through the fish-eyed lens of tear stained eyes

My dog Ferris, who was rescued from a bus stop in Monrovia by my wife Anne almost exactly 8 years ago, had a heart attack and died this morning. It happened very quickly, and I was with her, which is supposed to make me feel better, but at this moment all I can feel is nearly-unbearable sorrow, and the empty space in my life left behind by my awesome dog. 

Ferris Wheaton

Bye bye, Ferris. I love you and miss you. You were the best dog ever.

A small request: if you choose to comment, please don't post that Rainbow Bridge thing. I know you mean well, but it has always made me uncomfortable.

436 thoughts on “through the fish-eyed lens of tear stained eyes”

  1. Well, let me just be one more person to say how sorry I am. I always love your animal based posts (and tweets). I know how our pets are members of the family. You, Anne and the boys are in my thoughts.

  2. I know there aren’t any words that will make things better, but I am sorry for your loss. I know Ferris meant a lot to you.

  3. I am so sorry to read this. I remember how heartsick you were to lose Felix. Both Felix and Ferris had a wonderful life with you, Anne, and your kids. I hope that is a little consolation in the midst of your sorrow.

  6. Aww geez….so sorry, Wil 🙁
    The dogs I had during my childhood have both passed away, but they were the best damn companions I ever had….I’m about to tear up just thinking about how you must feel.
    Going to give my furball cats big hugs when I get home, and i’ll be keeping you in my thoughts.

  8. I am very sorry for the loss of your dog. I have been there and know how hard it is! Ferris was so lucky to spend her life with good people like you and your wife. You guys are in my thoughts and prayers.

  9. i just wanted to let you know that i work at the pet cemetery that Ferris was sent to and i can promise you that he is in good hands and were so sorry for your loss.

  10. Wil – I’ve been a long-time lurker since your RFB days, but this is my first comment.
    Went through the same thing when my puppy (of 12 years) passed away this past winter, not quite six weeks after we lost our 20 year old cat, my first pet. I lost my father in July, but the dog and cat hurt almost more, because I was constantly reminded of their absence. My father, I could “adjust” to the idea without being confronted with it all the time. It gets easier – not better, but easier.
    Just keep slugging away. It gets less difficult – but be sure to take the time to mourn, to cry, and to remember. You are in my prayers.

  11. I grieve with thee.
    I haven’t any pets of my own at the moment because of this very reason: I hate having to go on without them. Your stories of Ferris let me/us have a kind of virtual pet. Much the way you keep the 80s/ST:TNG alive for us, you seem to be the archiver of all manner of things that we didn’t know were important until faced with extinction. Ferris is the Wheaton family dog, to be sure. But in some way she kinda feels like she belonged to all of us… especially those of us without the guts to get another pet.
    But hey, on the only bright side I can see… now she can trash all the garbage cans she wants too without getting into trouble.
    I know, not much brighter.

  12. Oh, Wil, I am truly sorry for your loss. Believe me when I say I can completely understand and sympathize with what you are going through. My husband and I held our awesome-with-a-side-of-sauce cat Furio as he died a few years back, after only having him for a few years. The impact and love pets have on our lives is stronger than expected by most… your memories of Ferris will keep her alive with you and your family forever.
    Best wishes to you and yours,
    Andi

  14. Awww Wil – I am so sorry for your loss. Any words feel really inadequate, because I know there is not much that can help ease the pain. I share sympathetic tears, and comforting virtual hugs are coming your way.

  15. Wil, my thoughts and sympathy are with you and your family. Dogs have an amazing ability to wind themselves about our hearts. I’m glad you had her for as long as you did, to bring her special joy to your lives.

  16. I’m really sorry, man. It’s amazing how deeply we can become connected to and love the animals in our lives.
    Then again, dogs do seem to love us without reservation or condition. So I guess it’s not really all that amazing at all.
    God bless you guys.

  18. I’m sure someone’s already said this, but the one thought that might comfort you is that you gave Ferris eight years she might not have had. When my Mom died, us three male survivors (Dad, my brother and me) basically were treading water for six months after. If some of Dad’s friends hadn’t arranged a meeting with his childhood sweetheart, I don’t think he would have lived much longer. Know that our thoughts are with you all.

  19. I’m going to miss the little twitter conversations you would have with Ferris when you were trying to get work done. It added a human dimension to her; something most people would never consider.
    I do hope you adopt another dog. You could name it ‘Bueller’ and continue on her legacy.

  22. Wil, I am so sorry. I believe that pets are family and have gone through the loss you’re going through now. Three years ago my eldest cat Noel died without warning and in the following weeks I would find myself bursting into tears without warning. I’d had him for thirteen years, since he was a tiny kitten who was all ears and no tail. He was definitely “my boy.”
    Please accept my deepest sympathies, Wil.

  23. Hi Wil,
    I’m very sorry for your loss, to loose a beloved pet is very painful. I experienced the same last September, when I lost my cockatiel. I know, just a bird, BUT he was 30, yes 30 years old!!!, as he died from old age in my hands, so I lived with him since my youth (I verified his age with ring number). I was completely knocked out for some time and crying was the best and most natural thing. Finally I bought a new young one, it really helped, not as a replacement, but it helped to accept that life goes on, a new cycle begins.

