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50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

Being Wil Wheaton

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Despite what the title says, there is not a small space that you can crawl into and take over my body…not yet, at least.
It refers to the title of this really wonderful story that was written about me and WWDN by this guy Tod Goldberg (BAHHH!!! Who’s next?!).
Big thanks to Joyce who emailed me about it…makes me want to finish SpongeBob Vega$pants.

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31 January, 2002 Wil

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02.02.02 → ← Happy Birthday, KC

126 thoughts on “Being Wil Wheaton”

  1. bluesman says:
    2 February, 2002 at 12:24 pm

    Beth, I dont think you should suggest doing something to somebodys cat, thats cruel.
    Unless im just getting old and you are talking about shaving something else (im not up with all the hip hop slang you crazy kids are using)
    If so, do you shave yours? Could you post a picture of it?

  2. synchronicity says:
    2 February, 2002 at 12:30 pm

    I’d look at what People magazine had to say, but I’d be too embarrassed to pick it up in public. ‘Nuff said.

  3. Rob Matsushita says:
    2 February, 2002 at 6:23 pm

    I just looked for it–in Wisconsin the new issue hasn’t come out yet–it’s still the one about Carol Burnett’s daughter.
    Yeah–just to show the sensitivity of People, the cover has the two of them with the headline:
    Carol Burnett–HER DAUGHTER DEAD
    …in HUGE type. Real sensitive, guys. Hope you never have a tragedy strike your family–it might put decision like that in context, and stop them.
    Bottomfeeders.

  4. Beth says:
    2 February, 2002 at 7:32 pm

    People Magazine is a rag on par with the National Enquirer. It’s just that some folks are fooled into thinking it’s quality because of the nice glossy pages.
    As for the whole “shorn cat” comment… it’s not a specific threat to a specific person’s cat. It’s called hyperbole. Ok? There will be no pictures. 😉

  5. Spudnuts says:
    2 February, 2002 at 8:01 pm

    How the fuck can ANYONE get blindsided by People?
    Who among us regular folk is unaware precisely of the nature and disposition of that particular rag? Come on now.
    Not getting any sympathy from me, son.
    Shit.
    If I had known Wil could be had so easily I would have sold him a tinsel-covered salad shooter and told him it repels yetis and cyborgs with e-wave enhanced cucumber slices.
    All I have to say to the Head Rube is…
    Don’t let Mr. and Mrs. Travolta invite you and the family to a sleepover at Camp Scientology.

  6. ingojax5 says:
    2 February, 2002 at 8:04 pm

    Have any of you guys read the article? I read it twice. It’s not like they totally bashed Wil. It may not be the most flattering article, but what can you expect from a magazine that requires its articles to be no longer than it takes an average person to take an average crap (to borrow from “the big chill”)?
    I have no doubt that Wil gave this reporter a great interview and a lot of it was cut in order for it to fit in a short piece in a tabloid magazine for the sole purpose to inform those who haven’t kept up with Uncle Willie since his days on ST:TNG. Read the article first, then hate it.

  7. Rob Matsushita says:
    2 February, 2002 at 8:22 pm

    Actually, to be clear on this, I’ve actually had a grudge against People magazine since 1989, when “When Harry Met Sally” topped their “ten worst films of the year list,” and “Batman” topped their ten best.
    But you’re right, Ingojax5, read first, judge later.
    I am curious as to why it upset Wil, though.

  8. Jon says:
    2 February, 2002 at 8:31 pm

    Ingojax5-I haven’t been able to read the article myself. And you are absolutely right-before we jump to a conclusion, we should always check out both sides.
    However…
    If memory serves, I remember Wil being pretty jacked about People coming to visit him some time ago. I’m sure you can find it on the archive somewhere. So regardless of whether the article is pro or con, I’m sure it hurts a little bit when you put that much into sharing yourself with someone only to see the result be a few paragraphs long.
    Now I realize People has to keep things short on certain articles (editor’s prerogative, blah, blah), but would it have killed them to leave a quick message with Wil saying “here’s what happened with the article?”
    Anyway, let’s stop there, and before I jump to anything, let it rest until Wil says something about it.

  9. Jon says:
    2 February, 2002 at 8:33 pm

    Rob-what’s wrong with Batman? It’s not like it was hyped or anything back then… : )
    Actually, I agree-how When Harry Met Sally can be on someone’s worst film list, I have no idea.

  10. ingojax5 says:
    2 February, 2002 at 8:39 pm

    Jon-
    I do remember Wil saying he was excited about People showing up to interview him. I couldn’t wait for the article to come out. Now it has, and I believe it could have been better. I do hope Wil explains his disdain for the article.
    You’re right, we should let it rest until we hear from Wil.

