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50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

in the country of the kaurava king

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This made it past my mail filters last night:

This is youur penis: 8–o
This is youur penis on drugs: 8=====O

Any questionss?

He said. Yes, and he can beat any man in the country of the kaurava king (suyodhana) with all his followers an apportionment bill and carefully revise it of view. Insoluble conundrums of john's national zeal and lower stipendsthat a most interesting.

You know why spammers send these things? Because somewhere in the world, there is a guy, and that guy saw a subject line that said "Nothing can seduce women faster than aa…" and shouted at his monitor, "than aa what?! Than aa what? Tell me! Tell me! I MUST KNOW THE ANSWER RIGHT NOW SO THAT I CAN FINALLY SEDUCE WOMEN!"

Then that guy opened the e-mail, saw that little ascii drawing, and was shocked into silence. He sat there, alone, and quietly admitted to himself, "You know what? You're right. My pe–" a sob caught in his throat, and he faced the brutal truth. He didn't have any questionss, only sadness. "My penis looks just like this: 8–o and that is why I can't seduce women."

Redemption was just a click away, though! He grabbed his credit card, went to the website and placed an order, and started making plans for exactly how he and his new penis on drugs were going to walk down there, and fuck all of them sheep.

It's because of that guy that the rest of us get spam like this … but does anyone have the heart to tell him? Does anyone have the heart to take his dreams of seducing women with his 8=====O and dashing them into insoluble conundrums of john's national zeal and lower stipendsthat? Because that guy's life is already pretty sad, and I'm not going to kick that guy when he's downn.

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spammers e-mail spam humor
27 March, 2009 Wil

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72 thoughts on “in the country of the kaurava king”

  1. Alicia says:
    27 March, 2009 at 2:13 pm

    I love language faux pas & jokes! 🙂
    -Alicia (@aliciawag)

  2. Russell says:
    27 March, 2009 at 2:15 pm

    I pride myself on writing professionally. I should have read that more carefully before I clicked “Post”. Oh, well. My faux pas is your enjoyment! 🙂
    Russell (@PrayForAidan)
    http://www.prayforaidan.com

  3. Alicia says:
    27 March, 2009 at 2:18 pm

    Don’t fret! I knew what you meant. 🙂 It was just funny.
    -Alicia (@aliciawag)

  4. Russell says:
    27 March, 2009 at 2:21 pm

    It’s all good 🙂

  5. Miskarr says:
    27 March, 2009 at 2:50 pm

    It’s shaped like a tuna can.

  6. Lenora says:
    27 March, 2009 at 2:58 pm

    I just got one that said “the manhood is knocking at your door”.
    I’m scared!

  7. Dumb White Guy says:
    27 March, 2009 at 2:59 pm

    I laughed out loud. And that doesn’t happen often.
    I wonder about the same people who accept the “hot girl who wants to get naked on her webcam” friend invites on myspace and msn…

  8. Twirrim says:
    27 March, 2009 at 3:16 pm

    I used to work for an ISP in the UK, and unfortunately had the “pleasure” of getting all the root@ webmaster@ postmaster@ and similar e-mails for every server we had (400+).
    A typical day would see my account being sent 70k+ e-mails. Thankfully the sysadmin team had built up some pretty effective filters over the years, which all ran server side, all based on all sorts of various quirks of e-mails, and an anti-spam solution based on the superbly effective Cloudmark.
    I’d usually only actually see 3k+ e-mails a day, with only maybe 50-60 being spam. To get past all the filters we had in place the spam had to be something pretty special!
    I’d usually read them just out of curiosity, whilst simultaneously cursing the complete and utter morons that stupidly buy whatever piece of snake oil they were selling.
    I’ve always wondered about the kind of person who sees an advert for penis enlargement pills and says “You know what, I’m going to risk shoving some godforsaken, un-moderated, non-certified piece of random crap from an unknown company operating God alone knows where, right down my throat.”
    Why are they so desperate to increase their penis size that they’ll risk consuming stuff that might contain ground up chalk, rat poison and the Lord alone knows what else?
    With drug addicts at least there is the vague hope that it might contain at least something that would get them high. Their psychological / chemical addiction at least partially excuses their lack of rational thought about the origins of what they’re consuming.
    Johnny Dickless in the basement? What’s his excuse?
    Sadly it seems too many people don’t understand just how much they’re screwing us over.
    http://www.marshal.com/pages/newsitem.asp?article=748&thesection=news
    29% of people they interviewed by Marshal security firm last year were prepared to admit they were idiots and bought stuff from spam, let alone the morons who didn’t even have the balls to say they did.
    Back in 2003 Ferris Research showed it was costing $8-10bn per year in global bandwidth costs, and that was when spam comprised barely 60% of e-mail traffic, let alone today where it’s well over 80% :-/
    So for the sake of buying cheap knockoffs, penis enlargement pills and who knows what else, the world’s economy is taking a significant hit. Nice one douche bags.

