I had a very short day today, and was wrapped just after lunch, so I had the afternoon to myself to take care of some very important business.
Before I get to that, though, a little bit about working on Eureka…
The good news is that I was given permission to twitter and photograph from the set of Eureka. The bad news is that this episode is so awesome, everything I'm shooting or watching is a special delivery from Spoilertown … so I end up taking boring pictures of the outside of the old Battlestar Galactica stage. This may seem silly, but knowing that I'm >this< close to where that show was made gives me a little bit of the nerdsquee every morning. I mean, it happened right there!
I thought some of you would like to know that Neil Grayston is awesome. I've worked with him in all of my scenes, and I really like him. It turns out that we have a lot in common: we both played D&D when we were kids (I started with Basic, he started with 2nd edition AD&D), we both love acting, we both like science fiction, and we both love being on the show.
Okay, now back to (my) business. When I came up here last week, I felt like my suitcase was lighter than it should have been. I decided that it felt that way because I didn't bring a heavy coat, and I was used to carrying suitcases to cons, which are usually pushing the weight limit with books and pictures inside.
Well, when I got here and unpacked, I discovered that my suitcase was light because I'd left a load of laundry in the dryer and hadn't packed it. Oops. Luckily for me, I had enough of everything I needed except jeans and socks, so on Saturday, I ran over to a nearby department store and bought 4 pair of socks plus two pair of jeans.
This morning, when I was getting ready to get dressed for work, I saw that the cashier dude hadn't taken that giant plastic alarm-ringer-thingy off one pair of the jeans I'd bought. Luckily, I saved my receipt so I could get my GST back when I go home, so I knew I could just go there today after work and get it taken care of.
I felt very self-conscious walking around with a pair of jeans folded up underneath one arm for reasons I can't explain, and I guess I had good cause to feel weird about it because I was really aware of people looking at me when I walked past them. On my way to the store, it started to rain, so I decided to walk through a different department store that was a block closer than my destination. Of course, the alarm went off on the way into the store, drawing even more unwanted attention my way. I waited to see if someone in the store would come over and see what was going on, but nobody did, so I walked through the store and out the other side.
The alarm went off when I went out. I thought, "Seriously? This couldn't have happened once on Saturday, and it's happened twice today?"
An older man in a long coat and a jacket – looking very much like one of the bankers the headcrusher guy from Kids in the Hall hates so much – gave me a withering look, like he was convinced I'd stolen the jeans that were rolled up underneath my left arm. I can see why it would have appeared suspicious to, well, anyone. Again, I waited for someone to come over, and again nobody did. "Maybe Canadians are just more trusting than Americans," I thought, as I walked across the street and into my destination.
As I stood at the light and waited to cross, I noticed that a pair of girls were looking at me and whispering to each other. "Okay, Wil, you're totally being paranoid now. Maybe it's time to go back to the hotel and lie down for a little bit. Also, the light just changed so get a move on."
I walked into the store, and the alarm went off. "Of course," I thought.
I headed to the first cash register I could find, and waited. When an employee arrived, I blurted out, "I'm not a criminal!" She looked at me like that's exactly what I was, so I continued in what I hoped was a calmer voice, "I bought these on Saturday, and the guy forgot to take the tag off." She looked at me warily. "I have the receipt," I said. I pulled it out of my pocket and set it on the counter.
I remembered a day, about a year ago, when I was at a Staples near my house buying printer paper (yeah, they've got that) and a couple of full-on tweakers came in, trying to "return" a handful of pens and stuff they carried in a well-worn plastic bag. The manager made them immediately, and while the female half of the couple tried to convince him that they'd bought them the day before and just didn't need them, a car alarm went off in the parking lot. The guy half of the couple was seriously high – picking at his neck, tapping his foot, the whole thing – and he started looking around furiously while he said with increasing volume, "Alarm! Alarm! Alarm! Alarm! ALARMALARMALARMALARM!"
I got out of there before things got ugly. Well, uglier, anyway.
The cashier looked at me again while she picked up the receipt, and I was convinced she was seeing that tweaker couple in my face. "I have the card I paid with if you want to verify that I'm telling you the truth," I said. I don't know why I felt so guilty, but I wouldn't have been surprised at all if I got the tap on the shoulder and the "Sir, will you come with me, please?"
After what seemed like a very long time, she apparently decided that I wasn't making up a story, took the plastic alarm thingy off, and gave me back my jeans.
"Do you think I could have a small bag, please?"
She just looked at me with a mixture of incredulity, confusion, annoyance, and other.
