have a blue blue blue blue blue blue blue smurfmas

On Friday, I posted this picture, which I thought was just crying out for a caption:


Holy crap, did you guys come through with replies. I think this post is the most-heavily commented post in the history of my blog, going back almost a decade.

So, I said that I'd pick a winner, which was incredibly difficult, because there were so many hilarious and clever and just plain weird contributions. Before I get to the winning one, I have an extensive list of Honorable Mentions, which come to you in no particular order; this is just how I copy and pasted them from my comment notifications:

Stthetwit: They used to call him Wesley 'The Smurf' Crusher, but he's really Wil 'The Smurf Crusher' Wheaton.

Pathunt: Wil joyously exclaimed "SMURFS, I AM IN YOU."

Nat_A_Lie: What Wesley Crusher really used the holodeck for: pretending he was Commander Riker and hanging out with The Smurfs 

Mike Maloney: Mr. Wheaton, I'm TV's Chris Hansen.  If you'll just have a seat over there…

Celia Spruyt: (loudspeaker crackles) "Security to aisle two, please… Security to aisle two."

critter42: Take your Smurfy paws off us, you damn Smurfy ape!

Sjpoynter: Snow Wheat 'n the Seven Smurfs

tbuser: If you thought the Star Wars Holiday Special was bad, wait until you see Wil Wheaton in this Avatar Holiday Special.

Antilix: "I do this silly thing on Twitter where I pretend that smurfs love me."

tikilovegod: "It's a quest. It's a quest for fun. I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun. We're all gonna have so much smurfing fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our g–d— smurfs."

Geebeechan: "…and I'll form the head."

Raidir : His heart grew three sizes that day. Oh god, please be his heart.

Halley: Introducing Christmas Smurf, Christmas Smurf, Christmas Smurf, Christmas Smurf, Christmas Smurf, Christmas Smurf, Christmas Smurf and Geeky Smurf. 

Tricia: Wil was really starting to enjoy his new job with the TSA…

patrickcentral: Vote "Yes" on Prop 4. 

DoctorAvenue: "Tangled Up In Blue"

Coreywwilliams.: I call the big one Bitey.

Paul Schreivogl: And what happened then? Well, in Wilville they say that the Wheaton's small heart grew three sizes that day.

Akulawolf: Area man sets Guinness world record for smurf gropings, gets arrested. Film at 11.  Actually, you know what, just words.  Just words at 11.

Elfhybrid: "Fawkes tries everything at least once"

dkplewis: In this still from never-before-seen footage shot for "Hide and Q", we finally learn that Riker's tempting offer to Wesley went far, far beyond just making him an adult.

Echoshindig: There were no survivors. 

SendrilesWench: A horde of Smurfs appear! Wil Wheaton uses hug. It's super effective!

Rachel Bowen: "Sorry, Vern. I guess a more experienced shopper could have gotten more for your seven Smurfs."

Norgavue: "Hi I'm Wil Wheaton.  I am required by law to tell you that I am moving into the neighborhood."

Dan Brottman: "I never smurfed any smurfs later on like the smurfs I smurfed when I was thirty-eight. Jesus, does anysmurf?"

John: Wil debuts his "Lady GAGAmel" costume.

Before I get to the winner, which you've probably already skipped ahead and read, I wanted to add one that would have won if I had seen it here, instead of Twitter. If you don't know what this means, do yourself a favor and don't go searching to figure it out. It's just one word: Bluekakke.

I know. I know. It's so smurfin' wrong … but so smurfin' right.

Okay, here is your winner, because I keep coming back to this and laughing my head off:

Greg Hatcher: Sure, sometimes, I feel a little stupid. But then I remember… AN ACTOR PREPARES.

Prepares for what, exactly, I don't know, and I'm not sure I want to know, but Greg hit me in that weak spot I have where funny, weird, and clever overlap, so congratulations, Greg. I'll be in touch to get you your neat prize.

I got +5 to LOLs this weekend from everyone who took a moment to contribute; we'll have to do this again sometime, when an appropriate picture presents itself.

(See comments for a couple that were too long to qualify as captions, but were impressive and worthy of mention, regardless.)

