One of the themes of my PAX keynote was Welcome Home, which everyone who had been to a PAX before could understand. For the first timers, though, I wanted to help them understand exactly why it is we say that, so I said:
All of the things that make us weird and strange in the real world? Those things that people tease us for loving, those things that we seem to care about more than everyone else at work or school? Those things make us who we are, and when we’re at PAX, we don’t have to hide them or explain them or justify them to anyone; instead, we celebrate and share them.
We have come here this weekend, and we will go to PAX Prime in Seattle in August, and we will be back here in a year, and back there next year, and the year after, and the year after that, because just playing games isn’t nearly as fun as playing them – together – surrounded by thousands of people who love them as much as you do. The next 72 hours are going to go by faster than you realize, so make sure you stop and look around a few times every day and appreciate this time. It will be over before you know it.
I'm glad I took my own advice, because the weekend flew by and was over before I knew it. I'm truly grateful that I carved out some time for myself, and spent nearly all of it playing in the classic arcade and classic console rooms. I even played 4-player Warlords on Atari for the first time ever (2-player being the best we could do in the 80s, since nobody I knew had 4 paddle controllers – well, two controllers, since … aw, forget it. If you know what I mean, I don't have to explain it to you and if you don't, it's not that important.) and made it farther in Dragon's Lair than I think I ever did when I was a kid.
I was completely exhausted by the end of the day on Sunday – but not sick! HA! HA! I WIN AT NOT GETTING SICK AT PAX! – and as I sat on my bed in the hotel, zoning out at something stupid on television while my HP and Manna bars slowly climbed out of the red, I began to feel a familiar sense of ennui. I feel this way every time a PAX is over: a sense of sadness and loss that I've never really been able to identify more eloquently than "post-PAX blues." A fellow PAX attendee e-mailed me this morning, though, and summed up the feeling in one word: Homesickness. I'm home, yet I feel homesick. I know that may sound weird, but it perfectly sums up how I feel today.
I spent a lot of this weekend feeling grateful, and that feeling continues today: I'm grateful for my friendly local game shop, I'm grateful for my game group, and I'm especially grateful that I only have to wait about 3700 hours for PAX Prime, instead of the usual 8760.
Uh, not that I'm counting down, or anything. (Except that I am.)
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I really want to go to PAX Prime this year, and so I’m trying to get a job so I can start making money to go. But this whole notion of PAX homesickness makes me realize something in myself that is somewhat strange and sadistic (or masochistic, whichever means self-torturous): as much as I dislike feeling depressed and sad, I WANT to have PAX homesickness. I want to have a feeling of “Why does it have to end?” I want to feel as though I’m begging my mom to let me stay out for five more minutes to enjoy the dusk and catch one more firefly.
I also find it strange that I’ve never been to a PAX, or really ANY geeky event for that matter. The closest I could come is either Ohio Star Ball or Arnold Fitness Expo (another ballroom competition thing), but they arent the same. I mean, yes I was there as a ballroom dancer and was surrounded by likeminded people, but it didn’t feel like I could realy be a geek there. At OSB, I had to be a prep or a snooty type, and at Arnold, I was surrounded by uber-jocks. I had to be like Molly Ringwald and Emilio Estevez when all I wanted to be was Anthony Michael Hall. Sure, in the movie they all ended up being friendly and realizing they weren’t different after all, but I just wanted to belong.
In short, I hope that I can earn enough money to fly across the country to meet everyone at PAX Prime in Seattle and finally start to catch fireflies until the streetlights turn on.
Is that what it is? I’ve been in a crummy mood ever since I got back. I’m happy to be back home with my family and back playing with my boys, but when everyone is asleep I start getting that tired-but-don’t-feel-like-sleeping-yet feeling coupled with massive boredom.
Pax was a blast, but as someone a good bit older than most of the crowd and there by myself, I have this feeling like I missed out on some stuff. Mostly because I was getting majorly burned out on standing in line.
Wil, on behalf of The American Classic Arcade Museum, I just wanted to say what a thrill it was to have you visit our exhibit. It was a pleasure to see your reaction to games like Dragon’s Lair, Sinistar & Crazy Otto. We are feeling some geek pride regarding your Tweet about being late to your signing because you were busy playing our games.
Mike Stulir
Board of Directors
The American Classic Arcade Museum
579 Endicott Street North
Laconia, NH 03246
http://www.classicarcademuseum.org/
Dear Wil, and everyone else who went to PAX;
You are all SOBs. Somehow, and I WILL find out how, you all managed to infect me without my ever being in the vicinity of PAX. I am sick, and I blame all of you.
The Iron Guard Salute may work at cons, but it has unforeseen side effects on those of us back in the world.
