Remember how radical it was when you got your first dirt bike in the 80s? Mine had a red frame, hand brakes, and yellow pads that told the world it was a Red Line BMX. I wish I could say that I was sad to retire the banana seat bike I’d loved since Christmas in 1978, but I was 9, and felt like I’d outgrown it and its various . . . accoutrements.
I don’t know if dirt bikes were as common in the 70s and 80s as they were when Ryan and Nolan were kids, but I was really excited when I finally got mine. I washed it, kept it in the garage, and left the kick stand on it, even though the big kids in my neighborhood had all taken their kick stands off, in order to reduce the weight and make them more suitable for racing. Of course, none of us was strong or powerful enough to know that the elimination of a few ounces of kickstand wouldn’t make any appreciable difference, but these decisions were made at an age where we were certain that new shoes made us run faster.
I rode that bike everywhere, and I feel a little sad right now because I can’t remember what happened to it.
When Nolan was 6, we got him a bike for his birthday. I think we picked it up at Toys R Us or Target, where it was one of many little kid-sized dirt bikes on display. I don’t recall seeing any banana seat numbers with streamers coming off the handlebars or giant flags reaching up to the sky from the back of the seat, but it stood out from the pack, stylishly-adorned with cool blue pads on its “chromette” frame, emblazoned with the word “Chaos,” surrounded by some lightning bolts.
When it was revealed to him, Nolan celebrated in that joyous way that’s only possible when you’re 6. Some of my fellow parents out there may have experienced a similar moment, when it’s hard to tell whether parent or child is happier.
He ran over to us, thanked us, gave us hugs, and said to Anne, “But what’s chows?” It rhymed with house.
“Chows?” She said.
“Chows.” He pointed to a pad on his bike. “My bike says ‘chows.'”
“Oh, that’s Chaos,” Anne said, with a grin.
“Oh. That’s weird.” He said. Then: “Chaos!” He hopped on his new bike and sped down the street as fast as his chunky little legs would carry him.
That was about 11 years ago. Ever since then, our family has said chows when we mean chaos, and we’ve said it a lot lately, as in “we are seriously living in a chows house,” while the construction we’ve wanted to do for longer than we’ve been saying chows is completed.
This weekend, Anne and I cleaned out our garage, so we can transfer some of the chows from the house – some furniture and several boxes of my books, mostly – out there. (Like most Angelenos, our garage isn’t a car hold, it’s a storage facility. When I meet people in my neighborhood who park their cars in their garage, I am instantly suspicious of them.)
We’ve done this about once a year since we moved here ten years ago this week, and every year I get rid of more and more stuff that just isn’t as important to me as it once was. It’s a freeing and affirming feeling to look at some old T-shirt or random thing that defined me when I was 22, and know that . . . well, I just don’t need it around anymore. I’ve moved on, embraced the present, grown and changed.
This time around, I culled lots of CDs and DVDs, and I took two big boxes of video tapes to Goodwill because we don’t even own a VCR anymore. While I piled them into the car, I told Anne, “We’re probably the last generation to do this. Our kids don’t have the physical media for music and movies the same way we did. That’s weird.”
She didn’t need to point out that normal people don’t accumulate books, movies, and music like I do; evidence of that teetered around us in various stacks.
While I sorted some old techno CDs (Serious Beats Volume 3, anyone? Sasha and John Digweed at Renaissance?) she zeroed in on a box that my mom had given me a few years ago.
“What’s in here?” She said.
“Oh, that’s . . . um . . . nothing.” I said.
Husbands: the very best way to convince your wives that they need to stop what they’re doing and immediately open the box and explore its contents is to answer, “Oh, that’s . . . um . . . nothing.” When they ask you what is inside.
A moment later, she was surrounded by a bunch of old I’m a Teenage Heartthrob posters and clippings from teen magazines, where my awkward teenage dorkiness is on full display for anyone who had a subscription to Big Bopper. Including this:
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I was really awkward in the 80s. 80s fashion is nothing to be proud of, but at least most of you who also survived it can keep that between you and your family. My awkward teenage . . . everything . . . was shared with everyone. Loudly. Incessantly. Most of you have plausible deniability with your kids, but I am forced to acknowledge that, yes, I wore as many Swatches as I could fit onto both of my wrists. And my ankle. And, yes, I owned and proudly wore several Bill Cosby sweaters. And yes, I frequently wore white leather shoes with no socks, because some salesgirl told me that looked “hot” with my baggy acid-washed Z Cavaricci jeans. And no, I can’t deny that I thought Gotcha and Genera Hypercolor T-shirts and Oakley Blades were totally awesome, especially when worn together with bright green neoprene Body Glove shorts.
I really wanted to throw that box of stuff away, for a lot of reasons that I can’t seem to articulate in a way that doesn’t make me feel like a complete douche, but Anne talked me out of it.