"I feel a little weird carrying a pair of jeans around town," I explained. With obvious reluctance, she gave me the bag. Needless to say, I got out of the store pretty quickly.
Once I was out of the store and on a fairly busy shopping street, I relaxed … for about a block, when I noticed that people were still looking at me. I remembered feeling like a circus freak when I was a teenager, because people stared at me all the time after seeing me on their TVs…
…and that's when it hit me. "Oh. People are looking at me because I was on TV last night and they're trying to figure out where they've seen me before."
Mostly out of relief, I laughed out loud and relaxed for real this time. I walked back to my hotel feeling fitter, happier, more productive.
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Oh god, I HATE when that happens!
I was in San Antonio in December, and I walked around with a toy bear under my arm for most of the return trip. It was a Christmas present from a friend (we have an inside joke about bears), and there wasn’t any room in my carry-on bag. Not only did I feel like people were staring because they thought I stole the bear, I also got the whole “Oh my god, you’re an adult and you’re CARRYING AROUND A TOY BEAR?!?” stare.
Awkward!stares are awkward. 🙁
I love it when you tell stories delightfully awkward moments, but I love this one the best. You have all the weird anxieties we all have, except YOU WERE ON TV LAST NIGHT.
OMG, and stuff. LOL.
BUT, I think they were all glaring because Evil!WilWheaton BROKE UP LEONARD AND PENNY!
Being Canadian and having worked retail here in the past, I can tell you why nobody rushed you when the alarms went off. You waited and looked around. If you were trying to get away with the jeans, you’d have taken off. Retailers here are taught to look for that in particular. Basically you might’ve felt guilty, but you weren’t acting it.
Hahahaha Yeah, Canadians are apparently a lot calmer and nicer than our American counterparts in the fact that we will stare rather than scream at you — OMG you are so-and-so!!
However, we have cornered the market on creepiness factor simply BECAUSE we stare so well LOL
I’m not surprised that Neil is a geek, too, he looks the part. 😉 Have you been able to find out whether the actors of the other brainy/scientist characters are brainy/geeky in real life?
*laughs* That’s so sweet.
Did it really take you that long to realise you’re famous? I know you say “I’m just that guy, you know.” and that’s one of the reasons we’re your fans but guesting as one of the regular characters’ nemesis on a prime time TV show is something that puts you in the public eye.
I haven't tested their geek-fu, but I *can* tell you that Colin Ferguson is just about the nicest person I've ever met in my life. I would just love to work with him every day; it must be a joy for his cast.
As someone who works in a less-than-savory part of town in a retail grocery store, I’ll try and explain why she may have been more skeptical than you might expect.
Its not uncommon for scammers to get a recently discarded receipt and then come back with it, take what is listed on the bill, and then walk out, claiming they already paid when and if they are confronted. Most times, even if the receipt is old, security won’t notice the time-stamp as they just check the items. The bigger ticket the item, the better. Then, if they have no need of the items (and since many are looking for money for a fix of something, that’s most times), they’ll then return the items for a refund and collect their free money.
So, while you wouldn’t fit the profile of most that would pull the stunt, I’ve seen many people that would surprise you as scam artists. Grifters come in all forms, not just the downtrodden. With lots of people trying to get free stuff, especially in this time, most cashiers will automatically get their radar going whenever something they might find odd crosses their counter.
PS. Loved BBT last night. Looking forward to the next time you’re on.
Excellent. He comes across like a top bloke, as we say over here. 🙂
He “wouldn’t fit the profile of most that would pull the stunt?” Did you see his episode of Leverage? 😉
This reminds me so much of the Brian Posehn story about dragging the mattress behind his car while nerd raging at some construction workers the whole time because he thought they were laughing at him for being a nerd. I can’t wait to see you on Eureka. BBT was awesome last night. All it was missing was Evil Wil Wheaton calling Sheldon “moon pie.”
I have to admit. When I got to “Sir, will you come with me.” I was expecting you to be led to a small room where she took off the security tag and then asked “Would you like to change into these so I can remove the one on the pair you are wearing?”
I asked Steve Molaro why I didn't call Sheldon Moonpie, and he told me that it was in an early draft, but they had to change it because it required series knowledge that was fairly specialized to really get the joke.
Oh no, that would be, "Hey, who ordered the pizza?"
“I walked back to my hotel feeling fitter, happier, more productive.” …Aaaannnnd, apparently, with a free pair of jeans! …JK, great story!
