Happy Christmas, From Team Wheaton

I just haven’t had any Christmas Spirit this year. We’ve both been very busy, had an unexpected death in the family, and have sort of felt like doing Christmas stuff (decorating, etc.) was just Another Fucking Thing To Deal With™.

We weren’t unhappy about it or anything, but we don’t give gifts in our family, we aren’t religious, and with the kids out of the house, were just sort of treating Christmas like it was another day.

When I woke up this morning, though, something was different. Decorating for Christmas, and having a nice Christmas dinner with Anne and Nolan (Ryan’s out of town) became something I wanted to do, instead of something I felt like I was supposed to do, because Christmas.

I woke up about 2 hours before Anne, which is a Christmas Miracle in itself, and after she was sufficiently filled with coffee, I walked into the living room and sat down next to her.

“I have a thought,” I began.

“Uh-oh…” she said. I smiled.

“I know we haven’t felt like doing anything Christmas-y, but … I kind of want to just put up our tree, and a couple of decorations.” I said.

“I am so glad you said that,” she said, “because I woke up feeling exactly the same way. I think it would be really sad for Nolan to come over tomorrow, and we don’t have anything in our house that says ‘it’s Christmas! Yay!'”

“So how about if we go to the store, get some food for a quiet dinner tonight with just the two of us, and then get something for dinner tomorrow?”

“I’d love that,” she said.

So a few hours later, we went to the store, with everyone else in the world, and got some food for a nice, quiet, and dare I say ROMANTIC dinner tonight. We also decided to recreate our Thanksgiving dinner for Christmas dinner, because it was damn tasty.

We got home after a surprisingly relaxed shopping experience with everyone else in the world, and I said, “Mrs. Wheaton, would you like to share the joyous holiday tradition of walking into the backyard and getting the Christmas tree out of the shed?”*

“I would love that, Mister Wheaton.”

We walked up into the backyard, where I unlocked the shed, and began the traditional process of extricating the tree from where it lives 50 weeks out of the year. Along the way, I knocked over several cans of paint. Two of them cracked and dumped their contents all over the floor.

“Oh yeah!” I said, “Now it’s CHRISTMAS!”

“I’ll go get some paper towels…” Anne said.

Once we cleaned that up, we brought the tree into the house. I assembled it in the traditional Christmas way, and we stood back to look at it. We decided that it was good.**

I think the tree had been up for three minutes when our Cat, Luna, made some plans.

Luna's Making Plans

Literally seconds later:

Because of course Luna is in the tree.

Then Marlowe saw her, ran over to see what the heck was going on, scared the shit out of Luna, causing Luna to launch herself out of the tree, to be chased across the living room by the puppy.

With a cat-free tree, I took another picture:

You'll find one in every fake tree, you'll see.
You’ll find one in every fake tree, you’ll see.

The year we got the fake tree, I was filled with regret, because the house didn’t smell like Christmas at all. Ryan, who had just gotten his driver’s license, drove himself to the gas station, bought these air fresheners, and hung them on the tree for us. As moved and happy I was by his gesture, we had to hang them outside for about two weeks, because holy shit do those things have a pungent smell that is nothing like pine but is actually like radioactive death trees.

Anne and I hung more ornaments on the tree, and then we hung up a few — a very few — decorations around the house. Then, when we felt like we were done, I put Noel the Christmas Walrus on the tree to make everything official:

Noel The Christmas Walrus

Then, I walked into the kitchen and saw that Luna was recovering from her adventure:

A tiny box that barely holds you is the perfect place to relax after climbing a fake Christmas tree.
A tiny box that barely holds you is the perfect place to relax after climbing a fake Christmas tree.

I turned on the broiler, seasoned the steaks we planned to have for dinner, and opened a bottle of wine. Anne came in and joined me.

“You know what,” I said, “I’m really, really happy.”

“Me too.”

“I’m so happy that we decorated our house just a little bit, and put up a tree, because we wanted to, instead of doing it because we felt like we had to.”

“Yeah,” she said, “this is something we chose to do, and who cares if it happened the night before Christmas, instead of three weeks go?”

“I’m really glad we did this,” I said.

“So am I,” she said.

I leaned in and kissed her. “This feels like our first post-kids Christmas,” I said, “with just the two of us doing this because it was fun and festive for us.”

“Totally,” she said.

We looked at each other for a minute.

“I want to just check in with the kids,” I said.