34 thoughts on “have a blue blue blue blue blue blue blue smurfmas”

  1. John:
    One day on an escalator, the least likely of places,
    Wil’s seven small friends turned up seven small faces.
    They said: Please understand, Wil, something is missing
    The decorations are pretty but what we are wishing
    For is the spirit of Christmas, not a box with a bow.
    The true meaning of Christmas we want you to know
    Is the smurfs you smurf,
    Not smurf you smurf in a smurf!
    If you understand now,take us home if you please!
    Your shopping is really done.
    Wil, with eyes closed, gave all seven a squeeze
    And joyfully said: ‘God smurf us everyone!’
    Mark Schneider:
    Dear Mr. Weaton.
    Your photo entry to our “Show your love of the red, white and blue” contest did not win. Futhermore, we also felt we need to tell you we were looking for a totally different type of picture, and that we respectfully suggest that you seek the services of a professional psycologist.
    Resspectfully yours
    Photo Contest Weekly.
    Lando: That was never a condition of our agreement, nor was giving the Smurfs to this bounty hunter!
    Wil: Perhaps you think you’re being treated unfairly?
    911 call record:
    Operator – “911, what is the nature of your emergancy?”
    Caller – “I’m at the mall, and . . .Oh God!”
    Operator – “Stay calm, What’s your name? Are you in danger?”
    Caller – “Smurfette, my name is Smurfette Smurf. He’s, he’s got my family! Oh God! He’s chocking them! You have to help them!”
    Operator – “Ma’am, you need to talk to me to help your family.”
    Caller – “I’m at the mall, he came out of nowhere and grabbed them from behind. . . Oh God. . .He seen me. . .stay back. . .don’t come any closer. . . No! . . . NO! . . . NOOOOO!! (Scream)
    Operator – “Ma’am? . . . Are you there? . . . Ma’am?
    Anyone with information on the man pictured above should contact local authorities immediately, the man is considered armed and dangerous and should not be approached.

  2. You look lovely with smuuuurfs, cute picture! I used to watch smurfs cartoon everyday when i was a child :). I want oneee!! I hope stores sell it soon here in Peru 😛

  3. Ha! This picture exists because a friend of ours is working on The Smurfs movie, and Anne and I keep sending pictures to him of Smurf-related things. It's probably a lot funnier to us than it is to him, at this point.

  4. Wow! Thanks so much! I wasn’t sure the damn thing even posted, my computer wouldn’t load past #400 or so. I wouldn’t have even known until an old college friend of mine commented over at my web column, “Hey, is this you?”
    And I hadn’t heard from Anne in at least a decade, so really the nice prize for me is reconnecting with an old friend. Thanks for making that happen! Even if it was inadvertent, I’m still very grateful.

  5. I think there was such a turnout because everybody wanted to know what Wil Wheaton considered “something *neat” Hopefully he will share with us what he considers neat. :)

  6. i haven’t literally laughed out loud to something on the internet in… god knows how long. these comments and entries… these… these did it.
    also, i’m drunk.

  7. in a less than serious tone…
    Wil, among the many reasons that I read your blog are the 80’s nostalgia trips. However, this time you’ve managed to put together two things that I hated in the late 80’s – Wesley Crusher and Smurfs. In fact, I can feel the repressed violet tendencies creep back in as I write this.
    Back then, my outlet was to dream of torching smurfs and to visit alt.wesley.crusher.die.die.die. This time around, I can separate Wil Wheaton, great guy, geek and father, from the character, who was only delivering the drool that was written for him.
    In all seriousness though, you’ve got a bunch of funny, creative and entertaining readers.

  8. Love this picture!
    Three thoughts automatically went through my head (and I know I’m too late for the contest, just wanted to share, the pic was that good!):
    1) Wil Wheaton is communing with his inner smurf.
    2) I’ll have a blue Christmas without you. (And that was before I saw the title!)
    3) Get smurfed.

  9. Thank you for the Honorable Mention :)
    I know you are busy and your time is appreciated.
    Now, if we can just solve this one spelling mistake I keep seeing you make in Twitter (joking)…. You keep saying ‘Go Kings’ but I’m sorry, it’s actually ‘Go Flames! Go!’
    As in Calgary Flames… a real NHL team.

  10. Seriously, if only the Bluekakke had won. Fucking hilarious!! There’s nothing grosses than that. I used to work in a porn store and was subjected to that once.

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