Yes!! I’m so glad to hear that about Colin. It always dims the happy when I find out an actor I admire is a diva, or aloof, or flaky, etc. IRL. Thanks for confirming Colin’s character first hand for me. I trust your judgment so I know it’s a true assessment.
Damn Canadian department stores … I’m going to guess Sears?
So I’ve decided that you are just an amazingly descriptive writer. Not that it wasn’t evident before, but this little anecdote just emphasized it; the whole time I read it, I just felt uncomfortable with a strange twinge of guilt. So good job. And I’m glad you realized that the reason for their stares was Evil Wil Wheaton, living rent-free in all of their heads.
Gurrrr….don’t get me started on Sears…..I reported them to the Better Business Bureau just last week for horrible customer service. I won’t bore you with the long, lame story. Sorry, this has nothing to do with Wil’s story…just needed to express my hatred toward Sears, I guess.
Yeah, all stores need more people like that “kind” lady….geez. Did she even say a word to you? I know how you feel. About 2 years ago, I purchased an album at a well known store. As I was walking out, that stupid bell went off so loud, I thought the police from the next town over would hear. I instantly raised my receipt in the air shouting “it’s paid for” before I could think. Talk about turning 5 shades of red.
I am so happy that you are getting to do more tv work. I wish Big Bang would just go ahead and add you to their regular cast. You have already made the views for the show go way up, so there! Have a safe trip, Wil. The best to you. Bet you never forget your jeans again, huh??? 😉
Sears once reopened a credit card I'd closed so they could charge me for a warranty I didn't want, then reported me to a credit bureau when I refused to pay the illegal charge. I will not give Sears another dollar for the rest of my life.
Too cool on the BSG picture! Glad you have a great time with Eureka, cannot wait to see it. BBT was great last night! 🙂
I dig it. But they have good ties… sometimes
I don’t know about jeans though. Maybe Wil visited The Bay? A TRUE Canadian classic.
It seems really strange Wil, that you even got out of the store the first time. Some kind of special geek thing?
My ordeal involved the automotive department. Let’s just say I’d rather take my car to a blind, one-armed crack head than Sears. If they were the only mechanics left on the planet, I’d quit driving and walk.
Yeah, it was The Bay. I'm trying to really go full Canadian if I can; I bought a cap at Roots today, eh?
Funny story Wil! At least it didn’t end with… people were staring at you because you realized you didn’t have your pants on! (The very pants you were returning – name that quote)
Anyway, it’s obvious that this was a blatent attempt for publicity of the “Former Teen Actor Wil Wheaton Arrested For Shoplifting” variety. Sorry it didn’t work out. 🙂
Awwwwww… Roots, yet another great, white, northern classic. No doubt a-boot it.
Speaking of going Canadian. Why don't you go buy a Henrik Sedin jersey so when he slams pucks in the back of LA's net you'll know you're rooting for the right team?
I’ve set alarms off a few times when security tags weren’t deactivated correctly and am always surprised that store employees don’t come running to take me down. It’s like they don’t even notice. So what, exactly, are the alarms for, then?!
The “Yeah they got that” was my favorite part of the post.
BTW – I decided that you are working way too much to claim the former actor mantle/moniker. You’re going to have to claim the “working on hip shows” title or something.
Now if we could only steer some of your discussions back to poker 😉
I can’t stand those damn plastic things. They always stick them on the most inconvenient spots on the clothes, so when you try to gauge how you look in the mirror it completely messes it up. (If that makes sense.)
By the by, saw BBT. All I can say is, you are an evil, evil man. Damn you.
I’m pretty sure she was take a bit back by the juxtapostion of your American accent with your polite demeanor.
(I’m aware that I referred to the US as ‘America’ despite the fact that Canada is also part of North America. But since I was being self-deprecating about US manners, I thought I’d go for the double joke of also being US-centric. Although, I’m sure the Canadians in the audience didn’t need that explaination. I often make fun of my Canadian friends for having a superior sense of humor. Then don’t seem to mind. Either that or they are too polite to say anything).
OMG!! I soo did not care for the jeans story b/c I was hung up on the fact that you were the ORIGINAL BSG was filmed! God, that brings back memories! *shiver* Thank you, Wil…
Ok, I would like to say that yes, I hate when that happens to me — feeling guilty when you’re not is absolutely normal and I’m not sure why this is so. I think everyone does it, weird, right?
But I’m really commenting on the fact that I instantly recognized the title of this post but I couldn’t immediately place it. My brain said “We know this…” and then it followed that with “… don’t we? Where is this from?”. I resigned myself to look it up after reading your post but then Uncle Willy came through for me right at the end with the closing line. You rock sir. Thank you! Music geek time: I’d be interested in knowing if you feel there are other albums that exist on that level of awesome for you? Top five maybe?
