yourself, and allowing yourself to be inspired, you’ll find your way. That’s my two cents.
TOSS OUT THE REARVIEW MIRROR OF YOUR LIFE…
When you lay down to die, you’ll think of the PEOPLE you loved, not the jobs, the cars or the house…
JUST LIVE the rest will take care of itself!!!
You are awesome Wil!
“Writing helps, a little bit, but it’s like methadone to acting’s heroin.”
how painfully succinct. but brave too. people, artists most especially, are constantly reevaluating their own worthiness. am i ok with myself if i’m not creating OR not creating the way i really want to, etc.
read Art & Fear…by these 2 dudes whose names i can’t remember. it’s helpful in a sane, non-touchy-feely-sort-of-way. but truthfully, it has saved me from utter pathos several times.
i hope the book helps. from an actress who enjoys the handjob-in-an-alley quick release of writing, but would much prefer the prom-night-i’ll make-it-special-baby feeling of acting on a stage.
Those stories aren’t saccharine. No bitter aftertaste. 😉
As for the noticeable cow issue, maybe you could literally paint yourself purple. Or at least dress that way from head to toe. Worked for the Phantom.
“Amen” to Dave (ThemePark).
And, oddly enough, “Amen” to “Astin.”
I’m not a guy; I don’t know how guys work. But I think his might have been the kick in the ass you need. We fem types are all about the nurturing, but sometimes the most nuturing thing one can do is to tell it like it is. And his question, “where has the fire gone?”, is pertinent.
So, for your own good, Wil, “where has the fire gone?” Find it again, and you’re on your way.
Wil~~
Bad and good things come in cycles, and wash away.
What you consider faulure some would see as success. Just to let you know, on 20 December I lost my job. Actually, I did not lose it–it went offshore. Grrrrr. Now, at Christmastime, it was a crusher, and on 7 January, our house burned down, destroying everything and taking a beloved pet. Life is hard. This sh*t’s TOUGH at times. You swim through it all, and you get to the surface and somehow you paddle like hell through the waves. I have no idea what to do, but that’s ok.
I’m not gonna drown. I have my wonderful husband, and a great surviving kitty. Jobs are like a$$holes–everyone has one.
Who needs a purple cow when you can have one every colour of the rainbow. What you do, and what you write means a lot to me. It makes me laugh when stuff around me isn’t funny, and I need it. Yea, I am selfish but your writing touches me, and I appreciate it more than words can say. You DO matter, as all the wonderful comments above can attest.
In Gratitude
S Craig
This is completely tangental, but anyway… the Purple Cow phenomenon is a pretty general physiological/cognitive auto compensation. It happens with medications (body builds up a tolerance to pain medication and requires a great dose to feel the same effect), with sound (spend a lot of time around loud sounds and you learn to tune it out), and so on. Constantly being shocked by purple cows will freak you out, so the mind and body compensate by assuming it will always be purple cows. Kinda like the idea where the world is a flat disk on the back of elephants on the back of a turtle, and it’s turtles all the way down. Do you care how many turtles it is all the way down, or just fast forward down to what’s at the very bottom? See? Unless it’s Chinese water torture… then it just drives you insane.
Tangent aside, life is meant to be ordinary. Things blur together. That’s part of the stability of life. That’s the foundation of raising a family – safety, security, a solid footing. Sure it can be a mental drag, and not worth everyone reading about, but as long as it’s purple cow to you often enough, does it matter if it’s purple cow to us? Anyway, everday monotony can be made purple through purple prose, but still be the enjoyable life you lead.
I don’t think I have a point, just lots of strange thoughts about this. If you feel a need to live a life more purple, then do it for yourself. Don’t feel the need to paint yourself purple just to be a spectacle for us. Lots of us come here just to enjoy the less than purple aspects of your life.
An actor myself, I relate to this post very much. Recently, I was cast as the lead in a play-about-town. As excited as I am about the project, I’m also terrified that I won’t have time. Time to spend with loved ones. Time to devote to the play and learning my lines, as I also work full time. Time, time, time. But, without the acting aspect in my life, I, too, feel totally defeated. Acting is the dangling carrot, if you will. It keeps us going, gives us hope for more, and makes a lot of the every day shit a bit more bearable.
I enjoyed this particular entry very much, and thank you for it.
*points to post on March 10* I meant James Spader. Yes, it was bugging me for this long. I had a migraine and the doctor gave me the good drugs thus the slip up.