when i’m boss of the universe . . .

Two words I’d like to remove from the Universe:

deets – The word is "Details," not "deets." "deet" is an important ingredient in insect repellent.

peeped – Did you look at it? Then you saw it. You did not "peep"
it. And your friends? They are your friends. They are not your "peeps."
Your "peeps" are tasty little marshmallow chunks, shaped like birds and
covered with enough sugar to give you type 2 diabetes after one box. They are especially tasty if you let them reach the perfect point of almost-too-stale before eating them.

Thank you.

65 thoughts on “when i’m boss of the universe . . .”

  1. What if my peeps are actually peeps though? I mean, call it sad, but they are the best listeners I’ve ever hung out with… and if I get hungry, I’m down a few friends for a little while…

  2. Man, and I thought that my Mom was the only person in the Universe who prefers eating marshmallow Peeps when they get stale.
    I’ll have to fill her in with the “deets” about how you enjoy eating them that way, as well :-P!

  3. Mmm…. Stale peeps… TG I’m not the only one. =P And you’ve got my vote. I mean, if I can’t figure a way to make /myself/ boss of el universe-o, that is. *shifty eyes*

  4. The one that’s driving me crazy now is “chirp”, which is supposed to be slang that companies who sell fancy walkie-talkies are trying to get consumers to use to mean “causing the annoying sound the walkie-talkies make that drives everybody crazy.” Like “text” only more annoying. “You get unlimited chirp for ten bucks a month!” Yeah, bend over and I’ll give you unlimited chirp, chump.

  5. Too funny, but I must second the motion. My oldest daughter uses the word ‘peeps’ and it drives me absolutely crazy. But just think, peep season is finally upon us and we can all get our fill of the funny colored bunnies and ducks. MMMMmmmm….

  6. I want to get rid of the farking word “bump” in reference to being pregnant. As in “Look at Britney’s bump, it’s gonna be, like, totally cute, ya’ll”.

  7. “Deets” I’m unfamiliar with.
    But “peeped” and “peeps” are both necessary additions to the English language. “Peep” the verb is MUCH closer in meaning to check out than it is to simply look at. For example “Yo man, peep his fly specs.” You could swap in check out but peep’s shortness fits in nicely in the sentence.
    As for “peeps” the noun, we can’t say “friends” that’s way too mainstream. What else we got? “Homies”? Ummm….. “Pals”? NO! “Chicos/Chicas”? “Chicas” might be ok for the ladies but I ain’t never heard “chicos”. Furthermore “peeps” has a much more second person feel to it as in: “Listen up my peeps”.

  8. Peeps remind me of stalking, desperate, sick and twisted individuals that steal looks into the windows of others. Creepy. Wil – if changing the vocabulary is your platform, I’ll vote for you. Does that mean there will be one, universal language??? Cool.

  9. “When I’m boss of the Universe…”
    You’ll see me over your shoulder. It’ll be coup time, mah man, and, as an example that doesn’t directly apply, people don’t wanna be owning an SUV on that day.
    .. nor does one want to telemarket on that day.
    .. and parenting classes will start immediately. Study now to get the antidote to the contraceptive I placed in the water supply.
    .. and the pointless invasion of sandy locales will stop. Unless it’s spring break in Mexico.

  10. Just a heads up on those peeps, for the love of god keep them away from an open flame. When roasted peeps turn into tiny little bunny shaped flaming balls of doom. This is from experience. For serious, don’t mess with the peeps.

  11. You’ll get my vote for Boss of the Universe if you also promise to outlaw “prior to” and the improper use of “due to” (as in “Due to your idiotic word choice, I’m going to have to kill you now.”). I’ll vote you in for life if you also promise to teach people the proper use of “comprise” (hint: “comprised of” is *never* correct).

  12. Not to read too much into your post, Wil, but is there any chance that your ‘peeps’ and some SciFi Channel ‘peeps’ are working out some ‘deets’ as we speak?
    Gosh, I really, really hope that’s what brought on this post!

  13. If you take one of the bunnies and with a knife split its ears up the middle so that it looks as though it has four, then turn it upside down, you will have made yourself a Peep Chuthulu.
    Marshmallow elder gods are tasty, at least before the gibbering begins.
    And while on the subject of bending language, the putting together of celebrity couple’s names to form some sort of Ubername must stop as well. The next person to say “Brangelina” or some such to me is getting a damn punch in the eye.

