Felix has decided that His Place To Relax is now on my desk, right next to my mousepad. These two sentences have taken me almost three full minutes to write, because Felix keeps rubbing his face against my hand, standing on my keyboard (he just opened 17 terminal windows) and showing me that either a) he loves me or b) he wants me to get away from my desk so he can go back to sleep.
I’m inclined to think it’s b).
So we’re back from vacation. 2200 miles of road trip, one book signing, several tourist traps, and not a single comfortable bed later, we’re home.
The trip was mostly wonderful. We drove all the way to Portland, with some stops along the way to visit family and friends . . . and The Oregon Vortex — the original Tourist Trap. It was silly, but fun.
Also on the way to Portland, we stopped in Brownsville, which is the town where I filmed Stand By Me in 1985. It was AMAZING! Hardly anything has changed in this tiny town, and the local historical society even has a map of “Stand By Me Locations” that we were able to visit. We had lunch in this rockin’ pizza cafe, and the owner told us that hundreds of tourists come there from all over the world to see our old locations. He said that busloads of Japanese kids come over and want to see the treehouse (which is gone, but the tree is still there.) I took lots of pictures, which I’ll add to the gallery once I get some time.
The day after we got to Portland, I had my reading and signing at Powells Technical Annex. It was also amazing (I’m going to need a thesaurus pretty soon, since most of this trip was . . . well, amazing.) There were about 150 people there, and they seemed to enjoy the selections I read. See, here’s the thing: I have read stuff from Dancing Barefoot so much, I know where the laughs are, I know where the slow parts that pay off later are, and I know how audiences generally react to it . . . but until Powells, I had only read one small bit to an audience, and that was at the Star Trek convention, which has a very unique crowd. So I was terrified that I was going to suck, or I would go on too long, or not long enough . . . basically, The Voice of Self Doubt was in full-effect.
Luckily, it went very well, and I had a lot of fun while I was there. Amber from Powells told me that the next time I go up there, she’s going to put me in the main store, because I keep drawing such huge crowds! So an epic Thank You to everyone who came to Portland (I know some of you drove from Eugene or Seattle to be there) and supported me. It wouldn’t matter how good I did if there wasn’t an audience, and I am really grateful to everyone who showed up.
After Powells, I was officially On Vacation for the next week. We went to Mount St. Helens and The Columbia River Gorge, and I spent lots of time each night playing Hold’Em with Nolan. He’s turning into an incredible Hold’Em player, because he combines incredible memory (“I threw that hand away because the last time you raised like that you had kings”) with his great math skills (“I couldn’t call because the pot odds weren’t correct.”) Keep in mind that he’s 13 on Thursday, and hasn’t ever cracked open a poker book. Everything he knows he’s learned from playing with me, and watching poker on TV. I made two TERRIBLE plays when I was on WPT, and I know he’s going to be severely disappointed in me when he sees them.
From Portland, we drove down to Southern Oregon and spent the night with Anne’s grandparents. Some readers may recall that Anne’s Grandmother is in the early stages of Alzheimer’s, and I guess it’s good to report that she was the same as when we visited them back in October of last year. Actually, both of them seemed happy and in good health (considering that they’re 1000 years old, of course) and I’m looking forward to visiting them again in Spring.