Maybe I’ll scan some of it and share it, as a public service intervention for the damn kids today who romanticize 80s fashion.
It was chows back then, guys. Pure and simple: it was chows.
Heh. Someone at Flickr said, “So, uh, how did you feel about Batman during the 80’s Wil?”
I LOL’d.
i think i had that exact same jacket. different buttons though. :>
Oh my god, you’re wearing a Swatch watch (one assumes) on your acid-washed jacket!!!!! Rad! LOL I don’t think awkward is really the right word, is it? You would have been very stylish at my middle school in 1990. I loved Hypercolor shirts. LOL Again, rad!
Bravo man. I’ve read you for at least a year, maybe two and that was an f’n awesome post. I’m not even a child of the eighties, but on the honesty scale, this post was a 10/10
Is that a Romulan Star Empire emblem pin, too?! oooooooooooooo…
First off, thank you for the Bauhaus reference. Secondly, another thanks for reminding me of my subscription to Bop magazine, where yes, as a tween I gazed lovingly into your eyes, tapes pics to my walls, and rejoiced in the fact you were a dork like I was/am.
Oh wow. That picture, I think if I look in one the boxes I have in my basement that picture just might be in it lol!! Gosh, I was totally okay with being the age I am until I read this post today Wil!! Then I started thinking about the swatches and friendship bracelets I wore up both my arms, the hypercolored shirt that only worked the first time you wore it (Maybe that was just me since my mother totally threw mine in the dryer) The acid washed jeans and jacket…The Cons with the several layers of brightly colored scrunched up socks….. And oh yes and let’s not forget the HUGE HUGE mall hair, I mean seriously Tammy Faye Baker’s hair had nothing on the hair that I rocked in Jr high!
@wil What I wouldn’t do to have that picture back tee hee. I think that has to be one of my favourite pictures of you from back in the day. Just because it wasn’t the same old brushed back Wesley Crusher hair that most had you sport for pictures. And you looked like a trouble maker instead of all prim and proper. Ahhh the memories. While others had the two Coreys all over their walls, I had you, and I was so proud of it despite being teased for being such a geek.
CRAP, something else I wanted to mention that is completely off topic, you did a recording in January where you read from Happiest Days and read one of the funniest reviews about ST:TNG. I know that its free for non-commercial purposes, however next Friday for my geeky pleasures show which will be Sci-Fi, I wanted to air it on the station. (this Friday is gaming). Who do I contact to get permission to air it?
I LOVED the 80’s!!! Yes, it was cheesy and everthing, but I loved that time. I love the time now with my husband and wouldn’t trade it for anything, but the close 2nd would be my time in the 80’s. In fact, don’t laugh but I still wear white slouchy socks and slouch them. When I got my AA, my mom said she could tell where I was because I was wearing black shoes and white slouchy socks.
That also brings me to something else, why the heck do people cringe when they hear a song from the 80s or 90’s that they liked back then. If you liked it back then, why the heck shouldn’t you like it now?! Don’t be embarrassed, declare your love of Milli Vanilli, Vanilla Ice, and New Kids and a bevy of other songs that are cool. Sorry I ranted, I’m done. I digress…..I LOVE the 80’s!!!
for googrl:
Oh my goodness! I do believe you missed…is that…a ROMULAN WARBIRD PIN?!? 😀
Hey! I was right! He labeled it on the Flickr page!
Oh foo! That pic is adorable and my best friend had that pic enshrined in her room wiht every pic every printed of Duran Duran members.
You were cute so just deal.
It’s funny though, 80s fashion was the thing I got RIGHT in high school. I thought I was unpopular, I wasn’t the best student, I didn’t star in the plays, but I dressed very very well. I still like a lot of 80s fashion (not to wear! to look back on fondly), certainly way better then 70s or 90s fashion, and I haven’t really loved newer styles all that much either. Layered neon socks, peg leg jeans, big shirts and loose vintage men’s coats, hats, wild makeup and hair! Jazz shoes, studded belts, it was all so much fun! I miss the joy and fun of that time. Whether it was due to being a teenager with few worries, or the times, I’m not sure.
Uh, yea, I think I had that poster on my closet door as a teen. I think, somewhere around here, I have a box with several posters and clippings of you from various mags.
Thanks for the trip back in time!
Now, personally, and you’ll have to forgive the bad picture quality (I took a picture of my beat up old poster because my google fu is bad tonight), this one was always my favorite pin up:
http://tinyurl.com/3evu5z
Gosh, I loved that “my hair is tussled to the side but not too much” look and I kind of wanted that whole ensemble when I was 13.
Not making fun of you, just enjoying the awesome fashions. Rock on, Wil.
Now that was an awesome post (ah, memories!) but the picture took the cake. Man, oh man, not everyone can do that 80’s look, but you could, Wil.