  25. I’m also sorry to hear of your loss. Having recently lost a pet (of nearly 10 years), I know what you’re going through. It will get better over time.
    And I’m with you on that Rainbow Bridge thing.

  28. I’m so sorry man and you most certainly have my condolences. My wife and I recently watched Marley & Me and it almost killed us. Our two pups, Asta and Ruby, were our first kids as a married couple and we love them dearly. Take care.

  31. Though Others see your pet as just that, YOU see your pet as family. It’s sad when a family member passes, it is sad in our hearts, and our beings. A family member that will be in our thoughts and hearts for many years. I’m sad to see that you or anyone else loses a friend, buddy, member of the family, And just getting another pet will not erase the feeling or the memories of this family member that is passed.
    (lew7rch Twitter)

  33. I am so sorry! What a cutie! The time she was here she had the greatest life a pup could ask for!
    I bet it will be difficult to take the trash out and know she won’t be picking threw it anymore 🙁
    With almost 400 comments I doubt you will get to read this one…but I’m still thinking about you guys. I am going to give my little pup a big hug and kiss when I get home.
    (sniffle, sniffle, gulp)

  34. Wil: I just lost my Father this month and I was with him through the last days. It does make a difference after awhile, because you will, I think, realize your love helped Ferris to take the next step in his journey. I know that knowledge helps me.
    It hurts. Grieve, remember, laugh and be well. Our whole family, and our dog Bear, are sorry for your loss.

  35. Words are never sufficient. I am sorry to hear about Ferris passing. I will miss hearing about her and the joy she gave all of you. I know how horrible it was to lose my pets over the years (dogs included) and hope that the immediate pain passes quickly for you.

  37. condolences. pets truly fill a big part of our hearts. she was very lucky to find her way into such a loving home, and while she will always be missed, she will never be forgotten.

  38. I’m so sorry to hear about your loss, Wil. I grew up with dogs, and my wife and I have so far rescued 13 cats (8 of whom live with us now, the others found homes elsewhere). As an animal lover, I feel your pain and loss, and can only hope that knowing that your fans and family wish you the best through this difficult time can lend you some measure of support. Be well.
    -Rick

  39. Wil, to say that I’m sorry for your loss barely expresses the depths of my empathy with you at this moment. My (now ex) partner and I rescued our Akita Karma nine years ago from a miserable existence. She was out greatest joy and I know that she loved us as much as we loved her. She gave us countless moments of laughter, love and happiness. The day she left us was one of the most difficult days of our lives. It’s been almost two years now and the pain of our loss has mellowed, but we still love her and miss her. Today, as I read about your loss, I mourn Karma all over again. She will always be in our hearts as I’m sure Ferris will always be in yours and Anne’s.

  40. Deepest condolences Wil. Pets are such a big part of the family and it’s never easy when one dies, no matter the circumstances.

  41. I’m so sorry Wil. I wish I could offer some words to help ease your sorrow but I think only time can truly do that. You may still feel the sting of grief at unexpected moments but it won’t be the crushing weight that burdens you now.

  43. Sorry about your loss. I read this post yesterday – and an hour later we had a cat come on our deck to eat the something that fell from the BBQ. I may have made a mistake and let the kids know. She was looking pretty thin, so we put some cat food outside – and she’s still here this morning. I suggested naming her ‘Ferris’ – but the girls overrules me and named her Emma.

  46. The story goes that god created man in his own image.
    But I believe that when god was finished with the job, god looked at man, saw the flaws and then set to work on fixing those mistakes. Thus Dogs were created.
    For those that know, they are not ‘pets’.
    I’m sorry your family lost a member.

  47. Wil,
    I just want to let you know that being with Ferris in the end will help you feel better in the long run. When I lost my beloved pet 10 years ago, he was very ill and not responsive. So I took him to the vet and they convinced me to leave him and that it would take a long time to help him and that I should just go home. He died a couple of hours later and I never got to say goodbye. Being there for Ferris will keep you from feeling guilt ridden like I do for the last ten years that I wasn’t there for him.

  48. At the center of that huge ball of grief resides the joy Ferris brought into your life. Grief and joy are just one thing, and our minds make them different. I’m so sorry for your loss. The ones we rescue often end up rescuing us…

  49. Sorry to hear of your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family.
    And I just found Ferris’ picture on flickr from halloween, the one with the pumpkin “handle” in her mouth. I’ll remember her this apparent spunk and adorableness.
    Myself, I grew up with an Irish setter, Ginger. I “teethed on her tail (no kidding) and her love was endless. Over a few years time she developed some serious health issues. When I was 16 my mother and I had to take her to the vet. I still remember the look of thankfulness in her eyes when we said our good byes but it still depresses me 24 years later.

  50. My mom outlived dog after dog after dog as they grew old. She’d go through a period of mourning, claiming she was never going to get another dog again, then one day a new puppy would appear in the house, until eventually it was clear that the next dog would outlive her instead. I should have realized how bad it was when she didn’t get another dog after losing her last one.
    Mom died not quite four years ago.
    Please don’t anyone misunderstand, I’m not saying one’s mother is the same as a dog…but if you love someone and they love you back, when they’re gone, whether they’re canine or human, as Robert Anton Wilson said, Mourning Never Ends.
    I miss every single dog I grew up with thanks to my mom, and I miss my mom so hard that I still sometimes cry in the middle of the night.
    Mourn those you’ve lost, but also be grateful for those you still have.

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