"Come float with me in the pool," Anne said.
"I have to write something, first. It should only take a few minutes."
"Okay." She kicked her feet and drifted away.
It was early in the morning, and already over one hundred degrees. A light breeze did nothing to alleviate the heat, but I didn't mind. You don't go to the desert in July on purpose if you want to stay cool.
I opened my notebook and turned to a blank page. A pang of disappointment flashed through me when I only had to turn a few pages before I found one.
"I haven't written nearly enough this year, and it's more than half over," I thought. There are numerous reasons, some of them excuses, some of them explanations, none of them satisfying.
"Well, I'm writing now. That's what matters."
I clicked my pen open, and pressed it against the top of the page. I had to coax the first few words out, like starting an engine that's been left unused for some time, but eventually, they began to flow more freely. Because I was writing longhand for the first time in years, I took time to consider my words and phrases before committing them to paper, and had a lot of fun while I did it.
Like it so often does, the ending point surprised me and did not arrive when or how I expected. As I saw it approach, though, it was exciting, like picking up a present, and realizing after tearing away a few inches of paper that it something you really wanted was wrapped up inside.
I had only filled up one sheet of my notebook with mostly-legible writing. Words were crossed out in some places, arrows drawn around others reminded me to move things around when I transcribed it for e-mail. I saw that the left margin was smeared in places where the heel of my hand had dragged over the paper. I felt like I'd written much more than I actually
had, and felt a little embarrassed to have been so excited while I did it.
"Sure, it's not very much, but you still made something where there was nothing before, and you had fun while you did it," I told myself, "so go ahead and enjoy it, but just keep it all in perspective. Use this as inspiration to keep writing – and finishing – all those other ideas you keep having."
My notebook has more empty pages than not, and just twenty minutes earlier, that made me feel sad. Looking at them now, though, those empty pages didn't represent the failure, or the fear, or the safety of just not trying … they represented the opportunity – the freedom – to make something where nothing was before.
And for those of you who take the time to read comments, the thing I wrote can be found right here: http://www.jinx.com/blog_entry.aspx?id=1028
Perfect.
Wow Wil. I write as a tech writer and recreationally dabble in fiction and poetry. You captured the angst very well. Regardless of what you write, the processes and emotions ar very much the same. Thanks again for sharing.
Thanks for the little bonus in the comments
Today I am sitting in my studio, staring at my camera with its empty memory card, waiting for me to fill it. Like you, I planned to make more art this year, yet have no excuse for why I haven’t. Yet, I have to remind myself, that I am a “slow artist”. It takes me time to create those images, and the frustration over that glacial pace is part of the process. The only cure is when I do, finally, make something, and realize it was worth all of that angst.
Oh I love those one line addition storys, they can go so well.
Not knowing the direction the next poster will take and seeing people use such imagination to drag the story back when someone attempts to railroad a character.
Very cool.
From an interview with Teller (of Penn & Teller):
“There is that great line in Sunday in the Park with George,” he says, referring to Stephen Sondheim’s 1984 musical about Georges Seurat, “ ’Look, I made a hat where there never was a hat’.” He falls silent again and, as unexpectedly as those coins turn to fish, big fat tears start rolling down his cheeks. “I can’t say that line without choking up, because it states, in profoundly poetic terms, what I have always wanted to do with my life. It’s so simple and so funny, but boy it hits me deep.”
People often ask why I write longhand…and I think you captured all the reasons perfectly: the pause of consideration before committing words to paper; the ability to relive the thought process through words added in above each line, comments in the margin, and re-positional arrows; and the satisfaction that comes with seeing a full sheet of paper where before there was just emptiness.
That's wonderful. Thank you.
I only feel comfortable with my sketchbooks/notebooks (I write and draw in both) when I have filled them halfway. Until then, I get very nervous about not having enough good stuff in there, having so many random notes and doodles, not enough real drawings, not enough real writing…
I’d rather go to work naked than show my books to people I don’t know very well.
Yep. It's right here on this gigantic list of things I'm trying like crazy to find the time to do.