The Iron Guard Salute is a vector for VENTRILIPLAGUE!!
Use it sparingly, or there may be no world to return to. You have been warned. *Cough/sniffle*
Homesick? So … then … you DID get sick at PAX after all ;-p
Glad you said something, because I was going to comment that all nerds know that mana bars are blue, NOT red 😉
Exactly! I used to get those feelings after a fan con. I was always the last to leave because I just couldn’t bear to go home. I wanted the cons to last forever. (Anybody got any good ideas how to do that & not maintain a regular job? If so, I’m in.)
While I enjoy RPGs, I prefer those with emphasis on the role-play, character & storyline development. Maybe it’s the writer in me. 🙂
Thanks for that, will try the Youtube one here at work. Was hoping for a good quality mp3 to toss on my player and listen when roadbiking, maybe something will show up eventually.
I am not a gamer (I’m gamer-adjacent, being both a nerd and a person who hangs out with gamers–I just get too mad at the games when I don’t succeed immediately, or if it is too easy and I do succeed immediately) but I have always (well, since they started) wanted to attend the PAXes (PAXii?) because of that sense of fellowship and celebration of nerdiness
Didn’t they warn you about Norovirus on Twitter beforehand? Or is it not a stomach virus?
All joking aside, I hope you make a speedy recovery, and next time, bring extra Vitamin C.
I just watched your keynote at work on my PSP. Well done! I want to play games now.
I would’ve been a much better first-time PAXer if my late train and the full theatre hadn’t kept me out of that room. I figured things out on my own, eventually.
There was significant spoilage of Dragon Age: Origins, but you gave fair warning. Even so, I still have no idea how Garus the city-elf mage will eventually deal with that situation.
I’m looking forward to my next PAX, either Prime ’10 or East ’11.
:)X-< Smiley Iron Guard Salute Emoticon (beta). Do not bounce.
I worked classic console over the weekend, and having spent time in the other areas of PAX after shifts.. it was probably my favorite experience. It was great seeing the familiar faces, who came back every day to play games most of them haven’t played since they were children. The people who waited an hour or longer to play a specific game. Or, the adults who brought their children so they could experience the same games they did.
There was also a gentleman, who was beyond excited to see a Vectrex running. I put some photographs up of our humble little corner of PAX: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/photo.php?pid=31115260&id=1286723388&fbid=1393396156722
Keep the memories flowing.
That's SO AWESOME. Thank you for sharing, and for wearing the black.
See you at Prime!
The only things I regret about PAX are missing the Key note because the hall filled up (I was just two people away from the door when it started) and not coming to your table on Saturday. I never made it back on Sunday. I stayed home trying out Dominion with a friend. Love the game BTW.
I’ve rewritten this comment about three times now because it keeps coming out as unnecessarily depressing, but the short version is that a lot of stuff went wrong for me and my girlfriend during PAX, and even though we brought back some absolutely fantastic memories, pictures, and swag, there were a few major rough spots that made me feel more like going home than being home.
Forgive me if this sounds a little cheesy, but one of the things that made up for all the negative stuff was being able to meet two of the guys who’ve really helped shape who I am–Bill Amend, and you.
Even though I haven’t had a lot of exposure to you, Wil Wheaton, Wesley Crusher was an integral part of the television show that inspired me to dream big, look hopefully toward the future, feel like it’s acceptable to be strange or different, and realize that the problems and prejudices we face can definitely be resolved (occasionally with cool-looking special effects).
It was doubly awesome to meet you, Wil Wheaton the all-around great guy who continues to be friendly and insightful and down-to-earth after who-knows-how-many hours of signing autographs and being praised by fans, and to meet someone who has contributed to a show that has been both entertaining and deeply meaningful to me for almost as long as I can remember. That, and the fact that you agreed to take a picture holding up the sign for my beloved, rinky-dink geek blog that said, “HOORAY FOR EXFANDING YOUR HORIZONS!”
So, thanks, Wil.
You’re welcome, it was a privilege. Next year, PAX at my place..
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?ref=profile&id=1286723388#!/photo.php?pid=31118601&id=1286723388&fbid=1395006596982
It’s going to be converted into the PAX East Slip ‘n Slide for my daughter once the weather warms up.
Thanks for the great keynote-lots of laughs and memories. I wrote a little bit about it here, if you are interested: PAXEastern
Also, we totally did a bad thing and left you a sharpie note on the signing table about this gentleman we met who was trying to impress a girl back home with a WW autograph…I hope he got to meet you and romance ensued.
Thank you for putting this so eloquently. I returned from what has become an annual trip to NY for a festival of Irish (non-trad) music and films in mid-March and I have yet to get over my feeling of homesickness for those people and that environment.
How wonderful that you get to do it again so soon!