in the country of the kaurava king

This made it past my mail filters last night:

This is youur penis: 8–o
This is youur penis on drugs: 8=====O

Any questionss?

He said. Yes, and he can beat any man in the country of the kaurava king (suyodhana) with all his followers an apportionment bill and carefully revise it of view. Insoluble conundrums of john's national zeal and lower stipendsthat a most interesting.

You know why spammers send these things? Because somewhere in the world, there is a guy, and that guy saw a subject line that said "Nothing can seduce women faster than aa…" and shouted at his monitor, "than aa what?! Than aa what? Tell me! Tell me! I MUST KNOW THE ANSWER RIGHT NOW SO THAT I CAN FINALLY SEDUCE WOMEN!"

Then that guy opened the e-mail, saw that little ascii drawing, and was shocked into silence. He sat there, alone, and quietly admitted to himself, "You know what? You're right. My pe–" a sob caught in his throat, and he faced the brutal truth. He didn't have any questionss, only sadness. "My penis looks just like this: 8–o and that is why I can't seduce women."

Redemption was just a click away, though! He grabbed his credit card, went to the website and placed an order, and started making plans for exactly how he and his new penis on drugs were going to walk down there, and fuck all of them sheep.

It's because of that guy that the rest of us get spam like this … but does anyone have the heart to tell him? Does anyone have the heart to take his dreams of seducing women with his 8=====O and dashing them into insoluble conundrums of john's national zeal and lower stipendsthat? Because that guy's life is already pretty sad, and I'm not going to kick that guy when he's downn.

72 thoughts on “in the country of the kaurava king”

  1. I laughed out loud. And that doesn’t happen often.
    I wonder about the same people who accept the “hot girl who wants to get naked on her webcam” friend invites on myspace and msn…

  2. I used to work for an ISP in the UK, and unfortunately had the “pleasure” of getting all the root@ webmaster@ postmaster@ and similar e-mails for every server we had (400+).
    A typical day would see my account being sent 70k+ e-mails. Thankfully the sysadmin team had built up some pretty effective filters over the years, which all ran server side, all based on all sorts of various quirks of e-mails, and an anti-spam solution based on the superbly effective Cloudmark.
    I’d usually only actually see 3k+ e-mails a day, with only maybe 50-60 being spam. To get past all the filters we had in place the spam had to be something pretty special!
    I’d usually read them just out of curiosity, whilst simultaneously cursing the complete and utter morons that stupidly buy whatever piece of snake oil they were selling.
    I’ve always wondered about the kind of person who sees an advert for penis enlargement pills and says “You know what, I’m going to risk shoving some godforsaken, un-moderated, non-certified piece of random crap from an unknown company operating God alone knows where, right down my throat.”
    Why are they so desperate to increase their penis size that they’ll risk consuming stuff that might contain ground up chalk, rat poison and the Lord alone knows what else?
    With drug addicts at least there is the vague hope that it might contain at least something that would get them high. Their psychological / chemical addiction at least partially excuses their lack of rational thought about the origins of what they’re consuming.
    Johnny Dickless in the basement? What’s his excuse?
    Sadly it seems too many people don’t understand just how much they’re screwing us over.
    29% of people they interviewed by Marshal security firm last year were prepared to admit they were idiots and bought stuff from spam, let alone the morons who didn’t even have the balls to say they did.
    Back in 2003 Ferris Research showed it was costing $8-10bn per year in global bandwidth costs, and that was when spam comprised barely 60% of e-mail traffic, let alone today where it’s well over 80% :-/
    So for the sake of buying cheap knockoffs, penis enlargement pills and who knows what else, the world’s economy is taking a significant hit. Nice one douche bags.

  3. A lady with giant boobs heads in to see the plastic surgeon on the 6th day of the 9th month. The doctor said she was 2, 2, 2 big. He gave her 51 pills and told her to come back in 8 weeks.
    6922251 * 8 = 55378008
    7th Grade calculator tricks FTW!

  4. Ha! My inner 7th grader doesn’t know this one. She is impressed. She also wishes it was that easy.
    Win! This is now my favorite follow up to 58008.

  5. Will that be the penis’ actual size or is it only the penis’s perceived size, as induced by the drug. Doesn’t it then make more sense to give the lady the drug? And does one have to dose according to the lady’s size? No one wants their cervix pummelled to pulp.

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