you may ask yourself, “how do i work this?”

I stayed up way too late last night, waiting for Nolan to get home from the Horror thing at Universal. When I was younger, staying up until 3 was no big deal, but making it past midnight is a serious challenge, especially since my stupid brain insists on waking up between 7 and 8 no matter when I went to sleep. I never understood, until I had my own kids, why my parents couldn't – not wouldn't, but couldn't – go to sleep until we came home from wherever we were at night. 

I'm telling you this because I just made breakfast (it's been a lazy day here in Chez Wheaton) and it's so awesome I just had to share:

  • 1/3 a block of tofu. Silken is preferred, but any firmness will work.
  • Trader Joe's 21 Seasoning Salute
  • Tapatio or Cholula
  • 1/2 a small can of ortega chiles
  • 1/4 cup Trader Joe's Salsa Authentica
  • Trader Joe's Shredded Mexican Cheese Blend

Chop up the tofu into little cubes and shake some 21 Seasoning Salute over it. 

Toss it into a warm skillet and stir it up for about 2 minutes.

Splash as much Tapatioor Cholula as you want over it. Careful not to overdo it, or the only thing you'll taste when you eat it is fire.

Add the chiles, and stir them around. 

Add the salsa, and stir it again.

Walk away for one minute.

Add at least one handful of cheese, more if you really want it and are all, "man, I love cheese." Stir the cheese around so its evenly distributed. Say, "Damn, Wil Wheaton, this smells good! I can't wait to eat it!"

Turn the heat off, and serve immediately. You can put it into flour tortillas if you want (I bet it'd be delicious with some pan-roasted red potatoes as a breakfast burrito.)

Yeah, so I got that in my belly right now, which is nice.

…

A few nights ago, Anne and I went up to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to get a new Brita pitcher. While we were there, we noticed that they already have the fucking Christmas bullshit out.

"Are you fucking kidding me with that bullshit?" I said to her.

"It's ho ho horrible," she said.

We grabbed our pitcher and hoped it was more effective than the Dodger's pitchers were against the Phillies. Well, I did. I doubt Anne thought about the Dodgers at all.

We walked up to the register, where we both noticed one of those CD kiosks was playing fairly loud Christmas music.

Anne looked at the girl who was ringing us up and said, "Does that Christmas music drive you crazy?"

The girl looked up slowly and deadpanned, "I just tune it out … until someone calls attention to it."

"Oh god. I'm so sorry," Anne said.

I turned to face her, and started the slow clap.

"Don't you dare give me the slow clap!" She said.

"I am totally giving you the slow clap," I said, as I turned to the cashier and apologized for Anne. I gotta tell you, it was weird to be involved in an apology to an innocent bystander and not be the one apologized for.

…

Yesterday, I met my friend David for lunch, and somehow our conversation turned to coffee.

"I really like the Kona coffee," I said, "especially in a press."

"You can get it at the ABC store in Hawaii," David said.

"Yeah, but that's only like 10% actual Kona beans and 90% bullshit beans from Nigeria or someplace."

"Oh, yeah," David said, "you really have to look out for that conflict coffee."

I laughed so hard, I drew withering looks from people nearby who didn't want the Wheaton Guffaw with their salads, I guess. 

…

Yesterday's FML moment came from my friend Lynn, who said on Twitter: OH: "I never had a Nintendo but my grandma did." Then, because she hadn't made me feel old enough, felt compelled to point out that her first home game system was Sega Master System. (For the record, my first system – which actually belonged to my parents – was an Odyssey RCA Studio II.) Sigh. I'm 37; I'm not old.

…

If you're a fan of the Memories of the Futurecast, I think you'll be pleased to know that I've given the podcast its own category. From now until they turn the lights out on planet Earth, you can see all the Futurecasts in one place without any of that annoying "other blog shit" getting in the way. 

I figured out why episode seven only gave Frontalot's song in iTunes and other aggregators: it was the first MP3 link in the post. As we all know, aggregators aren't quite self-aware enough to figure out that they should get the podcast link instead, so they got confused. I've since changed the links in the post, so iTunes and iTunes-like subscribers should be able to get episode seven in the usual manner, now.

And now, I have a question: I wasn't – wait. I have a statement, followed by a question. Let's start over.

Ahem. Deep breath. Shake the hands. Start again.