  9. rickps says:
    27 March, 2009 at 3:57 pm

    Thank you for the chuckle to start my Saturday.

  10. Twirrim says:
    27 March, 2009 at 4:24 pm

    I think I might have some aggression issues there…

  11. SenseLess says:
    27 March, 2009 at 5:01 pm

    Five Dollar footlongs!

  12. Marcus says:
    27 March, 2009 at 6:03 pm

    I found someone who has responded to all of these messages and every one has been a resounding success. He drew a 1:1 scale drawing that has recently been discovered. (work safe link http://news.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/hi/newsbeat/newsid_7961000/7961224.stm )

  13. Mndrew says:
    27 March, 2009 at 11:48 pm

    *Kick*
    *Kick, stomp*
    *Boot to the head!*

  14. Wil says:
    27 March, 2009 at 11:52 pm

    And one more for Jenny and the wimp!

  15. Mndrew says:
    28 March, 2009 at 12:58 am

    Heh, some guys deserve to be kicked when they’re down.
    “Thou shalt not encourage spam shall be the whole of the law.”

  16. meghanobrien says:
    28 March, 2009 at 11:25 am

    Hey, I was just looking at Television Without Pity and saw they had posted a slideshow of celebrity Twitter users they like to follow. Guess who made the cut?
    http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/the_amazing_race_1/twitter_tv_the_must_follow_sta.php

  17. Eric in PA says:
    28 March, 2009 at 12:31 pm

    A lady with giant boobs heads in to see the plastic surgeon on the 6th day of the 9th month. The doctor said she was 2, 2, 2 big. He gave her 51 pills and told her to come back in 8 weeks.
    6922251 * 8 = 55378008
    7th Grade calculator tricks FTW!

  18. angie k says:
    28 March, 2009 at 1:06 pm

    Ha! My inner 7th grader doesn’t know this one. She is impressed. She also wishes it was that easy.
    Win! This is now my favorite follow up to 58008.

  19. www.google.com/accounts/o8/id?id=AItOawmJhLTfxpOWKX3_253UKhxWGjM1LEedVjc says:
    28 March, 2009 at 5:42 pm

    I think we’re missing what the message should be here.
    Penises: DON’T DO DRUGS!
    I almost added “stay in school” but then I would have had to imagine what a penis school would be like.
    Oh, no. Too late.
    Little tiny mortarboards.

  20. www.google.com/accounts/o8/id?id=AItOawmH3KgojYxDIptqZyRrN0dUSh0aYocfM6E says:
    29 March, 2009 at 2:34 am

    Funniest thing I have read all day!

  21. pattis.blogspot.com says:
    30 March, 2009 at 2:06 pm

    Will that be the penis’ actual size or is it only the penis’s perceived size, as induced by the drug. Doesn’t it then make more sense to give the lady the drug? And does one have to dose according to the lady’s size? No one wants their cervix pummelled to pulp.

  22. erin12 says:
    31 March, 2009 at 7:33 am

    Wow. Wow, I love that. I laughed so hard. The funniest part by far is the internal consistency of language.

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