Damit sorry Wil typepad bugged out on me, reposting so people dont wonder who you are talking to.
Repost.
“Any plans for the next Radio Free Burrito Wil ?”
I’m in the same position as you. I realized a long time ago that I go through “fallow” periods where my mind is composting ideas in the muck of my subconscious. I usually won’t write anything at all for weeks or months at a time during these periods.
This cycle always alternates with bouts of intense productivity, where I can knock out thousands of words in a single week. But during those times when I’m not writing, I spend half my time walking around chiding myself for it. It’s a vicious cycle.
Ever tried to follow one of those “writing schedule” things Wil? 🙂
Here I was sitting waiting for some inspiration to write, afraid to stare at an empty notebook. Thank you for the reminder to see what it could be, not what it is. 🙂
Thanks Wil – I actually really needed to read this, apparently. I’ve been having a hard time getting inspired to write, myself, and it’s so good to be reminded of one of the greatest inspirations of all – the simple opportunity to give life from the void (and smudge lead all over your hands while you do it).
Sometime all you need is a little nudge and that’s true for pretty much everything.
Yesterday, I wasn’t in the mood for cooking, especially not as it meant doing some dishes first but I had to or my vegetables would have gone off. So I jumped that gap and did those dishes while listening to some angry music. As soon as I started chopping the onions and smashing the garlic, I was in the flow again and in the end I’d made a fine pasta sauce with these tomatoes (plus two large red sweet peppers, and some broad beans).
I was sad that by the time I’d reached the jinx site, the maximum number of comments had been reached and I couldn’t add to it. 🙁
I’ve returned to writing in longhand for the first time since grade school. It really helps, doesn’t it? I’m freer to write mistakes, I find. I got back into it doing The Artist’s Way and those stupid, addictive Morning Pages, and now I keep a notebook for “pre-writing.” It broke me out of a couple of months of writer’s block.
I can’t remember if I told you, Wil, but my 12.5-yr-old read “Memories of the Future” and loved it–and hasn’t seen a single ep of TNG. 🙂 We’re both waiting for the next one.
You know what’s really sad? When I read “I opened my notebook and turned to a blank page…” it took me a while to realise it was a physical paper notebook as I couldn’t quite figure out how having to turn to an empty page on a notebook computer worked (Other than Ctrl+End).
*sigh*
I have drawers full of old notebooks and every single one of them has blank pages scattered between the story and class notes. I love to look at a blank page for a moment before writing and writing and writing and, finishing the story or thought or plan, realise that I made something as you say, “where nothing was before”. I love that feeling and I think most writers, at least the good ones, feel the same way we do.
We can’t all keep up with what we want to do. Life gets in the way. I used to write little blurbs to keep me sane while working at home, but lately I’m not getting out enough, and I find when I sit to write, I honestly can’t remember anything. My brain is impaired by the kiddo growing in my belly. She’s due to be out in a couple weeks and I hope my memory will return and then I can go about writing my little blurbs again. I do miss it.
You got in the pool, right?
I recently finished my first writing course and in addition to having a whole world now open to me, I have found many new authors to read, you being one of the first. I enjoy your posts and thank you for the time you spend crafting your art.
Yep. I swam with the reckless abandon of someone on vacation, but mostly I sat in the shade, drank lemonade, and read the anthology from Neil Gaiman called STORIES. I *highly* recommend it.
Hey, when your baby arrives, you'll let us all know, right?
Wow, when I read this, “I opened my notebook and turned to a blank page” I instantly pictured you opening up a notebook computer. Even after I read, “I clicked my pen open, and pressed it against the top of the page,” my brain was forming an image of you pressing a stylus against a computer screen. I even thought to myself, “Cool! Wil has a touch-screen laptop! I didn’t even know those existed!”
It was only after that thought that I realized you were talking about an ACTUAL notebook and an ACTUAL pen. Have we really ventured so far into the digital age that pens and paper are no longer the default tools for writing…even in our imaginations? Or is it just me?
And I’m even the same age as you, Wil. I’d almost expect this if I was some punk-ass kid just out of high school whose never known anything but laptops, iPhones, etc.