And now, I have a statement, followed by some thoughts, which eventually lead to a question: I wasn't seriously planning to do an audio version of Memories because it would be very long (at least 13 hours) and I'm not sure I could sell enough of them to make it worth the time and effort involved. I sort of thought the Futurecast would be a nice substitute for a full audio version, but some people have been asking for a full audio version, similar to what I've done for my other books. I'm still not convinced there are enough potential customers to do it, but I had this thought yesterday during lunch: why didn't I just order my own goddamn sweet potato fries? I also had this thought: What if I did an audio version, but I recorded and released it episodically?

I haven't moved that idea from the "Crazy" file into the "Awesome" file yet, but I'm considering it. If you're one of the people who wants an audio version of Memories, I'd be very interested to hear any thoughts you have about that idea.

…

I may be inheriting a bunch of AD&D modules and a full set of First Edition AD&D (not first printing, first edition) core books. If it happens, I think I'm going to be compelled to get some of my friends together to play, using the rules we all grew up playing. I've been re-reading (for the third time this year) my D&D Basic Rules books, just in case. You know, so I can be ready.

…

I have an idea for a scary story. It involves a monster and a swamp. I hope I can scrape it out of my brain in time to release it for Halloween.

Boy do I love Halloween. We're finally getting to decorate today, which means it's time for Mad Monster Party and Nightmare Before Christmas, too.

…

Finally, this will get its own post, but I'm so thrilled to find this that I had to include it here: someone recorded all of w00tstock 1.1 from Los Angeles earlier this week, and uploaded it. It's an audience recording, so you can pretend you are actually sitting at Largo next to the guy who recorded it! If it's the guy I think it was, he had a magnificent pimp hat on. If it's not … well, now you know that there was a guy at w00tstock in LA with a magnificent pimp hat, and you have yet another reason to wish you were there, sukka.

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147 thoughts on “you may ask yourself, “how do i work this?””

  1. I totally had an Odyssey as my first video game at home! They were totally awesome, especially the Quest for the Rings game. Good stuff. Oh, and I’m stopping by for breakfast. Don’t worry. I’ll swing by Stone in Escondido before coming up from SD…maybe I can track down some Chipotle Smoked Porter that they had at the Stone Beerfest back in September.

  2. Im not sure if anyone brought this up yet, but if you were to do an episodic release of the Memories book and charge a small amount for each (The combined price for each equaling the full cost of an audio book, if that even works.) Allowing people to purchase the synopsis for their favorite season 1 episodes or all of them for the full price. Even though I own the book i’d probably pick up a few of the readings for some of my favorite bad episodes. Additional content would be great and an extra incentive to purchase it though. I do look forward to more of your audio work!
    P.S. I’m 26 but to show how doomed I was to be a wonderfully huge nerd my first video game system was the Pong home system, followed by a Coleco Vision and the Intellivision. The 2600 was a huge upgrade, but I still have all the old systems. They’re still fun to play though!

  3. B****r, I knew I’d forget a couple of things if I commented late at night 🙂
    1. I’ve started a public Wave for reviewing MotFI. If you’ve got access, feel free to add your comments 🙂
    2. Wil, you might be interested to know that Antiquities, in the Forum Shops at Caesar’s Palace, has a complete, boxed Death Star playset for the shiny sum of $450. If you haven’t already soothed that particular childhood trauma, it might be worth a look 🙂

  5. I think episodic releases would be a wonderful idea. It would help spread out the cost for those folks unwilling (or unable) to drop all that coin at once. Plus, being able to go to iTunes on my phone and download the new chapter while I’m out and about?
    Consider this idea filed as ‘Crazy+Awesome’!

  7. Gary wins … but then all you other guys are talking about Gaming systems with preprogrammed games.
    We had to type in the game (Life and a Pong type game) on a Hex keypad, until they developed a Cassette ROM so at least we could save the games.
    My neighbour’s Dad owned and still does own an Electronics store … this was about 1980.
    Anyone remember the Hitachi Peach, Sinclair ZX80/81 ?

  8. I’d really enjoy an episodic audio version of “Memories” although I already have a print copy. I have a bunch of TNG friends, and one way I would envision enjoying the audio version would be to play bits of it if we had everyone over to watch a few episodes, kind of like the “with commentary” setting on DVDs. The live performance would indeed distinguish it from the printed – and I think that, as you’d be likely to package each chapter individually, it might give you some greater exposure – for example, I have a friend I would buy a few chapters in particular for as a gift, who isn’t a huge TNG fan but has seen a few episodes – he might not originally be interested in the whole book, but I could see him loving a few chapters, and then deciding to read even though he hasn’t seen the show. Does that make sense?
    At any rate, my $.02 is that, as an end user, I’d love it, and I think many of my friends would, if you felt it was worth your time/money to do!