She laughed. “Okay.”

I traded text messages with Ryan and Nolan, we wished each other a happy Christmas Eve, and then I got an idea.

“DUDE! I saw this on Tumblr a couple weeks ago, and I want to try it.” I ran to my office, while Anne stood, confused and confused***, in the kitchen. I grabbed my tripod and my camera.

I set it up in the living room, and I took some pictures:

My god, it's full of warp stars.
Warp speed, Mister Crusher.
Noel The Christmas Walrus is cleared for blastoff
Noel The Christmas Walrus is cleared for blastoff.

I was pretty happy with the way the pictures turned out, and I came into my office to post them while Anne wrapped a couple of gifts for the kids****.

Then I rejoined her in the living room to take one more picture that would let us say Merry Christmas (or Happy Winter Festival of your choice) to all of you who are reading this, from us here on Team Wheaton:

2013-12-24 19.03.22
Marlowe! Look at the camera!
2013-12-24 19.05.18
Okay, just wait and wear your antlers because it’s cute…
2013-12-24 19.05.28
Anne: I think we got it. Me: I think it looks like you’ve got her in a choke hold.
2013-12-24 19.07.21
There it is. We’re really laughing that hard.

 Yeah, pictures with a puppy are pretty hilarious…

2013-12-24 19.08.19
Did you make steak for dinner? I like steak for dinner.

But Seamus can do a super good sit, and he wants you to have a Merry Christmas.

And so do I. I hope you spend the holidays with people you love, who love you back.





*A few years ago, we got a fake tree, because I am so stupidly paranoid about getting a real tree that somehow explodes into  a fireball for some reason and ruins Christmas like a kid who points out that Grandma just said something that’s really super racist at Christmas dinner. Not that I know anything about that at all.

**I also realized that this one little bit of lights that never seemed to light up, even though all the wires checked out and all the bulbs were in place, didn’t light up because we never plugged it in. The plug was wrapped around itself in a way that just hid it, and I never saw it until tonight. I texted Ryan, “dude. I am amazing”, and told him the story. “Our family is so smart, and so dumb at the same time,” he replied. “THAT is Wheaton Thinking,” I said.

***And also confused.

****We don’t give gifts to each other. We do give a couple little things to the kids.

64 thoughts on “Happy Christmas, From Team Wheaton”

  1. Happy Solstice Holiday of your choice. Glad you guys are having a happy time. However I am a little sadden that Jack Skellington is not on top of the tree as I (and a few friends) have been looking for the topper for two years since seeing Anne post it on Twitter.

  2. I hope you guys enjoyed your romantic steak dinner and that the pups got a little taste. Seamus looks so dignified in his antlers that he totally deserves it and Marlowe made you laugh. What better reason?

    Merry Christmas Wheaton Family!

  3. Marlow and Seamus do not seem to be smiling. Maybe they should go lay by the fire.

    “Silent night, holy night,
    All is calm, all is bright.
    Round yon virgin, mother and child.
    Holy infant so tender and mild.
    Sleep in heavenly peace, sleep in heavenly peace.” \\ // _

  4. All I could muster this year was dragging the tree out of the closet, tossing on some red lights, and spreading out the tree skirt. No ornaments, no topper. Between work stress and holiday shopping panic and becoming acquainted with a new furkid — the holiday spirit has been low key. Besides, Ichabod (new furkid) has taken a liking to batting the red tree lights like they’re laser pointers. LOL!

    May you all have a wonderfully fun and relaxing holiday.

  5. Awwww, this made me so happy to read. My family isn’t having much of a Christmas either, no gifts, no tree, no money because everything we have is going to (or trying to) saving our house. But unexpectedly, one of my questions was picked for the latest Simpsons trivia game so I got that sent to me for free today, my first and only gift this year, which made things a bit better. Then I read this and couldn’t stop smiling, you guys look so happy and it sounds like you’ve had a good Christmas eve despite your own hardships (I am very sorry to hear about your loss and send you mental and only slightly molesty hugs). Wheatons, you have made my Christmas, and I thank you. Have a happy chrismahanukwanzakah, and have fun tomorrow with the kids and the dogs, and the sickeningly adorable Luna.