Oh I’m so glad that Anne convinced you not to throw it out.
Trust me Wil, of all of awkward 80’s teenagers out there, you are among the most non-awkward of them all! =)
Wait a couple more years, okay it may be a bit more, couple decades or so, and that box is gonna bring back some really great memories!
Besides, what do you care what people think of “you then” now? Did you enjoy those experiences? That’s enough.
Please do share more though when you’re comfortable!
*smiles*
I love the batman accessories!!
This photo takes me way back to my childhood/teenage crush on you 😉
Ok yes, was your teenage dorky on my wall – yes but you were adorable. It was the 80’s though Wil we were all dorky in some way shape or form. I had those damn Cavariccis and the IOU shorts and the Hypercolor shirts… We are kids of the 80’s we get a pass.
You are still adorkable though.
dude, i’m pretty sure you adorned my walls from those oh so wonderful chick teen mags..i wonder what i did with all of that stuff?
acid washed clothes. oh yes, it’s probably a good thing my dad was too cheap to believe i needed new clothes in the 80’s. although, thanks to a more fashionable step-monster, i did own a pair of sergio valente striped jeans. i’m still jealous of all the swatches, though.
This is why I read your blog, Wil. Hah…great stuff.
oh dear…i must share this post with the other half, who, at 37, just bought a Redline 24″ and rebuild it to match the style of the 80s. i’m trying to talk him OUT of buying the new SE Racing bike that came out this year, as well…
now where’d i put that Haro number plate?
1) Oh come on. That Batman hat rocks balls.
2) In my closet? Jean jacket with “Metallica” up one sleeve, and “Megadeth” down the other, and an Ozzy “No Rest for the Wicked” backpatch. HELL YES.
Thanks man I needed that, I laughed so hard I broke into a sweat. It makes me glad my parents never gave me anything but a hard way to go. I couldn’t afford a fashion atrocity in the 80’s. I thought I was a freak back then, because I dressed normal like.
In the late 70’s though I grew up wearing hand me downs. It was embarassing to be wearing the same close as my brother. I was so glad to be gettin this ugly orange shirt with a big black cat over the heart, like a garanimal gone wrong, because it was different from my brother. The highlight was when I was handed this McDonalds shirt that looked Hawaiin except it had Bigmacs and Fries, Apple Pies along with Ronald McDonald on it. If I was a teen wearing that it would have been embarassing but as an 8yr old it made me popular, it was an object to get us all talking, you know how timid and shy kids are at that age. I look back and laugh about this now it actually puts some humour on some very bad times.
In 89′ I did date big hair, though. It was like a Seinfeld episode remember Two Face, this was Two Dew. One time, it was dark and I could see not but her face in the moonlight, a sudden shutter, a muted shriek, It was then that I realized, I’m attracted to her big hair. I now suffer from an affliction in which I see all women as bald. Even you honey, your a cute little cue ball (my Anne is sitting right beside me)…Honey…Where ya goin?
YESSS ROMULAN STAR EMPIRE FTW
Z Cav. Martha and Frank’s Gerbil. Parachute pants. Oh ye gods of chows, take these memories away! *lol*
I’m so sorry.
First, I laughed, really hard. I have never been so thankful to be without a beverage at the moment I scrolled down and saw that poster.
And then something in the brain shifted, and I recalled that I in fact was not much better in my hero-worship of Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” days.
Thank god my mom was too busy working to take pictures, though! It takes serious balls to grow up in the public eye.
I’m in the opposite boat, Wil. I’m 36 and there are almost no pictures of me from the mid to late 80s. I really wish I had photos of some of my more “totally awesome” outfits.
Oh, Swatch Watches. I forgot about those. When I was 11 in 1987, I had my appendix out and my mom was going to get me a Swatch Watch from Canadian Tire to make me feel better. But they were perpetually sold out, so I never did end up with one. I liked those little rubber band things that went across the glass. However, at the same time when I was off for the appendix, I did win a portable Sanyo cassette player from the local newspaper because I was in their draw for Paper Carrier of the Month.
Dude, I totally had that poster on my wall.
You know you have to post the rest of the teenybopper pictures now, right?
Oh Flickr you labeled all the pins, so let me ask you this… did you actually get to pick what you wore?
Or was there some publicist person who put your outfit together?
Cause if this is all you – then you were a pretty great kid who knew and expressed what he loved! And that’s great!
*smiles*
Thank you for reminding me of happier, more innocent times.
I can relate to all the 80’s stuff. But what really strikes me most about this particular post is this: You are a Writer. Very well-written!
I think I had that picture on my wall.
I think we should all post pictures of ourselves from the 80’s to go towards the Stop Romanticizing The 80’s Fashions movement.