Wil, as usual, your story made me smile. Thanks! =D
In particular since so many TV shows and movies are filmed in Vancouver seeing famous people in our streets is a reasonably common occurence. We know how to just let them go about their business.
Unfortunately the Bay is now owned by an American company and is no longer truly Canadian. Same with the other Canadian legacy Tim Hortons.
With Roots, still Canadian.
Your story reminds me, in kind of a backwards way, of an experience I had while living in St. Paul, MN, about ten years ago. I was at Target. I bought a CD. (Remember those?) The cashier tried to deactivate the alarm thing, but couldn’t. She said her deactivator hadn’t been working right all day, and told me that if the alarm sounded at the door I should just ignore it.
I walked through the scanners at the exit and, as predicted, it started whooping. As instructed, I ignored it and walked on. But when I was a way outside, I turned back–like Lot’s wife looking back at Sodom, I suppose. Two young men were being detained by Target security. They had walked through the scanners at nearly the same instant that I had.
It is, sadly, almost certainly relevant here that they were black and I am white. I was also middle-aged and wearing a dress shirt and tie, neither of which was true of them. Clearly the security people made a snap judgment about who was most likely to be the guilty party, and it was not I.
I called a local television station’s investigative team and tried to persuade them to set up a recreation of the event in order to publicly shame Target for racist actions, but they weren’t interested.
There is a popular tactic among thieves where they would buy one item then steal a second copy of the same item. They then return one with the receipt and either try to return the second one without or sell it on the street for what they can get. Although the pros generally do it with larger ticket items, when I was doing retail investigations it was not unusual to see it happen with jeans. Primarily Levis, since the use market was so strong at the time.
…Just saying…
For future reference, would you prefer the creepy staring or the crazy rabid fan running up to you nerdsqueeing? I’d give a third less creepy option, but I’m afraid I operate only in binary.
Wil,
That was another great story. I, for some reason, distracted a cab driver in front of the Beverly Center to the point that he slammed into the car in front of him. His cab’s alarm made a huge sound and I tipped onto the escalator wondering why this LA cab driver was staring at me so hard before he crashed. I remember thinking to myself that he is not looking at the road in front of him. When you are doing nothing wrong and an alarm goes off it seems that there is never a cop around to say this man is innocent.
FG
Old Navy here tends to leave their mark on a tag on the inside of the pants. My wife and I set off upteen amounts of store alarms and each time were like “I unno what’s setting them off” until someone was all “Old Navy jeans you fool!”
It must be a lazy-Canadian-cashier thing, I’ve had that happen several times in the past. And ditto on the sentiment that if you actually stop for the alarm, nobody is going to bother you.
What I really came out to say though, is that even though I know your experience here has nothing to do with me personally, I hope you’re enjoying your stay in my city; I’m darn proud of it and you just happen to be here at a gorgeous time to visit. If you’re interested in a little more Canadiana during downtime, there’s one Olympic venue still open: http://www.canadasnorth.com/northernhouse.
Enjoy your stay!
Hopefully you weren’t counting on the GST rebate. The govt has cancelled that program so they can keep everyones tax dollars. But keep shopping…my friends are perfecting the watch and whisper technique!
Number of years back a buddy of mine took a car to sears to have a new tire put on (I think, it’s been a good while), and as it turned out they kinda forgot to do a silly little thing like put the lugnuts back on… wheel fell off in the parking lot. Yeah, they don’t get my money either.
I never miss a Seinfeld quote. That’s from the Kramer anecdote about sitting in mud, a story which he sold to J. Peterman.
It doesn’t happen nearly as often anymore, but for years I could set off security alarms in the larger stores just by walking through them. Not having any merchandise or anything like that, just me walking through the gate-thingies. Oh yeah, that could be fun at a crowded best buy during busy shopping seasons. It was actually something of a running joke, what the odds would be for each time exiting a store.
You got it – “It’s a Peterman”
Great post Wil, thanks for sharing. I absolutely love how you write, you draw the reader in at every turn.
I used to work at a Tower Records, that happened a lot, it tended to be cell phones setting off the gates.
It’s so endearing that it didn’t even occur to you why people were staring! I know how that goes though, it depends entirely on your frame of mind. I know that, for me, the line between “I must be looking good today!” and “I must be looking like a wreck” is hair-thin. I guess the deciding factor for you was the misplaced guilt over the jeans!
Foolish Wil Wheaton, the security tag was never off…