  14. 1. What does it say about your daily interactions that you connect with people who say things like “deets” and “peeped”? Not judging… just saying. One of the ways we can help ourselves in our eternal quest to demand a more perfect linguistic style is to demand perfection among our peers. (Not peeps!!!)
    2. I find myself far more offended by things like the redundant TLA(a). See item four, here. Oh, hell, upon review of that article, I realize I’d be far better off if I ONLY had issues over a couple of things (like “deets” and “peeped” items).
    ANYWAY… thanks for making blogging safer for a new generation. For reals.

  15. Bon, sadly, far too many people say “peeped” and “deets” that shouldn’t. People who think they are being cool and hip because they are in the know regarding current slang. Hack!
    Wil, amen!

  16. Huh. I’m with some of the other posters–I’ve not heard of “deets”. Sounds dumb to me.
    However, I’m afraid that it’s a losing battle. To quote/channel my wife (who, unlike me, is a professional in the english language, and I am not), “there’s no such thing as correct in language, only conventional”.
    She also predicts that in another generation or so, the adverb will have fallen out of use in english.

  17. Yeah, I’m not a big fan of some of the new slang. That, and the general misuse of the already screwy Engish language. Oh well, the world really started falling apart when they put a bacward ‘R’ in Toys Are Us.

  18. I have a question….
    What is owned spelled pwned really mean? I know I am 32 but when the the meaning of beat the crap out of someone change?

  19. Peeps should only properly be ingested after being left out for three days.
    And, while you’re at it, can you whack the non-words “incent” and “irregardless”?

  20. What’ wrong with a little slangy now?
    “Tomorrow is all like sweet flowers and turning vonny earth and the stars and the old luna up there and your old droog Alex all on his oddy knocky seeking like a mate.”

  21. If you are going to be Boss of the Universe can you please just teach people to use the tenses of “see” correctly? “I seen it on TV” UGH!
    Also you have to fix mispronunciation, i.e.-pitcher when they actually mean PICTURE! Axed when the word is ASKED!
    These are the same people who go balistic when you miss pronounce their name.

  22. Hey Wil, can I ‘axe’ you a question? Whilst ‘peeps’ is quite annoying, what do you think of ‘bling’, ‘bra’? I mean, I am pretty ‘amped’ that you, a major ‘baller’ in your own right, would write about this stuff. I almost ‘shit a cold purple Twinkie’ when I read your original post! It, and you Wil, are ‘da bomb’ and I enjoy your ‘blog’. Keep it up! ‘w00t’!
    Here are more:

  23. I could not agree more…you should add one…”Street”…NOT “Shtreet”
    That drives me up a wall.
    I’m finally getting cable internet tonight (no more dial-up baybay!!). Do you have a central location for your podcast archives? I only downloaded the first 2 because they took so long and I kept getting the nasty connection drop but now that I’m getting 20th century internet I want to download the rest. And I’m really ticked that I missed the game last night but no internet+moving and cleaning out old apartment=no hold ’em for Kathy…Kathy is a sad Kathy…
    Who won?

  24. Oooh, I love stale peeps!
    And I see someone mentioned microwave peeps.. never had one but now I want to try it.
    Even better.. I want to roast my peeps over and open fire and make peeps smores.
    I hate that word too.. and thankfully no one has ever called me their peep.. cuz I don’t want to be eaten alive. ha ha ha haha! or should I say, I don’t want to die? You get the idea.
    Never heard of deets, and I’m not too sad about it either.
    Great post, as always!

  25. Peeps. The only thing I like about spring. No, wait, I like those Cadbury eggs too. When they are frozen solid.
    On words:
    Where I live, “I seen” is considered normal. To me, it’s like nails on a chalk board.
    Wil, please ban “I seen” Please?? When you’re BotU

  26. 1. You have my vote!
    2. Marshmellow peeps never go stale if you cover them in chocolate. Anything is fresh and lovely if covered in chocolate…

  27. The one that always sets my teeth on edge is people who use “prolly” when they mean probably.
    Brit is prolly not preggers my peeps, ‘kay.

  28. I agree with joker – get rid of all the combined names. Brangelina, beniffer…. It’s horrible. Every single celebrity couple has one stupid name now. It’s one of the most annoying things I’ve ever heard.
    And preggers is a horrible horrible word. What an odd way to express something as wonderful as being pregnant. Dumb.

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