  9. The first system I used was the terminal in my dad’s office at USC in the late ’70s. A TENEX, maybe? Or a DEC? I played Adventure on it while he graded his physics students’ homework. That led to answering Infocom’s call for kids to be game testers, and thus began my path to Geekdom.

  10. Any chance you could water down that recipe for a pansy who can’t handle heat? I’m always on the look out for new recipes but I really don’t do spicy well 🙁

  11. First of all, ALWAYS order your own sweet potato fries. They are the bomb.
    Second of all, you are not old, because if you are old then that means that I am almost old, and I refuse to accept that possibility.
    Third of all – I know it SHOULD be “thirdly” but whatever – I would purchase episodic releases of an audio version of “Memories of the Future,” provided they were resonably inexpensive.
    Fourth of all, why does everything cool happen on the West Coast? Wait, that’s inaccurate… Why does everything cool happen either in NYC or on the West Coast? It’s not like I can leave work at 3 PM and make it out to LA or Seattle for something cool and get back here in time for work at 7 AM, and that’s assuming I didn’t need to ever sleep.

  13. I agree too. Plus, I also enjoy the fact that minor hiccups are not edited out.
    Like, “Oh, did I just get a text message/email? Let me just read that real quick before I move on…”

  14. Frankly, I’ve tried a lot of hot sauces and always keep coming back to the Lousianna and Crystal brands…just can’t beat them!
    And oh ya, Trader Joes is the Type-III phaser rifle of food markets 🙂

  16. I wanted to Twitter the exchange, but there weren’t enough characters available to make it clear that I wasn’t giving Anne that other kind of the clap.

  18. My thoughts:
    Halloween – Our local theater has the The Nightmare before Christmas in 3D playing, YEAH! It’s on my favorite husbands list for this week to see. Side Note: Tim Burton has a showing at MoMa, wish I lived on the East Coast. Before I became a Tim Burton fan, it was Rocky Horror Picture Show.
    Holy crap, am I a Loser/geezer because I never had a game console until my mid 40’s? PC games such as Myst got me hooked on games. I do remember playing Asteroids at the local A&W, does that count?

  19. Some of my friends had consoles, but my early gaming started on an Apple II plus. I remember building my own joy sticks and adding a mod that allowed me to stop and adjust the clock speed to beat the most impossible games. The computer could not fit into it’s original case, it looked like a mass of ribbon cable and LEDs strewn across the top of a table with a monitor sticking out of it. I wish I still had it.
    The audio version sounds like a good plan. See how it goes and invest your time according to how well it moves.

  20. We played Decathlon on an early PC clone. My dad used to yell at us to stop banging on the keyboard so hard when we were running. Good thing those old keyboards could take some abuse. I remember waiting ten minutes for the final medal stand graphics and music to load at the end of the game.

  21. My first (and last, I’ve only used PCs since) console was an Odyssey2. I think we were the only family that ever owned one. It sucked because they got sued by Atari and stopped making games for it. But KC Munchkin was way better than PacMan, you could edit your own mazes!

  22. I think we all envied our friends’ consoles. I had friends with Colecovisions, Atari 2600s, and we had our Odyssey2. Though it is hard for me to imagine they were jealous of our Odyssey2. I think mostly we were all jealous of the Atari.

  23. I sure hope those were happy tears, Jules. I’d really feel like crap if they were of the sad variety. I think that it’s very brave of you to be able to show vulnerability about having Lupus. A cousin of mine passed away from complications of Lupus about a year and a half ago. Instead of showing bravery about his autoimmune disease, he flaked out on everyone and drank himself to death. You obviously are here to serve a major purpose, not only by donating proceeds from your book sales to Lupus research, but also to bring awareness to others who have no idea what it’s like for you and everyone else out there that share this affliction. Godspeed, sister, you definitely still have that fighting spirit within you and are stronger than you probably realize.

  24. Yes they were happy tears and you did it again. Very emotional and difficult subject for me. Really sucky about your cousin 🙁 It’s not easy living with a death sentence over your head. It is sad the choice he made 🙁 My condolences.