Anyway, just a wierd geek moment that I thought you’d appreciate.
Superb. Pool, shade and lemonade is a winning combination!
I couldn’t find “Stories” on Goodreads, but added it to my Swaptree want list. Looks like something I’d totally enjoy and I’ve been searching for things to read.
And of course, I’m excited to post something when she gets here! I need a wheaton shirt onesie to add to one of those wild Flickr groups. : )
So 😀 i just started a new blog and i am really excited about it. i haven’t really written in a long time, and i want to thank you for inspiring me to write again 😀 i thought i would ask first before posting the link, but, will you read my blog, i mean granted i only have one posted so far, but that’s why i thought i would ask first. if not, it’s cool, you have so much other stuff going on, but i wanted to ask instead of just posting the link and assuming you would 😛 so again, thank you for inspiring me 😀 YOUR AWESOME!!!!!!
Sonya
Don’t forget the Magic Pen! When you write longhand you can enchant your pen, which makes writing much, much easier!
I cleaned out some drawers last night, and found all my old notebooks of writing. Some were short pieces of text for fiction, some were preparations for performances I wanted to write. Some were still good, some were… not. But all my writing was from over five years ago. Then I found the stacks of unfinished journals – and all those blank pages really depressed me. “I used to write so much. I don’t write as much as I think I should.” I thought. Then I sat down at my computer and started free-writing. What I wrote needs editing, but it’s like you said, I made something where nothing was before. It made me feel a little better. Maybe I’ll bring out my old, unfinished writing journals and write again, just to get back in the habit.
Thanks for sharing this moment, and I love what started over at Jinx.
Cheers.
This reminds me of Finishing the Hat from Sunday in the Park With George: “Look I made a hat / where there never was a hat.”
Strangely enough Wil, this post made me feel a lot better. A couple of months ago I wrote a similar post on my own blog. Of course there’s a big difference between a professional like yourself and a hobbyist like me, but it’s still nice to know that I’m not the only one who doesn’t quite get to everything I had planned.
Good post. I have a thank you note for you. It’s on the link below. Either way thanks you. You helped me out alot.
http://theabysss.com/~hrossmell
Wil, have you ever felt lost as to what to do with a piece of work once you’ve created it? I recently started writing, which was inspired by your “get excited and make things” post, by the way, and found that once i DID make something, which ended up being a feature length screenplay, its basically been sitting on my shelf for about three months. Is this something that all writers trying to find their voice go through?
Hi, Wil… great article (far too much of my own time is spent writing, usually work: solutions, architecture, boring stuff where the inspiration there is never flowing!!!
On another note – and I do appreciate that this may not be appropriate and I am certain you get asked for contact 100 times a day…
but i will ask anyway (my dad always taught me to ask, politely, or else it will never happen!!)
I would like to get in more direct (confidential) contact with you around a social media start up (under development) of which I am founder to see if it raises your interest and if you might be interested in getting involved at a Board-level advisory role.
Having searched broadly, I can report that your privacy seems well protected on the internet, but if you could perhaps provide me the name and agency of your agent then perhaps I could send my inquiry (and some further details) by that route? – – unless you have a better suggestion and assuming that this is of any interest to you.
I do understand if you are not interested, but your experience in the social space is what I am after (not your money, not your connections, not the use of your name in any way).
I look forward to your response.
With best regards,
Daniel Steeves
That’s an excellent perspective to have, and I really needed help finding good perspective today. Thank you.
A breath of fresh air in the midst of an IT rollout that had me working all weekend. I came home “early” vowing not to touch a keyboard until work in the morning but I’m glad I did. I got to use the other side of my brain and contributed a bit to the story. Thanks!
You’re not, see my comment above.
I had an English teacher in college back in 1993 who made us watch the movie Throw Momma From the Train because she said that it contained a line that all writers should remember and take to heart. I thought she was a bit nuts at first since I hadn’t liked the movie when I’d watched it in high school…but when she pointed out the line “A writer writes, always”…I realized that she was indeed onto something.