We took Interstate 5 up to Portland, so on the way back we crossed 80 through the North Bay and San Francisco, down through San Jose (with a stop at the Winchester Mystery House), and across the 17 to Santa Cruz. Anne and I had both been to the Santa Cruz Boardwalk when we were younger, and we were really excited to take the kids there . . . but it was very different than I remember it. I don’t know if I’ve gotten too suburban, or too old, or whatever, but the whole place felt so skanky, I couldn’t wait to leave. It was like a traveling carnival had set up on Venice beach. Anne and I were really bummed out. In an effort to find the half of the glass that was full, we rode The Giant Dipper (it’s been there for 80 years!) . . . and the whole thing was worth it. We had so much fun on that ride, screaming and laughing in equal parts terror and delight, all the skanky carnies and pan handlers didn’t matter. We also walked down the boardwalk to this big arcade that my parents wouldn’t let me go into when I was last there 18 years ago, and it was just as awesome as I’d imagined it would be: shooting gallery, lazer tag, all sorts of games of chance, and I got to play Robotron and Q*Bert!
We ended our day with dinner at some spiffy Italian restaurant in Downtown, and got up early the next day to drive to Monterey, which has always been one of my favorite cities in the world.
The Montery Bay Aquarium is known to lots of people at “That Place Where Mr Spock Did The Vulcan Mind Meld With The Whale In Star Trek VIV (I know Roman numerals, I swears it, precious!)” It’s best known to me as “That Place Where I Spent Most Of An Afternoon Watching An Octopus Swim Around And Change Colors When I Was 14.” Now, it’s “That Place I Want To Go Back And Visit Right Away.”
I’ve always loved the ocean, and I’ve always loved marine mammals. In fact, when I was a little kid, I wanted to be a marine biologist when I grew up, so I could understand whales (especially Blue Whales) and somehow convince people to stop hunting them. So it’s like The Monterey Bay Aquarium was specially built just for me (okay, I know it wasn’t, but leave me with my dream, dammit!) Since I was last there, it’s been significantly expanded, and modernized . . . but it still feels like a small, private aquarium, run by volunteers who truly care about conservation and love the ocean as much as I do — probably because that’s exactly what it is.
We went to the Aquarium on the second-to-last day of our trip (I’d say “penultimate day,” but that probably sounds like I’m trying to impress you . . . did it work?) We were all tired, and starting to get on each other’s nerves a little bit, (which, I observed many times at many stops, is pretty common on long family vacations 😉 but the aquarium was so beautiful, and so soothing, we all relaxed and simply basked in the beauty and serenity of huge aquariums, filled with fish schooling and swimming. When we left, I vowed (as I always do) to one day have a salt water aquarium in my house so big it covers one full wall, and requires a full-time marine biologist to care for it. Take that, MTV Cribs!
Oh, and in one large exhibit, which featured fish you could expect to see in the deep water near the outer bay? I saw a turtle.
We drove home the next day, down highway 1. We did the 17-mile drive, then went all along California’s incredibly beautiful coastline through Big Sur and Morro Bay. At San Luis Obispo, we crossed onto the 101, and took it all the way home.
Overall, it was a great time. The kids are not quite at an age where they can appreciate just seeing cool stuff from the car, but they *did* appreciate the Jelly Belly factory tour, and Nolan *did* get excited about driving over the Golden Gate Bridge when it was covered in fog. To their credit, they didn’t do nearly as much “are we there yet?” as my brother and sister and I did when we were their ages, and when I really wanted to share something with them, like Brownsville, Oregon, they put down their books and turned off their music, and paid attention. If I had it all to do again, I’d shorten the trip by two days (one in each direction) and plan to spend less time on the road, and more time in the hotel swimming pool, so there was more of a balance . . . but that’s part of the on the job training that all parents go through, I guess.
I’m really happy to be back home. I missed my dogs a LOT, and I really missed sleeping in my own bed. I thought I wouldn’t miss my website, since I haven’t really taken a major vacation in years, but I did. I kept a hand-written journal while we were on the road, sort like a luddite blog, I guess. After years of putting most of my thoughts here for anyone to read, it was cool to have a place to record them without any intention of sharing them with anyone.
Anyway, I’m sure there’s stuff I’ve forgotten, but I’ve been here for a long time, and Felix is getting pissed.