  25. I do not think I have ever seen an Odyssey or known anyone to have it. Atari was one I was not jealous of. Coleco in my mind is/was so much better.

  26. Irrespective of whether you do a full audiobook version of Memories, I’m still readin’ the damned thing in your voice. Can’t help it. :] (Just think — there are likely thousands of people out there who are doing internal impersonations of you while reading your books. How bizarre is that?)

  27. Wil:
    I don’t know if you ever make it this far down in the comments, but you should consider something – if you do an audiobook of various chapters of “Memories…”, you should consider doing it as a live album. With an audience. One of my favorite recordings of you is that performance you gave at the thing. You know, the one with the, uh… stuff. Can’t remember.
    The point is, you feed well off of a good audience, and they feed well off of you. You need a live album, man.

  28. All I remember from the Coleco was the baseball game. That’s all my friend ever wanted to play. I didn’t really like it much. The Atari seemed to have a great selection of games, and of course it had Pac-Man. The Odyssey2 had a Pac-Man rip-off and a race car game, don’t remember anything else. I wonder if it’s still in my dad’s attic. Controllers were just joysticks, and didn’t fit your hand as well as Atari joysticks. God, how long could I ramble on about archaic gaming consoles?

  31. No, it was ColecoVision, I’d know those controllers anywhere. In the list there’s a game called Super Action Baseball, which is probably the one. Maybe my friend was just obsessed with that one, or no one bought him any new games? We definitely never played Donkey Kong on it.

  32. I would **totally** pay money to hear you do this through a guitar vox squawk box
    gods teeth – you can tell I was born in th’ Valley too… sigh

  33. Very interesting. I swear Ladybug and Donkey Kong came with my system. But that was over 20 years ago and my memory could so not be right when it comes to what games came with our system.
    The only truly concrete memories I have were playing Ladybug, Donkey Kong and Pac-Man for hours on end and having to pry the controllers out of my mother’s hands so we (my sister and I) could have a turn. It was the same war we endured with NES came out.

  34. Whew! I’m dreading the nite I stay up waiting for my daughter, who is now 7 years old to come home. *Verp* I just threw up a little in my mouth.
    My bro and I (he 40, me 37) had an Atari 2600 and the Sinclair 1000. Good times, sir, good times. Sigh…
    Concerning the audio of MotF: I’m still holding out for a MST3K version. It’s okay. I’ll wait. Maybe I’ll just read my copy of MotF outloud while I watch ST:TNG episodes. But that would suck ’cause I do a bad Wil Wheaton.

  35. OMG, quick, cool Monty Python quote, quick, quick, I can’t think.
    Is this a cheese shop ?
    no, too obvious
    Nobody expects a Spanish Inquisition ?
    too off topic
    this is trying too hard
    Oh the dog’s eaten it.
    Thanks Wil, I love your blog – your efforts in writing are certainly appreciated by a lot of people. I hope I can catch the BBT ep when it airs in Oz.
    BTW, my kids are now playing with my old Merlin !

  36. Dear Wil,
    PLEASE! tape more of your D&D nights. Listening to your adventures with the guys from PA and PVP was the only thing that got me through suffering from Swine flu!
    Yours truly,
    Swine Flu survivor.

  37. I feel your pain Wil on the Christmas shopping. The wife & i were out getting some Halloween decorations at a local garden centre and they’ve already laid out their Christmas section. Uusually you could rely on them to wait until at least the day after halloween to start “the holiday season” nonsense.
    Don’t get wrong, I love Christmas itself, I just want to celebrate it in december not two whole frickin’ months beforehand.

  38. So, … if I tell you that my first computer was a Commodore Vic 20, would anyone even know what I was talking about? Anyone ever hear of Adventureland?
    And yes, we had Pong as soon as it came out. It fell into disuse as soon as we figured out how to make it play itself. *shrugs*

  44. Your TJ’s must be full of awesome, because at mine, I do all the artwork and I never get to draw anything cool. I used to draw fun things for endcaps like dinosaurs spraying a hose full of nacho cheese on tortilla chips all while riding a dirtbike, and now I do things like…text on a board. With a border on the edges.

  47. Good god Wil you are popular-three pages just to post a comment anywho-I am listening to the audio book of Just a Geek and love it. I don’t want an audio version of Memories I demand it. I like the episodic idea…maybe it will give you a chance to try something I’ve been wanting to do for awhile-pay subscription based pod-casting. Keep up the great work!

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