When I woke up this morning, my head was throbbing, I felt sick to my stomach, and my whole body felt toxic.
"Oh my god." I thought. "I have a hangover."
I kicked off the covers, and sat on the edge of my bed, my head in my hands.
"This doesn’t make sense," I thought. "I drank two beers in four hours last night. What the hell?"
Anne walked into our room, holding her head in one hand, the other across her stomach.
"Oh my god," she said. "I am never eating candy again. I have such a sugar hangover."
"I am so relieved," I said. "I thought I was even more old and lame than I am, and I had a hangover from two beers."
She looked at me.
"I know, it’s a silly thing to be happy about."
We walked out into the living room together, and saw the shameful evidence of the previous night’s debauchery: fun size candy wrappers littered our dining room table. A half-eaten Baby Ruth sat on a pile of Butterfinger crumbs, and a salad bowl, that was filled to overflowing with treats for our neighborhood ghouls last night, was nearly empty.
It was a monument to excess, standing defiantly against our efforts to live a healthy and balanced life.
As I scooped up handfuls of wrappers, a half-melted Kit-Kat stuck to the side of my hand. I was revolted by the smell of it, the way it felt, the soft chocolate pressing crispy bits of delicious crunchity wafer into my skin.
"I can’t believe I thought it was a good idea to mix Nestle with Hershey’s last night," I said, the memory of a furious game of Sorry! flashing through through a chocolate-stained lens of shame.
A few minutes later, it was all cleaned up. "I’m going to go back to bed," I said, "and hope that I don’t see a chocolate-covered baby crawling on the ceiling."