I really wish I had that talking moose from Vacation to put here, or at least the ghost of John Candy. But since they’re currently unavailable . . .
Anne and Nolan’s birthdays are coming up, Ryan is out of Summer School, and I think I need to take some time away from the ‘net and just be with them. You know . . . days at the beach, some geocaching, matinees at Arclight, maybe even an overnight camping trip. Something about Ryan turning 15 on Saturday, and Nolan’s 13th coming up . . . they’re getting older, and I don’t want to miss out on anything before I become totally uncool.
I’m still going up to Powells Technical Annex on August 6th at 7:30 PM, and I’m sure I’ll audblog and probably moblog the event, and maybe even some of the trip around it . . . but my laptop is going into the shop, (I’m blogging this on a tiny old 13 inch monitor that I dug out of the garage and attached to my Linux machine . . . man, I’d forgotten how much I love Linux!) and I’m going to do everything in my power to maintain a self-imposed Internet blackout and just be a husband and parent.
Hopefully, I’ll return around August 14th with my mental kernel rebuilt, updated, and optimized, and some great family stories to tell.
(This entry dated August 10th to keep it on the front page of the site until I come back online.)

I just got back from Vegas, and I want to do a quick recap.
I only have a few minutes (I’m using Ryan’s computer, since my Linux box has a blown-out monitor, and the logic board on my iBook exploded — for the fourth time in two years — Thursday morning before we left) so I’m going to make a very quick recap of some highlights now, before I forget:
I now present the best of . . .
Thursday
We made it to Vegas in about 4 hours, which was nice, but along the way we got a phone call that put our family medical terror to rest. I can’t go into it right now, but everything is going to be okay, and I want to thank everyone who kept us in their thoughts, and sent us their positive mojo, or prayers, or voodoo dances, or snake charming magic.
Thursday night, Anne took me to Blue Man Group at Luxor (one of my favorite shows, ever — I’m kind of a Blue Man Group Geek), and I got to go backstage, meet the Blue Man (Blue Men? Blue Mans?) and take home a painting that they made in the show!
Friday
Friday was my big performance day at the convention, so it’s really hard to pick out the top moment . . . but here are a few:

• I met some people who are longtime readers of WWdN, and they shared with me how this lame website has had a really positive impact on their lives. I was overwhelmed (if you’re playing the Joy Of Tech Drinking Game, drink now) and very moved that the things I write here could mean so much to someone I’ve never met.
• My performance from Just A Geek and Dancing Barefoot was awesome! The room was almost full, and I felt like the audience was “with me” the entire time. Near the end of my time, Brent Spiner walked into the room, and told me, in front of everyone, that he’d read Dancing Barefoot “cover to cover,” and that he liked it! Then he told me to wrap it up, so “these people can come over and listen to me talk.” It was really funny, and really cool.
• Our Earnest Borg 9 show absolutely killed! I was scared to death that we weren’t going to be as good as we were in Pasadena, but everyone in the cast, as well as my wife and parents who were in the audience for both shows, thought it was better! After the show, I went out to dinner with the cast, my folks, and my friend Kat, ate massive dinner, and gambled until the sun came up (well, until the sun came up on the East Coast, but still . . .) When I left the tables, I was actually ahead. Okay, so it was only 15 dollars ahead, but it’s the first time I’ve left ahead in about five years.

Saturday
It was a great day. I met tons of fans who saw the EB9 show, and / or my reading, and the comments were totally positive. I also sold out of all the copies of Just A Geek that I’d brought with me!
Overall, it was an awesome and fantastic weekend. Adam and Gary put on the best Creation show I’ve been at since . . . well, I think it was the best Creation show I’ve been at in my life. All the fans I talked to seemed happy, the show felt very well organized, and everyone seemed to be having a really good time. You know what? It felt like a fan-run con!
It was also the best time I’ve had in Vegas in years. It was pretty crowded, but Lady Luck stayed on my arm the entire time I was there, and I am actually 35 dollars in the black, baby. Oh yeah. I am such a high roller, I think I hear the Travel Channel calling me right now.
There are some other details that need to be filled in, but Ryan has been patiently waiting for me to get off his computer, and I’m so exhausted from the weekend and the drive home that I don’t know if I’ll even make it down the hall to my own bedroom.
OH! Holy shit! I can’t believe I almost forgot to mention this: There *will* be an audio version of Just A Geek, unabridged and performed by me, available in September! If you’re coming up to Powell’s Technical Annex on August 6th, I’ll have some preview CDs to give out.
Okay, that’s all for tonight. Thank you to everyone who sent kind birthday wishes, too. That rules 🙂

