Attention, Canada!

On behalf of all American hockey fans, I would like to officially begin the shit-talking:

Dear Canada,
Today, we are going to kick your ass.
Oh, sure, the score, and the game, will undoubtedly be close, but we will be handing you your toque-wearing, back-bacon-eating, gold-medal-not-getting asses to you.
You may have invented the sport, and for that we will always be grateful, but it would seem that, in the last 50 years, you’ve passed the torch to…well, anyone else who would take it, really.
We’ll happily take it from here.
Hey, don’t feel too bad. You’ve still got all our film work, and Curling. Nobody can take that away from you.
Sincerely,
Wil

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166 thoughts on “Attention, Canada!”

  1. Now, if, team USA somehow manages to lose, I will take it like a man, and, after we’re done whining for our own gold medal, I’ll post the lyrics to “Oh Canada!” right here on this very website, along with a beautiful reproduction of your flag (which is, admittedly, much cooler than ours…but harder to draw).
    USA!
    USA!
    USA!
    /homer simpson

  4. Y’know Wil, i’ve been reading you’re page for a while, and i really respect you.
    But USA is going *down*.
    Sorry! 😀
    ~Chantelle the Canadian

  5. You tell ’em Wil.
    USA
    USA
    USA
    USA
    USA
    I want to see blood and whatever remaining teeth the players have FLYING!
    “Jose can you see, any bed bugs on me, if you do, take a few, and then you can have some too….”
    Vickie

  6. Bah, they’re mostly NHL players anyway. Meh.
    I’ll be happy with either team winning, actually.
    And hey, my parents used to curl, and damn it, we’re not Canadian. Though I should be.

  7. Oooh, I must comment on the fact that Wayne Gretzky (as much as I bow down before his hockey greatness) and his whining about American media. You know what, my dear? You live in Phoenix. You lived in NY, LA, and St. Louis. Where has the majority of your cash flow come from, eh? Yah, that’s what I thought.

  10. Wil, I’m not sure if I should be disapointed in you (for caring about hockey) or in myself (for missing a big joke or something). You don’t seriously give a damn about this do you?

  13. if we conquor canada we’ll have to put up with obnoxious canadian resistance propaganda like:
    usa oot of canada
    take off, eh
    can you imagine? i say leave ’em be — they’re not really a country anyway.

  15. phyxeld :
    I can’t believe you’re ragging on Wil (and everyone else who’s even watching the Olympics) for showing an interest in a sport!? What’s up with that?
    PS. Woohoo! Let’s go Canada!!!
    ~ Proud Canadian living in France for the last 2.5 years who truly misses REAL hockey (France has a miserable team)
    *sigh*

  17. I’m Canadian (though I was born in America, my parents are American, and I’ve never actually been to Canada) and I just thought I’d let you know that after the game you and all the other Americans will just have to suck on Canada’s massive dick. Yeah, you heard me. 😀
    ROCK ON, GREAT WHITE NORTH!

  18. There’s nothing wrong with having fun with our friends from the north. I mean, it’s not like they can read this anyway. How do they get electricity into their igloos, eh?
    Of course, now we can add another stereotype to Canada…They all want to grow up to be janitors, since their biggest TV events deal with people sweeping up the area near a granite block. :>
    Go USA!

  19. You still watch TELEVISION? Man, how ’90’s.
    p.s. Canada is still the best place to live in North America, every year running. =P
    p.p.s. Americans tried to invade Canada twice. Failed twice. =P I guess all you can do now is try to win games against us with your slapstick

  20. looking at the score.. 2-1 first period? You lose wil. You can take your loudmouth flamebating back to your arrogant ‘democracy'(sp).

  22. I think you said that in 1812, too.
    come on IRC and see the battle lines.
    you’re losing the war of words, too.
    😛

  23. Dear USA (a.k.a. Wil),
    By now the most sacred of all Canadian traditions has begun: a good old fashioned buttkicking. Before long we will be handing you your Speedo wearing, Big Mac eating, automatic weapon bearing, Martha Stewart loving, we

  25. Can I laugh now….? Please let’s not get into the schematics of Hockey – you’ll loose the fight before it starts……Besides, only the best hockey players come from Canada….
    Canada will win hands down.

  26. CANADA!!!
    CANADA!!!
    CANADA!!!
    I hope Canada kicks the USA’s ass today!!!!
    Cuz, they’re so much more polite, eh?
    American ex-pat living in Canada

  30. this is so great. I don’t get the game here, so it’s cool that i’m getting the updates on this site. i’m hitting the refresh button, like every 30 seconds, and the espn site in between.

  35. I must say, the trash-talking is some of the finest I’ve ever seen.
    My cowboy hat is off to everyone who has taken this in the spirit it was intended.
    Going to watch the 3rd period comeback now.
    USA!
    USA!
    USA!
    WOOOOO!

  36. Oh Wil, you are just jealous because not only can Canada kick USA’s ass at hockey but, more importantly, Canada makes way better BEER!!

  38. you’re gonna look like such a shithead when we whip your ass! Go Canada!!!!!!!!!
    (at time of this post, Canada was serverely kicking American ass 3-2)

  39. i think we’re still shipping labatt’s 50 to you. you will apparently drink anything labelled “beer”.
    and what you call “canadian bacon” we call “ham”.
    gullible gullible gullible.

  43. Man.. i hate back-bacon, i hate hockey, and i sure as hell don’t wear those dopey lookin tuques.(i do curl tho!) As for having our asses handed to us, well, atleast our women kicked your ass. At this point, the Game is begining the 3rd period, and the Score is 3-2 for Canada.
    As a side note, it wasn’t the Canadians who invented Hockey. It was the natives. They used to play with tree branches n stuff and Curling, actually started in Scotland..Learn some history eh?
    Anyway.. Next thing y’know we’ll start sayin ya’ll are a bunch of backwards yokles with 6 cars rustin in your yard and moonshine in the basement 😉
    Enjoy the Day Folks.. I hope Canada wins, if they don’t.. well.. it’s not like my igloo will collapse because of it. 🙂
    Farken’eh!

  45. “Hey, don’t feel too bad. You’ve still got The Backstreet Boys and George W. Bush. Nobody can take that away from you.”
    Who would even WANT to do that…?

  46. Wow.
    As much as I love the shit-talking, I gotta say that I love GREAT hockey even more…
    And, although USA will triumph, canada is playing some of the best hockey I have ever seen.
    (11 minutes, 3rd period)

  49. I don’t know that america will win the gold in hockey this year.
    I mean, they olympics aren’t rigged the way that the superbowl was this year.
    Well, except for figure skating.

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