At least you presumably can say you never DRESSED UP as a Swatch and sang a medley of Swatch-themed songs, unlike 100 fellow members of the freshman class at my university …
In their defense, they did beat the other three classes in the competition.
And lest I be accused of throwing stones through my glass house, over the years I dressed up as a light-up bumblebee, the Skipper from “Gilligan’s Island,” and as a banana that peeled to reveal Carmen Miranda, all for that same competition.
In a notebook somewhere, I still have a pic of you from Tiger Beat or something. You might think that your time then was horrible, but hey man, we all lived through the 80’s…we won’t discuss my hair. And there’s more than one person on here saying they had a crush on you then (yep, me too. Weird to hear about people?) But that’s why we’re here now…we came for teh cute, and stayed for teh commentary 🙂
This is my personal favorite:
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=FX–7gFHkU0
There’s no shame in it Wil, we were all victims and even though you were more publicly one, at least you got paid lots of money to make up for it!!
Cheers x
My sister got all of those teen idol magazines and she and her friends swooned over them. I hated those magazines. I felt like all of the girls were interested in these movie guys who were completely inaccessible while I was right there being ignored. I thought if only there were some way I could advertise myself like that then maybe I could get a girlfriend.
Although, I don’t remember you in them so much. It seemed to be all River and the Corey’s.
It’s pictures/posts like this that remind me of why I read your blog.
At the same time you were wearing that stuff I was wearing lime green/white striped cotton drawstinged pants with the cuffs tight rolled, tan mesh deck flats with no socks, and a purple Quicksilver t-shirt, with a green OP t-shirt on top and the sleves rolled up to reveal the awesome splash of purple underneath.
Now I did wear the Swatch, but only one. I needed room for the friendship bracelettes.
To top it all off, I had what every wanna-be preppie wore. Black framed mirrored sunglasses, with hot pink arms.
Oh, I truly sympathize – I still have a pic of myself in a fashion show wearing an acid-washed denim bubble skirt, white button-down long-sleeve t-shirt and red suspenders. Also talked my mother into buying me the outfit. For school wear I added a pair of matching red slouch socks.
And kids today wonder why we just snicker nostalgically when we see them in their emo get-ups.
I’ve been thankful for most of my fashion conscious life that I just missed the 80s. I was born in 86 meaning I was just young enough to idolize all the teenagers in acid wash and 3 million layers of ruffles….but not quite old enough to emulate them. Haha, I win. 😉
Thanks for sharing your embarrassing photos!
Look on the bright side- at least you didn’t have to do the big hair/blue eye shadow/legwarmers thing.
You were and are gorgeous. It never ceases to amaze me that people can’t really see themselves.
Ah, memories. I’m just thankful that there were no camera phones or digital cameras in everybody’s pocket like today or there’d be way way way too many pictures of me in god awful 80’s ‘fashion.’ I was going through stuff and throwing out and found my hypercolor tee shirt recently. It was one of the few things that I couldn’t pitch. Not sure that I’ll ever wear it, but there it is, right next to the Motley Crew concert Tee. 😉 And dude, you so don’t have the market cornered on the Leaning Tower of CDs/DVDs/Books. We have books in EVERY room in the house except the bathroom.
Confession time: I owned that picture, along with others. Many others. I had a subscription to Teen Beat (which I still believe was far superior to Bop, et al.) that I’d convinced my grandmother to get for me for my sometime-in-the-early-teens birthday.
Between that picture and last Saturday’s NKOTB concert, I am officially in full-blown nostalgia mode.
Uh, Wil? We need to talk about your flair. Well, like Brian, for example, has 37 pieces of flair on today. And a terrific smile.
She made you keep the box, because like any good wife she knows that what makes you seriously hot includes your past. I love my husband’s old photos. Seriously hot – no matter how 80’s.
And incidentally – if you ever tossed that box, please tell your wife I could replace it for her. 😉
The 80s. Sigh. I could only afford one Swatch, but I loved it and wore it everywhere. My big fashion memories may be regional to the Southeast, particularly the coastal Southeast. Did anyone else wear Jams? They were basically long shorts made from wild graphic material. Added bonus – my Jams were HOMEMADE because my mother refused to pay full price for something so easy to make.
Our footwear was KSwiss tennis shoes, Sebagos or buckskins (totally Preppie shoes). God, I loved my Sebagos. And, we had to put the laces in so that they went straight across, not criss-crossed like they normally come.
But the worst (best?) part was the hair and makeup. I wore blue and purple eyeliner…on the inside of my lids (not at the same time – different outfit, different color eyeliner). Evidently my purple eyeliner was greasy and ran into my eyes because it actually made my vision a little blurry…but I still wore it – had to look fierce.
Lord, I didn’t know if I wanted to be a Preppie or a Mall Chick. I was really a Goody-Goody/Nerd.
At least you don’t have Flock of Seagulls hair.