Did you know that tomorrow’s my 32nd birthday?
I’m not asking because I’m trolling for gifts or silly songs or anything. I’m asking because — and this is the 100% honest truth — I didn’t realize it was tomorrow.
I’ve got a lot happening right now: the EB9 show in Vegas on Friday ( as well as the entire convention weekend) plus writing for the ACME show, plus dealing with a very big and scary family medical issue have all conspired to totally eat my brain, and make my birthday seem totally minor and irrelevant . . . it’s so weird that something I’ve always looked forward to has been so completely pushed off my radar.
Well, I guess it’s part of growing older, or something.
This morning, I had to renew my driver’s license, (something I didn’t realize until yesterday) so I went to the DMV . . . without an appointment *dramatic music*
It actually wasn’t bad at all. I was in and out in 1 hour and ten minutes, and every single person I dealt with was helpful, patient, and friendly. After I had my picture taken, the guy who took it told me happy birthday, and then a pretty girl who was in line behind me said, “Hey! My birthday is July 29th too!” So we both said “Happy birthday!” in unison. That was way cool.
I’m going to moblog and audioblog from Vega$, so check them out if you need your WWdN fix while I’m gone.
If you’re coming to Vega$ for the show, I’ll be performing from Geek and Barefoot at 1PM on Friday, and the EB9 show is at 6:40 (?) the same night. I’ll also be signing books and pictures all day Saturday.
. . . and I wasn’t going to say much about this . . . but, uhm . . . I would really appreciate it if you guys could keep me and Anne and our family in your thoughts for the next few days.
Thanks.

I’m cleaning the house today, but now it’s lunchtime, and I want to brain dump. But first, check out a couple of Geek things that I think are exciting and cool:

• Just A Geek is available from my favorite retailer of all things geeky, Think Geek dot Com. They’re offering geek. stickers as a free bonus with the book, so you can really get your geek on.
• I’ve heard from a dozen or so WWdN readers and about half as many non-WWdN readers who have finished Just A Geek, and I want to thank everyone who has sent me their thoughts on the book. I’d like to share a little bit from one of them, because it made me do a geeky dance: “I loved it and realized that many of us Gen-Xers are finding out that our lives are hitting crossroads and too many of us are too busy looking at the door closing behind us to see the brighter view ahead. I’m glad you showed us that we can turn around and run forward into that future many of us have. Thanks for the work.”
  Also, at Amazon, a reviewer wrote: “Wheaton’s a natural, unforced writer. He’s got guts and writers’ chops. I don’t care if you’re a Star Trek fan or not, you should read this book. You should read this book if you’ve ever had really tough times. You should read this book if you’ve ever struggled with your own place in the world, your own self-esteem. You should read this book if you’ve ever tried to separate who you are from what you do.”
  I’m still a little terrified that the misconception that it’s either a fluffy celebrity bio or (even worse) just a Star Trek book will turn readers off, but these readers got exactly what I hope people will get from my book: I may be the central character, but Just a Geek is really a story about the struggle to find your place in the Universe, and I’m really happy that they grokked that. For today at least, I can lower my internal terror level from Ernie to Bert.

Okay, before I go back to cleaning the house (it’s the best way to spend Sunday!), here’s the real braindump:
Last night, Anne was going out with her girlfriends, and the kids were both spending the night with friends, so I had big plans to go play poker at Commerce, but Burns left me standing at the altar . . . so I ended up playing iPoker 3, which is a great way to practice low-limit Hold’Em skills, and just all-around fun to play, too. (Todd has programmed in all these crazy “Dealer’s Choice” games that are just nuts. I had way too much fun playing this 2-card hi-low game called ‘Hurricaine,” and I actually made Broadway in Jacks-or-better!)
I was doing REALLY well, playing just the way I would have played in a live game. I bought in for 1000 and played 10-20 limit, and was doing about +300 / hour or something like that, until I got pocket Aces on the button . . . and got rivered by a flush draw, because UTG had 9-6 of spades. I had capped it pre-flop, too! The pot was 1050 or so, too. Stupid computers.
Hey, here’s a not-so-subtle note to the guys at all the online poker rooms: SUPPORT MAC AND LINUX USERS! I really want to play Poker Stars, and Party Poker (sign up with code IGGY!)
Anyway, because I was stuck at home, I watched the Dodgers, and I got to see Adrian Beltre hit a grand slam as the Dodgers made it 2-0 vs. the Padres in this series.
Speaking of the Dodgers, my dad took me and my boys to Chavez Ravine on Thursday for the first day game I’ve been to in YEARS . . . and we got to see Eric Gagne for the first time this season. (I’ve been to 5 games, and the Dodgers have been killed in 4 of them, so no Gagne for me until Thursday.)
I’m talking to the men now: if you get a chance to take your boys to a ballgame with your dad, DO IT. It’s awesome.
Okay, time to finish lunch and get back to cleaning. Exhale on XM 80 is the perfect soundtrack for today.