Whenever I have writer’s block I remember her and that class more than the movie quote…;)
Thanks for the reminder of why we do it, Wil. A reminder of why we struggle over words and pore over pages and sometimes face the harsh words of those who do not understand.
We make something, where once there was nothing.
And that means something. What? I am not sure. But something.
Building on this, I quote Natalie Goldberg’s ‘Writing Down the Bones’ (page 15):
“Our senses by themselves are dumb. They take in experience, but they need the richness of sifting for a while through our consciousness and through our whole bodies. I call this ‘composting’. Our bodies are garbage heaps: we collect experience, and from the decomposition of the thrown-out eggshells, spinach leaves, coffee grinds, and old steak bones of our minds come nitrogen, heat, and very fertile soil. Out of this fertile soil bloom our poems and stories. But this does not come all at once. It takes time. Continue to turn over and over the organic details of your life until some of them fall through the garbage of discursive thoughts to solid ground of black soil.”
Mr. Wheaton (may I call you Wil?),
I’ve been following your blog for some time now, but never commented. I’d just check in from time to time, read what you had to say and ponder. Then I started listening to the audio book of “Just a Geek.”
I am not using hyperbole when I say it is the single greatest piece of nonfiction I’ve ever read. (Yes, it’s an audio book, humor me here.) It’s honest, raw and rateable. It felt like I was sitting at some coffee shop, just listening to an old friend spin stories. I can’t thank you enough for this book.
I realized that you’re not some epic, faceless, hero who lived in an ivory tower in a fantasy land. You’re, like you proclaimed from the get-go, just a geek. Just like me. Just like my friends. Just like most of us out there in the world.
But, I digress. I didn’t just write this to gush over the awesomeness that is Wil Wheaton. I do have ulterior motives. My friends and I run a tiny, local Facebook community called Alvin Street Games. We’re just a bunch of dice-rolling dorks trying to unite the locals. I wanted to ask you if there was any chance in the screaming depths of Hell that you might be willing to do a little Q & A (over e-mail) about your experiences and insights as a table-top gamer.
I’m not asking you this because you played Wesley Crusher. Well, scratch that. I am asking it, in part, because you played Wesley Crusher. But that’s just part of it. I’m asking this tiny thing of you because being this icon of geek culture changes nothing. You’re still the same guy as my buddies who sit in a basement, roll funny dice, and congressionally pretends to be an elf. At the end of the night, just like the rest of us, you go home to the ones you love.
And, well, if you can that would be awesome beyond words. If you can’t, I won’t be upset. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed. But, it will never change that time we spent “talking over coffee.”
Thanks for reading this, Mr. Wheaton. I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve already done to make my life as a gamer, a writer and as a person, that much better.
Sounds like someone’s going to have “On Writing” back on the “to read” list 🙂 I read it for the first time back in May and it definitely won’t be the last time. I think in much the same vein, I’ll have to bookmark this blog entry and read it once a year.
I think my procrastination comes from feeling like I don’t have the time to write. I managed around 8,000 words long-hand on holiday (the same holiday where I finally had time to read “On Writing”) and I still haven’t made the time to type them up. I want to. I think it’s going to be a cool story (a vampire novel for the rest of us, think Dexter meets Sookie Stackhouse 🙂 and I keep telling myself I have to write it, but I can’t seem to make the time.
I’m not scared of failure; I’ve sold a BSG-inspired story to a magazine and I’ve got a short story coming out in an anthology (hopefully) soon. What I am scared of is leaving it until I run out of time or suddenly find I can’t write any more…
Excuse me, I have a blank page somewhere that needs filling.
I used to have a blank sheet of printer paper framed on my wall over my desk. Calliged on the bottom of the mat was the word “Possibilities”. It was a reminder to myself of everything that *could be* from just a single sheet of paper.
I just went and read that, and I heard you reading it aloud in my head (it makes sense). I like it. I’m really excited to read your fiction, because you really are a great writer and that shines in the stories you share with us about your life, your childhood, and your experiences everywhere.