  6. Same here. The last 2 years we put our tree up on Xmas eve. This year, I’m exhausted. Haven’t slept more than 4 hours in a stretch in months, haven’t had more than 3 hours to myself in 6 weeks. Newborn twins and a 3 year old. Blah blah Broken record over here. We mustered up some spirit for the toddler who told me tonight when I put her to bed that she didn’t want Santa to come. Gah, moody kids. Happy I’m not leaving the house tomorrow and nobody is coming over. I’m glad you guys seem to be having so much fun. Happy holidays to you both!

  7. Thank you, Wil & Anne & family, for sharing this wonderful tale of your day. I, too, have not been in a holiday festive mood. But, like you, today I wanted to decorate (even if only for myself) and ‘get in the spirit’ of the holiday. I’m so glad to hear it’s something in the air, and not just me being weird. Well, I may still be weird, just not alone in this sudden holiday spirit. Thank you! Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays/etc to everyone!! :)

  8. Noel! I’m so glad to see Noel. That was a very cool story about Chris finding him and giving him to you. :)

    “and have sort of felt like doing Christmas stuff (decorating, etc.) was just Another Fucking Thing To Deal With™.”

    That’s been me since 2009. A bad car accident, the resulting injuries/depression/PTSD/stress for me and my wife, and a failed fight against insurance company completely disrupted our life. I’m hopeful that we’re on the road to recovery now, but I’m not really to the point where things like Christmas have moved beyond “just Another Fucking Thing To Deal With™.”

    It does make me happy that you decided to do something, though. It looks like you and Anne had a fun time doing it, and I hope tomorrow is even better. :)

    Merry Christmas Wil and Anne, and Marlowe and Seamus and Riley and Luna, and Nolan and Ryan.

  9. My husband and I don’t have kids, so we take a very relaxed approach to Christmas. We stopped decorating after moving to New Zealand because xmas in summer is weird (and we aren’t religious). Today we took a long walk by the beach and had leftover curry. :)

  10. Happy Christmas, Team Wheaton. We are also having a low key event, simply because we lost our beloved Charlie (who made an appearance on Anne’s rescued pets blog and whose story is on my blog page) just last week.

    All the best to you and your family.

  11. I know how it feels, our family lost my grandmother and its the first Christmas without her. My dad also has ended up missing recently. So everyone in my family is just looking to get past the 25th this year.

  12. So glad you are having a Merry, Loving Christmas. Hubs and I don’t give each other presents either, more because we have no money for them than anything due to medical bills. But, we will give each other cards and tomorrow we will cook a small dinner just for us as we are alone. My present is that he is here with me after nearly losing him a year ago. He’s all the Christmas I need.

  13. Merry Christmas! Loved the repo man reference! And share the feelings. Have been blue leading up to this Christmas, starting to find my way out now though. Thanks for sharing your day!

  14. I *love* it when you tell us these stories about you and your family. It feels like it’s own Christmas present, all wrapped up in ones and zeros just for…well, all of us really. :) Thank you for sharing this!

  15. I feel you about not feeling Christmas-y. I have tried for a few weeks to pull myself up by my bootstraps and mostly failed miserably. I’m out of work and unemployment is being cut off at year end for anyone on extended benefits so I don’t know how I’m going to pay my mortgage. So putting up the tree and decorating and baking felt forced and just reminded me that I have no money to give anyone much of anything at all. I just feel like this year was kind of a disaster for me and I want my life to be better but I can’t seem to catch a break. Your Christmas seems to be turning out great! I hope the coming year brings you great things and joy!

  16. Thanks a lot Wheaton for the snow blowing across this screen. I have eye floaters and thought for sure something had gone horribly wrong :)

    Marry Christmas you kids. Hope next year finds it much better for you and your’s brother.

  17. Merry Christmas! I love your humor and your dogs. So cute. I hope you all enjoy the rest of your holiday.

  18. Three things: 1) Love the Royal Pine air fresheners; hilarious. 2) It is awesome to see you laughing and smiling like that in the pictures. It immediately brought a smile to me and my wife. 3) Merry Christmas and a happy New Year to you Wheatons and thank you for bringing a little joy to those that follow you. ^_^

  19. You guys are scary similar to our Christmas, down to the laughing dog photos (except we have 3 Dachshunds and a Lab, all rescues). I noticed how many people seem to have had a rough 1013, us included, in the comments. I think we all deserve a really good 2014. Merry Christmas folks.

  20. I LOVE Luna in the tree and box that is sooooo cute!!! all I got out of Miss Kitty is a half assed batting of her feather ornament.

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