  11. jbay says:
    2 February, 2002 at 9:24 pm

    Spud: I would like to purchase one of those special salad shooters. Please contact me.

  12. MissKittyFantastico says:
    2 February, 2002 at 9:39 pm

    Acks.. realized on my drive to work that my words might cause a stir.
    I’m gonna clarify now…
    I feel for Wil but it’s not unexpected from the likes of People Magazine.
    I have a healthy distrust of the media since I saw what VH1 heaped apon my friend’s band (hecklers, deathreats, 3 am calls), etc).
    It’s eye opening to see how much of this country is a bunch of sheep lead by the idiot box.
    Ah well… I’ll check the article tommorow. Hopefully they listed your show info Wil.

  13. Spudnuts says:
    2 February, 2002 at 11:39 pm

    jbay,
    I am currently talking to Wil’s people about a WFS branded e-wave enhanced yeti-killer.
    Look for it soon on the merchandise page of WWDN.
    Don’t worry about signing up for a mailing list notification.
    We will be sending out a press release via telepathy in the days to come.

  14. Spudnuts says:
    2 February, 2002 at 11:42 pm

    The posters on WWDN are a diverse bunch and at times we may have our disagreements.
    But.
    One thing we can ALL agree on is that yetis and cyborgs must die and that the best way to accomplish this is with cucumber slices, julienne fries…
    Or some sort of kale.

  15. Spudnuts says:
    2 February, 2002 at 11:44 pm

    The WFS e-wave enhanced cyborg-killer will also come with an attachment which will be personally endorsed by Asia Carrera.
    More details as they emerge.

  16. Spudnuts says:
    2 February, 2002 at 11:47 pm

    Christ on a cracker…
    I am funnier than SNL.
    Goddamn, they suck.
    I will not be denied, motherfuckers.

  17. Spudnuts says:
    2 February, 2002 at 11:48 pm

    Do you hear me, Jesus?!
    If you want me, you’re going to have to come down HERE!

  18. Rob Matsushita says:
    3 February, 2002 at 6:08 am

    “God, Spudnuts is yelling at me again!”
    “Oh, just ignore him like you always do.”

  19. Roanna says:
    3 February, 2002 at 10:00 am

    That was a beatiful article. Its so funny, I have the same conversation with my Dad once a month, since he doesn’t have internet, and fill him in on you. I thought I was insane for being addicted to this site, but I suppose its alot like The Open Diary(just stricktly in YOUR world) I am so addicted to!

  20. bluesman says:
    3 February, 2002 at 12:12 pm

    Wow, Spudnuts, Seems like your 100% certain (or acutually would like to be)in your mind that Jesus is not God and that there is no god at all.
    Just seems like with your gift for words, you would have to be very confident that there is no god to want to use gods name as a cuss word and mock Jesus.
    Maybe you are crying out for help
    I think its appropriate for us all to respect your rights and beliefs even if you dont have respect for anybody elses.
    I have to give you credit for having a lot of Faith in what you dont believe.
    Personally, I dont think you are going to literally burn in hell, I dont think God is going to hold anybody up on a string over a candle and just watch them suffer.
    Its just hard for me to think that the world, human beings, termites, hemp, bananas, etc, all just happend by accident.

  21. Rob Matsushita says:
    3 February, 2002 at 12:27 pm

    Just read the People article.
    I’m gonna take a wild stab in the dark and guess the objection to it is the part where Wil is quoted as calling the other Star Trek cast members “bitter and sad.”

  22. Spudnuts says:
    3 February, 2002 at 1:19 pm

    bluesman mentioned:
    >> Its just hard for me to think that the world, human beings, termites, hemp, bananas, etc, all just happend by accident.
    Well.
    It did.
    Sandwich?

  23. bluesman says:
    3 February, 2002 at 3:56 pm

    no thanks, i just cooked some salmon.
    & the Super Bowl is on; Im gonna watch it, & then go out and play some blues.

  24. joyce says:
    3 February, 2002 at 10:16 pm

    glad you got the e-mail, wil, and that you enjoyed the article!

  25. Neinkamper says:
    4 February, 2002 at 9:46 am

    Fuck “People” magazine. Fuck George Bush. Fuck the American Military-Industrial Complex. Fuck the “War on Drugs”. Fuck “smoking out evil-doers” until you fucking take a long hard look at your own fucking foreign policy. Fuck fucking over your neighbors. Stop watching MTV and read a fucking newspaper- AND NOT JUST THE ENTERTAINMENT SECTION. Fuck killing each other.
    The buddists say that the root of much suffering is the desire for material wealth. So fuck SUV’s.
    This rant was brought to you on a Monday morning. please forgive me. I love you all too much. It makes me emotional…..

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